


Wow, That Sucks

by sh_wright890



Series: Definitely Not Twilight [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: (Obviously), Alcohol, Angst, Assault, Biting, Blood, Catharsis, Death, Drama, Forbidden Love, Gen, Hunting and being hunted (dun dun dunnnnn), Immortality, Imprinting will be a thing, Jean finally gets some d, Jean's mom should be protected ngl, Kinda, Lots of tears, M/M, OCs - Freeform, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Overprotective, S L O W B U R N, Slight redemption arc for Ymir, There are werewolves in this now, This isn't anything like Twilight I promise, Wet Dream, Wolfsbane Poisoning, about goddamn time am i right?, actual guns now, hmmmm, in a dream, mentions of guns, or is it really a dream???, tragic backstories, vampire!AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-30
Updated: 2017-11-09
Packaged: 2018-10-12 19:53:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 104,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10498323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sh_wright890/pseuds/sh_wright890
Summary: Jean is as normal as any teenager can be. He's got a loving family, a nice circle of friends, good grades--living the high school dream--but a fateful event at a party he never wanted to be at will tip his seemingly perfect world completely upside-down. He'll find out that friends aren't always what they seem, enemies aren't all bad, and you might not truly know the person you're closest to after all.





	1. End: a final part of something, especially a period of time, an activity, or a story.

**Author's Note:**

> The Vampire!AU nobody asked for. Well, I'm going to try and make this dramatic but not in a mega cheesy, gross way. I'm actually seeing this as an extended one-shot that will have multiple parts? I don't know. Honestly, the urge was just THERE, and I HAD TO.
> 
> Comments are always welcome!
> 
> Enjoy,
> 
> Shelby
> 
> **P.S. Recovery readers: I plan to have the chapter out no later than April 14th**

Vampires.

You thought of Edward Cullen, didn’t you? Fuck. Alright, let’s try that again.

Real vampires.

Hopefully, you didn’t think of something else equally tragic. Nothing is worse than having a creature that should be genuinely feared turned into some young adult novel obsession. Vampires didn’t sparkle. They weren’t--usually--vying for attention. They were something to be feared. They were predators, ruled by a primal instinct that couldn’t be tamed by their feelings for some random chick. Those smutty novels are totally degrading, and it takes away the fear you should definitely have for these things.

As somebody who’d grown up in the-middle-of-nowhere USA, I never imagined anything supernatural existing. Werewolves, vampires, and witches were just Halloween costumes and ideas young kids believed in. I never would’ve guessed that these things could _actually_ exist, and by the time I found out, it was too late.

* * *

The teacher droned on and kept writing down formulas on the board. I was honestly trying my hardest not to fall asleep. Statistics wasn’t something that interested me in the least. I only took it because I was a year ahead of most of my classmates, and I thought taking another year of math would look good to colleges. The whole year I really, really wondered if it was worth it, but with one week left before finals, I stopped being a little pussy and reviewed what I needed to pass with my 4.0 still intact. I didn’t exactly broadcast that I was a straight-A student, and nobody ever asked, but I still wanted it really bad. I needed all the scholarships I could get.

My eyes were completely shut when a small noise on my desk caused them to open. Sitting in front of me was a folded up paper--one folded up so neatly, it had to be from Marco.

Raising an eyebrow in his direction--directly to my right--I opened it up. **You going to the party?** was scrawled on a line.

I looked at him and shook my head, handing the note back when I was sure I wouldn’t get caught. I’d been invited, but I wasn’t sure if I was going to go. Ymir always threw some wild bashes. As in, it wasn’t over until at least three fistfights had broken out--one of which she was in--everybody was deaf from music, half the crowd was drunk or puking their guts out, and the cops had been called.

I almost didn’t get away from her Christmas party this year. I slipped out the basement window the second I saw the flashing lights, and I slid on the ice halfway to my car--the car I’d had the foresight to leave at a park several blocks away--but with people rushing everywhere like chickens with their heads chopped off, I had to get up fast or risk getting run over like Mufasa.

Anyway, I was still debating whether to go to her end of the year party when my parents mentioned that a friend of theirs was going to be in town on the same night, and they had plans to get together. Since there was nobody to watch my two younger siblings, I volunteered to stay and babysit for a night.

The note landed on my desk again. **The fantastic Jean Kirschtein has no plans for our last summer as high schoolers?????? D: How tragic**

Flicking it at him, I mouthed, _Asshole._ He laughed under his breath. God, he was such an idiot sometimes.

Marco and I met sometime in kindergarten when we’d all started school, but we didn’t actually talk until about fourth grade. I don’t even remember how we’d started talking. I just remember being invited to the same stuff he was since we had the same friends and eventually we also became friends. No backstory about how one of us saved the other from playground bullies.

As Marco was writing another note, the bell rang, and all of us rushed out the door despite the teacher’s best efforts to give us homework to do over the weekend. Part of me felt bad for him, but the rest of me suffocated that small voice with a pillow.

At the beginning of our freshman year, you’re given a locker that’s yours for all four years. My locker happened to be all the way at the end of the math wing, and the only thing connected to the math wing is a door leading to the parking lot and the gym, rendering my locker completely useless. Since we were allowed to take our bags to class unlike in middle school, I didn’t bother to change my locker. Marco’s locker was in the heart of the building, though, so he had to stop by there to get some stuff before going home.

“Wanna come over this weekend?” I asked, leaning back against the locker next to his.

He dug around and pulled out the gym bag he’d dropped off earlier. “Only if you go on a run with me in the morning.”

“Oh god. Ew. I’m reconsidering.”

He laughed and shut the door. “I’ll even go for a short one: three miles.”

“What the _fuck_ ? Do you want me to _die_?”

“Nobody’s ever died from a little cardio.”

“Yeah, a _little_. Like a block or something.” I shook my head. “Fuck this shit. You’re uninvited.”

This only made him laugh more and bump against my shoulder. His phone dinged, so he pulled it out of his pocket. “I’ll let you know if I can. I have to go, though.”

I raised my eyebrows. We were going to go to the library to work on some stupid ass English report after I checked up on the kids. “Your parents want you home _again_?”

He smiled sheepishly. “Yeah. Sorry.”

For the past several weeks--almost two months now, actually--his parents have wanted him home to help them finish up orders in their shop. Their family handcrafted furniture--chairs, tables, bed frames, anything. As of lately, they’ve been swamped and keep calling Marco home to help out. I’m not one of those friends that would purposely make Marco feel bad for not hanging out with me--he was being a good son and all--but it seemed like they were calling him home all the time.

I wasn’t sure what exactly they were doing, but whatever it was made Marco look visibly stronger. He was fit before--Marco was one of those people that found enjoyment in running 5ks, lifting weights, and drinking protein shakes for breakfast--but this was definitely much more than before. The other thing I’d noticed were the random bruises I’d see sometimes. He always told me he’d dropped something or run into stuff, but something in my gut kept me from believing that.

Maybe his parents were actually drug lords. What if he was the heir to their business? Would he have to learn to fight to do that? His family _was_ pretty well-off money-wise. What if that was how they got it?

I thought about Mr. and Mrs. Bodt and almost laughed. There was no way.

“Maybe we can binge watch some _Vampire Diaries_ this weekend,” he said loudly, interrupting my thoughts with a sideways grin. Hey, it wasn't my fault I thought Elena was hot.

“Why do you have such a big mouth? Jesus.” I huffed. I still had a reputation to uphold after all.

He only laughed his stupid laugh some more, and things went on like normal. After I shoved him into a locker, of course.

* * *

Marco and I parted ways at the door. My truck was parked up against the side of the building by the science hallway. The spot was extremely convenient, especially when I forgot my textbook on the passenger seat like always.

I got the truck for my sixteenth birthday. My grandma had finally convinced my grandpa to give it to me and get a different car for himself. I was immensely grateful. Driving was something I enjoyed doing. I found that it relaxed me, and with two siblings, I needed all the help in that department I could get.

Speaking of the little twerps, I managed to get home before them. I didn’t have to be home right after school--Percy and Lucy were old enough to stay at home alone--but I know Mom got stressed when they were alone, so I tried to at least check up on them before my parents got home.

Lucy and Percy were twins. It was a real shocker for me going from an only child to having my parents focusing on not just one but _two_ squirming potatoes. Since I was the oldest and I was responsible, I was allowed to roam around as I pleased. Sometimes, I got bitter that they didn’t watch me like they used to, but the more grown-up part of me remembered that I was 17 already, and I didn’t like being treated like a baby.

Lucy was older by three minutes, a fact she loved to flaunt when Percy was being particularly annoying. Her hair was fine and curled a bit on the ends, the same ashy blond color as mine and Dad’s. Percy’s hair was darker like Mom’s, and he had tons of ringlets. Currently, they were in sixth grade, and Lucy was taller than Percy. That pissed him off more than he’d admit.

Both of them ended up getting the same temper I’d gotten from Mom, and both of them liked to use their hands to get their aggression out. I tried to help out the best I could by letting Lucy braid my hair or letting Percy lick the spoon when I was making brownies if Mom and Dad weren't looking. 

Truthfully, I liked being a big brother even if they were both assholes. Just don’t tell them that.

I could tell it was a bad day for Percy when they walked in the door. Lucy just grabbed a snack and started on her homework. Percy, however, went straight to the piano keyboard we kept in the den and started to work on a Mozart piece he printed off the internet a few weeks ago.

He’d always had a knack for the piano, and he played often, but he _always_ preferred jazz music over classical. He only ever played classical music when he was upset or frustrated.

I looked at Lucy. She looked back at me and arched her eyebrows. I did the same and crossed my arms. Lucy could wait anybody out. She couldn’t wait me out, though. I was more stubborn and had had more years of practice than her.

“What?”

“What’s up with P?” I asked.

“Why don’t you go ask him yourself?”

We waited some more.

“He’s just stressed about his schoolwork is all.”

I could believe that. Percy was a perfectionist, and his temper tended to flare up when he didn’t understand something. “Why didn’t you just say that?”

“Because his emotions are none of my business.”

“Alright.” I replied, repressing a sigh. Getting information out of her was like pulling teeth. She could keep a secret even if it cost her life, and she was good at keeping her nose out of other people's business. It was good when she caught me doing stupid shit petty shit--like drinking out of the milk carton or attempting to pierce my own ear in our bathroom--but not so good when I was trying to be a Good Big Brother. 

The music didn’t start to have a swing to it for about half an hour. Lucy finished her homework and went to the other room to watch TV. I started making sloppy Joe’s since I’d promised to make dinner that night.

I looked up from the stove when I heard quiet footsteps behind me. Percy sat at the table with a huff and pulled out a math book, setting it next to my stuff to start working. My phone buzzed, but I ignored it and open a can of Manwich.

“You’re going to a party?” Percy asked.

“What makes you say that?” When I turned around, he was looking at my phone, but I couldn’t get mad at him since he hadn’t touched it. “Oh. I’m not going to a party.”

“Marco seems to think you are.”

I snatched my phone off the table--I really should change the settings so you can’t see any messages from the lock screen--and unlocked it.

**From: Marco**

**What time are you going to go to Ymir’s party?**

Jesus Christ.

**To: Marco**

**Told you I’m not going. I have to watch the brats.**

“I’m not going,” I assured him. “I promised to watch you that night anyway.”

He huffed. “We aren’t babies.”

I arched an eyebrow.

**From: Marco**

**9 it is.**

**To: Marco**

**You’re a real dick you know that?**

**From: Marco**

**Yeah, I know. Btw I’m coming to your house tomorrow with ice cream so you’re welcome.**

I sighed. He had me there: I was a slut for frozen treats. “Percy, I know you and Lucy aren’t babies, but Mom and Dad asked me to watch you, so that’s what I’m going to do.” Like the good kid I actually wasn’t.

He slipped off the seat and grabbed a package of fruit snacks from the pantry. “Don’t worry. I won’t tell Mom and Dad when you’re gone.” He looked at me steadily as if he truly believed what he was saying before putting in earbuds and turning on his iPod.

I sighed to myself again and stirred the meat. Kids are fucking weird.

* * *

The twins ended up stuck with dishwashing duty since I’d made dinner, not that I was complaining. I despised washing dishes, and I figured my mom found a sick pleasure out of making me do them.

My homework wasn’t hard to do, and I was done by half-past six. Go ahead and call me a freak for actually doing my homework on a Friday night. Honestly, I found waiting until Sunday night to do it was extremely stressful and just not worth it most of the time.

With nothing else to do, I went downstairs, hoping nobody was watching TV. Dad was sitting on the couch, knitting a blanket he’d been working on for I don’t even know how long. He looked up when I appeared in the doorway. “Shouldn’t you be out partying and getting into trouble?” he teased.

I grabbed the remote and sat on the couch. “Right. With what friends?”

The knitting needles clicked together. “Hey, now. I know for a fact you’ve got plenty of friends. None of this pity party bullshit.”

Did I just get reprimanded by a middle-aged dude who’s knitting? “It’s my party, and I can cry if I want to.”

He looked at me over the thick rim of his glasses.

“Fine, fine. Jesus,” I muttered.

He grunted and went back to knitting. He’d always gotten extreme cabin fever during the winter, and knitting helped him somehow. There are pictures of me with really sketchy looking hats on as a baby. By the time the twins were born, he’d gotten better, and their hats look much nicer. Lucky bastards.

I flicked through the channels and eventually switched to Netflix to watch a few episodes of _Bones_. Nothing like a little murder to make an evening complete. I was only into the second season, but I shipped Brennan and Booth so hard. I wasn’t to the point of writing any fanfiction or anything, though. Yet.

Before I started the show, I made myself some hot chocolate and got a blanket. It was always cold in the house, especially since the twins were always hot, and the air conditioner was constantly running from April through October. I had no idea how my parents could afford to pay for it, but I guess that’s what you do when you have kids.

I got to watch about three episodes without interruption besides the occasional curse when Dad dropped a stitch. The lights turned off in the hallway when Mom ushered the twins upstairs to go to bed. It was a pretty normal Friday night with nothing out of the ordinary.

Just for something to talk about, I asked, “Who are your friends that are coming to visit?”

He added another stitch to his row. “Some friends from college. They’re considering moving this way--they’re in New York City right now--and they want to settle down. Erwin said he wants to be closer to his family.”

I nodded. “So how many are coming?”

He looked up for a moment in consideration. “Two… three…,” he mumbled to himself. “Four, if I remember correctly. Two of them we knew from college, and they’re bringing two family members.”

“Are they their kids?”

He nodded. “Adopted.”

“Oh.” I weighed the pros and cons of asking if this Erwin guy’s wife was infertile. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to adopt, but it’s not something conventional. I decided to just go for it. “Is his wife not able to have kids?”

The knitting needles stopped in his hands, and he looked up with a raised eyebrow. I thought I saw some amusement in his face, but I wasn’t sure if I imagined it or not. Dad usually didn’t wear his heart on his sleeve, so to speak. You couldn’t always tell what he was thinking or feeling by looking at him. Mom could tell, though. She had a knack for it. Maybe it was a woman thing. “No, but his wife does have a penis.”

If I had a drink I would have spit it out. My bewildered and panicked look made him outright laugh. Loudly. I don’t think I’ve ever heard him say “penis” in my life.

He finally settled down after his long laugh at my expense. “He doesn’t have a wife--he has a husband.”

“Why didn’t you just _say_ that?” I asked, distraught.

“Because the look on your face made it all worth it.”

I got up. “I’m going to bed, and you’re an asshole.”

I could hear him laughing as I washed out my cup and put it in the dishwasher. I had nothing against homosexual relationships--some of my friends were gay, pan, bi, etc.--I was just not expecting to be told _that way_.

Not wanting to see Dad again and have him laugh at me again, I went the long way around the house to go up the stairs to my room. Before I fell asleep, I checked my phone. There was a goodnight text from Marco. It made me smile to myself as I texted him back and put my phone on the charger.

* * *

“Jean, I put some leftover lasagna from lunch today in the fridge in case you three get hungry,” Mom said, fussing over whatever she could get her hands on--my hair, in this case. “The house better still be intact when we get home.”

“ _Okay_ , Mom, you’ve told us, like, a billion times already.” I swatted her hands away. “Go eat good food and have some crazy sex in the minivan or something.”

Dad turned away but not before I could catch the amused look on his face. Mom gave me an exasperated look and a huff. It was her _Jean, you know you can’t say this stuff in front of the children_ look I knew so well. The twins rolled their eyes in unison--at me or at Mom’s reaction, I couldn’t tell--and I wondered if they practiced it in their spare time.

 _Finally_ , Mom and Dad left. “Jesus Christ,” I muttered. “You’d think they were leaving for a week.”

Lucy shrugged and left. Percy looked up at me expectantly. “They’re really going to have sex in the minivan.” It wasn’t a question. He almost looked haunted, his face unable to completely school the disgust on his lips. “I heard them talking about it.”

I waved a hand at him. “It’s better than doing here while we’re home.” One time, I was in my room, and I could _hear_ them moaning and shit, and I almost barfed. Of course, I _knew_ they’d had sex--I was here; Lucy and Percy were here--but I never wanted to imagine it.

Ever.

He tilted his head as if to agree with me and followed Lucy up the stairs. I watched him go up, and I flopped onto the couch. They never gave me any trouble except to make them food or entertain them if they got really bored which hardly ever happened.

I’d gotten permission from my parents to have Sasha and Connie over while I watched the kids. I knew Mom really adored Sasha (except for when she cleared out our fridge), and she was hoping I’d “find somebody like her” to spend my life with. I tried to tell her that I wasn’t ever planning on getting with Sasha, especially since she wasn’t interested, but Mom didn’t ever quite believe me until she found the two idiots making out in their car in _my driveway_. Mom never said anything about me getting with Sash again, thankfully. They were pretty bashful after that.

Roughly twenty minutes later, there was the sound of a honk outside to let me know they were here. Sure enough, the door opened minutes later. I could hear them talking animatedly to each other, but I couldn’t pick up what they were saying. I was more focused on what I was watching, anyway. Jesus this dude was annoying. I wished he’d getting eaten by the Kraken already.

I _did_ , however, hear a different voice go, “Jesus Christ, Connie. Watch where your giant fucking feet are.” That _definitely_ was not Sasha.

There was a loud shush, and everything went silent. I paused what I was watching and stood up. “Guys? What are you doing?” I started toward the library. “If you jump out at me, I’ll punch you, I swear to god.”

My house is an old, Victorian era house. The first floor is essentially a big circle. You come in the front door into a front hallway and can either go left or right. We always go left into the library. If you keep going, the den--or, well, I call it the living room since we’re all always in there... living--is next in the back of the house. There’s a small bathroom between the den and the kitchen which is in the other back corner. Finally, there's the formal dining and living room leading back to the front, where you would've gone if you'd turned right in the first place.

Nobody was in the library. Not even their shoes were deposited in the front hall. “This isn't funny,” I warned as I turned around to go back. The library had no lights other than a floor lamp that was off by the desk in the corner, so it was dark.

I was met by a mop of dark hair and luminous, green eyes before my world got flipped upside-down. Literally.

“What the fuck? Put me down!” I yelled. My heart was beating hard in my chest, and my face was in Eren’s bony ass.

“Hey, kids!” Connie called, probably up the stairs.

“Yeah?” came a muffled reply followed by footsteps.

I could hear him grinning. “We're stealing your brother.”

“No the fuck you aren't!” I flailed around, and Eren muttered a string of curses under his breath, holding me tighter.

“Okay,” Lucy said. “ We'll call you if we need anything.”

“ _Okay?_ ” I struggled harder, but escape wasn't possible. “Mom and Dad will _freak out_.”

But, of course, nobody was listening. Instead, they headed out the door and locked it behind us with my keys from off the desk. I continued to try and get away, even as Eren clambered into the very back of Connie’s soccer mom van with me still in tow. He plopped me onto the seat next to him, and Connie peeled out before I could jump out of the car. After all, I was crazy but not stupid.

I grabbed the headrests of the seats in front of me. “What the fuck?” I yelled for the umpteenth time.

Armin turned around and looked at me from the right seat. “I was not involved in this idea for the record.” Eren snorted behind me.

“We just wanted you to come with us!” Sasha exclaimed from the left seat. She looked at me with her big, brown, doe eyes. “And Marco said you wouldn't come.”

“I never said wouldn't,” the devil himself piped up from the passenger seat.

I rested my palm on my forehead and took a few needed breaths. “As you can see, I was watching the twins since Mom and Dad were out with some friends.”

I heard Sasha turn around to face the front again. “That's why we kidnapped you. You can't get in trouble if you didn't willingly leave.”

Uh… they didn't know my mom then. If I wasn't home when they got home, I'd be so fucking dead. She'd kill me and then bring me back to repeat the process about six more times. God. My life was over.

Connie took one look at my face through the rearview mirror and said, “Quit being so dramatic. Jesus. They'll be _fine._ They have all our phone numbers, and they know how to dial 911 if anything serious happens. You worry too much.”

I worry too much? I worried that there was going to be a domestic to report before we even got there.

“Connie, when we get there, you give me the fucking keys. I'll be the DD. I can't go home smelling like booze.” Looks like I wasn't even going to enjoy the party while I was there. What was the point of going if I couldn't have a cup of spiked punch or two? That's like going to a concert and standing in the hall the whole damn time.

“Only if you promise not to leave us.”

“Right. I'm going to leave my drunk ass friends stranded at a party that _Ymir_ is throwing.” I rolled my eyes so hard I thought the car might tip over.

Eren thumped me on the back. “Sit back and put your seatbelt on. And lighten up. We thought it might be fun, but if you're gonna be such a buzz kill, we'll just drop you off and let you walk the rest of the way home.”

I glared at him, but he was calmly resting his arm over the back of the seat and looking at me steadily. I sat back, but I didn't buckle up, and I kept my gaze firmly fixed out the window. I wanted them all to know I was pissed if they hadn’t already figured it out. Being passive-aggressive was a talent of mine according to my father.

Eren unbuckled--hypocrite--and moved up to kneel in between the middle two seats, talking quietly to one of the others. There was the click of another seat belt unbuckling and some shuffling, but I refused to look. I’d gotten kidnapped from my own freaking home. I deserved to pout.

Somebody sat down next to me again but closer and grabbed my hand off my lap, setting it in theirs and tracing little patterns over the back of my hand. It was obvious right away that it wasn’t Eren since he wasn’t ever that gentle--not with me, anyway. My pettiness made me want to yank my hand away and continue to be an asshole, but the more logical part reminded me that I was going to this party no matter how much I kicked and screamed.

With a small sigh, I closed my eyes and flipped my palm over. The fingers traced the bones in my fingers--my grandma always said I’d be a good pianist--and along the blunt edges of my fingernails. They rested their palm against mine, lining our fingers up, and I knew it was Marco by the feel of his hands--the calluses, size, and spots of softness.

I hated admitting to anybody that I liked being coddled. I mean, duh, I know it’s 2017, and I don’t have to be all macho, but I’m a somewhat private person, and I don’t like being laid out bare in front of others. Plus, I was The Big Brother. My siblings got all the attention, and I was supposed to be fine without it.

Marco has never made me say it, so I haven’t, but we knew each other so well that he knew when it was okay to touch me and when not to. This was one of those times. If I was being a grumpy, stubborn shithead, he knew how to soften me up.

By the time we got to this stupid place in the middle of fucking nowhere--literally inside the edge of the forest with an unplanted field as the parking lot and a creek in a ravine keeping the two biomes separate--I’d calmed down considerably. Maybe this wouldn’t be as bad as I thought. I could have at least one beer, attempt to talk to people I don’t know, and if all else fails, I could just jump in the creek and drown myself.

There were a ton of people there, and I had to run to keep up with my group. Marco had his long legs, Connie and Sasha were dead set on getting alcohol inside them _right now_ , and Eren was giving Armin a piggy-back ride.

Marco eventually noticed me lagging behind, so he fell behind to walk with me. I was trying my hardest not to be bitter about this whole situation.

“I didn’t tell them you wouldn’t--just for the record. They knew you were babysitting, and then Connie got the idea to just go take you, and Eren said he’d help…”

I waved a hand. “It’s fine. I just hope I don’t end up dead in the cornfield.”

He laughed quietly. “I won’t let that happen.”

I elbowed him in the ribs. “I’m holding you to that.”

It didn’t take much longer to get to where the party was supposed to be at. Speakers were hooked up to a generator along with some floodlights for when it got completely dark. Whatever song was popular in the pop scene was being pumped through the speakers so loudly I thought they’d explode. My head was exploding.

A pile of wood was stacked up, waiting to be lit for what I assumed was a bonfire later. Other bigger logs were arranged in a sort of circle around the pile. People were already sitting on and next to them. There were at least two couples kissing. In fact, people were lounging everywhere there was a flat surface, on blankets and other logs and on the dirt. All of them were talking or laughing or drinking or all of the above.

Sasha snagged us a spot near the to-be-bonfire, spreading out a blanket while Connie got drinks. We all sat down, and he returned with his hands full of red solo cups. He was holding them by the rims with his fingers, and I was surprised he didn’t drop them. Everybody was quick to grab one, and when his hands were free, he dug a bottle of water out of his back pocket and tossed it to me. I caught it and took a drink, holding my hand out expectantly. He rolled his eyes and set the keys in my palm. With a triumphant smirk, I stuffed them into my pocket. Looks like this bitch was deciding when we went home tonight.

As an ambivert, I thank the universe for friendly extroverts. If it wasn’t for them, introverts and other ambiverts would all be extinct. Other groups of people talked to us--to me even though I was like a fish out of water--and made the night go by much faster. The music got as time wore on too, so it really wasn’t that bad.

Eren was totally shitfaced by ten, and Armin was trying his hardest to make sure Eren didn’t fall and break his nose on something. The bonfire had been lit by nine, and Sasha and Connie were trying to see how many roasted marshmallows they could stuff into their mouths. Marco tried to include me in other conversations--which I was grateful for--but I was relieved when Ymir came over and sat down on our blanket. She was somebody I at least knew.

She eyed my water with a smirk. “You the designated driver for tonight?”

I took a drink. “Yep.”

This made her bark out a laugh, and I realized she wasn’t as sober as she seemed, not that I’d expected any different. “Thought you weren’t going to come.” The bottle shone with an amber light from the fire when she tipped the rim against her lips.

“I got taken against my will.” I crossed my arms and looked to the side with pursed lips.

She didn’t have time to answer before an overexcited Sasha came over with wide eyes and an empty bottle. “Guys! Let’s play spin the bottle!”

“Let’s not,” I grumbled, but it was covered up by the shouts of the rest of the people in our group. Before I could get up, Marco grabbed my arm in a gentle but extremely firm grip and dragged me to the edge of the circle. God, I hated this whole socialization thing.

Our circle consisted of only me, Marco, Eren, Armin, Sasha, Connie, and Ymir, thankfully. At least I knew I wouldn’t be kissing a total stranger. I wasn’t about that cooties life.

Connie was the first person to spin the bottle. It spun around twice before landing on Eren. Somehow Eren was sober enough to lean into the middle without landing on his face; however, he was too drunk to get an actual kiss.

“You cheated!” Sasha yelled at him. “You have to actually kiss him--not on the cheek!”

He looked at her indignantly. “I didn’t want him to throw up on my face.”

Eren didn’t say anything back like he normally would--probably because he knew Connie was right. Or maybe he couldn’t compute what was said.

Sasha spun it next, and Connie fell victim to her throwing herself on him and attacking him with kisses he gratefully accepted.

“Ew,” I muttered. Marco elbowed me in the ribs.

The spins went on for a couple turns. Connie’s spins and Eren’s spins somehow always landed on each other--Connie was convinced the bottle was rigged somehow--Sasha kissed Marco and Armin. Armin had to kiss me and Ymir. Ymir got Sasha and Eren. Marco’s spins ended up on Sasha and Connie, and mine ended up on Eren and Ymir.

It was my turn again, but I was really getting sick of playing already. I was tired and hot and sticky from the humidity, and I was just ready to go home. Everybody had had their fun already.

“No, Jean,” Sasha whined. “Don’t you want to kiss me again?”

I made a face. “I don’t want to kiss Eren again.”

Unsurprisingly, he didn’t answer seeing as how he’d managed to pass out on Armin’s shoulder.

“C’mon, don’t be such a Debbie Downer.”

I rolled my eyes and relented. Fine. Whatever. One more spin and I was outta here. With the most dramatic sigh I could muster, I reached forward and spun it…

And it landed on Marco.

I looked at the bottle for a moment. Marco and I looked at each other. I swallowed. He blinked at me with his big, innocent, brown eyes. _Why are you hesitating? It’s just Marco, Jesus Christ. Out of all the people here, he should be the easiest._

There was a reason why I wasn’t fond of this game. I didn’t like kissing all my friends. Call me crazy, but I only liked kissing people I was in to.

I took a deep breath, screwed my eyes shut, and leaned forward. He met me halfway, and we kissed. It was the same as all the others, really, except he didn’t taste like shitty beer. His lips were warmer than Ymir’s and thicker than Eren’s, I noticed.

It was over as quick as it’d started. Armin was reaching forward to spin the bottle again, but I stood up and stretched nonchalantly. I really needed to have some space. The cramp of all the bodies and yelling and the smell of the alcohol was making me dizzy. “I’ll be right back,” I said and left before anybody could stop me.

The air was marginally better once I got to the edge of the trees. It was still humid as fuck, but the heat from the fire and the crush of bodies weren’t contributing anymore. The music was still audible, but the trees acted like a wall covered in sound-canceling material. Crickets chirped and frogs croaked louder the closer I got to the creek. I noticed that the stars were bright tonight against the new moon. Stretching my arms into the air, I closed my eyes a took a deep breath before sitting down on a particularly large boulder.

The longer I looked the more I realized that the creek was more of a stream with the land sloping down steeply to meet it at some points. The boulder I was sitting on was jutting out of one of those steep parts. I kicked my legs, and for a moment, I was a little kid again, sitting on the kitchen counter while Mom cooked with the windows open.

Sitting along let me gather up my energy again. I loved my friends, but they could all be quite a handful. I hadn’t planned on going out tonight, and I was looking forward to Netflix on the couch while Connie and Sasha pigged out, but I was also glad to be included.

I sat there for what felt like a half an hour with the wind blowing gently against my cheek from the east. A loud shout from the direction of the party interrupted my nostalgia. I opened my eyes.

And a hand covered my mouth.

My initial thought was somebody was just fucking with me, but it became apparent this wasn’t a drill when an arm wound around my torso and a body pressed against my back. I felt my heartbeat kick up in my ribs like a skittish horse wanting to be set free.

I tried to scream, but the hand covering my mouth was firm and unforgiving. Their finger and thumb started to pinch my nose at the same time, and I was suffocating. I was dying. I was being killed. My arms gripped at the ones keeping me captive wouldn’t budge. All the scratching and squeezing in the world couldn’t get them to _let go._

I bucked and flailed, and _God I can’t breathe somebody please help me I--_

I stopped moving. Went limp. Stayed like that.

Their fingers slowly, cautiously moved away from my nose, and I took in the longest, most surreptitious breath I could. My mind was somehow focused enough to know that they didn’t want me dead, just unconscious. I didn’t dare open my eyes even when they tilted my head to the side. I couldn’t hear their breathing. I couldn’t hear anything over the sound of blood roaring through my ears.

_What do you want? Why me? Wh--_

My mind shorted out when they bit me _in the fucking neck_.

It was impossible to think anything. I could only feel, and I was feeling a strange mix of disgust, fear, and anger but also an even weirder combination of… pleasure? If I’d been able to think, I would’ve thought about how this was _not_ the time to find out I had a kink for being bitten.

I could hear them sucking and swallowing, and the grotesque sounds cleared some of the haze. My legs were hanging off the edge of the boulders, so it wouldn’t help me to kick them. My arms obviously wouldn’t do anything since they hadn’t already, and I doubted the element of surprise would help much--especially since they had their arms around me still. I could scream again, but then they'd try to suffocate me yet again. I couldn't headbutt them since their face was in my neck. But their hand was still over my mouth…

I slowly let my mouth drop open so as not to draw attention to it. When I was sure they'd be surprised. I reached up, held their hand to my mouth, and bit down as hard as I could.

Their mouth let go of my neck with a _pop!_ \--worst hickey ever--and they fucking _hissed_ at me, but I still didn't let go even as they were yanking. Blood filled up my cheeks and ran down out of the corners of my mouth, but I couldn't spit without letting them go, so down my throat it went. It tasted strongly of copper and something that wasn't quite like blood. I don't know how to explain it.

Finally, they ripped their hand out of my mouth, but the foot I'd been using to try and keep myself from falling slid, and since they weren’t trying to hold onto me anymore, I fell down into the ravine.

Okay, so it wouldn't have been bad if I wasn't on a giant ass rock with sharp edges, but I was, and my head smashed on the boulder as I went down, and everything went dark.

* * *

When I woke up, people were calling my name. Not like fans do when they're super excited to see you but like people do when they're a search party looking for a missing person. I tried to lift my head, but it was hurting like a _bitch_. My whole body felt like shit, actually. It was like I was burning from the inside out, but my skin was clammy and freezing. My whole right side was in the running water, and I was surprised I hadn't drowned yet.

The longer I was there the more the burning sensation went away, and I started to feel less like shit and more like recyclable garbage. Feeling returned to my limbs in the form of pins and needles.

When I was done being a fucking pincushion, I was able to lift my arms and legs. I sat up slowly--any faster and the pain in my head was going to make me have a seizure--and looked around. That stupid fucking boulder was above me, passive and still as ever. I doubt it even moved. Fucker. From what I could feel I had no broken bones, but there was one _hell_ of a big knot on the back of my head. Just touching it made me see stars.

I could still taste their blood, and the thought of it made my stomach churn. I gathered water in my cupped palms and swished my mouth out, wiping the blood off my face.

More footsteps sounded--closer this time. “I'm here,” I yelled but it sounded more like a croak. I cleared my throat the best I could, but I still sounded like I smoked a pack a day for twenty years. “S-somebody.”

Miraculously, a head poked over the boulder I fell off, and--not gonna lie--I shed a few tears out of the sheer relief of seeing another human being I knew. “Jean! Guys, he's over here!” The head disappeared, and Marco came down the slope of the ravine as fast as he could.

Okay, so maybe it was more than a few tears.

He fell to his knees in front of me and grabbed my face. His thumbs swiped my tears away, and I could physically feel something shift inside me. Normally, I’d make a no homo joke or some stupid shit like that, but this wasn’t normal. I was scared and hurting and really just needed some positive attention. “What happened?”

My throat burned from the tears. “Th-there was somebody that at-tacked me, and I f-fell.”

He blinked at me with wide eyes then looked up at the stone jutting out. “Are you hurt?” His hands carefully ran over my arms and legs to check for any broken bones. Honestly, something might be broken, but the shock was keeping me from feeling it still.

I touched the back of my head and winced. He tilted my head around to see the back of my head. He prodded as carefully as he could, and I suppressed the urge to wince and snap at him to _stop touching me there_. I knew he was just trying to help me. “Jean, there’s blood.” Nice. Great. That's what I wanted to hear.

“I'll be fine.” Well, fine compared to how I felt earlier. A lot better, actually. At least I’d stopped crying. I wiped the rest of the tears off my face and hoped my eyes weren’t all red and puffy.

He looked at me with worry and agitation in his eyes. “You need to go to the hospital. Connie! Eren! Sasha! Armin! Jesus, _somebody_.”

Another head appeared at the top. “Over here!” Armin called to the others, I assumed. There was the sound of footsteps, and the other people in our group appeared.

Ymir skidded down to where we were, and she started helping Marco get me to the top. I begrudgingly accepted the help; I didn't trust myself to be able to get up on my own--honestly, I just wanted to sleep--but I hated all this fussing. I just wanted to sit down and not have anybody talk to me for a week.

Sasha was wide-eyed and slightly pale when she saw me. “What…?”

“Somebody attacked him, and he fell into the ravine,” Marco replied for me. There was something dark in his voice. “He’s got blood on his head. We have to get him to the hospital.”

“I don’t need to go to the hospital!” I insisted. I pulled away from everybody as quickly as I could with a body that was made of pain and soreness. “If you do, my parents will find out we all came out here, and then we’ll all be in trouble.”

Surprisingly, it was Armin who spoke. “He’s right.” He came toward me slowly as if approaching a wounded animal. His fingers were cold as he examined the blood on my head and neck. Finally, he pulled away and looked at everybody else. “I don’t see anything major. He isn’t still bleeding.” His crystal blue eyes met mine. “If you start feeling nauseous, keep forgetting things, or your ears are ringing really bad, you _go to the doctor’s,_ alright? Now isn’t the time to be stupid and stubborn.”

“I will, I will.” I huffed and ran a hand through the shaggy part of my hair. “Can we just go home?”

He gazed at me steadily for another few moments--long enough to make me squirm--before he turned away and headed to the car.

I looked at Ymir and grinned weakly, trying to lighten the mood. “Worst fucking party ever.”

Her face was serious, and I thought I saw a flash of guilt in her eyes, but it was gone as soon as it appeared. She rolled her eyes and patted me on the shoulder. “You’re gonna be just fine.”

* * *

The car ride home was lulling me to sleep. Marco kept prodding me, and he was trying to convince me to let him stay, so he could watch me and make sure I didn’t die while I was asleep, but I insisted I’d be fine.

“What’d they even want?” Eren wondered aloud.

I shrugged and looked out the window, but my mind was racing. “Maybe they just wanted my cash or something,” I lied. I reached up and held my palm to my neck over where I was bitten. It was sore, and my neck muscles felt tight. “Don’t know what they expected to get out of a poor high schooler.”

* * *

Sneaking into the house was easy, especially since my parents weren’t home yet, and the twins were passed out on the couch with a bowl of popcorn between them. I took the popcorn and put it on the coffee table before covering them with a blanket. Percy stirred a little but didn’t wake up.

The first thing I did was use a hand mirror to see how bad the damage really was. I locked the bathroom door and stood with my back to the big mirror, looking into the little one I was holding. The back of my head looked like a murder. My hair was matted and stiff now from the dried blood. Somehow, there was no cut, and my head wasn’t bashed in like I knew it should be. I checked out the blood on my neck next. There were two puncture marks like a legitimate vampire, but they were already mostly healed.

“You look like shit,” I told my reflection. I got no answer.

Washing my hair in the shower was a chore. It hurt to touch my head--not as bad as before but still--but I had to get the blood off. Drying off took longer than normal too since I felt stiff all over, but I had to admit, I felt so much better--not like I’d died and come back to life. I dressed in my comfiest clothes and started a load of laundry to get all the water and blood off my clothes.

Once I got downstairs, I saw that the twins were gone, and since there were no other sounds in the house from them, I assumed they’d gone upstairs and went to bed. I was getting ready to make myself some tea to wind down when the door opened, and I heard people stumble in, laughing and shushing each other.

“Quiet, Parker. They could be asleep.”

Looks like my tea was gonna have to wait. I didn’t feel like chatting at the moment. As quietly as I could, I made my way to the stairs and tiptoed up them.

“It isn’t like they can’t get back to sleep.”

I could practically hear her hands on her hips. “You know those kids. They have a hard time falling asleep.”

Footsteps as they made their way further into the house. “Give ‘em some Nyquil. They’ll be fine.”

Just old people talk. I went to my room and shut the door silently, leaning against it and closing my eyes for a moment. I was so, so tired. You’d think all the time I was out of it would’ve been like some mega power nap but no. Such bullshit.

I plugged in my phone and texted all my friends goodnight, so they’d know I was still alive, and I went right the fuck to sleep.

* * *

I woke up to the smell of bacon and light burning into my eyeballs. And when I say burning, I mean stabbing me with a hot poker.

“God _damn_ ,” I breathed, covering my face with my hands. I’d forgotten to close my blinds last night. “Jesus Christ. Motherfucker.” At least the pain in the back of my head was mostly gone, I noticed.

My brain was fuzzy, and I was left with the feeling of a dream I was forgetting. All I could remember was the sound of something wet being smashed, like a rock crushing an egg, and the feeling of something… animal and raw. It wasn’t anger or anything sinister, but it wasn’t all rainbows and butterflies either.

My phone buzzed on my nightstand, so I turned the brightness all the way down--still too fucking bright--and checked the notifications I'd gotten. I saw that I'd been tagged in a cheesy picture of all of us in a big lump, smiling at the camera.

I thanked every deity that ever existed that my parents didn't have Facebook. I'd be so dead if they saw that picture. There were red solo cups all over in the background, the picture was snapped when Eren moved, so he looked like a high blob, and I swear to god I could see somebody getting a blowjob in the very back.

Still, it was a good picture. I hit the like button and went to my text messages.

I read the frantic texts I’d gotten when I was missing. They were all variations of, “Where are you?” and, “Come back. This isn’t funny anymore.” I sighed and deleted all of those messages, so I wouldn’t be tempted to go back and look at them again.

This morning, I’d gotten a text from almost everybody at various points in the night. Nothing from Eren--I would bet you ten bucks he wouldn’t be getting out of bed today. Armin asked how my head was feeling. Sasha told me to text her if I needed anything. Connie said the same thing along with an apology for dragging me to the party. Surprisingly, Ymir sent me a short, gruff apology too, and finally, I got a bunch of texts from Marco asking if I was okay. He was like a mother hen sometimes, I swear.

I replied to all of them accordingly and assured them I was going to live to see another day. Ymir never replied--probably sleeping still--Armin told me to take it easy and take ibuprofen if I needed it, Marco sent approximately sixteen texts-- **Okay, Mom, chill out** \--Connie sent a short reply consisting of a crude joke to lighten things up, and Sasha told me she’d make me some food if I needed it.

With a small shake of my head, I sent my phone down and stretched carefully. I was definitely feeling much better. My whole body, in general, felt a little sore like I’d done a workout yesterday, and my head still hurt when I moved too fast, but it was worlds better than before.

The smell of breakfast finally got me out of my room and downstairs. There was an awful lot of chatter, but that was normal in my house what with four other people in my family. I could hear Mom talking excitedly--probably about last night and the wild soccer mom van sex they'd had.

_Stop before you start imagining it._

I was _not_ prepared to see another dude sitting at our kitchen table.

He was… short. Really short, actually. Like I think the height gene totally skipped him. Oh, and the happiness gene because he looked _pissed_. I don't think I've seen such an angry little man before. His hair was black and parted down the middle, and he had an extremely pale complexion.

There was something off about him. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I just… I don’t know. There was almost an urge to get him away from me, out of my house, away from my family. It was such a strange and _primal_ feeling, and I had no idea where it came from. Maybe I was just wary around strangers due to what happened last night.

_Stop being a pussy and get over it._

Mom looked up when I entered and rushed over to me. “Jeanbo, this is Levi.”

I held a hand out--I was raised with manners after all--and he shook it. His hand was kinda cold. “Nice to meet you.”

He squinted at me for a moment, and I squirmed under his gaze. “You too,” he finally responded.

Nobody else in the kitchen seemed to notice him analyzing me. Instead, Percy got another pancake, Lucy kept reading her book, Dad kept a reading the paper, and Mom set a plate of bacon on the table.

Okay then.

I sat down in my normal spot--right across from him, consequently--and dished biscuits and gravy onto my plate. I hadn't eaten anything since lunch yesterday, and I was so hungry I could eat a horse. Literally.

The whole time I was eating, I swear this Levi guy kept looking at me, but I could never catch him. It was only me, too. He seemed more open toward my parents and softer to my younger siblings, but to me, he seemed cold and closed off. It was like he’d already decided he had some sort of beef with me before I even said anything to him.

The only real life I saw from him was when breakfast was done, and he insisted on cleaning up. It was easy to see he was a clean freak with how quickly and efficiently he had everything cleaned and put away. He reminded me of Snow White minus the dress and singing.

Normally, I would’ve stayed downstairs and tried to be nice, but I was still tired, and my head was throbbing just enough to drive me crazy. Plus, I had some ibuprofen in my room.

It seemed the universe was not about let me get my bearings again, though, because Dad told me as I was going up the stairs that I needed to shower since I was looking worse for wear, and the rest of Levi’s family was going to be coming over at some point in the day.

God dammit.

Not gonna lie, I sulked in my room for a good ten minutes doing nothing. I hadn’t planned on being social today. Actually, I was intending to lounge around in the comfiest, ugliest clothes I could find and be lazy all day, but _noooo_. I had to go play nice with a guy I didn’t even like and his family.

But I did as I was told like the good noodle I was, and I was dressed and on the couch by the time they arrived.

 _Wow,_ was the first thing I could see when I met Erwin Ackerman-Smith.

_Levi landed this guy?_

_They_ bone _each other? How does…? His dick must be..._

I had no idea how they ended up together. They were nothing alike. Erwin was blond-haired and blue-eyed, tall, and exuded confidence. He was like some sort of actor from Hollywood. Not a hair was out of place, and he smiled easily at everybody when he walked in. It was easy to see how even my father fell under his spell immediately, shaking his head with a broad grin and slapping him on the back.

He shook hands with all of us, actually. Even Lucy seemed a bit taken aback by his dazzling smile. I was even able to convince myself that it was my imagination that he looked at me funny before offering me his hand and the same smile he gave everybody else in the house.

The next to catch my eye was an extremely petite girl with hair even more blonde than Erwin’s and eyes somehow even lighter and crystalline. My first reaction was to like her, to want to get her approval. Even though she was small, she was obviously in her mid to late teens. Her smile was bright and pretty freaking adorable. Not like I wanted to bone her adorable but like my heart stopped adorable. You get what I mean.

Finally, a slender, dark-haired girl just under my height entered the house. Her eyes were… damn, kid. They were gray and seemed to pick up on everything. Her clothing was black except for the blood red scarf around her neck despite it being the beginning of June.

I felt like a small, sweaty peasant next to them.

Mom, of course, fawned over the girls and their beautiful complexions. The blonde seemed to bloom even more under the warmth of her compliments like a sunflower facing the sun. Even the raven-haired girl seemed pleased in a reserved way.

They introduced themselves to us as Historia and Mikasa, respectively, once they sat down. Erwin sat on the couch next to Levi-- _quit looking at me like that for the love of god, man_ \--while Historia sat on the arm of the chair. Mikasa chose to lean against the wall as opposed to sitting.

Erwin and Levi started up a conversation with my Dad while Mom listened and piped in as needed. Percy took a liking to Historia with her bright smiles and general friendliness, and Lucy was intrigued with Mikasa’s long, soft-looking hair.

I was literally the only person left leaning against the wall like an actual fish out of water. It took approximately 46 seconds of me being awkward before I went to the kitchen and started making myself some tea for my seemingly frazzled nerves. I didn’t know why I was so antsy. They all seemed nice, and they looked even better. Still, something in me was just… off, and it got worse the more people came through the door.

Maybe I was just sleep deprived. _Yeah, Jean. That’s it. You’ll be fine once you’ve gotten to rest some more._

Taking a deep breath, I headed back into the living room and sat in the recliner. Historia and Mikasa were gone along with the twins. They’d probably gotten dragged up to see the kids’ room.

“--bout you, Jean? What do you plan to do once you’re done with school?”

I turned towards Erwin at the mention of my name, blinking with owlishly at him. He was leaning back with an arm draped over the back of the couch, but it felt like he was right in my face, like I was being tested on something and passing was a matter of life or death. Putting on a civil smile, I said, “I’m not completely sure what I want to do. I think I’m going to go to college for psychology or biology.”

Levi raised an eyebrow slightly. It was more of a twitch, really. I ignored him.

Dad looked at me with pride on his face. “He’s always had the grades to do whatever he wants to do after school. Straight A student.” He laughed to himself and shook his head. “Much better grades than mine ever were.”

My ego enjoyed the boost, but I pretended I wasn’t affected. Erwin inclined his head slightly, impressed. I passed the test. “We have a friend who teaches at the community college around here. I could put in a good word for you if you’d like.”

“If he’s as smart as he’s supposed to be, he won’t need a good word,” Levi said with finality as if that was that. Jesus, what an ass.

Erwin raised one of his bushy eyebrows in what looked like amusement. Actually, everybody in the room seemed unfazed but me. How dare this frickin’ midget come in and be a total jerk. Wasn’t it, like, extra rude to be a dick to your own husband in front of company? And why the fuck weren’t my parents doing anything about it?

Mom huffed and gave Levi one of her famous looks. “You’re always so hard on kids. Leave them be.”

Was I missing something?

Levi’s lip curled with distaste. “Being easy on the new generation won’t help them in the long run, now will it?”

Great. So he had a huge stick up his ass. Looks like my parents reeeaalllyyy know how to pick ‘em.

Erwin rolled his eyes and bumped his knee against Levi’s. “Be nice.”

“Tch.”

Conversation went like that--Levi criticizing me and the whole entire human race, really--until the twins and their new friends came down the stairs. By the looks on their faces, you’d think these new people were the incarnate of Jesus or something.

Percy ran up and looked at me with wide, excited eyes. “Kasa plays the piano too.”

I raised my eyebrows and looked at her. “You do?” I ruffled Percy’s hair, making him squawk with annoyance. “This one loves to play.”

The edges of her lips tipped up, and she reached up to tuck her hair behind her ear shyly. My chest grew cold. “Yeah, I do. It’s a nice pastime.” On her hand was a dark bruise in the shape of a mouth. It looked like she’d tried to cover it up with foundation, and she’d done a damn fine job of it, but it was starting to wear off from the twins pulling on her hand.

My brain seemed to be shorting out and firing rapidly at the same time. The logical part of me said to _calm the fuck down--we don’t know anything for sure_ , but the rest of me was one continuous scream.

The sound of the sucking, swallowing, and hissing played in my ears, and finally, I heard the cracking sound of my head hitting that fucking rock echo through my mind as if my skull contained nothing. I reached up and pretended that I was rubbing the back of my neck, but I was feeling the back of my head. The blood seemed to be pulsing there, and I wondered if I’d cut it open again.

“Jean?” Percy said, waving his hand in front of my face. “Earth to Jean.”

I blinked at him and cleared my throat. “Yeah?” My fucking voice cracked.

Mom looked at me worriedly. “Are you okay? You just spaced out and got really pale.” Even Dad seemed concerned.

I noticed Levi staring at me even harder. Mikasa covered up her injured hand with the other, and her eyes kept flicking to Erwin who still looked like the epitome of calm sitting on the couch with one ankle on his other knee.

I met Levi’s stare head on for a few seconds, refusing to back down. It seemed important to me, like not holding this eye contact was a sign of weakness, and I felt weak, but I _was not weak_.

What’s happening to me? 

Levi was the first to look away with another curl of his lip.

I cleared my throat again. “I’m fine, Mom. Promise. There’s just a bug going around at school, and I felt sick for a moment.” I scrubbed a hand through the fluffy part of my hair. “I’m okay.”

She still looked concerned, but she let the subject drop.

Erwin checked his watch in an action meant to look nonchalant. “I think we should be heading back to the hotel. Promised the girls I’d go on a run with them before lunch.” He smiled, attempting to dissipate the palpable tension.

Levi stood up. “Thank you for having us, Janelle, Parker.”

Mom and Dad went through the whole, “Leaving so soon?” charade. I wasn’t paying them any attention at that point. I was just waiting for these monsters to get the fuck out of my house.

Finally, finally, _finally_ , they were gone.

I rushed upstairs, nearly tripping on the stairs. My heart was pounding as I leaned against my door. I was filled with a restless energy, but pacing was impossible with how _weak_ I felt. Unable to resist, I looked out the window at the car. They were all piling in, but Levi stopped and looked up right at my window--right into my eyes--before he smirked and got in the car. Relief filled me once the car was out of sight.

I let out a steadier breath and collapsed on my bed. I was still so exhausted, but my brain was very much awake, alive. I didn’t know how, and I wasn’t sure why, but this Mikasa person fucking _bit_ me and left me for dead at the bottom of a ravine last night. And the longer I thought about the reactions of their whole family, they were all in on it too.


	2. Confusion: A lack of understanding; uncertainty.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What do you do when you're watching your life tear apart at the seams?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woot! Enjoy, kiddos. ^.^

It was three hours later, and my panic had finally subsided. Honestly, the only reason why it did was because I'd fallen asleep from worrying so fucking much. Shit’s exhausting. My issues still existed when I woke up, but at least my frame of mind was much calmer.

_Facts, Jean. What do you know?_

I stared up at my ceiling and pinched my bottom lip thoughtfully between my fingers. Okay. So I knew that Mikasa had a hella nasty bite mark on the fleshy part of her hand--one she made sure to cover up--and I knew I was attacked last night and bit my attacker in the same place. I knew at least Erwin knew about it due to her reaction, and I was sure it was safe to assume Levi knew too. I wasn't certain about Historia, though.

What if all of them were like that? Was it some sort of psychological disorder? If it was, could it be fixed? I knew I wasn’t the only one that didn’t appreciate being turned into a blood donation against my will.

Another issue I was concerned about was the fact that they knew where we all lived. But… Mom and Dad are their friends. If they were going to harm any of us on purpose, they would've done it already. Maybe she attacked me on accident. Like, not attacking somebody on accident because it obviously takes purpose to suffocate somebody and then start sucking on them like a GoGurt, but maybe I just happened to be the lucky person in the wrong place at the wrong time.

That still meant that somebody else would’ve gotten bitten if it hadn’t been me, so it could be a small blessing since I was able to handle it when somebody else would’ve died. Shit for all I knew I could’ve died when I hit the ground and somehow come back to life.

A sudden thought struck me, and I sat up. My brain had definitely been pushing the idea aside just for the preservation of my sanity. I obviously knew that it was total bullshit--there’s no fucking way, right?--but the only reason I could think of that somebody would drink another person’s blood would be because they were a vampire.

I wanted to laugh hysterically--why was I even _considering_ this childish crap?--but I just braced my elbows on the thighs of my crisscrossed legs and rested my head in my palms.

Just assuming for a second that this could be an actual thing, what was going to happen to me? Would I get turned into a bloodsucking monster too? What if I hurt my family? The twins… I didn't want to hurt them, and if I harmed them before they'd had a chance to live--it would kill me.

I rubbed my temples. I felt normal now. It didn't seem like I was going to be turning into a bloodsucker anytime soon. Unless maybe I already had?

_Stop. You're being irrational. Vampires don't exist. The Ackerman-Smith family is just a bunch of freaks._

I had three modes for self-defense: sarcasm, asshole, and denial, and we all knew which one was winning.

* * *

Unsurprisingly, I slept the rest of the day and night away. Mom was obviously worried about me, but I kept brushing her off and insisting I was fine.  Lucy cornered me when I emerged from my room to go to the bathroom and asked if I was sleep so much because I had a hangover. Percy asked if I had sex in a van like Mom and Dad. Both of them were stifling snickers.

I love them, but god they can both be such assholes. Don't ever get siblings. It's the worst thing ever.

The next day, I was up by eight in the morning. Apparently, I was still on my school schedule, and it would take a week or so for my body to realize that sleeping in actually meant being unconscious until noon.

Scratching the side of my head, I padded into the kitchen and started making some coffee. The twerps weren’t awake yet, so I had probably another twenty minutes of solitude to myself.

As I was standing there, a feeling of unease came over me. You know, like that feeling where you think you might be sick, but you know it isn’t going to come for another, like, six hours, so you have to be tortured for a whole day until you finally threw up and felt better. I sighed and ignored it. Just another thing to add to the ever-growing list of things to stress me out, I guess.

Ten minutes later, I was sitting at the kitchen table with a steaming mug of coffee and a bagel with cream cheese, hoping my stomach would settle down before I attempted to do anything productive.

_Who are you kidding? You're just gonna watch Netflix and pretend you aren't panicking about the prospect of your parent's friends being vampires._

True but still.

My phone buzzed on the countertop. When I opened it, I saw a text from Marco.

**From: Marco**

**You up?**

**To: Marco**

**Unfortunately**

**From: Marco**

**Can I come see you later?**

**To: Marco**

**As long as you make lunch.**

**From: Marco**

**Deal ^.^**

I put my phone to sleep again and set it face down on the table. The one thing we all seem to forget about summer break is how quickly we can get _bored_ . Sure, school drains the life right out of my soul, but at least it’s something to _do_.

With a grunt and some unhappy creaking of my joints--my body seems to want to age prematurely--I got some paper, a pencil, and my iPad before settling back at the kitchen table. Clicking on the device, I searched through Google for black and white photography, hoping one would catch my eye. After narrowing down my searches some more, I came across a picture of several old-looking rowboats on the coast during what appeared to be a sunset. The picture seemed easy enough, so I saved it and started to draw.

One thing I found out about myself was that I was more of a photographer. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I have a good eye for it. Whenever I would try to draw something, I could never get it to look animated. My brain doesn’t let me draw a few simple lines and call it an eyeball. I have to get the shading right, the shape, every detail drawn in, etc. It’s irritating as fuck, but at least I realized I was more of a realistic type artist when I did have the chance to draw.

I started to outline the boats and coastline, but I got bored halfway through starting the details and just started shading. I started with the left side so as not to get my hand covered in graphite, using my little blendy stick to help. I was too cheap to buy them myself, so I just used the one that Armin let me have. It worked well enough, and I cut the tip off when it got too dark.

I was just starting to finish some more of the outlining when I heard a weird thumping sound. It was like… like a heartbeat. For a second, I thought I was in the “This Is Gospel” music video or something cause that heartbeat was _definitely_ there, but where could it be coming from, and how the _fuck_ could I hear it?

As I was concentrating on it, I attempted to tune everything out--everything but that heartbeat. I was enthralled. It was so steady and strong. _Hypnotizing_ could be a good word for it.

“Boo!”

I jumped, like, nine feet in the air and whipped around. “ _Marco,_ what the _fuck_ you scared the _shit_ out of me!”

He snorted and put his hands on his stomach, laughing hard enough to define those stupid abs I knew he had. “ _The look on your face!_ ” he wheezed.

I got up and pushed him hard enough to make him fall into the wall right behind him, gathering my stuff up indignantly. He still didn’t stop laughing even though I stormed out of the kitchen to put my stuff away. What a jerk. Couldn’t he see I was busy and dazed? I huffed. You’d think a best friend would know how to be more considerate.

Not wanting to go downstairs again quite yet for the sake of my bruised pride, I poked a head into the twins’ rooms. Both of them were still asleep, and I was thankful that I hadn’t woken them up. Percy could be a real bear when he didn’t have enough sleep.

“Jean, come on down and tell me what you want to eat,” Marco called up the stairs.

I waited until I was coming down the stairs to say, “Alright, alright. Hold your horses.”

Marco was looking through the fridge when I got back to the kitchen. When I boosted myself up onto the counter next to the stove, he pulled out eggs and a bag of hash browns from the freezer and set them on the counter. I jumped down and got onions and some bell peppers out of the fridge too, smiling at him. He wasn’t fond of peppers, but the twins and I liked them, so they were staying.

He started up the stove and began to scramble the eggs as I cut the peppers and onions. We both moved around each other with ease. We’d cooked together enough times to know what the other was probably going to do next.

He set the spatula he was using facedown with the rubber on the edge of the pan, so he could reach over and grab the salt and pepper, but his elbow hit it, and it went toppling to the ground.

The strangest thing happened to me. It was like the stupid thing was falling in slow motion. I was able to pick it out of the air before it hit the ground. Thankfully, Marco just smiled at me. “Good catch.”

I gave a small, slightly strained smile. “Thanks.”

Internally, I was sort of wondering because was this proof that I was actually turning into my worst nightmare?

The sounds of life came through the ceiling as the twins started to wake up and move about. Lucy came down with her hair pulled back and sat at the kitchen counter, watching us work without saying anything. She liked to watch things a lot, even from a young age.

“You hungry, kiddo?” Marco asked her.

She nodded and rubbed her eyes blearily. A grunt was the only verbal answer he was able to get from her. He didn’t seem to mind, though.

Percy was next to come down all wrapped up in a blanket. He sat at the table next to our sister and also watched us.

Soon enough, breakfast was done, and the twins were eating hot eggs and hashbrowns. They both mumbled their thanks to Marco between forkfuls.

“What about me? I cooked too.”

“Thank you, Jean,” Percy said before Lucy could say some smartass remark back to me.

The twerps were stuck cleaning up the kitchen after while Marco and I went to my room. He flopped back onto my bed, quickly making himself at home. I settled on the floor next to the bed with my phone. A few moments into scrolling through my news feed, I felt a hand in my hair.

“What are you doing?” I asked with a bit of amusement.

“Checking your head again. Are you sure you feel okay?”

Right. That. “I feel fine, Marco,” I all but whined. “I promise.”

“I was just checking, you big baby.” His fingertip slowly ran along my hairline at the bottom of my head. My skin tingled wherever his touch ended up. “You’re cold,” he noted. The furrow of his eyebrows could practically be heard in his voice.

I made an assenting noise, thoughts a bit scrambled. It was totally weird for me. We were close--we’d touched a gazillion times before--so why was I feeling so weird. Why’d it feel so… sensual?

Mentally, I shook myself. It was all in my head. Nothing was different. I was just craving attention after the week in hell I’d had or something. That was all. I mean, he’s your best friend--he’s _Marco_. Isn’t there something where you, like, can’t catch feelings for your best friend so as not to make things weird? Plus, we were both dudes. No homo.

I reached up and swatted his hand, preparing another protest, but he grabbed my hand before I could say anything. “ _Jesus_ , Jean--you’re freezing!”

“Am not.” I pulled my hand away with a huff. “Don’t be so dramatic.”

He got up and started rooting through my dresser drawers. “I’m not being dramatic, Jean.”

“What do you think you’re doing?”

A sweatshirt came flying at my head, and I somehow managed to catch it easily with my shitty ass reflexes. With a sigh, I put it on. There was no use fighting with him when he was in Mom Mode. I _wasn’t_ prepared for him to be reaching straight for me when my head got through the top.

We don’t have to go over all the details about how I struggled and cursed as he lifted me up from under my arms and put me in bed--mostly because my pride got extremely wounded that day; especially when I realized how little my struggling affected him.

After that, I thought my day couldn’t get any more ridiculous, but then Marco had to crawl in bed with me and pull me to his chest. By that point, I’d just given up trying to make sense of what was happening. Whatever. It couldn’t be that bad as long as the twins didn’t walk in on us.

He rubbed his hands up and down my arms, and I could feel the warmth of them seeping through the sweatshirt. Even though my brain was the real life version of the upside-down face emoji, the rest of me enjoyed it. All the warmth settling on my skin was definitely nice, and I sighed quietly through my nose, settling my forehead against his shoulder.

I noticed he smelled nice. Not sweaty or anything, but like earthy with his cinnamon shampoo and mint body wash. There was something else underneath all of it--vanilla? It was a strange combination, but I didn’t mind at all.

When I nudged my nose against his neck to try and smell it some more, I heard that heartbeat sound--the one that had been in the background like how you couldn’t quite hear the vent in the bathroom by the time you were done showering--speed up a bit. Something subtle but intoxicating started coming from his skin. It sort of reminded me of how the earth gets ready for the rain by secreting an oil which makes that after-the-rain smell, but what could he possibly be waiting for?

“Jean,” he breathed, warm air against my scalp. His palms trailed up over my arms, shoulders, neck until his fingers were buried in my hair. It was a really weird time to wonder if I had a hair-pulling kink.

A part of my brain was protesting because this was _Marco_ : childhood best friend, eater of all the popcorn we’d ever shared at a movie theater, driving test failure for the first six attempts. What were we _doing_?

But a larger, louder part of my mind hummed because _this_ was _Marco_ : ripped as fuck, snorts when he laughs, mile-long eyelashes. What took us so long?

Somehow, this was even more intimate than the spin the bottle game the other night. That was forced and public--awkward even. This… this was something else. It felt like I was safe and warm. It felt like I was home.

I noticed a dull ache in my teeth when I was just about to press my lips to his neck. Running my tongue over them, I noticed that they felt different, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on why. It felt like this sort of pressure against my gums, and after a few moments, it turned into a pain that radiated through my cheekbones and up my temples.

Resting my forehead against his shoulder, I closed my eyes, face scrunching up at the feeling in my face. Marco started rubbing small circles against the side of my neck with the tips of his fingers. I reached a hand up and rubbed at my face where it hurt, wincing when I hit a particularly sore spot.

“Are you okay?” he asked, moving to massage my face too. “You look like you’re in pain.”

“M’fine,” I mumbled. “Face just started hurting.”

He nodded, understanding, and pulled the blankets over us. “Maybe some sleep will help.”

“Maybe…”

I did as I was told, though, and the extra warmth he provided made it much easier to fall into a deep slumber.

* * *

When I woke up a short while later, he was gone, but his smell and warmth lingered like lovers reluctant to leave.

* * *

By Tuesday, I’d decided I’d had enough sleeping, and I got up--and stayed up--all day. I was kept busy between helping my parents by doing the dishes, watching the kids, and folding laundry. I even managed to sneak in an episode or two of some shows on Netflix, so that was a plus.

My attack was kept firmly in the back of my mind for the next week or so. I mean, yeah, I would occasionally look up what happened when you became a vampire when I couldn’t sleep and freak myself out, but I’d managed to convince myself that nothing major was happening to me, and I was just noticing things and blowing them out of proportion because of it.

Sure, I got sunburnt when I went to the park with the kids one day, but I’d always burned easily anyway thanks to my French and German roots. Maybe I could read the signs around town from a far distance, but my sight had always been good, bar my occasional dry eyes. So what if I was able to lift up the washer with ease to pick up a lost sock? It wasn’t that big of a deal.

At least that’s what I told myself.

Marco came over a few more times during the week to help keep my sanity with the kids. They didn’t mind him. He was like their brother. They’d known him for almost their whole lives.

Even though we spent time together, we never talked about what happened when he held me in bed. In hindsight, it was pretty intimate what with the position we were in and the feelings--at least on my end--that were involved. I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to talk about it or not. I mean, I didn’t because I avoid all my issues, but I also really did because at times it felt like I was imagining it. At least I had the comfort of at least assuming that he felt the same way I did or close to it because if he didn’t want me sniffing him like a dog then why’d he let me?

But sometimes it wasn’t even easy to rely on that thought because he _could_ be a pushover sometimes, and he was probably just too nice to push me away.

Ugh, my thoughts were running around in circles, and I didn’t know how to end the loop. I couldn’t believe I’d gone from masturbating to some pornstar’s bouncing tits to thinking about whether Marco was circumcised in less than two fucking weeks.

One of those days--they were already blurring together, and summer had just begun--Ymir stopped by to make sure I was okay. She didn’t actually say so, but I could tell she kinda felt bad about me getting hurt at her party. I assured her it was fine, though.

Mom and Dad told us that their friends went home but only long enough to get their things packed up since they actually were, in fact, moving into town. I managed to suppress a groan but just barely. I figured it was safe to assume I’d see more of them eventually seeing as how my parents still liked them and all. That didn’t mean I was at all excited or prepared for it.

It was another normal, mind-numbing day when there was a knock on the door. I’d been expecting it since Sasha was going to come over and use our kitchen to bake some stuff--shit, man, she was the best baker I’d ever met, and she said something about how our kitchen had a bunch of space and shit, so since she liked to bake over here, she’d leave stuff for us all. I got my ass up off the couch and opened the door. Except, Sasha wasn’t on the other side.

It was Erwin.

The moment I saw it was him, I tried to shut the door in his face, but he reached out and stopped the door from closing. Thank God he wasn’t, like, smiling or some weird shit like that cause my heart would not be able to take it.

“You aren’t welcome here when my parents aren’t home. Stranger danger.” I lifted my head a bit in defiance. That strangely possessive feeling came over me again as if I was ready to take a chunk out of his arm if he tried anything with something that was mine--house included.

“Jean, I just want to talk.” His voice was even and careful as if he were talking to an animal that might attack at any moment. Right then, I thought I might attack at any moment, so I guess his tone and concerns were valid.

“What do we possibly have to talk about? _Don’t_ ,” I snarled when he tried to come in.

Seeing the look on my face, he backed up a few steps. “You’re going to have to get over this possessiveness sometime, Jean. We’re going to be around here more often. You know that.”

“I can deal with it when we get to it. How are you back to soon?”

“We’d been ready to move for quite some time. Levi got a job transfer.”

I guess that made sense, but I still didn’t want them anywhere near me. “So why are you _here_?”

He arched one of those bushy ass eyebrows of his. “We have to talk.”

“I’m not talking to you about anything. I don’t want anything to do with you.”

He sighed then, and he sounded so old and tired. It made me mentally backtrack for a moment before I remembered how he was in on covering up the attack that night, and I got pissed all over again. “Jean, I think we both know what happened that night.”

“Nothing happened that night except for your freak biting my neck, so I’d appreciate it if you didn’t try to make friends with me. It’s never going to happen.”

The look on his face was sad--not pitying, though. He looked like he was about to plow through with whatever he was saying, and I know I sure as shit would’ve slammed the door and went upstairs, but then a car pulled up, and Sasha was behind him. He gave me one last lingering look before he got in his car and drove away.

Sasha watched him go with curiosity before coming inside. “Hey! I was thinking of making a pineapple upside-down cake. That okay?”

I shut the door behind her and locked it for good measure. “Yeah, sounds good.”

* * *

A few days later, Connie came over for the afternoon. The first thing that happened when he got there was Percy pulling him into the living room where our piano was. Percy was always excited to show Connie what new songs he’d learned since Connie’s parents were jazzers. His mom played the trumpet, his dad the saxophone, and from a young age, they’d been teaching him piano. He was pretty good at it too--occasionally going into the nursing homes and playing for the elderly when the mood struck him.

“That’s amazing, kiddo!” He ruffled Percy’s hair, causing him to squawk and flatten his hair with vigor. “Gotta love Charles Mingus.”

Percy looked up and nodded sagely. “Did you know that he had a really bad temper and punched this dude in the face? He knocked out the guy’s teeth, and he couldn’t play for a while after that.”

“Hm. I did not know that.” I was sure he did, but I was grateful for him being encouraging.

“Yep!” He beamed.

Connie ruffled my kid brother’s hair again. “Keep up the good work, kid. You have the talent to be a real famous jazz pianist if you keep working at it.”

I swear to god that kid glowed. “Okay!”

With a wave, Connie and I went up to my room. The first thing I did was pull out my Wii--hey, we didn’t have enough money to get a new system, and it worked just fine; bite me--and put in Mario Kart. I grinned as I threw a remote at Connie. He caught it, and we started playing.

Our winnings ended up being about even. I was just naturally born to kick ass, and Connie had played a lot from all the times he’d stayed over, but hey, at least he was a worthy opponent.

“God _dammit_ , Connie!” I yelled when he threw a red shell and passed me. “Go suck a dick.”

He laughed. “No thanks.” I threw one of my own at him a few seconds later, successfully passing him again. “How about _you_ go suck a dick?” He yanked his wheel to the side.

I didn’t answer him, and thank god we were playing or the silence would’ve been heavier. I’ve always without fail responded with some no homo thing whenever somebody has said that to me, and I didn’t this time. It was glaringly obvious to me, but maybe he hadn’t noticed.

We finally finished our race with me in first and him in third--”Princess fucking Peach…”--and he turned to look at me with a raised eyebrow. “No comment about sucking dick?”

“Uh, no?” I started fiddling with the remote, trying to get through the end scene as fast as possible. God, they were so annoying sometimes.

“Why? You finally think of a dick you _do_ want to suck?”

I huffed but otherwise said nothing.

“Wait. You _did_ , didn’t you?” I could see his shit-eating grin from the corner of my eye.

I knew it was stupid to egg him on, especially since he’d tell Sasha, and then I’d have _both_ of them up my asshole about it. “So what if I have?” I replied slowly. The screen finally showed the beginning again. Two players. Solo race. Luigi.

“Seriously?” His eyes widened, and he blinked several times. “Who is it?” He bounced up and down like a kid.

“It’s nobody. Forget I even mentioned it.”

“I can’t just ignore my Jeanbo’s gay awakening.”

I could feel myself bristle at that. “I’m not gay.”

“Bisexual then.”

Sighing, I set the remote down and looked at him. “I don’t know, man. Honestly. I don’t know if having some sort of crush or something on a guy makes me bisexual or if I’m questioning or if it’s just a phase. I have no fucking clue.”

He shrugged. “Maybe it’s a phase. Maybe it isn’t. None of us care if you end up liking dudes at all. You’re still Jean to us. Nothing is going to change that.”

I looked at the TV, oddly touched. I guess I hadn’t known I’d needed some sort of validation until I’d received it. If I was being honest with myself, I had been ignoring what Connie had dubbed my “gay awakening” since the scene in bed with Marco. It wasn’t because my feelings didn’t have any weight or worth but because I didn’t want to think about what it would mean for me, my future.

Would I ever end up with a guy? Could I be happy with one? What was it even like to be with another guy? Would I top or bottom? Would people think it was just an excuse to change my mind about liking both sexes? I was well aware of the biphobia in society, and I certainly wasn’t looking forward to it should I end up being bi.

“Okay,” I said finally, nodding. “Okay.”

Thankfully, he understood that I was accepting what he’d said. With a nudge to my shoulder, he picked his own remote up again. “I want a rematch on Rainbow Road. You’re going down this time.”

* * *

Things were normal for the most part. I still was noticing improvements in my physical skills--not like that you fuckin’ pervs--and still chalking it up to paranoia. The only unexplainable thing that kept happening was that thumping sound. It was quiet enough that it was like the lowest bass that your car radio could produce: Enough that you could hear it but not enough for you to consciously notice it all the time.

Summer was the time for royally fucking up your sleep schedule, so I wasn’t surprised that I was going to sleep late, but I was surprised that I could get up earlier without any issues.

The only really worrying thing I was experiencing was that strange pain in my face. At times, this led to insane headaches--migraines too. It worried Mom a lot, so I usually didn’t tell her, and the twins promised not to tell her or Dad either. I had to admit that it was nice having those twerps at my beck and call even if it was because I couldn’t move without visions of death flashing before my eyes.

I noticed that they were triggered by the sunlight--going in and out of the house several times in one day--so I ended up becoming even more of a recluse, wearing sunglasses whenever I went out and trying to leave the house during the dark hours--fuckin’ hard to do in the summer, let me tell you.

Another strange thing that came with the aching in my cheeks was the craving for ice. Yeah, I know, tell me about it. I could eat that shit like popcorn. I didn’t think much of it, blaming it on the heat and my shitty hydrating habits. It wasn’t the first time I’d ever eaten ice, and it definitely wouldn’t be the last.

So I was chewing on ice as I sat at Armin’s kitchen bar as he cooked something for all of us heathens. We’d all decided to have a Disney movie marathon, so Connie, Armin, Eren, Marco, Ymir, and I were lounging all over his house. Sasha was unable to make it, but she was living it up in Italy--Italy!--for a month, so I didn’t feel an ounce of sympathy.

Armin had a really nice house. He actually lived with his grandfather. Apparently, mothers ditching their kids were a recurring theme for his family seeing as how his grandmother had ditched Armin’s grandfather, mother, and uncles. Shortly after Armin was born--his father had never been in the picture since it was a teen pregnancy, and he never even knew Armin existed--his mother left, leaving good old Grandpa Arlert to raise the kid.

Currently, his blond hair was up in some tiny, messy bun of sorts, pieces falling out and into his face. He didn’t seem to notice that he was constantly tucking his hair behind his ears or blowing it out of his face.

Eren was leaning against the counter on the side inside the kitchen area, talking animatedly while Armin nodded at the appropriate times. Connie and Ymir were arguing about who would get to sleep on the couch that night while Marco saw the opportunity and stretched out on said couch, shooting a cheeky grin at both of them when they finally noticed the opportunist.

As for me, I was sitting at the bar opposite from Eren with a small cup of ice in front of me, neither ignoring nor being a contributor to the scenes on either side of me. I wasn’t complaining really. I didn’t mind observing sometimes.

Eventually, Ymir came up and sat next to me, stealing a piece of my ice, much to my chagrin. She just smirked at me, and I rolled my eyes. What an asshole.

“Your boyfriend stole my spot, so I get to steal your stuff.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” I replied, thanking whatever deity was watching over me that I hadn’t stuttered. I could feel the blood rushing to my face as my palms started sweating.

She snorted. “Whatever. I could see you making eyes at him all the way from the living room.”

“The living room is literally ten feet away,” I pointed out.

She waved a hand. “Whatever.” Another piece of ice in her mouth. “So when’d you start looking at him with bedroom eyes?”

I let out an exasperated sigh. “He’s _not_ my boyfriend,” I repeated.

“No, but you totally wanna suck his dick.”

Jesus Christ. What was with my friends and thinking I suddenly wanted to suck a dick? I mean, I kinda did--I’d definitely thought about it; especially when I was masturbating--but that was beside the point.

“I’m don’t want to suck _anybody’s_ dick, alright?”

Unfortunately, everybody heard me fucking say that because _of course_ they did.

Eren was the first to speak up. “It better not be me.”

I stood up, face turning even _more_ red if that was possible and stormed to the bathroom, cup of ice in hand, Connie yelling at me to come back.

Once I got in there, I locked the door and sat down to lean against the bathtub. I wasn’t quite humiliated--especially since I’d done way worse in front of them before--but I was close. Agitated and discomfited fit the bill perfectly, though.

A harsh knock caused my head to jerk up. “Go away,” I yelled like a little kid throwing a fit. I hated how my throat felt tight.

“Don’t be a baby. I didn’t mean it.” I could practically hear Ymir’s eye roll from where I was sitting on the stupidly cheerful, yellow bath mat.

“Jean?” Marco. “Can I come in?”

I sat there. And I glared at the door. And I knew it was pointless because he couldn’t fucking see me anyway. But I kept glaring even though I could feel angry tears start to form. This wasn’t fair. Out of all the people to come to try and comfort me, it was the two that’d caused the issue in the first place whether they meant it or not.

“Please?”

But I was weak as shit, and I knew it--hated it. He was still my best friend. There was nobody I wanted to talk about this to more than him.

I scrubbed furiously at my eyes until the urge to cry was gone and stood up. Unfortunately, my eyes were red from it when I looked in the mirror, and I repressed a sigh. It couldn’t be helped, I guess. Unlocking the door, I sat back down against the tub with my legs pulled up to my chest, chin on my knees. The door opened slowly, quietly, and Marco came in, perching on the counter in front of me with his legs dangling.

Neither of us said anything for what felt like hours. I glared at the cabinet in front of me right by Marco’s left leg. The wood was dark in contrast to the light decorations, and the handle was a simple, silver knob. Even so, it was extremely interesting. Especially that one little screw that was visible and gold…

“Jean, I’m not gonna make you talk about anything--you know I wouldn’t do that--but uh… I’m here if you do.”

I swallowed. Nodded.

“Maybe, uh, maybe it’ll be easier if I talk to you first.”

My eyes flicked up to meet his at that. If he was standing, he would’ve been pacing, wearing down the floorboards with the soles of his feet. “What do you mean?”

He rubbed the back of his neck nervously, and I looked down to grab another chunk of ice. I’d just put it in my mouth when he said, “I’m gay.”

I looked up at him, features painted with surprise. The ice was doing unpleasant things to my tongue, so I swallowed it. It burned the whole way down. “You are?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh.” I stretched my legs out and cleared my throat to keep my voice from cracking. “How did you, y’know, _know_?”

He shrugged. “I dunno. I’ve just never really felt the same way about girls that I do about boys. I mean, I can appreciate them, but I could never see myself with one.” A small laugh escaped his lips. “Sorry, I just… it feels better now that I’ve told you. Lighter.”

My brain must’ve been processing things much, much slower than normal because I was still stuck on the _I’m gay_ part. Thoughts rushed through my head. _How long? Why hasn’t he told me earlier? Does he have a crush on somebody? Could he like me?_

I immediately scolded myself internally. A person can like people of the same sex without wanting to bone all of them. For all I knew, I was one of those other people that he felt nothing romantic or sexual about.

“Jean? Are you okay?”

“Y-yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. I was just thinking.” Thinking about how I want to tell you that I think I like you. “Have you told anybody else?”

“My family. Dad was definitely shocked at first, and Mom despaired over not having any biological grandchildren.” He shrugged. “They got over it. My brothers were okay with it eventually too.”

My eyebrows shot up. “All four of them?” That was hard to believe since Monte could be a straight up bitch.

He gave me a look. “Don’t be so rude,” he chided. “Yes, all four of them.”

Well, I’ll be fucking damned.

Here’s a little crash-course on his family. Marco has four older brothers--yes, he’s the baby; can you believe that? His parents moved here from Italy when they were teenagers, so all of their names are of Italian origin. Monte was the oldest. He’s been out of college--with a Masters that he flaunts every single time he comes home since he has the highest education in the family--for almost four years now. He thinks he’s some amazing, top-notch dude because he runs some fortune 500 company in New York City. Out of all of Marco’s siblings, he’s the one I hate the most. He’s even more stuck up than I am somehow. I rejoiced the day I found out he was already going bald.

The next one is Leonardo or Leo for short. He never went to college, but he’s definitely doing fine. When weed got legalized in Colorado, he moved out there and was started a pot farm. He was always okay to be around since he was chill, but sometimes I wondered how he was so smart with all the pot he smokes. The only beef I have with him is that he’s a literal pimp, and he’s got, like, six hoes. No joke.

Out of all of the Rocco was the most normal. Since I’d known him, he’s wanted to change his name to Rocky, but he never has. As soon as he got out of college, he landed a job in California as an elementary teacher. He’d always been good with kids, so it was no surprise to any of us. He’d also gotten married when he was in college to a girl as nice as he was. He could be a bit of a brown-noser, but he didn’t do it consciously.

Finally, there was Stephano. If he were a dwarf from _Snow White and the Seven Dwarves_ , he would be sleepy. He dozes all the time. It’s a wonder he knows anything with how many classes he’s slept through. Currently, he’s in college, and I’ve predicted he’ll end up getting pushed around his whole life.

All five boys are skilled in the art of woodwork, and they were good at it too. Must’ve run in the family.

“I’m not being rude. I’m being realistic.”

He sighed heavily. He knew it was pointless to try and get me to change my mind about them. They all teased him, but way more mercilessly than my siblings and I ever did to each other. Especially Monte. My dream is to punch that big, stupid nose of his into his throat.

I pulled my knees up to my chest again and fidgeted with a hole in my jeans. I still wasn’t sure what I should say.

As if reading my mind, Marco got off the counter. “You don’t have to say anything. I know you, and I think that for all your ‘no homo’ bullshit you’re okay with it.” Pause. “We’d like for you to join us in the living room, though. _I’d_ like for you to come out and sit with us. We’ll be waiting.” And he was gone.

Marco did know me. I _was_ fine with him being gay--it didn’t bother me; I wasn’t uncomfortable--but now my brain was trying to convince me I had a chance with him even though I didn’t have feelings for him.

Wait. I didn’t, did I?

I mean, _yeah_ , we’ve been friends for, like, seven years, but I still didn’t _like_ like him. That was crazy. Right?

I buried my hands in my hair and tugged. Going around in circles like this was driving me insane. There was no way I could keep doing this for much longer.

Finally, I pulled myself together and went back into the living room. It went totally silent when I walked in, and I could feel myself bristle. “What?” I snapped.

“Nothing, nothing,” Connie replied.

Surprisingly, it was Eren who broke the silence. “It’s your turn to make dessert.”

I squinted. “Why is it my turn?”

He looked at me like I was the dumbest person on earth. “Cause we made everything else.”

Armin turned around and looked at him, betrayal written all over his features. “I’ve been making all of it.”

I interrupted before they could continue. “I’ll make dessert, but everybody else--minus Armin, of course--has to clean up the dishes.”

There was a collective groan from the crew in the living room. Suckers.

* * *

Things went back to normal after that. At times it still felt like they were walking on thin ice with me--like they thought I was much more fragile because of my one outburst than I actually was--but the moment would pass before it got too heavy. I made homemade ice cream for dessert, and Connie, Eren, Ymir, and Marco were stuck with the dishes. Ymir had to scrape the shit off the dishes, Connie actually washed them, and Marco dried while Eren put things away. Armin and I got to sit on the couch with our feet propped up, scrolling through something or other on our phones.

Armin had always been somebody nice to hang out with. He was chill and never treated people the way one expected them to be but how they actually _were_ if that made sense. Kid was smart as hell too. He had a good head on his shoulders, and he was trustworthy. Another thing was that he was good at reading people. Almost a little too good. It was like he could read your mind sometimes.

We’d been friends since middle school when the three elementary schools in the district got combined into one building for sixth grade. He’d always been with who was “that Jaeger asshole” at the time. Since we were part of the smart kids, teachers would put us together often for group projects as our skill level was about even.

The rest is history, I suppose.

Every once in awhile I’d show him a meme on Facebook or vice versa. It was nice. We didn’t hang out by ourselves very often, and I made it a goal to change that.

Things were chill until he showed me one of those dinosaur-hits-blunt memes that said, “If a vampire bites a zombie, will it turn into a zombie, or will the zombie turn into a vampire?”

I chuckled a bit nervously at that. Sure, it was funny, but--not to beat a dead horse here--I wasn’t on good terms with the idea of vampires.

After another ten minutes of bitching, the fantastic four were done with the dishes, and they all flopped onto the ground or couch with groans or sighs.

“Jesus, you’d think we asked you to dissect a cat,” I muttered.

Ymir squinted in my direction but didn’t push it.

We managed to finish _The Lion King_ and got halfway through _The Little Mermaid_ before Marco fell asleep. Eren was the second one to drop after the first half hour of _Beauty and the Beast_.

Of course, this made me wonder what Eren would look like with a curly, ink mustache.

I kicked Connie. He looked up at me with bleary eyes. “What, dude?”

Pointing to Eren, I leaned down and whispered, “You got a Sharpie on you?”

He looked between me and Eren, a slow grin growing on his face. “Yeah.” Quietly, he got up and started rummaging through his bag. Moments later he had a black Sharpie in his grasp and evil in his eyes.

I held my hand out, and he set it in my palm. He moved to sit right beside Eren, so if he were to wake up, Connie would hold him down. I moved to sit by his head. Armin kept shooting us disapproving looks, but he didn’t try to stop us. _What a good friend,_ I thought sarcastically.

Ymir, on the other hand, hadn’t even noticed what we were doing.

The whole ordeal didn’t take long. I drew a line that curled out from the middle of his upper lip all the way to either side of his face, and to top it off, I scribbled in his eyebrows, so he had a unibrow.

Connie and I nearly died when he started taking pictures. Armin watched the whole thing with a heavy sigh that caused Ymir to look up and snort when she saw what we were doing. “Send me those,” she said to Connie.

As we backed off to start sharing my work of art on various social media sites, Marco sat up and rubbed his eyes, looking strangely… cute? Like, I’m not sure how a nearly full-grown man managed to look cute, but he definitely was.

“What were you guys being so loud for?” he asked in a bit of a grumpy voice. He might have been a morning person, but that was because he always woke himself up early in the mornings as opposed to being woken up from a nap by two idiots.

Connie gestured to Eren. “Jean fucked his face up.”

Marco squinted and got up on his knees to see Eren’s face from where he was sprawled out on the couch. “Jean,” he chided.

I exchanged a glance with Connie, and we busted out laughing all over again. Maybe it was my small mental breakdown earlier that was making me all slaphappy. Maybe it was the fact that, hey, it was getting late, and I hadn’t been sleeping the best lately. Or maybe it was the fact that I always got a bit childish around Connie. Whatever the case, I wasn’t complaining because it beat feeling like shit.

Unfortunately, our laughter woke the beast himself up, and he didn’t look too happy. Actually, he looked pretty suspicious. He was right to be, but the fact that he was automatically worried about me and Connie being the only ones laughing while the rest looked amused or disappointed really said something for our reputations.

“What did you do?” He looked at the others for help.

There was a pause--Connie and I managed to school our expressions enough to watch the television as if nothing had happened--and Armin finally answered him. “They drew on your face.”

Eren’s eyes widened in surprise before he whipped his head to look in our direction, squinting angrily. The two of us just blinked like _Who, me?_ “I’m gonna fucking kill you.”

Connie put his hands up. “Don’t look at me--it was Jean’s idea!”

Eren’s glare was turned solely on me, and before anybody could diffuse the situation, the little fucker lunged off the couch to get to me.

* * *

“Shit,” I hissed as Marco prodded his fingers gently against my nose.

His eyes locked right on mine, and not an ounce of sympathy was there. His lips were pursed, and he had an eyebrow. It was a look I knew well. My mom also gave me that look, and wow, I didn’t like comparing Marco to my mom. “We wouldn’t be in this situation if you weren’t so stupid sometimes.”

My pride reared up, but I managed to keep my mouth shut. He was right, after all. I deserved having my nose punched in. However, I didn’t think I deserved to get thrown into the coffee table, pinned down, and have his stupid knees digging into my ribs on either side of my chest. Well, I mean, I fought back--duh; how do you think he got the cut on his eyebrow?--but it wasn’t until the damage to my face was already done. At least I gave as good as I got.

Finally, Marco and Armin both backed off with twin looks of disappointment, leaving Eren and I sitting next to each other on the couch he was sleeping on not even ten minutes before.

Miraculously, Connie managed to disappear once the fight began--he hasn’t come out of the bathroom since--and Ymir somehow got most of it on tape. Something about being able to smell a fight from a mile away like some weird, bloodhound, sixth sense.

Now, Eren and I were the only ones in the living room. Connie and Ymir were sent out of the house to go get some hydrogen peroxide and any snacks they wanted. They agreed without any arguments. The nurses had gone somewhere else in the house. I assumed they were going to let us work it out ourselves.

I watched the fight--fucker already had it on Facebook--while I held my nose. “That was a good punch,” I commented after on-screen Eren swung at my face, making a connection with a sickening, wet sound. Jesus.

The couch dipped a bit more as real-life Eren watched the fight from right next to me. “Not so bad yourself.”

We both looked at each other and started laughing, but it was short-lived when our various body parts started hurting again.

I took a deep breath--as deep a breath as I could seeing as how my nose was swelling--and was pleased to smell something warm. It was sort of like tangerines and vanilla.

Surreptitiously, I turned my head to figure out where it was coming from and got a wave of deja vu from when Marco was in bed, and I was smelling him. Except Eren and I would never get that close.

Hopefully.

The smell was intoxicating. I felt my head start to stuff itself with cotton like when I was tired after a long day, and everything was super slow to process. The swelling in my nose seemed to be going down since I could smell it just _that much_ clearer.

Without meaning to, I’d been leaning closer and closer to Eren. He looked at me with his eyebrows scrunched in the middle, leaning back away from me. I guess he saw the look on my face or something and decided I wasn’t going to try and do anything else funny to him.

I reached up and touched a fingertip to his forehead where I’d cut him and stared at the blood on my skin. It was a deep red--oxygenated. I could feel it cooling from how warm it’d been when I’d first made contact with it. Something--I wasn’t sure what--made me _smell_ it. Maybe it was instinct or curiosity. Whatever it was, the smell--that vanilla and citrus but mostly vanilla--wafted into my beaten nose, and I was _hooked_.

Without a second thought, I sucked the blood off my finger, and the taste was like an awakening. The memory of other food paled in comparison to this. I felt _alive_ somehow. A sound like a moan sounded from somewhere, but I was so far in my daze that I wasn’t sure if it was in my head or from somewhere outside my head. I didn’t know how I’d lived without this for so long. This blood… It was quite literally the best thing to ever happen to me.

And it scared the living _shit_ out of me.

My eyes opened--when had they closed?--and I found my face inches from Eren. He watching me with wide eyes, pupils blown out and covering that unique green of his irises. I wasn’t sure if he was scared or not, but he looked unsettled. For once, he had nothing to say, but he didn’t have to open that stupid mouth of his because I could hear that double thumping sound again, and it was going fast.

“I-I…” My mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water, gasping for air that wouldn’t come, but I couldn’t summon any words either. My cheeks throbbed, pain pulsing across my cheekbones and down to my jaw and up my temples. The pain was more intense than it’d ever been in my upper jaw, and I was so confused. What was _happening_ to me?

_You know what’s happening to you._

I did, and I hadn’t wanted to believe it, but all the signs were there. If ignorance was bliss then I was living in a fool’s paradise of my own design.

“What was that?” Eren breathed. Warm air brushed across my face, but I could hardly feel it--hardly feel anything.

“You can’t tell anybody,” I responded, equally quiet but much more panicked. The smell of vanilla still lingered in the air, and I hated it because I wanted it. I wanted _more_ even though my brain was screaming at my body, and I’d never been this out of control before. The worst part was, I had a feeling that this was the tip of the fucking iceberg. “Please,” I begged.

Finally, finally, _finally_ , he nodded. “Okay.”

I closed my eyes and pulled away as quickly as I could. The pain in my jaw was insufferable, and I felt my eyes threaten me with tears. I scrubbed them, ignoring the way my nose also throbbed at being irritated. My nose also was already feeling much better and not because I’d been leaving it alone.

Before either of us could say anything else, the front door opened, and Ymir and Connie came stumbling in with some plastic sacks. All the noise cause Armin and Marco to come out from wherever they’d been, and I was suddenly so grateful they hadn’t been in the room to witness my little freak episode.

I was quiet as Armin cleaned mine and Eren’s wounds off with the hydrogen peroxide. Normally, I would’ve been bitching to him about how much it hurt, and Jesus, could you be more careful? But I didn’t say a word as he wiped my skin off. Eren talked to the others, but he wasn’t as Eren-y as normal.

The rest of the night was uneventful. Nobody commented on my lack of commentary, and I was thankful. I just wanted to get through the night and go the fuck home. Call me a party pooper, but I didn’t think I could handle much more of that smell around me.

I left early the next day, claiming that I didn’t feel well. When I got home, I inspected my nose in the mirror and was disappointed to find out that it was almost totally healed already.

For most of the day, I didn’t eat. There was something about the food that didn’t seem right to me. It still tasted the same and felt the same, but it was bland compared to that one drop of blood. Eventually, I told myself to get over it, and I had dinner with my family. They never suspected that anything was out of the ordinary.

Even though I was stewing about what was happening, I still found some room in me to be panicked when my parents mentioned that the Ackerman-Smith family was officially moved in. They didn’t live very far from us either, apparently, and they’d invited us over for dinner some night this week.

Brilliant. A whole evening in hell.

The next several days were a bit of an oxymoron. The days passed in a blur, yet they were crystal clear since I was on high alert. It was fucking exhausting, to be honest. I was in some weird, fucked up limbo between ignoring what was around me and paying attention to every detail so as not to be surprised later.

Wednesday night. That was the night we were invited over to have dinner, and I was sick that day. Yeah, I wanted to get out of it, so I was going to pretend to be sick anyway, but I was _actually_ feeling shitty. I was having some fucked up version of the flu or something. By noon I was sweating profusely even though I felt freezing. The shakes and the _hunger_ were the worst part. I was fucking starved, but nothing was appealing. Anything that wasn’t water got displaced from my body the same way it came in.

Dad was totally ready to cancel dinner to stay home and make sure I was okay--Mom too--but I knew they and the kids had been looking forward to this, so I’d managed to convince them to go without me.

I was busy catching my breath after dry heaving, forehead against the cool porcelain when there was a knock on the door. My head throbbed when I stumbled to my feet, and I was so dizzy, but I made it to the front door without breaking anything.

Behind it was Historia.

I made a face and went to close the door, but her palm stopped me. Either I was really weak or she was really strong. Probably both. It was like I couldn’t even think in complete sentences. My stomach was slowly eating my asshole. The pain in my head raged on. Bile--or the lack of--continued to roil in my abdomen.

“Whaddaya want?” Oh god. My words were slurring. Why were there two of her? Jesus. I wouldn’t be able to handle more than one. What if she tried to shank me?

She gaped. I think. “You look terrible.”

“Thanks.” A bead of sweat rolled down the side of my face. Gross.

“How are you still standing?” She stepped inside the house, and I stumbled back--in no way prepared to keep her out. It was strange. Having her in the house didn’t feel as… constricting or invasive as it did to have Erwin in these walls. “You look like you’re dying.”

“Thanks to your little… little freakazoid sister thing.” Standing was too much work. I leaned against the wall.

A flicker of something passed across her features--had I been able to see anything properly, I would’ve been able to catch it--but it was gone as soon as it’d appeared. She held up something that’d been in her hand. Wait. Where did that come from? “Drink this.”

I squinted, trying to see what she was holding up in front of my face. It took a few moments of heavy blinking and squinting, but the object finally came into focus: a blood bag. When I blinked again, it wasn’t because of my vision issue. “What the fuck? Why would I drink that shit?”

She sighed patiently. “Because as you can guess you aren’t… you aren’t human anymore, and you need to adjust your diet to fit your new lifestyle.”

“Lifestyle?” I raised my eyebrows. “So that’s what they’re calling it now.” I laughed bitterly, hopelessly. “I get turned into a vampire, and this is how I get told. ‘Jean, your lifestyle has been changed, and you had no choice in the matter. Here: I’ll help you a little. That’ll make it all better.’ Pathetic.”

There was something finalizing about saying out loud that I’d been turned into a vampire, and there was something affirmative about how Historia didn’t correct me or try to deny it at all. She simply sighed. “You need to talk to Erwin, but you won’t be able to if you don’t drink this.” The blood sloshed around as she shook the bag.

A feeling of hopelessness crawled up my chest and throat, settling right behind my eyes. It burned--this feeling. _Oh,_ I realized. _I’m about to cry._

I did nothing to stop the tears from falling. I deserved them goddammit. This was so unfair. Why me? Why did this have to happen to me? How did this even happen to me? Vampires weren’t supposed to be real, so why was I suddenly finding out I was now a part of their community or flock or whatever the fuck they wanted to be called.

My thoughts were jumbled, and none of them made sense even to me. The only thing I was certain of was this horrid feeling because even though I couldn’t die, I was as good as dead. With a start, I realized I was mourning for myself. I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to be thinking of all the repercussions of this, but I knew one thing for sure: I was going to be stuck in my seventeen-year-old body for the rest of my life as my whole family got old and died.

I didn’t realize I was sliding down the wall until my butt hit the ground. My forehead was pressed to my knees, and my pajama pants were doing their best to absorb the onslaught of tears. I was vaguely aware of Historia crouched in front of me.

With a sigh, she used her teeth to rip the top of the bag open. “I didn’t want to have to do this, but you’ve left me with no choice. I’m sorry.”

Somehow, I knew what she meant. She was forcing me to eat because it was pretty obvious I wasn’t going to do it by choice. I didn’t resent her for it--she wanted to keep me alive--but I still hated that somebody had to do it.

Moments later, the sweet smell of that blood--the vanilla smell that’d been haunting me for days--filled my nose no matter how much I tried not to breathe, and I simply let more tears fall as I lunged forward and grabbed the packet, sucking it down fast and hard. It tasted just as intoxicating as it did earlier, and I never hated something so much before in my life.

And that was how I ended up with my shirt and face smeared with blood while I was crying on the floor in the front hallway of my house on a Wednesday night while one of the people I wished I hated the most watched me with pity.

All I could do was sob. It was a long time coming if I was being honest with myself.

I didn’t know how long I sat there with my arms limp at my sides before Historia finally helped me stand up and took me upstairs. We made it into the bathroom where she sat me down on the closed toilet. She left for a moment and returned with a fresh shirt. By then, I’d managed to calm down and stop crying. Nothing was said as she found a washrag, wet it down, and started to clean my face off as if I was a child she was caring for. I let her. I didn’t even harbor any embarrassment for crying so much. I only felt… tired.

It was a slow process, but her calm, gentle words got me moving enough to change my own shirt by myself as she rinsed the blood out of the rag. Silently, she took my soiled shirt and started running it under the cold water, scrubbing the blood out of it.

When she finished, all that was left of my mental breakdown were a few shuddered breaths, and those became few and far between. The sheer amount of energy I’d used combined with how sick I’d been before she came was really taking its toll on me. The only thing I wanted to do was sleep for six billion years especially since I knew that that was now a possibility for me.

“How do you feel?” she finally asked, leaning back against the counter, palms braced against the stone.

I shrugged. “Tired. I’m not hungry anymore.”

She nodded. “We’ll get you another packet sometime soon. You’ve gone for so long without any real sustenance. Vampires can survive for years without blood before they end up dying from it,” she explained, “but it was a surprise that you were able to go this long without any… _issues_ since you’re such a young vampire.”

By the way she’d talked about issues, it made me think that there were much worse things than being sick, and I shuddered just thinking about what I could’ve done. At least I now knew I could still die. That was a relief.

“Maybe you should get some rest. You look like the walking dead--no pun intended.”

I nodded and sighed. “Yeah.” Standing up, I headed to my room. Strength was coming back to me surprisingly quickly. “What were you even doing here?”

“Your parents were worried that you wouldn’t end up eating any dinner, so I said I’d check on you. I’m only a dhampir, so your vampire senses wouldn’t make you as defensive.” She said this as if it made total sense to me. In a way it did. I had some validation for whatever I’d been feeling; I had a name for it. “Levi had me bring a bag of blood for you since Erwin could tell when he visited that you’d been turned.”

Entering my room, I sat gingerly on the edge of the bed. She made herself at home, settling in the chair I had in front of my desk. “So I take it you didn’t bring me any actual food?”

“Blood is now actual food for you,” she pointed out. I sighed. “Besides, you shouldn’t be hungry anyway.”

She was right--I wasn’t hungry. Honestly, I was just exhausted. I hadn’t even noticed my eyes were closing until she started laughing, and I opened them with difficulty.

“Go to sleep, Jean. I’ll tell your parents you’ve eaten.”

I nodded and yawned. “Thanks.”

“Yep.” She stood up as I tipped over sideways in my bed, asleep before she even left the room.

* * *

Hunger and pain ripped through my middle. Talons grew out of my fingers, and they itched to rend anything and everything. The aching my face turned into an insatiable fire as my teeth elongated. Something inside me stirred. Well, _stirred_ is the wrong word for it--more like it awoke and demanded to be known. That something felt primal, and fuck, it was strong. It was taking over me bit by bit no matter how hard I fought.

I wasn’t me. I was a monster.

_What’s the difference?_

I was unable to see--blinded by the hunger and need to _fill myself_ \--but the screams were impossibly loud, penetrating the air and ending with gurgling and ripping sounds. The ripping sounded wet and _deafening_ and never ending.

The first thing I saw before everything ended was the image of my whole family on the ground covered in their own blood, sightless eyes staring right at me.

* * *

I woke up in a cold sweat. My whole body shook, and my throat burned. I wasn’t sure if it was from the tears or not. The aching in my face had reached an all-time high, and it was being rivaled by the feeling of a hole in my stomach.

My hands fluttered up to my feel all over my torso, and thankfully, there was no hole there. However, there were the issues with _literally everything else_.

I stumbled to my feet, blankets sliding off the bed to the floor next to my feet. I had no idea where I was going, but I had to _go somewhere_.  

Jamming my sockless feet into my vans--yes, my white vans; shut up--I slipped outside as quietly as I could, closing the door in that way that wouldn’t cause it to creak so much. The air was strangely cool for a June evening, but maybe that was because I was burning up. Was it possible to be burning up since I’m a vampire or was I burning up in terms of relativity for vampires?

What the fuck was I even doing? Where was I going? My feet and legs were making me move forward, but I wasn’t truly getting anywhere. I had nowhere to go, nobody to turn to. I didn’t know where the Ackerman-Smith household was, and I wouldn’t go there even if they were the last people--people?--on Earth.

At least I told myself that. Who knew if that was actually true or not.

The point was I was wandering the streets aimlessly in the hopes that I wouldn’t go home and murder my family while they were asleep.

I was walking for what felt like forever before I found myself traversing down a familiar street. It was so familiar that I could walk it with my eyes closed. It was a brick road on the outskirts of the other side of town--Jesus, how did I get out here so fast?--with houses in various states lining it on either side. Some were run-down and looked a breath away from collapsing while others looked like they could easily bear the weight of the world.

Marco’s house was one of the strong ones. It was built at the turn of the twentieth century or something like that. The previous owners had fixed up all the rotting wood and shit before selling it, so it was like it’d been reincarnated. The place was fucking huge--had to be since there were so many Bodt children. I’m not sure how the Mrs. did it. God bless her soul. And reproductive organs.

The back housed--no pun intended--their woodshop. It used to be a puny little garage until they’d torn that pitiful thing down and built a much bigger and stronger building. There was a sign in the front of the house that advertised **Bodt Woodwork** and a prompt to **Visit us in back!**

Yeah, it was big enough to have a fucking _gift shop_ in the back too. Dude, I told you these bitches were loaded. Maybe the whole drug cartel idea wasn’t so shitty after all…

All the lights were off which wasn’t surprising since it was the middle of the fucking night and all. With a sigh, I wandered along the well-worn path along the side of the house to the back, but I stopped when I reached the back patio.

The lights in the woodshop--they were on.

Blinking a few times in confusion, I continued on silently. If there were burglars in there, I didn’t want to startle them. Who knew what they’d do? They could have, like, guns or something. Maybe I could call the cops and catch them before they could run away.

_With what phone, genius?_

Fuck. Nevermind.

Through the closest window, I saw two figures in the middle of the woodshop. All the tables were pushed aside, machines still lined neatly upon the benches that hung on the walls around the perimeter of the room. Current projects were set with care--the Bodts took great pride in their skill, and I’d never ever seen any of them handle their work with anything but gentleness--on the tables and hung on walls if it was permissible.

One of the figures was on the floor doing… a plank? I squinted and smooshed my nose against the window, and yeah, they were planking--forearms braced on the floor while on their toes, dark hair falling in front of their face. It looked like there were bricks on their back--several. My heart went out to them even if they were a thief. Nobody deserved that kind of torture.

The second figure was slowly stalking around the first. Currently, their back was to me, and they were looking at what I assumed was a watch on their wrist. For some reason, they were dressed all in black. A long-sleeved shirt clung to their muscles while something else--a vest?--was on top of that. Some sort of jogging pants were covering their legs, and black tennis shoes completed the whole getup.

Strange. Especially for the middle of fucking summer.

A muffled sound came from the glass, and I realized one of them must’ve been talking. I turned my head to press my ear against the window.

“...oul _beasts_ if you give up?”

_Mr. Bodt?_

I was so fucking confused. If that was Mr. Bodt, then who was….?

“I’m _trying_!” the second voice ground out, and I gasped audibly.

What the _fuck_ were Marco and his father doing in their woodshop in the middle of the night?

“Ten… nine… eight… seven… six… five… four… three… two… one. Drop.”

Marco collapsed, and I could barely hear him panting. Jesus.

“Seventeen five-pound blocks for two minutes each. Good.”

Jesus _fuck_. I was no mathematician, but that had to be, like 30 minutes or something. Wait, no… 34. And seventeen times five was… 85. Over a half an hour of doing planks with 85 pounds on his back. It was no fucking wonder Marco was ripped. But why was he doing it in the first place?

From where my line of sight couldn’t reach due to the smallness of the window, another person appeared, and I was even more befuddled as I realize it was Marco’s _mom_ , and she was dressed the same as her husband. She reached a hand out to help Marco up, and he accepted it gratefully. A big smile was on her face. I realized it was pride. Shit, man, I’d be proud if my kid could do that too, but it was still so confusing seeing this whole thing play out.

“Good job, baby.” She reached up on her tiptoes to ruffle his sweaty hair, and he batted her hand away with a groan about how he was all nasty. “You’re my child, Marco. I had to wipe your butt as a baby. A little sweat is nothing.”

This caused him to groan some more.

From one of the tables, his dad grabbed what looked like a tool belt and strapped it around his waist. “Marco, could you run inside real quick and grab my flashlight? I left it on the table.”

“Sure, Dad.” He stretched his arms above his head languidly as his father patted him roughly on the back.

It was about .2 seconds later when I realized that, hey, the door was right fucking next to me, and _he was going to see me the moment he opened said door._

My heart jolted in my chest, and I looked around desperately for somewhere to hide. The property line was surrounded by a tall hedge, and it sure as shit wasn’t ideal, but it’d do. I sprinted toward it and dove into the leaves moments before the door swung open.

Holding your breath when adrenalin is coursing through your veins isn’t as easy as it fucking seems. It’s even harder when you’re in an awkward as fuck position, and your hand slips, breaking a stick in the process.

Marco’s head whipped over at the sound, and the towel he was swinging around--probably covered in his sweat; ew--went limp. His eyes narrowed, and he took a few steps closer. His posture was defensive, ready to fight.

He kept getting closer, and with each step, my heart crawled another inch up my throat. It was all the way in my fucking mouth when a voice called, “What’s taking so long, kiddo?”

 _Saved by the_ fucking _bell._

“Nothing, Dad. I’m coming.” With a last lingering look, he jogged back inside, and I collapsed against the soil beneath me. I literally didn’t even care that there was a root digging into my neck and a bitchin’ stone boring into my calf. Marco just cast another glance at the bushes and went into the woodshop. The moment he was out of sight, I scrambled out of the hedge and high-tailed it out of there.

* * *

A night of wandering didn’t really do anything good to my sleep schedule. I slept until noon for the first time in forever. The only reason why I hadn’t been woken up earlier is because the twins informed me that Dad told them to let me sleep since I looked like I’d gotten run over by a semi.

Thanks, Dad.

Every time I remembered the scene in the woodshop, I thought I was crazy, but then I saw the scratches on my palms from the twigs.

Questions swirled around in my mind way too fast, so I just ignored them. Deal with one thing at a time.

Eren called later that afternoon. I knew it was serious because to text me was one thing but to call me when the last time he’d ever called anybody was to order pizza meant it was legit.

“We should talk,” he said when I answered the phone.

“I know. Be here in half an hour.”

* * *

45 minutes later we were both sitting at my kitchen table cradling cups in our palms. The twins were upstairs doing god knew what, but as long as they weren’t hurting themselves or burning down the house, they’d be fine.

I looked down at my coffee while I consciously concentrated on controlling my breathing. Neither of us had said much other than formalities, and my gut was twisting itself into knots at the stiffness of it all. Eren wasn’t a stuffy person, and neither was I.

“So,” he finally breathed out. “Blood.”

“Blood,” I repeated with a small sigh.

“Are you… is it… arousing to you?”

I quirked an eyebrow. “If you’re trying to ask if I have a kink involving blood then the answer is no--at least not inherently.”

“So,” he repeated. “You just like to taste it or something?”

I bit my lip. “I do now.?

“What do you mean you like it now? When was the first time you, like, tasted it and thought it was good? You don’t cut yourself and suck your own blood, do you?”

I made a face. “Ew, Eren. No.”

“What’s up then?”

I took a super deep breath. “Will you listen to me if I tell you?”

“Yeah?”

“You won’t laugh, will you?”

“Why would I laugh?” At the look on my face, his eyebrows furrowed, and he leaned forward. “Fine. I won’t laugh no matter how ridiculous it is. Happy?”

Swallowing, I bit my lips and looked right into his eyes before I lost my nerve. “The night of Ymir’s end of the school year party, I got attacked by a vampire, and now I think I am one.”

It took a moment to get any sort of reaction out of him. He blinked a few times then his mouth opened and shut like he was about to say something but decided against it each time.

“I-it’s sounds so stupid and crazy, I know, but I’m not lying--I promise. My hearing is getting better and better, I don’t have to use my glasses at all anymore, and the overload of senses is causing me to get migraines. I get sunburnt even easier than before. I’ve been able to lift things easily that I never would’ve even gotten to budge before. My reflexes are _good_ now.” My fingers fidgeted with the glass in my hands. “It’s a bunch of stuff I can’t just explain away, Eren.”

After a few moments, he finally replied. “You’re sure this is a real thing? You aren’t, like, displaying the placebo effect times a billion?”

I nodded. “I’m sure. I know who it is too. My parents' friends from college came to visit the same weekend as the party, and one of their daughters had a bite mark on her hand in the same place I bit my attacker.

“And, I don’t know, I kept getting this weird feeling around them. It was like I felt the need to defend my territory even though they were just sitting on the couch. Then to make matters worse, they literally moved into town, and Erwin--one of Mom and Dad’s friends--came to the house and told me that we needed to talk or whatever, but I told him he and his family were a bunch of freaks.”

Eren nodded at that. He almost seemed impressed that I had the balls to do something so audacious.

“And after I… after I tasted your blood,” I gulped, “Historia--the other daughter--came over and confirmed that I was actually a vampire.”

“How’d she do that?” His voice wasn’t mocking. He took me seriously, and his demeanor was that of curiosity and sincerity. I was extremely grateful.

“She ripped open a bag of blood--like the kind you fill when you give donations--and my senses or whatever kicked in, and I sucked it down like it was a CapriSun.”

He whistled at that, nodding to himself and leaning back in the chair. My fingers continued their dance along the porcelain. It was warm between my clammy palms, and I took a drink more for something to do than due to thirst.

“Kirschtein, I’d say you’ve got yourself a right fine mess.”

“You… believe me?”

He nodded sagely. “Honestly? I would’ve thought this whole thing was a load of bull, but I _saw_ you that night at Armin’s. You’re a shit actor too. You couldn’t’ve faked that, and you certainly aren’t good enough to fake it now too.”

So Eren believed me because I was a shitty actor. Nice.

Still, I almost cried because the sheer relief I felt at being believed and not called crazy was overwhelming. It was different to have a complete stranger believe me and help me than it was to have somebody I’d known for years to believe me.

“Does anybody else know?”

I shook my head. “No. I haven’t told anybody. Do you think they’d honestly believe me?”

He shrugged. “They might. Sasha probably would.”

He was right. Sasha had a heart of gold, and she wasn’t an idiot. She too was also good at reading whether people were being truthful or not. It was like she and Armin were psychic twins or something.

“What do we do now?”

I shook my head. “I don’t know. Historia said one of them was going to come by to bring me some more food today, but they haven’t come yet, so I don’t know.”

“Do you want me to stay?” His gaze was open and honest. We’d had our spats and fights in the past, but it was comforting to know that he’d be there if I ever needed him.

“Please.”

* * *

After our conversation, Eren had gotten up. He said he was just going to stay tonight if that was okay with me? I told him it was fine, so he was letting his mom know where he’d be.

I was grateful for him being there. We watched a movie and played video games until there was a knock on the door. It was about three in the afternoon when this happened, and I could hear it over the sound of us shooting people on a screen. I paused the game and looked at Eren without really looking at him. He looked back at me with concern. A few moments later, there was another knock at the door, and my eyes focused back on him.

“Somebody’s here.”

He nodded and stood up, nudging me with his foot. Slowly, I got up and made my way down the stairs with Eren right behind me. He seemed to know that it was wrong somehow to walk in front of me. That would’ve been like saying that he was going to fight this battle for me which he couldn’t do. He’d be there to help me if I fell, yes, but I had to fight my own battles.

I wasn’t ready for two people to be behind the door when I opened it. The first person I noticed was Historia. She was dressed in some periwinkle romper that looked bomb ass on her tiny frame. Her hair was straightened, and eyeliner sat atop silver eyeshadow. I was no makeup expert, but I knew nice when it slapped me in the face.

The second person was Mikasa. Her hair was shining in the sun, but she seemed much worse for wear. She had a scarf around her neck despite it being, like, 90 degrees outside. Her clothes were all black, and there were dark smudges beneath her eyes. Good.

I tensed up the moment I saw the freak, and she seemed wary of me as well. I heard Eren shuffle behind me, and the two girls looked at him. Historia raised an eyebrow.

“Jean?” Eren asked as if inquiring whether I was okay.

I nodded and crossed my arms. To Historia, I said, “What is she doing here?”

Historia huffed. “Jean, she’s standing right here.

A small crease formed between Mikasa’s eyebrows, and her eyes darted between me, Historia, and Eren. “I came to see how our…” She cleared her throat. “I was just wanting to see if you were okay since you were too sick to come to dinner.”

I rolled my eyes. “Eren already knows, so you can cut the caring neighbor crap.”

She blinked a few times, but her demeanor otherwise stayed calm. It irritated me. “Oh.”

Historia huffed. “Jean, you can’t just go around telling other humans about our existence.” It was like I was a small child that was being chastised.

Eren waved a tiny bit. “He had a small episode in front of me, so he just went ahead and explained so I wouldn’t accidentally say anything to anybody else.”

Wow. Leave it to Eren to become a Responsible Adult™ when I was close to having a mental breakdown.

“I see,” Historia murmured, but she didn’t seem as upset this time. Clearing her throat, she held out a plastic grocery sack. “Keep these cold. Separation is natural, so just make sure you mix it well first. You can have it cold or hot--whichever you prefer. They should last you at least until the end of the week.” She followed her statement by elbowing Mikasa in the ribs.

“Um… new vampires need more blood for the first year or so.” Mikasa looked extremely uncomfortable and focused her gaze on the door. “The, uh, biological changes take a lot of energy and such.” Her gaze flicked in my direction for a moment before she bit her lip and shoved her hands in her pockets, looking to the side.

Historia shot an unimpressed look at her sister. “Right. So about one and a half packets a day should be good.”

“Jesus,” Eren exclaimed. “Where do you even get so many?”

Uncertainty flitted across her features. “I’m not allowed to share that. Sorry.”

Eren made a noise of assent and nodded.

“What if I end up drinking all of them by accident?” My voice was laced with worry, and I hated that my weakness was being shown. I guess it wouldn’t have been that bad if it was just Historia seeing as how she’d fed and cleaned me up the night before, but I didn’t want to show any weaknesses in front of Mikasa. I never would ever again. She took my fucking soul as I kicked and flailed. I wasn’t going to be that weak kid again in front of her for as long as I lived.

Historia dug in one of the pockets in her romper and handed me a scrap of paper with an address on it in neat handwriting. On the back was her name with a phone number scrawled underneath it. “You can always come over if you need to. We’re more than happy to help in any way possible.” Her baby blue eyes were open and honest, matching the small smile adorning her lips. “And don’t worry if you accidentally end up drinking them all. It happens to the best of us. Even Levi sometimes ends up binging if it’s been a particularly rough day, but that’s why we all stick together. We all keep each other in check.”

I nodded slowly. “Okay. Thanks. I’ll, uh, call if I need anything.”

With one last smile, she nudged Mikasa down the stairs, and they started walking down the block. Huh. Guess that meant they were within walking distance.

When they were out of my line of sight, I closed and locked the door. The bag made that annoying sound that plastic bags all made. I was aware of how heavy it was on my fingers, and it caused me to sigh. I looked up, and Eren met my gaze with a small, encouraging smile. “Wanna take these upstairs?”

I nodded. “Yeah, sounds good.”

* * *

“Dude, you’re sure it’s okay?”

“It’s fine. I promise.” It was the fourth time I’d reassured Eren that watching me eat was okay with me, and if he asked me again, I was going to kick him out of my room. Nerves ate at me, and I was afraid I’d end up going into some sort of blood craze and end up hurting him. He was guarding the extra blood, so I wouldn’t end up tearing into it once I’d gotten a taste of it.

Swallowing thickly, I grabbed a bag from the sack and turned it over in my palms. It was cool to the touch just like the one I’d been fed the night before. The label proclaimed that it was AB+ blood. I couldn’t remember what kind of blood I’d had last night. Eren informed me on the way up the stairs that his blood type was A-.

Using the scissors I’d had since second grade, I cut the top off the bag after I made sure it was all combined nicely. The smell wafted up to my nose, and my mouth immediately started to water, the aching sensation in my face starting up again. My control was slowly slipping away, but it was surprising that I’d had any at all in the first place. I chalked it up the fact that I’d been fed within the last twenty-four hours.

“Wait!” Eren shouted, scaring the bejesus out of me.

“What?” I yelled back.

He jumped up and ran out of the room. The sound of his feet thundering on the stairs was audible even for a normal person. Within another minute he was back in my room but with a… striped straw.

“Eren, what the fuck is this?”

He grinned. “It’s so you don’t make a mess. And you’ll look cute.”

I snorted, and it was the first time I’d truly smiled all day. “Whatever, jerk.” I snatched the stupid straw out of his hand anyway and shoved it in the bag. It was white and blue and looked totally stupid sticking out of a medical, blood-filled bag, but whatever. It wasn’t as if my life hadn’t gotten totally messed up anyway.

Tentatively, I brought the straw to my lips and started drinking. The minute the blood the touched my tongue, I wanted to suck it down as quickly as I could, but by some miracle, I was able to control myself.

“Is it… good?” Eren asked.

I pulled away from the straw and nodded. “It’s like vanilla and coconut but sweeter.” I licked my lips. “Yours was just vanilla, but you also smelled like tangerines.” Sniffing the blood, I hummed thoughtfully. “Raspberry.”

“Woah.”

I nodded and started drinking again, but it was getting harder and harder to hold back. A small noise escaped my throat, and it would’ve been embarrassing if my teeth weren’t buzzing and my head wasn’t pounding again.

Almost instinctively, my jaw gripped the straw, and I chewed on it while I drank. The grinding seemed to release some of the pressure in my cheeks.

Eren watched with fascination the whole time, and he didn’t say anything as I steadily got more and more desperate. The only thing on my mind was getting my fill of the sweet, sweet liquid. Yeah, it wasn’t as good as Eren’s but technicalities and such.

_Eren…_

My eyes flicked up to his, and the pulsing sound resonated through the air. When he saw my face, the rhythm sped up. “More,” I rasped before I’d even finished.

He wasted no time at all in opening up the second bag--O+ it said--and handing it over. I tossed the first aside and started on the second pouch. It became apparent to him that something was wrong when I started whimpering as I was putting away this shit at a relatively alarming rate. Growls spilled from my lips, and I gripped the bag harder and harder.

“Jean?” he asked warily. He wasn’t scared, but he was definitely getting concerned.

“Historia,” I choked out before going back to mauling what was left of the plastic. My vision was starting to blur at the edges.

He scrambled to his feet and grabbed his cell off the bed. “Right, of course.” His eyes darted to the desk where I’d left the scrap of paper as he dialed the number and held the phone up to his ear.

Panic made my chest clench. Control was slipping away from me quickly, and I didn’t know how much longer I had until I ended up losing it and strangling Eren.

 _He tasted so good,_ a little voice whispered to me. _What’s the harm in trying just a little bit more?_

True, I reasoned with myself. Humans had plenty of blood. They even donated it. It… it couldn’t hurt if I took a little bit, right? Just a taste.

Eren’s muffled voice reached my ears, his tone becoming more and more frantic as he watched me spiral into insanity. I could see him nodding to himself as he made sure my windows were locked and then left the room. Unfortunately, he’d taken the blood with him, and I was still starving.

With a growl, I stood and tried to yank the door open, but it didn’t budge. The smell of all that blood was taunting me, just outside the door.

Think, think, think. You were stronger than the door, right? Couldn’t you just knock it down? It couldn’t be that hard.

Actually, it was harder than it seemed. My bloodlust caused me to ram into it much harder than I normally would’ve but it still wasn’t moving much.

Fuck. Fuck, I needed that shit. I needed it like I needed air. I could smell it. Taunting me. Teasing me. So close yet so far. And Eren. That asshole. The only thing I needed him for was a snack. He’d tasted so wonderful. I wanted--no, _needed_ \--more.

I growled and paced back and forth. “Eren, let me out!” I shouted.

No answer.

My upper lip pulled back in a silent snarl. I had to sink my teeth into _something_ . God dammit I _need something to bite into I was starving and dying I’mgonnad--_

The door slowly cracked open, causing the smells to waft into the room. My eyes rolled back in my head for a moment as I breathed the sweet aromas in, but I focused on the one man between me and Eren.

“Let me out,” I demanded.

Levi laughed. “Not a chance, brat.”

With a final growl, I cracked my neck and lunged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW, that was long! My word goal for this chapter was 15,000 words, and it ended up being just over 16,000 or 32 pages in Google Docs. Really, the only songs I have for this chapter are Moanin' by Charles Mingus when Percy and Connie were talking about jazz--had to play the bass guitar for that piece, and it was NOT easy, let me tell you--and Warmth by Bastille which fits when Jean is wandering around like an idiot and when Marco was holding him in bed.
> 
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated! As always, I appreciate you reading my stories. ^.^
> 
> \--Shelby


	3. Struggling: striving to achieve or maintain something in the face of difficulty or resistance; have difficulty handling or coping with.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If this is what being a vampire is all about, I quit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy hell. This is the longest chapter I've written to date at 20,000 words roughly. Whew! I tried to start incorporating some more angst into it, but hopefully, the next chapter has a lot more. Thank you to all of you leaving kudos and commenting! I really do appreciate it ^.^ I also have songs for this chapter *gasp* even if they aren't in any particular order.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> \--Shelby
> 
> Playlist  
> The Cave by Mumford & Sons  
> Staying Up by The Neighbourhood  
> Born to Die by Lana del Rey  
> Golden by Fall Out Boy (Mikasa's theme song--at least for now)  
> 7 Minutes in Heaven  
> Miss Missing You  
> Fourth of July

There are a lot of things you can be certain of in life even if you’re the most cynical person on Earth. You know the sun is bound to rise in the morning, siblings will steal your shit, and cars need oil changes after about 3,000 miles. I’m literally the most skeptical person I know, and these are true facts.

There are a few things, however, that you never expected to happen. Some people never expected to have children or get married or start taking drugs. I never expected to get turned into a vampire at a party. I never expected to start feeling things for my best friend.

I also never expected to have a midget put me in a headlock in the middle of my bedroom, but here we are.

I’d like to think that I fought well especially since I’d never been in a real fight before--tussling with Eren was absolutely nothing compared to this--but I managed to get about two feet before Levi had grabbed me and shoved me against a wall. Even though he was short, he managed to push his forearm against my throat, successfully blocking my windpipe.

I panicked and punched him in the face, clawing at whatever I could reach. The thought of anybody touching me again when I didn’t want them to was terrifying. I kept getting flashbacks to that night at the party.

A well-aimed kick to his knees caused his grip to loosen the slightest bit-- _sweet wonderful air; oh my god_ \--and I rammed my knee into his stomach. He grunted and let up enough for me to squirm away from his grasp. I was thinking that maybe it was a good thing I was in my room--home turf and all--but then he grabbed a fistful of  my hair and yanked me down, successfully putting me in the aforementioned headlock. This time he pushed me down, so I was kinda upright but mostly against the floor.

_If this is what being a vampire is all about, I quit._

I wasn’t thinking about all this at the time, though. My thoughts were along the lines of, _I’m gonna kill this fucker. I need that blood. My face hurts. I gotta_ get out of here.

“Mikasa,” he called out, but he sounded out of breath. Good.

Despite the blood rushing in my ears, I heard quiet footsteps approach, and I struggled harder. _Nonononono not her anybody but her I can’t do this not her why me please no…_

Her face entered my line of sight, and she looked unsure of herself. When she reached her hand forward, I dug my feet into the ground, but Levi wasn’t fucking budging. My shoulder was against the ground in such an awkward way that I couldn’t use it to defend myself, and my other arm was stuck so it was harmlessly behind Levi’s back.

Her palm met my cheek, and I about had a coronary, but it seemed… muted somehow. It was like the animalistic part of me was submitting to her, but the more human part of me was still fighting. Looking back, this made sense since I was deathly afraid of her--of what she could do to me--and I was in no frame of mind to think about this clearly.

Slowly, she cradled my other cheek and slid her fingers into my hair. The way she moved was careful like a mother comforting her child. “It’s okay,” she murmured, but her voice broke halfway through.

“Jean, it’s okay,” she repeated, voice stronger and more soothing. “Everything’s okay. You can fight it.”

My throat felt tight. It was a combination of the intense thirst I was feeling and the tears that were threatening to climb up even further. I didn’t want to fight this feeling. It was just too hard. There was no way to beat it. The pain I was feeling everywhere was simply too powerful. Not to mention that I was still afraid of her, but even that was fading into the background as the struggle for my own humanity became the prominent issue.

Mikasa’s voice cut through the voices in my head. Her confidence grew the more she talked. “It hurts--I know it does--but you can’t let it beat you.”

“Wh-why not?” I choked out. Levi’s grip on me loosened enough to let me breathe better.

Her eyebrows drew up in the middle for a moment, and her eyes lost their focus. It certainly wasn’t helping me out.

“Mikasa.”

She blinked at the sound of Levi’s voice. “I’m fine. I’m okay.”

A grunt was all she got in return. His hold was still steady. His muscles weren’t even shaking. Had I been sane, I would’ve thought about how unfair that was since I couldn’t even do three push-ups without shaking like a newborn giraffe.

“You can’t let it win because you didn’t come this far to let something like this beat you. You’ve been fighting this for almost a whole month. All the fighting you’ve done with me so far will be worthless if you give in.

“I don’t… I don’t really know you, but I can _feel_ you.” Her stormy eyes gazed right into mine, and it felt like she was reading the words etched onto my very soul. “I’ve been feeling how stubborn you are and how scared you are of me.” Were those tears in her eyes? “You’ve been confused and afraid of what’s going to happen, but I’ve also felt your love too. If you give up your humanity, you won’t feel that anymore, or even worse--you’ll remember, but you’ll be a slave to your own guilt.”

Yeah, tears were already sliding down my face. I was past the point of caring. She spoke of love, and I _have_ felt a lot of love the past month or so, but that was only from then. There were so many other things I loved that she didn’t know about.

And what kind of brother, son--what kind of _person_ \--would I be if I hurt Lucy or Percy? The two, annoying potatoes I’d helped my parents raise. I already knew Lucy would end up being a heartbreaker. She had a strong spirit and refused to bend without an explanation as to _why_.

Then there was Percy. The little--or not so little now, I suppose--dude had so much talent. He was going to be a damn fine pianist someday, and his gentle heart would add so much of the compassion we needed into the gene pool. What right did I have to let something hurt them even if that something was inside me?

No right, that’s what. So even if it wasn’t for me I had to keep fighting.

Screwing my eyes shut, I pushed that stupid, stupid _thing_ down. That was literally the only way to describe it. It was like instincts and emotion and everything else in a blob with tendrils that felt like they were reaching out to try and control all the parts of me one at a time.

I imagined I was throwing a net of sorts over this thing and pushing all the slimy legs back to the middle. It certainly wasn’t going without a fight, but once I had it contained, I started to cover it in layers and layers of concrete. Within what felt like moments it was firmly down and out for the count.

Opening my eyes again, I realized I’d gone limp in Levi’s arms. Mikasa was still stroking my hair and looking worried. Tears still stained my cheeks. “I’m okay,” I rasped, and I got a small wave of deja vu. “I’m fine.”

Mikasa looked right into my eyes for a few moments as if to check if I was lying. She must’ve deemed me normal again because she looked at Levi and nodded. Slowly, he released me. He was alert even when he backed away, and I didn’t blame him. Even though I didn’t like him, I _had_ tried to kill him. That would be enough to make anybody wary.

Sitting up, I rubbed my shoulders and wiped my eyes. Mikasa was sitting on her heels a few feet away from me to give me some much needed space. There wasn’t much to say, really. They’d just seen me at my weakest.

Levi grunted as he stood up. “Don’t look like such a kicked puppy.” Then as he walked out, he mumbled under his breath, “I’m getting too old for this.” My eye practically twitched when he left the door open a crack.

“He has a rough exterior,” Mikasa explained.

I snorted. “Rough. So that’s what they’re calling it these days?” My voice sounded like shit to be honest. Though, to be fair, I had just gotten choked a couple times.

She shrugged lightly. “He’s had a hard life.”

I looked at her. “That’s no excuse for being an asshole.”

The smallest of smiles graced her lips. “No, it doesn’t.”

Maybe there was a chance we could get along yet.

The sound of voices drifted up from the first floor, and steps thundered on the stairs. My internal hackles rose. _Fight or flight_. If it came down to it, it’d have to be flight because A. I was in no condition to fight anybody, and B. I was obviously a limp pool noodle compared to these guys.

“It’s okay. It’s just Erwin.”

Right. As if that made it any better.

I found it kind of weird that I wasn’t feeling possessive with Mikasa in my room but the thought of Levi and Erwin being in my house made me want to fight them--nevermind that one of them had already given my ass back to me on a silver platter.

Moments later there was a tap on the door, and it creaked open. His hair looked slightly disheveled, and he was panting slightly. “Are you both okay? I came as fast as I could.”

Mikasa nodded, but I just stared. It made sense that I could still feel the effects of the slimeball inside me since it was now a part of who I was, but that didn’t mean I had to like it. However, my pride also seemed to be attached to it, and that made it extremely difficult to handle any of what was happening.

“Jean?” he prompted. “Are you okay? Levi didn’t cause any damage, did he?”

My hand fluttered to my neck, and I couldn’t hide the wince of pain. _Ouch._

Mikasa reached out almost on instinct, touching my neck with her fingertips. I let her, stilling beneath her touch. My throat felt like I was in a perpetual state of almost crying. “Levi had him in a chokehold when I came in.” Her fingers trailed around my neck, carefully probing the skin there. It was calming in a motherly way even though she seemed like the least motherly person I knew. Wait, scratch that. Ymir probably took the title for that one.

“I see,” Erwin murmured, gingerly settling in my desk chair. “The pain shouldn’t last too long. There hopefully won’t be any bruises other than what I can see right now.” Great. “The healing process is sped up in vampires greatly, so it’ll pass soon.”

I guess that explained how I healed so fast when I fell into the ravine and when Eren punched me in the face. Speaking of Eren…

“Where’d my friend go?” My eyes widened. “Where are my siblings?” Oh god. What if they’d heard all that? Would they tell Mom and Dad that Levi came in and beat me up? Would my parents believe them if they did? How was I supposed to explain this to them? They weren’t stupid, and they’d know if I was lying to them.

Why does this shit always happen to me?

“Your friend took the kids out of the house after he called Historia,” Mikasa told me. “She told him to barricade the door and make up some story to get them away from here.”

I let out a huge sigh of relief. “Thank you.”

She nodded and adjusted her position, so she was sitting crisscross applesauce. Her knee was touching mine. Tucking her hair behind her ear, she cleared her throat and fidgeted some more. “So I just wanted to, y’know, apologize.”

I stared blankly at her for a moment. It wasn’t one of those things where I was like, _What for?_ We both knew damn well what she was talking about.

When it became clear I wasn’t going to answer just yet, she continued. “I’m fairly new for a vampire. I was nineteen when I was turned, but I’ve only been a vampire for two years now. Sometimes I still have relapses where I go crazy, and it just happened that it was the night when Erwin and Levi were gone with your parents. I-I didn’t mean to, honestly I didn’t. It just sort of happened. Historia tried to stop me, but she isn’t as strong as I am since she’s a dhampir--half human, half vampire.”

She started to rub at her forearms. I saw Erwin watch the movements with his bushy eyebrows raised slightly, but he didn’t say anything about it.

“Some people have a harder time adjusting to becoming a vampire, and I was one of those reasons. Usually, those who had a harder, more stressful life--and death--have issues, and… I’m one of those people.”

Her gaze met mine, and her eyes were twin pools--infinitely deep and swimming with sadness. “I know that’s no excuse, but I hope that’s enough of an explanation.”

I took a deep breath and rubbed my face. Shit, this was hard. I could understand where she was coming from now that I knew how it felt to lose control like that, but I’d never been good at apologies--just ask my parents.

“I can understand why you did it,” I began slowly, “and I get it, but that doesn’t make it okay. I don’t know how long it’ll take me to fully forgive you, but I’ve got forever, and I think I’ll be stuck with you for a long time.”

She nodded slowly, and something like relief passed her features. “Okay.”

A tiny knot in my chest that I didn’t even know existed loosened.

I stood up slowly. My legs wobbled a bit, but they held me fine--it must’ve been the last of the adrenalin wearing off.

I knew I had two choices: I could tell them all to leave, and we could do this whole thing over again, or I could ask them to stay, and I could become an informed consumer so to speak. Had it been just me that it affected, I would’ve told them to go, but it wasn’t. I couldn’t afford to lose control in front of my family--nuh uh. It wasn’t even just them. I knew the Ackerman-Smith family was trying to, I don’t know, build bridges or some shit like that. Turning them away would hurt them too, and even though I didn’t understand it, I felt a sort of loyalty to at least Mikasa. It wasn’t natural--that much I knew for sure--but what was the point of fighting myself and getting nowhere?

“Would either of you like some coffee?”

* * *

I found out that Erwin didn’t like coffee. Being from Britain, he was around when tea was first introduced to the country. If I were him, I’d call all other tea drinkers fake fans to be honest.

Mikasa like coffee, though. The way she cradled it signaled more of an addiction than a simple want for it, but I didn’t say anything about it. She’d tell me her backstory when she was ready. I guess I hadn’t leveled up enough yet.

Levi stayed too. This may be a shocker to all of you, but I was unable to look him in the eye. It was embarrassing to say the least. The midget threw me against a wall and had me in a headlock pinned against the floor in a fight that lasted probably five minutes at the most. I’m sure a stray cat could put up more of a fight.

He liked the tea, though.

Historia, it turned out, had left to find Eren and the twins. She wasn’t strong or fast enough to handle any vampire, and Levi hadn’t wanted her to get hurt. It made sense, and then we’d also have somebody watching over the three children--let’s face it, Eren was definitely a child sometimes.

So that was how I found myself on the loveseat while Erwin and Mikasa were seated on the couch. Levi was apparently too cool for that since he was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed.

We were all quiet for several moments until Levi finally rolled his eyes. “What the fuck are we waiting for? The coming of the second Christ?”

“Always so delicate, Ackerman,” Erwin muttered as he shook his head.

“You must like it or you wouldn’t’ve married me,” he retorted.

I made a face. “Get a room.”

Mikasa laughed quietly. “I wouldn’t say that if I were you.”

I got a quick flash of Erwin railing Levi while they both moaned, and the shudder that ran through me lasted a solid 20 seconds.

“Anyway,” Erwin continued, “what questions do you have?”

I sipped at my tea. Might as well start from the beginning. “How do you become a vampire? It isn’t like you can become one just from biting somebody or else everybody you fed from would become a vampire, right?”

“Correct. In order for one to become a vampire, one has to drink the blood of another vampire and die while it’s in their system.”

_And die while it’s in their system._

So I _did_ die when I hit my head on that rock. That explained the horrible headache and all the blood, I guess. Sadness--very human and very real--rose up inside me, but I pushed it down. I could mourn my death some other day. Now wasn’t the time.

“So I’m stuck drinking blood for good now?”

“That’s an interesting question. It has been found that coconut water can be used instead of blood but not forever. Vampires still need blood no matter how many alternatives there are. The main reason why is because of the amount of iron in blood. It’s simply easier to drink that than to eat a ton of leafy greens all day every day.

“Some people like Historia prefer to do that, and she can since she’s a dhampir, but she won’t be able to do it forever. The other reason is that most iron-rich foods don’t agree with our digestive systems.”

I nodded slowly. Iron. Shitty digestive systems. Got it. “What’s up with the dhampirs?”

“Dhampirs are the combination of humans and vampires as Mikasa already told you. It’s a bit of a misconception that vampires are infertile--we certainly aren’t--but the rate of pregnancies lasting to full term are slim, thus low birth rates.

“Since dhampirs are partially human, they can live like normal humans for the first twenty years or so. By then, the vampire part of their DNA kicks in, and they become full-blown vampires. This takes several years since many biological components have to be changed. The more blood a dhampir drinks, the faster the process goes. Speeding up the process is a personal decision, though.”

“So… why don’t vampires just turn their dhampir kids into straight-up vampires once they reach a certain age? Why the whole waiting game?”

He nodded to himself and looked kind of impressed. I was reminded of the day he asked me what I wanted to do with my life when I got older. “Dhampirs reject vampire blood. Their bodies can’t handle it. Any blood ingested will cause them to get severely sick, and some even die from it.”

“Oh, joy.”

A small smile graced his lips.

“Do vampires, like, hate dhampirs or anything? There isn’t some cliche war thing going on that I need to know about, is there?”

Levi snorted. “No. This isn’t some young adult novel, brat.”

I repressed the urge to roll my eyes. “Okay, so back to vampires. Do we have fangs?”

Erwin nodded. “We do. They stay up inside our upper jaws until it’s time to feed. It can be painful for a new vampire when they come in, but at my age, I don’t even notice it.” For effect, he opened his mouth, and yep. He had some long, pearly whites.

“When will I get mine?”

He shrugged. “It’s hard to say. Some people get theirs within months while others have to wait a few years. Mikasa got hers only a few months ago.”

The corner of her mouth tipped up, and I could tell she was proud of this development.

“Fangs aren’t necessarily needed anymore,” he continued. “They’re more for an emergency, but we have evolved to where they go back into our jaws as I mentioned earlier. Just as humans adapt, vampires do too.”

The most ridiculous question ever popped into my head. “Wait, so do you bite holes with the fangs and then drink out of the puncture wounds or do they have, like, holes in the back of the fangs where you can use them like straws?”

Levi looked at me like I was the biggest idiot on the planet. Erwin and Mikasa both laughed. “We suck out of the puncture wounds,” she said.

“Aw…”

The midget still looked extremely offended.

“So am I going to be able to run super fast? And lift a thousand pounds?”

“Yes, but it takes time to work up the physical ability that vampires are known for. Levi has been around…,” he exchanged a look with his husband, and there was a glint in those blue eyes, “for awhile, so he was able to hold you down easily earlier.”

Well that explained a lot.

“Your senses will be much sharper too if you haven’t already noticed. Hearing, seeing, smelling, everything. This can be a blessing and a curse. It’s much easier to see things in the distance, but the sunlight hurts our eyes. Sunburns are also very, very common. Sunscreen is a must now, unfortunately.”

“Yeah, I got that.” I rubbed my upper arm where I was still peeling a little from a sunburn I’d gotten when I was out with the kids earlier this week. “Are we immortal?”

“Nothing is truly immortal.”

I squinted. “That isn’t an answer.”

“Our aging process slows dramatically the older we get. So you’ll look like you’re aging for a bit longer, but in about five years it’ll look like you’ve simply stopped aging completely. Little is known scientifically about vampires, but we believe that it is because the cells start to generate at a much slower rate than that of a human, and when they do regenerate, we don’t appear to be aging because the cells’ copies of each other are more precise. Except for when we’re injured. Our cells multiply quickly--even faster than cancer cells--to heal us. Does that make sense?”

I nodded again. “Yeah. Is that why you were impressed by my biology career path?”

“Yes. I knew once I saw--or rather smelled--you that you were a vampire, and the more you knew about biology the less I would have to explain.”

“Oh, okay. But about the smelling thing…”

“Pheromones. Vampires can tell when another person is also a vampire or a dhampir. It can also be used to tell what other emotions are and if somebody is lying, among other things. It isn’t always obvious--sometimes it seems intuitive--but it’s just our brains subtly cluing us in on what’s going on around us.”

“Is that what Mikasa meant by her being able to feel my pain, or is that something else?”

Erwin looked at Mikasa expectantly. She nodded and spoke instead of him. “It’s something else entirely. Vampires are… interesting creatures. We’re connected to our otherworldly creators--and I’m not talking about God. Our bond us is extremely strong since it’s new and fresh, but it will diminish over time. I can feel things that you feel, so I know when you’re in distress--like today--but you can’t feel me.”

“That’s shitty.”

Erwin nodded. “It might be to some, but it’s a way for older vampires to keep track of their children so to speak. I can still feel Mikasa at times, and through her I can even feel you.”

So that made Erwin my grandfather on my vampire side. Yikes.

“Does this mean that if somebody else becomes a vampire because of me, I’ll be able to feel them too?”

He nodded again. “Yes, but that isn’t the only type of connection in the vampire world. There are some that are mutual bonds formed between two or more willing individuals that goes both ways. We call this imprinting.”

Levi finally spoke up. “There’s only one type of imprinting that isn’t a one or two-way street, and that’s the imprint you form on the first thing you see that moves once you’ve turned into a vampire.”

I was sure my face looked baffled. “What? Why?”

“Originally, the parental imprint was a survival instinct to make sure that younglings stayed with their parent since it was a natural need for parents to stick with their young anyway,” Erwin explained. “Not to mention that this became a law, oh, five or six hundred years ago to prevent anybody from creating vampires and ditching them somewhere. We got rid of the law somewhat recently, actually.”

“So I imprinted on the first person I saw after I died and came back, and now any new feelings I have towards them are fake?”

Erwin and Levi exchanged a look. “No,” Levi said. “They’re real. The imprint doesn’t fake any emotions, it just amplifies the positive ones.”

“Who _did_ you imprint on?” Mikasa inquired with a tilt of her head.

A surge of protectiveness swelled inside me. “Nobody you need to worry about. It’s fine.”

Erwin’s features softened a bit, and I hated that knowing look he was giving me. “Don’t worry. We’d never hurt them. It isn’t bad that you imprinted on somebody else. Once you’ve grown and developed some more, the bond will fade.”

I wasn’t sure how to feel about that. The idea of losing the new feelings I was developing for Marco upset me, but logically, I knew that it would be better if they were gone. Falling for your best friend when you weren’t sure if they liked you back could be… messy to say the least.

“Okay,” I finally replied. “What’s the point of the imprinting that goes two ways?”

“Nobody is quite certain what the main reason for it was, but many believe that it was for procreation purposes.”

“Oh. Right.”

“I could explain how it happens if you’d like.” He looked at Levi with a barely suppressed grin. Levi was straight up smirking. Mikasa’s cheeks were dusted pink, and she seemed embarrassed. Oh god. It was probably something super kinky and sexual.

“No, no. It’s fine.”

He shrugged lightly. “If you say so, but just know that the bond won’t form if the participants aren’t compatible.”

Compatible? Was that like some sort of thing like how genetics makes inbreeding a no-no? I suppressed the urge to sigh. This whole thing was so confusing. “I’ll keep that in mind,” I replied with a yawn.

A look came over Erwin’s face that reminded me of Dad when the kids were showing him some new thing they did. Caring. Which I thought was weird since he barely knew me. “You should rest. It’s been a long day.”

I made a face. “All I’ve been doing it resting. I’m sick of resting. Why do people keep telling me to rest?” I crossed my arms across my chest, huffing in annoyance. I knew I was acting like a whiny bitch, but I’d had about enough of people telling me what to do and being a slave to my own instincts. It was getting ridiculous.

“You’ll rest some more then, brat, because believe it or not we do know what we’re talking about.”

God, if looks could kill that midget would be a goner.

“What my husband was _trying_ to say is that it’s a good idea for you to relax as much as you can because one of these nights we’re going to take you out hunting.”

My wide eyes shot to his. “Hunting? Wait, I didn’t agree to this.”

Mikasa tried to smooth things over. “It’s not as bad as you think. We hunt animals not humans.”

“What’s the point of going hunting if we get all the blood from bags or whatever?”

Erwin leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. “Jean, you’ve heard stories about animals in zoos that were supposedly completely tame suddenly injuring or even killing their caretakers, right?”

I about hit my head on the table because I immediately thought of Harambe. Somehow, I was able to keep a straight face. _Now is not the time to be thinking about Harambe. Jesus Christ._ “Yeah, of course.”

“That right there is proof that you can never completely tame the animal, and we’re no different. Hunting is something some vampires do to make sure they don’t lose it later on. It can be used to take out past aggressions, so they don’t build up and explode.” He flipped his hands upside down. “Many don’t, and there are several cases where they’ve had to pay the price for it.”

Nothing like a little doom and gloom to brighten up your day. “Okay, Mr. Doomsday. Jeez.”

His grim expression softened again. “That was another reason why we wanted to move out of the city. It isn’t easy to hunt in a concrete jungle.”

Got that right.

I heard the lock on the door click, and I perked up. There were two options as to who it could be: Mom and Dad, or Eren, Percy, Historia, and Lucy. Hopefully, it was the latter. By the sound of the footsteps, my wishes were coming true.

Moments later, four people came into the living room. Percy waved to me and smiled brightly. “Eren gave us ice cream.”

I raised my eyebrows and looked at the perpetrator. Eren smiled sheepishly. “They can be pretty convincing.”

“He even got me one,” Historia said with a smile.

“Congrats, Eren. You get the honor of explaining to my parents why the twins are wired when they get home.”

He made a face but didn’t protest for once.

Erwin stood and smiled pleasantly at me. “We have to go, but we’ll be in touch?”

I nodded. “Yeah.”

Mikasa stood also, and Levi pushed off the wall. Historia smiled one last time at Eren before she headed out of the room and past the threshold. Erwin and Levi followed close behind. Mikasa, however, paused first. “Can I give you my number before I go?”

Man, if only Marco was here to see this--it was the first time a nice looking lady had offered to give me her number. He’s be so proud. “Um, yeah, sure.” I dug my phone out of my pocket and created a contact, handing her the phone to let her type it in. It only took a few moments, and then she left with a lingering smile.

Eren let out a low whistle. “She’s hot.”

I made a face at him. “Ew. She’s like my mom.”

The bewildered look almost made the comparison worth it.

* * *

The rest of the afternoon consisted of me filling Eren in on what I’d learned. It was nice to know all this stuff, but I had a feeling it was only the tip of the iceberg. Erwin talked of making laws, so there was obviously some sort of government I hadn’t been informed of. Not to mention how I’d skipped out on how bonds were formed. Now that I thought about it, he never said it was a romantic bond. For all I knew, it could be as easy as hugging somebody else for twenty minutes.

Eren was surprisingly good with all the information. The more I told him the more interested he got. We started writing down more questions as we thought of them. _Are vampires the product of two vampires? Is garlic harmful?_ And then there was my personal favorite, _Can we turn into bats?_

The most contact I made with Mikasa was to text her back so she’d have my number too and when she texted back to ask if I could come by sometime to get my face fitted for a mask. I wasn’t sure if that was code for something, but I said yes, so I guess I was stuck now.

Even though I got hungry again that evening, we both decided that I wasn’t going to be getting any more blood. “No more formula for the baby vampire,” were his exact words, and he almost ate them along with a few teeth.

The twins never questioned me about anything, thankfully. Eren told me that his story was that he wanted to take them to get ice cream after he’d barricaded me in my room as a prank, and they went along with it easily. Go figure.

Mom was thrilled that I had somebody staying over. She’s always loved being a hostess, and she usually doesn’t get to do that with Marco, Sasha, and Connie anymore since they’re over here literally all the time. Eren and I haven’t exactly had a history of being best friends. However, I was extremely grateful to have him.

It was strange knowing that the thumping I was hearing that night once Eren had fallen asleep was his heartbeat. I mean, I knew what it was already, but I’d never quite accepted it as a fact.

Eren left sometime around noon the next day, and he took the blood with him. We both decided that he should watch over it, and when I needed it, I had to go to his house and drink it in his basement in case I freaked out again. I made sure to give him Historia and Mikasa’s phone numbers too.

I was able to hold off on drinking anything for about two more days. It was three in the afternoon, and my stomach would not stop rumbling no matter what and how much I ate. I was honestly dreading going over to his house because I didn’t know what would happen to me once I got a taste of the sustenance I so desperately needed.

I got scared enough to do something that I never would’ve considered doing a week before.

It was an hour later when I pulled up in front of Eren’s house. He was sitting on the porch waiting for me with his legs dangling off the edge. He looked up when I pulled up and got out. “Hey, man.”

Boosting myself up to sit next to him, I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “You sure this is okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. S’fine, dude. Mom’s out with some friends, and Dad’s on another trip for work.”

“How long?”

“Four more days,” he responded with a sigh. “Two weeks total. Florida.”

Before Eren was born, he’d had a sister named Isabel who had severe epilepsy. His mom, Carla, had left her alone in the bathtub for a few minutes to check on dinner when she’d had a seizure and sank into the water, drowning before Carla had even gotten back upstairs.

Eren was born shortly after, but the damage had already been done. Grisha, his dad, was hardly ever home since he submerged himself in his work and drowned in it much like his own daughter had. Carla would go through periods of extreme depression at times, and Eren was extremely protective of her. I didn’t blame her--who wouldn’t be haunted by the image of their own child dead in the bathroom?

Anyway, she must be doing okay for right now since she was out with her friends. She was a social person normally, and being out meant she was feeling okay.

Still, the absence of Eren’s father took a toll on the poor kid sometimes.

Before I could offer any words of condolence, a car pulled up behind mine, and Mikasa stepped out.

“You have a nice house,” she told Eren.

I don’t think I’d ever seen the poor kid more flustered before. “Thanks.” He jumped off the porch and headed inside quickly, but not before I caught the blush on his cheeks and the pace of his heartbeat pick up.

Mikasa looked at me for a moment. “Is he always like that?”

I raised my eyebrows in response. “You’ll have to be more specific.”

Her gaze strayed to the front door he’d disappeared into moments before. “Jumpy. Excited.” She took a deep breath, and I realized she was smelling the air where he’d just been sitting. “Hormonal,” she concluded after a moment.

Following her lead, I took a deep breath too, and _aroused_ was the only word that popped into my mind. With a sigh, I headed inside with a wave for her to follow me. High school was gonna be fun now that I could smell people’s reactions. Not.

I paused inside the doorway and turned to face Mikasa. I didn’t even have to voice any of the concerns I was feeling. “If you’re worried I won’t be able to control myself, don’t. I just ate.”

Oh. Good.

Eren’s house was smaller than mine, but then again nobody had to have a house my size--bar Marco, but that’s ‘cause his parents were _busy_. It was a simple abode with one story and a basement (obviously). Half of the basement was finished, and the other half was… well, we don’t talk about it, but I had a feeling I’d be going over there. The finished part just so happened to be his bedroom, and I didn’t want to be the one to destroy his stuff, so I guess I was gonna be in the other part.

“Cozy,” was all Mikasa said once she was standing in the middle of it.

Eren leaned against the doorway and rubbed the back his neck. “Yeah, it was from when the original building was built. There was some crazy guy that lived here and was experimenting on people.” He gestured to the room where the cells were. “Hence the cages.”

She simply nodded.

I stepped past Eren and stood in the middle of one of the cells. Paint was chipping off the metal bars, and a rusted chain was hanging off of each door. At least the place was clean.

I was reminded of when we were kids, and we played in these things. Some of us would pretend to be prisoners while the others were the cops. We never were worried about getting stuck since we were small enough to fit between the bars--I had a bit of a difficult time since I was fat as a kid, but I still fit, so whatever.

The cold air sweeping across the floor brought a wave of deja vu with it, and it was astonishing to think of how much had changed since then.

“Okay,” I said finally. “Lock me in.”

Eren nodded and wrapped the chain around the bars several times, securing it with a padlock. “Will this be enough?”

I shrugged. “Yeah, I guess. I’m not much stronger now.”

His eyebrows rose, and I knew he was thinking of not too long ago when we fought. “If you say so.”

“Where do you keep the blood?” Mikasa asked Eren.

He disappeared through the doorway to his room, and I could hear him opening his mini fridge. Moments later, he was back with two packets of blood in his hands. He handed them to her when she extended her hands. “You seriously keep them in your room?” I asked incredulously.

“Well, yeah. Where else am I gonna keep it? Mom will freak out if she sees it.”

“Yeah, but… your mini fridge?”

Mikasa made a face, but it wasn’t at Eren, it was at me. “You don’t want to eat bad blood.” Her grimace said it all. She ripped the top off. “I hope you like B+.”

I took it from her. “Is there a difference?”

She nodded. “I prefer positive bloods. A+ is my favorite.”

“Right.” I stared at the packet in my hand. It was cool to the touch. “How will I know what’s the best?”

“How do you know what your favorite anything is?”

I nodded. “Fair enough.” Just looking at the packet was making my face hurt, but now I knew it was because of the fangs I didn’t quite have yet. I ran my tongue over my teeth and was surprised to feel a slight difference in my canines.

“They’re growing pretty fast,” she commented.

“Really?”

“Mm hm.”

Eren gestured behind himself with his thumbs. “I’ll just… wait in my room. Knock if you need anything.” He backed up and bumped into the doorway, cursing and rubbing his shoulder before shutting the door behind him.

“He really isn’t always like this,” I promised. “I’ve honestly never seen him act this way around anybody except for Armin.” There definitely was those couple months when they were younger, and Eren was trying to figure things out. He was _still_ trying to figure things out, but he was extra awkward back then. I remember when he had a crush on Armin for the longest time. It was cute in a super awkward way.

“If you say so.” She turned back to me. “Now quit stalling.”

Damn. Having somebody that’s able to read your emotions really isn’t as fun as you think. I sighed and took my first drink before I could dwell on it any longer.

I could see what she meant by the different tastes. This one tasted… kinda like chocolate and smelled like mint, but there was that undercurrent of vanilla like all of them had so far.

Mikasa was watching me closely, and she seemed tense. I was about to tell her that she shouldn’t worry so much, but my throat started burning as the pain in my teeth increased. “Fuck,” I muttered under my breath.

“Take deep breaths.”

I gritted my teeth and nodded. It helped a little bit to take deep breaths as long as I couldn’t smell the blood I was trying so desperately not to get caught up in. It smelled strangely of chocolate, but not like Hershey’s--like that super sweet European chocolate. It tasted like it too. It was good, but I was starting to understand why vampires had a preference.

_If I were British, would I like B+ more?_

God dammit, Jean. Not now.

“Jean.”

I blinked several times and looked at Mikasa. “What?”

“Are you going to be okay, or do I need to take it away for a little bit?”

My mouth throbbed. It sort of reminded me of when you get your braces tightened, and you can feel the blood pounding through them at first except this was lasting forever. “Take it,” I croaked, shoving it between the bars.

She grabbed it from my hands and set it across the room before moving to sit on the floor across from me while I paced. I could feel her watching me, gauging my reactions, trying to get a feel for what I was like when I was stressed or nervous. I didn’t know her very well, but I did know that she was no fool. She slipped up and created me, and I had a feeling she wasn’t going to make a mistake so dire again.

The way she was watching how I gripped the bars and tap, tap, tapped my thumbs against the cool metal reminded me of a scientist watching a rat in a maze. She was taking in all of this information and storing it for later. _Jean taps his fingers when he’s nervous. Jean grits his teeth when he’s experiencing an uncontrollable bloodlust. Jean gets restless and paces to release tension and stress._ In another life, I was sure she’d be a warrior.

Pacing wasn’t helping, and I couldn’t stop tapping my fingers against the metal, my legs, the back of my head, so I just sat down. The cold floor was grounding and distracting beneath my calves. I guess it should’ve felt colder, but what with me being half dead it wasn’t so bad.

With a huff, I laid down and held onto the bars above my head, closing my eyes so I wouldn’t have to look at the ceiling. There was shuffling, and I could feel a small amount of body heat against my hands. Opening my eyes, I tilted my head back to find Mikasa sitting right above me, watching me with a slightly pained look. “What?” I asked.

She looked to the side. “I’m not sure how to do any of this,” she confessed quietly. “Erwin told me some stuff to help, but…”

I poked her leg, and she looked at me again. “Tell me something.”

“About what?”

“Anything.”

She hummed contemplatively and was quiet for a moment. “I have a brother.”

I blinked owlishly. “You do?”

“Yeah. He’s six years younger than me. I haven’t seen him for about nine years.”

 _Nine years?_ “That long?”

“Yeah.” A shadow passed over her features.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I’ll understand.”

She shook her head. “Shut up before I lose my nerve.”

So I did.

“When I was thirteen, there were a series of burglaries in my neighborhood. The papers said they were taking the presents people had bought for Christmas. My parents always said that they hoped they needed the stuff more than the people who bought them.” Her lips turned up in a sad smile. “I didn’t understand that back then, but I do now.

“Anyway, it was Christmas Eve when they broke into our house. I was sleeping by the tree like I always had since I was little with my brother. I didn’t believe in Santa then, but he still did, and I promised I wouldn’t tell him. I woke up because I could hear somebody. There were two people standing by the fireplace, strangers dressed in black, so I screamed.

“The details aren’t so clear anymore. It’s been a long time, but Dad came downstairs with a baseball bat. They both overpowered him, and they ended up beating him to death. I don’t think they truly meant to actually kill him, but they did. I tried to shield my brother from seeing any of it, but I know he could still hear it all.

“Mom came down, and tried to fight them too, but basically the same thing happened. She crashed into one of the decorative glass doors, and--” Her voice cracked. “There was a lot of blood.”

I could feel my throat tighten, and it had nothing to do with the bloodlust. While other people were laughing with their families Christmas Day, she was watching them die.

“We had no relatives, so we got put in foster care, and ended up getting separated, so I haven’t seen him for almost nine years. The rest is history, I guess.”

 _The rest is history._ I had a feeling there was more to this story than this, but I wasn’t going to push it. Instead, I pressed a hand against her leg. She covered it up gratefully.

“You’re here now,” I said. “I doubt any common burglars will be able to take over that asshole and the giant.”

Her frown lessened. “What’d you just call them?”

I waved my other hand. “Y’know. The asshole and giant. Or do you think it’d be more accurate to call them the angry elf and the god?”

“Don’t be so rude,” she chided, but she was having a hard time keeping the small smile off her face. “Levi isn’t that bad once you get to know him.”

I looked at her doubtfully. “He hasn’t said one decent thing to me.”

“He’s a bit rough on the edges, but he has a big heart, I promise. Erwin has a knack for finding those of us that are having a rough time and giving us a second chance. Levi is no exception.”

I didn’t reply for a moment. I guess I couldn’t really say anything since I didn’t know him or his past very well. Still… “The dude could try being nice every once in awhile. It wouldn’t kill him.”

She swatted at my hand. “Do you want to try and drink some more?”

I blinked up at her. Wow, listening to her talk really had done wonders. I didn’t feel like I was about to fall apart at the seams, and the pain in my throat and teeth had mostly disappeared. It made pride swell in my chest knowing that I could control this after all.

“I should probably finish it.”

She nodded and grabbed the blood bag from where it was resting against the wall. I stood and brushed my butt and palms off while I gave myself a mental pep talk. When she handed it to me, I took a deep breath to steel myself and started to drink.

It still tasted mega sweet, but I wasn’t feeling any of the effects yet, so I drank as fast as I could without spilling it on myself. The last thing I needed to do was come home covered in blood. Too many questions.

Thankfully, it was all gone before the pain started to become unbearable again. Gritting my teeth--god, is this what babies feel like when they’re teething?--I tossed the bag aside and squeezed the bars. The metal was cool against my forehead.

I flinched when I felt Mikasa’s hand settle on top of my head, but I didn’t pull away when she started to mess with my hair, scratching at my scalp gently. It had a similar effect as sitting on the freezing ass floor did. Except this was much nicer.

I was reminded again of how… motherly she seemed. It was extremely strange. I was sure it was just my instincts talking, but I was compelled to tell her everything and let her calm my fears. I might not’ve officially imprinted on this woman, but maybe I didn’t have to to feel connected to her.

We stood there like that for quite a while. Me gripping the bars and gritting my teeth and her massaging my scalp and swirling my hair around.

“How old is everybody?” I asked finally, grasping at anything to distract me from the burning need for _more_.

“Erwin is 30, Levi is 36, Historia is 17, and I’m 19.”

I tilted my head up enough to look at her shoulders at least while we talked. “Real ages.”

“Don’t you know it’s rude to ask a woman her age?”

When I looked the rest of the way up, she was smirking at me. I huffed and rolled my eyes. Her hand was still in my hair. “Fine then. How old are the men in your life? Their _real_ ages.”

“Levi will be 197 this year, and Erwin will be turning 382.”

If I was drinking anything I would’ve ended up spitting it out. “You’re fucking with me.”

She arched an eyebrow. “Hard to do when you’re in a cage.”

Jesus.

“No, I’m not kidding,” she continued. “Levi was born in 1820 in France, and Erwin was born in England in 1635. Erwin turned Levi in 1856.”

Slowly, I sat down. Good god. This… this was a lot.

“I had a similar reaction.” She was holding back laughter. Was she _enjoying_ this? She was supposed to be helping me and shit not _laughing_ at my confusion. “Whenever Erwin says something, I usually listen since he’s lived long enough for several lifetimes.” She settled on the ground next to me. “Let’s see. He’s fought in four wars--three of which were for America. He was one of the protestors for the outlaw of slavery, women’s suffrage, LGBTQ rights, civil rights, and basically anything you could think of. He helped out with the Boston Tea Party too and was part of the original Jamestown settlement. Then there was--”

“ _Stop, please._ ”

This actually made her laugh out loud. “Why?”

“This isn’t some sort of interview. I don’t need to know all his credentials. He’s already my grandpire.”

“Grandpire?”

“Yeah. Like… my grandfather but on my vampire side.”

She looked at me for a moment, and I was reminded of how similar she looked to Levi. “Does this mean I have to call him daddy?”

The snort that came from me was totally unexpected, and we both started laughing hysterically. We were so loud that Eren came down with a nerf gun, and we just started laughing all over again.

* * *

I got home before my parents did, so I piddled around in the kitchen. There was a recipe I found that I'd been wanting to try for a while, so I started baking. Time flew, and Mom was home before I knew it followed shortly after by Dad.

It was strange that nobody once asked me about what happened. I mean, how could they? Nobody knew I was some immortal, blood-sucking freak, but at the same time it was so huge that I wondered how they didn't know yet. How could you not know your kid was a vampire? How could you possibly figure it out when he was hiding it from you?

Dinner was difficult since I was full from eating merely hours before, and the food was dull, but I managed to cut up and play with my asparagus and pork chop enough that nobody noticed.

That night as I laid in bed, staring up at the ceiling and contemplating my life decisions, my phone buzzed and lit up. I reached over and unlocked it, finding that I'd received a text from Mikasa.

**From: Mikasa**

**506 Avenue C. Noon. You can bring the twins.**

I sighed and set it back down, closing my eyes in anticipation of the restful sleep that I knew wouldn't come.

* * *

“I thought you didn't like them.”

“I… I warmed up to them, I guess. They invited us over for lunch, and it'd be rude to refuse.”

Lucy's eyebrows rose. “Since when do you care about being rude?”

“Since just now,” I said as I got up to rinse out my cereal bowl. “And I'd prefer it if you two didn't say anything to Mom and Dad.”

Percy tilted his head. “Do you like Mikasa or Historia?”

I shrugged. “Sure, I guess. Historia brought me food.” Not a lie. Heading to the fridge, I topped off my glass of orange juice.

The twins exchanged a meaningful look.

“What?” I asked when their telepathic communication continued for several long moments.

“We both think you wanna have sex with them,” Lucy stated.

I fucking _choked_ on my juice. Setting down the cup, I coughed for far too long. “ _What?_ ”

Percy looked unsure now, but Lucy seemed undeterred. “You heard me.”

“ _Why_ would I want to have sex with them?”

“Because we know you.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Because you know me.”

“Yes.” She took another bite of her breakfast sandwich. “You haven't had a girlfriend yet.” I started to protest, but she cut me off. “Mina in your freshman year doesn't count. You were together for, like, two days. You're also seventeen and horny. Plus, it'd be easier to get with somebody you'd see a lot and that our parents would approve of.”

I nodded slowly. “You've really thought this through.”

She smirked, looking stupidly pleased with herself. “Yep.”

I took another drink. “You're still wrong.”

“What? No, I'm not. Why else would you want to go over there and not tell Mom and Dad?”

“Because they're all vampires, and Mikasa turned me into a vampire while I was out at that party last month, so now I have to get fitted for a mask, so when I go out and hunt, nobody will know it's me,” I deadpanned.

Lucy made a face at me, but Percy’s expression was blank. “Really?” he asked quietly.

“Pfft, no,” Lucy said before I could answer. “He just doesn’t want to admit we’re right.”

I shrugged as if to say, _Suit yourself._

With a loud huff, she left the kitchen. I took Percy’s plate and started to wash it off. He didn’t say anything, but he kept looking at me funny.

“What’s up, man?” I asked as I loaded the dishwasher.

“You weren’t being serious, were you?”

As I walked past him to go upstairs and shower, I ruffled his hair. “I wish I wasn’t, kiddo.”

* * *

In the end, it was the twins that ended up taking me to the Ackerman-Smith house not the other way around. It was a really nice house honestly. It was three stories with big windows all over. Plants were already hanging out of the window box underneath the wide, picture window that allowed light into what I assumed was the living room. The other half of the house that wasn’t glass was a cute wrap around porch that had a circular corner with a porch swing hanging from it. The rest of it wasn’t visible from where I was standing.

“It’s… very big.”

Percy nodded knowingly at me.

Lucy knocked on the door, and I was able to hear a commotion coming from inside. It sounded like the TV was on, and a conversation stopped when they heard the door.

Moments later, the dark, wooden door opened to reveal Historia standing on the other side, smiling brightly. “You brought your siblings!”

It might’ve been my imagination, but I swore Lucy blushed.

We were ushered inside, and I was in awe at how beautiful the house was. Everything was dark wood and original wallpaper. It was obvious the place was old but well taken care of. The scent of wood stain was in the air as if somebody had fixed up some worn out spots recently. There were richly colored rugs of burgundy, beige, and olive over the expanse of the hardwood beneath the furniture. They looked old, and I had no doubts that they were ancient.

The ceiling was at least fifteen feet high with corresponding wallpaper covering it. You’d think all the wallpaper would be nasty, but it was extremely tasteful. It also helped that the walls and ceiling were separated by a neat, white crown molding.

We were led right into the living room--totally called it--where light streamed in through the picture window. Further back in the house through a set of white, French doors, I could see what appeared to be a library or office with numerous shelves built into the walls and molding all around them. They were already overflowing with books and old tomes. The spines appeared to be so old that I wondered if they were originals too.

One thing I noticed about the house was that it was spotless. Everything was in order. The floors were swept and rugs vacuumed. The pulled-back curtains didn’t have a speck of dust on them. I was sure I could smell Pine-Sol underneath the cinnamon spice candles burning atop the fireplace.

“Jesus,” I breathed.

“You like it?”

I turned around, still a bit awestruck, to stare at Mikasa. “How couldn’t I? It’s fucking gorgeous.”

Historia sent a disapproving look in my direction while the kids laughed. “We’re used to it,” Percy assured her. “He does it all the time.” Lucy nodded in agreement.

“How big _is_ this place?”

Mikasa stuck out her fingers and mumbled to herself as she counted on them. “Four bedrooms and two and a half bathrooms.”

I nearly had a stroke.

“Historia and I both have our own rooms, Levi and Erwin share one, and the last is a spare room. The master bedroom has a full bathroom, there’s another full bathroom upstairs and a toilet down here. The attic is finished--that’s where my room is--the kitchen has all the appliances, and there’s a library and the living room, obviously. The only bad thing is the basement. It hasn’t been fixed up yet.”

“ _Jesus._ ”

“Yep.” She smiled proudly.

I moved to run a hand over the couch--it was black leather to match the chair across from it with a spotless, glass coffee table between them. I wondered how anybody could afford this kind of stuff, but then I remembered that the two heads of the house were vampires that were at least one and a half _centuries_ old. They’ve had forever to save up.

“Are any of you hungry?”

The twins gave matching sounds of assent, and we all followed Mikasa to the kitchen.

If Sasha thought my kitchen was decked out then this must’ve been her wet dream. There was an island in the middle of the kitchen with a sink that had three basins--two big ones with a small, garbage disposal in between. Across from the island was a stove built into the counter. On the other side were big cabinets for storing fine china, and on the end were two ovens stacked atop each other. I was far from aspiring to be some sort of chef, but even _I_ was jealous.

The counters were a deep green tile with a medium colored wood trim along the edges. I thought the walls were painted, but upon closer inspection, I realized it was still wallpaper, but it was a cream and very light yellow in alternating, vertical stripes. It seemed this was the brightest room in the house with sunlight filtering through the tall, skinny windows.

Mikasa made her way to the fridge and pulled out a platter of various vegetables with dip. The twins pounced on it, and I reached in to grab a cherry tomato before they could eat it all.

“Fuckin’ savages,” I muttered under my breath.

Historia and Mikasa shared a look before my creator looked at me and motioned with her head for me to follow. Dutifully, I did before the kids could try to tell either of the girls that I was wanting to have sex with them. That’d only be awkward.

She led me up the stairs to the second floor and opened a door that displayed another staircase. “Sit here.”

I sat.

The upstairs was the same as the downstairs. I tried to be mad that everything was so beautiful and aesthetically pleasing--all the colors blending together perfectly, every picture frame completely perpendicular to the ground, no dust bunnies anywhere--but I simply couldn’t do it.

Moments later, Levi came around the corner and gestured for me to follow him. I got up and followed him into what I assumed was the master bedroom. The floor in here was a nice beige carpet instead of the dark hardwood. The wallpaper for in here was a cheerful, light yellow with white designs and purple lilacs. It sounds weird to describe it, but I assure you it was elegant.

They had a four poster bed frame made of metal that had swirly designs in it. The headboard almost seemed like a pair of doors welded together in a weird way. Cream and lavender curtains draped from the top. The bedspread was a plum color covered by pillows in various shades of purple to tie it into the room. It was surprising to me that out of all the colors they’d choose purple, but the whole thing looked amazing, so who cared, I guess.

“Have you thought about what you want your mask to look like?”

I blinked at Levi. “Uh, I didn’t know I got to choose.”

He sighed as if I were the cause of all his problems.

“Can I have an idea of what they’re supposed to look like?”

I thought he was going to scoff or laugh, but he just dug in a dresser propped against the wall and handed me his mask.

It was... beautiful. It was big enough to cover everything from his forehead to his chin and made of a light, soft material of some sort. Wings with golden feathers were painted around the eyes, and the lips were painted gold too. Behind it was a scene of a city. Old buildings of wood and brick rose from the ground with cobbled roads between them. Horse-drawn carriages seemed to pop out at me, and in the very back of it all was the Eiffel Tower sticking up between the eyes with colors of the sunset staining the sky all around it.

“It’s my city,” he said with a wistful tone before I could say anything. “I was born there, and I died there. My children also lived and perished beneath the Paris sun. You don’t have to choose to do something so sentimental, but…” He shrugged.

I wasn’t sure what to say. A heart-to-heart wasn’t something I was prepared for if it could even be called that. It was more like I saw into his past and learned way more than I was expecting.

Mikasa pulled something out from behind her back and held it out to me. I gingerly handed Levi his mask back, and I took the cloth. It was her red scarf.  At my confused look, she took it back and wrapped it around her face. It settled perfectly around her features, covering everything but her eyes. Even her hair was mostly covered. “It’s the scarf my brother gave me before we were separated.”

I looked between her and Levi. “I don’t have anything that sentimental,” I confessed. “I’m just… Jean.”

Levi put his mask away and handed me a blank version of his. “You can wear this until you figure it out.” There was no mocking undertone in his voice, no malice.

“Thanks.”

“Now, get out of my room.”

I rolled my eyes, and Mikasa dragged me back down the stairs to join my siblings.

* * *

**From: Marco**

**I’m coming over. My brothers all came home the other day.**

 

**To: Marco**

**Ok**

* * *

I was sitting at the kitchen table doing a word search when I heard the door open. I’d been staring at the stupid thing trying to find “Spears” for fifteen minutes at least. I thought the topic of famous Britneys was stupid as hell, but I was no quitter.

But I might have to make an exception.

“Mom’s going nuts,” Marco said as he flopped down in the chair next to me. “Oh, hey old man.”

I grumbled and took off my glasses. I only needed them really for reading, but my eyes were hurting from how hard I was hunting for these words. I was nowhere near blind like Marco was, thankfully, but I still needed them at times.

“Shut up. Why’s your mom going nuts?”

He dropped his head into his arms and spoke to the table. “All of them apparently planned to come home this year for the Fourth of July as a surprise, and they’re all staying at home, but she somehow forgot that they used to live there, and they’re fully capable of taking care of themselves, so she’s making me do stuff like wash their laundry and bring them towels.”

“You poor _baby_.”

He whined weakly in response.

I just laughed. “Join the club, kiddo. I do that for Percy and Lucy all the time.”

“Kiddo?” He lifted his head and raised an eyebrow. “I’m older than you. And I’d gotten used to being the only one in the house.”

I could understand where he was coming from. There was always one or two siblings missing from each family gathering, so having them all home at once would probably be a bit of a shock. I could only imagine what his mom was feeling. It was no wonder she was running him ragged.

I reached out and flicked his hair off his face. “You’ll get used to it again. How long are they staying?”

“I don’t know,” he grumbled.

“Well, you’re welcome to stay here if they’re such a bother to you.”

He made a pained face. “But then Mom and Dad would have to deal with them all on their own.”

“What a shame,” I deadpanned. “God forbid they spend some quality time with their spawns.”

He sighed, and it reminded me a bit of Historia. “They aren’t spawns. They’re my brothers, and--”

“And they all have unique personalities that tend to rub the wrong way with each other, yadda, yadda.”

“You just don’t like Monte.”

“Well, duh. He treats everybody like absolute crap. Especially you.” I rubbed my eyes and put my glasses back on.

“No, he doesn’t,” he protested, but it was really weak.

I shrugged and flipped the page in my book. Spears was gonna have to wait for some other day. “Okay, Marco.”

The air felt tense, and I could smell the exasperation and stress rolling off of him, but I wasn’t about to give in. I knew I was right. His brothers were freeloaders.

Thundering sounded through the house as one of the kids ran down the stairs. I could see Marco immediately arrange his features into a pleasant smile. “Hey, Percy.”

Percy smiled back and got a water out of the fridge. “Hi, Marco. How are you?”

The smile seemed a bit strained again. “Oh, I’m fine. Just taking a break from my brothers.”

My brother nodded knowingly. “Stay as long as you’d like.”

I grumbled under my breath about him being just as annoying as I could be while I crossed _apple_ off of my list of fruits.

“Thank you. I might just stay tonight if your brother is okay with that?” I looked up to see him staring at me with his eyebrows raised slightly, the question obvious on his face.

“Yeah, sure, whatever.”

He beamed. “Thanks.”

“Yeah, yeah. It’s only 'cause you’re practically part of the family already.”

Percy made a noise of assent and left, making just as much noise going up the stairs as he had going down them.

Marco got up and got himself a water and a pen before sitting down next to me again. “Part of the family, huh?”

I grunted.

He circled _papaya_. “So you’re saying I have six brothers and a sister now?”

There was a pang in my chest, and I found it hard to breathe for a split second. “Sure,” I choked.

His eyebrows furrowed. “You okay?”

“Fine, fine. Just had something in my throat,” I replied, clearing my throat for good measure.

Thankfully, my phone buzzed before I could keep talking and make it even more awkward. When I checked it, I saw it was a text.

**From: Mikasa**

**We’re going out tonight. Be at our house by 11.**

Well, fuck. How was I supposed to get out with Marco around?

* * *

Turns out it wasn’t that hard at all. Mostly because he ended up leaving by eight. Apparently, he was needed home for “family bonding” or some bullshit like that. I was reminded of him doing planks on the floor of his shop with his parents watching. What if it wasn’t actually bonding and was him training for more mafia shit?

A snap from him grimacing with his whole family behind him playing some board game wiped my suspicions.

 _Looks rough_ I replied with several laughing face emojis.

Nine came and left and took the twins with it. Once they were down and out for the count, Dad took them upstairs while he and Mom went to sleep too. The final hour of waiting had me pacing in my room. I had no idea what was coming other than the obvious killing woodland creatures. Would I lose control? Would I be fast enough? Strong enough? Brave enough?

I didn’t mean to be some stupid, cliche teenager leaving in the middle of the night to see his girlfriend or something, but I snuck out the window. Yeah, yeah, the front door would’ve been more practical, but I didn’t know if anybody else would hear it. Or maybe Dad would wake up and lock the door thinking he’d forgotten to do it, and I’d be locked out. I wouldn’t put it past him.

The descent wasn’t easy. I’d never done anything so bold and stupid before. We didn’t have vines growing up the side of our house, but we did have a big, sprawling white oak tree between our house and our neighbors. The only problem was that it was on the other side of the house.

Though, as I looked at it from where I was standing on the roof of the porch outside my window, it might not have been such a bad thing since it looked like I might have to take a running start to grab some of the branches.

Thankfully, this part of the house didn’t have any gables on it--it was just flat.

I cracked my neck and made sure my mask was tucked safely in the waistband of my pants--the last thing I needed was to lose it before I’d even gotten to use it. Shaking my hands out, I took a deep breath and focused on the branch I intended to grab. It was large and sturdy for the most part--no problem for a scrawny guy like me (I hoped). It nearly touched the porch, but I didn’t want to risk grabbing it too far out and having it snap.

_Come on. You just have to grab it and hold on for your life. Easy peasy lemon squeezy._

Repressing a war cry, I started to run toward it.

_Dear, world. Don’t let me die a second time. Not yet. Please._

I reached out and pushed off the edge of the roof, my heart firmly lodged in my throat. Leaves batted at my hair, and sticks scratched my face, but I managed to grab the branch in both hands.

My hands stung, and I was breathing heavily from the fear alone, but I didn’t dare let go yet. The momentum was causing me to swing back and forth wildly, and I used it to grab the limb with my legs.

So that was how I ended up gripping the white oak tree like a sloth at quarter to eleven on a Monday night in July.

I pried my eyes open--I had even noticed I’d closed them--and started to move back to the trunk. The burning sensation in my hands started to lessen, and I knew the scrapes were closing up. I thanked my past self for wearing pants or my legs would’ve gotten scratched up too.

The rest of my descent was slow but thankfully uneventful. As soon as I was at the trunk where I knew the branches were the strongest, I let my legs hang down, and I scrambled the fuck off it. It briefly crossed my mind that I’d have to climb it again to get onto the roof again, but that was a problem for another time.

The walk to their house didn’t take too long. Erwin was waiting on the porch when I arrived. I wasn’t surprised that he noticed me immediately. Hell, he probably knew I was coming from several blocks away. Could he hear me from that far away? Probably.

“Ah, Jean.” He stood and smiled. “Glad you could make it.”

“Did I have a choice?”

"We all have choices." When I raised an eyebrow at him, he shrugged lightly with a small smile on his face. “Not really, no.”

Figured.

I looked up as the door opened, and Mikasa, Levi, and Historia came out. Historia waved and Mikasa smiled and came to stand next to me while Levi locked the door.

“Historia will be joining us tonight since it’ll be easier to train you both at the same time,” Erwin said.

“You don’t usually come?” I asked Historia.

She shook her head. “Sometimes, but they always say I’m too young and inexperienced.” She turned a glare to Erwin, and I was surprised that she was capable of doing anything that wasn’t angelic. “But how am I supposed to get experience if I’m never allowed out of the house?”

Erwin sent her a patient, amused smile. “You’re coming now, aren’t you?”

She crossed her arms and looked to the side. Mikasa laughed softly.

Looking between the two girls I realized just how different things were for them. Sure, they lived in the same world, but they were still two totally different beings, at least for now. Historia probably felt that it was unfair that Mikasa got to do more even though she was “younger” and “less experienced,” but Mikasa probably sometimes felt like she was drowning with how fast she had to figure things out.

I could be totally wrong, of course, but if being turned into a vampire not even a month ago has taught me anything it’s that shit isn’t fair, and this seemed like some of the most unfair shit ever.

Mikasa nudged me, and I realized everybody had started walking. We speed-walked to catch up but stayed in the back. Levi and Erwin talked quietly between themselves, but the rest of us didn’t say anything. I knew I was nervous, and I’d only known about this for a short time. I couldn’t even imagine how Historia felt knowing she was eventually going to start hunting for _years_. There was a small bounce in her step, though, so I figured that was better than throwing up.

It wasn’t long before I realized we were headed toward the highway on the east side of town.

The way our town is set up is where all the old houses are to the east along the Mississippi River since it runs east and west here. From there, the houses start becoming newer as you go west--newer being a relative term since the oldest houses were built in the mid-1800s, so the 1960s is considered new.

South is the river as I mentioned before, and the landscape slopes upward the farther north you go. There’s a large portion of forestry growing on the hill that has been generally untouched except for a few clusters of houses at the very top.

East, west, and even further north are cornfields, forestry, more cornfields, bean fields, and did I mention cornfields?

There’s a highway that cuts right through town, east to west. On the eastern side of town, it winds through more hills and forestry while on the west it’s mostly cornfields.

But don’t be fooled. No matter what other landscapes there are, this is still Iowa, and everything ends up by a cornfield eventually.

 _Everything_.

Finally, we stopped at the top of the hill--thank god I was a vampire because I’d only ever driven up this thing, and it was so steep my skinny ass would be having _issues_ \--and looked at the treeline. It was even darker than normal since the moonlight had difficulties penetrating through the thick canopy of the trees.

The others moved to step through after putting on their masks, but I paused. It felt like if I entered now then I’d be taking another step forward as a vampire, and I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that. Maybe I was thinking way too much about it, but it almost seemed like this forest… it was the animal side of me. Not the gross part inside me but the ancient uncontrollable part that connected us all. 

“Jean?”

I blinked and looked at Mikasa. She was standing just inside the foliage. “Yeah, I’m coming.” I slid the mask out of my waistband and put it on before I could think about it.

Gingerly, I walked forward, leaves and sticks crunching beneath my feet. Cicadas were, well, screaming tonight as usual. Darkness engulfed me, and it caused me to become hyper-aware of what I could hear. Slowly, my eyes adjusted to the complete and utter lack of light, but it was still difficult to see. The humid air pressed down on my clothed skin, making me feel slightly claustrophobic.

“How the fuck am I supposed to hunt like this?” I hissed to myself.

I jumped when Levi’s voice sounded from right behind me. “You’ll learn to do it or you’ll starve, brat. It’s that easy.”

“Dick,” I muttered.

“What was that?”

I turned toward the sound of his voice. “Nothing, nothing, _sir_.”

He scoffed but let my blatant disrespect slide. For now. 

Erwin’s disapproving voice sounded from somewhere in front to my right. “Are you both about done?”

I could hear Mikasa laughing behind me.

“Can somebody please tell me how I should be doing this?”

After several moments of no answer, Historia’s voice cut through the darkness. She was directly in front of me. “Erwin?” Still no answer. “Levi? Mikasa?”

An uneasy feeling coated with anger grew in my gut. “What the fuck? You can’t just bring us out here and expect us to figure this shit out without teaching us _something_.”

Silence.

“You’re a bunch of dicks!” I yelled into the dark.

“Jean, I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

“Why not?” I fumed.

“We’re supposed to be hunting. Being loud will drive the animals away, right? So we have to be quiet,” she reasoned.

I huffed because she was right, of course, but it still sucked. “Okay. Fine. What now?”

“Maybe we… listen? Try to figure out where some of these little guys are at?”

I nodded and then remembered she couldn’t see me. “Right. Okay. Should we climb a tree or something? Get a higher vantage point?”

“Hmm… Sure.”

I found the sturdiest tree I could in the situation I was currently in and started to climb, cursing when my hands slipped on the rough bark. I could hear Historia trying to climb below me. “Jean?”

“Yeah?”

“Could you help me up? I’m not as strong as you, and I’m short.” She sounded embarrassed, and I was reminded of Lucy.

I made my way back to the ground and got on one knee in front of her, lacing my fingers. “I’ll boost you up, okay?”

“Okay.” She reached out and steadied herself with a hand on my shoulder as she stepped onto my own hands. She was surprisingly light. “Okay, I’m ready.”

“On the count of three. One… Two… _Three_.” I stood and lifted her as much as I could. She might’ve been light, but I wasn’t the strongest person even if I was much stronger than before. Thankfully, she managed to grab a branch quickly and pull herself up. I followed her up, and we sat on a thick limb together, listening to the sounds of nature.

Sitting up on the branches made me feel even more closed off from the world than before. The leaves seemed to encase us like a giant cocoon. Even Historia didn’t seem quite herself with her mask of bronze, gold, and silver. It was too dark for me to get a proper look at it, but it covered the right side of her face and fanned over part of her head. I made a mental note to look at it properly once we were out of here.

We sat for a while before I finally broke the silence. “So you have enhanced senses, right? Isn’t that part of being a dhampir?”

“Yeah. They weren’t so noticeable when I was a kid, but they’ve definitely gotten better as I’ve aged.” She shifted. “My reflexes are faster, I can run faster, and my eyesight is really good. Obviously, I’m not much stronger yet, but I haven’t been worried about it, and I’m not too good at hearing.” She sighed. “Which doesn’t help me much now.”

I nodded slowly to myself. “Well, if it makes you feel any better, I’m having difficulties seeing right now, but I can hear everything. It’s like being in a room with surround sound.”

“Not to be rude or anything, but how is that supposed to make me feel better?”

Amusement colored my voice. “You sound just like my sister. It was supposed to make you feel better because Mikasa told me that I’m pretty underdeveloped since I haven’t had much access to blood so far, meaning you’re everything I’m not right now, so I can be your ears, and you can be my eyes. They didn’t say we couldn’t work together.”

I could hear the smile in her tone. “Yeah, okay. So what do you hear, Mr. Dumbo?”

I rolled my eyes even though she couldn’t see it and focused on picking up movement around us. “I can hear something… there,” I mumbled after several moments, pointing right in front of us. “It sounds like chewing.”

“Could it be a deer?”

I shook my head. “Too small.”

“I think I see what you mean.” She leaned forward. “It looks like a raccoon.”

“What do we do now?”

“I’m faster, but you’re stronger.”

“You run after it and catch it, and I’ll follow close behind and kill it somehow.”

“Okay,” she said, but there was uneasiness in her voice.

“Hey.” I put my hand over hers. “You’ve got this, and if you don’t there’s a whole forest. We’ll catch one eventually.”

I heard her take a deep breath. “Okay. I’ll be okay.”

Both of us descended the tree and tried to make our way around the forest floor silently. I let her go ahead of me since she could see, and if it tried to make a break for it, she’d be able to chase after it easier.

The sounds of the timber seemed to grow louder in my ears the more I anticipated the chase. I could hear my companion’s heartbeat speed up, and the harder I listened to it the more I realized I could hear more than one. Lifting my head more, I tilted my ear toward where the sound was coming from.

I was able to focus in on some area some ten yards back behind us. Three heartbeats beating low and steady. Out of spite, I flipped the three of them two firm birdies and went back to the issue at hand.

“Whenever you’re ready,” I murmured to her. “No rush. Just let me know beforehand.”

She nodded and looked like she was steeling herself. We inched closer. “I’m gonna go in five… four… three… two… _one_.” She jumped forward faster than I could see, and my heart lodged itself in my throat. I lunged after her. The chase had begun.

It was obvious I’d severely underestimated her. When she said fast I was thinking like maybe a six-minute mile fast. Sasha fast. But no, she was like _lightning_. She really wasn’t kidding when she said she was fast because if we were to measure it, she’d probably get a good three or four-minute mile. Maybe less.

So maybe I was stupid to think anything else. After all, she was inhumanely fast because she _was_ inhuman.

The animal obviously wasn’t stupid because the second it heard the countdown, it looked up and bolted as soon as we started after it. However, it was no match against a hungry, semi-developed dhampir.

While Historia chased it down, I watched where I was going the best I could and prayed to whatever deity was watching that I wouldn’t fucking biff it. My ears were my best tool right now, and it was honestly the only reason I knew where the fuck I was supposed to be going.

I could hear a struggle way ahead of me, so I sprinted to catch up. Obviously, I had to get close to see properly, but once I could, I witnessed Historia holding a raccoon in her hands as it tried to scratch and bite her and get away.

I looked around me frantically and picked up the nearest felled branch I could find, whapping it over the head before I could think about it twice. It made a sound similar to a whimper as it hit the ground, but there was no fucking way I was letting it get away--not when we’d gotten so far. I brought the branch down on it again and again. The sound of breaking bones and splintering wood was deafening in my ears.

Arms wrapped around me from behind, and I finally dropped the wood. I realized I was breathing heavily, and I knew that if I wasn’t wearing black I’d see specks of blood all over me.

“... okay, Jean. It’s dead. We did it,” Historia soothed, smoothing her hands up and down my chest. My heart fluttered rapidly beneath her fingers.

It took a moment, but I got my breathing under control. I could now understand what Erwin had meant when he said that the primal side could never be 100% trained out of the animal. I’d gone ballistic. Again.

I cleared my throat, but my voice still broke part-way through my speech. “What do we do with it?”

She paused and squeezed me before letting go and stepping away slowly. “I think we’re supposed to… drink from it.”

I stared at the limp form on the ground. “Drink it? We don’t, like, clean it or something? Make sure it doesn’t have rabies?”

“I don’t think we can get rabies.” She took her mask off.

I made a face even though she couldn’t see it. “Do you really want to find out?”

Her expression was obviously a no.

I spun around in a slow circle and tried to filter the group of heartbeats out from the rest of the din, but there was too much adrenalin in my bloodstream. I couldn’t concentrate. “Hey, assholes! Can we get rabies from this thing?”

“Jean, what are you doing?” She didn’t sound angry or anything just concerned. Like I’d just completely fallen off my rocker.

“I’m asking if this animal will make us sick.”

“I gathered that. Who are you talking to?”

“Your family.” At her confused look, I elaborated, “I could hear their heartbeats. They’ve been watching us the whole time.”

She nodded slowly. “Oh.”

I listened again, but I wasn’t getting anywhere. “Whatever. I guess not. If I die from drinking infected blood then I want you to tell those fuckers that I’m coming back a third time but as a ghost, and I’m gonna haunt their asses for as long as they live.”

“And what if _I_ die?”

“I’ll tell them you said the same thing.”

She shook her head.

We both approached the animal again and stared at it. I wasn’t sure if it looked appetizing or not. The only sustenance I’d ever had was in a bag, so I guess I wasn’t able to form much of an opinion. I sighed internally. I was such a fetus. They’d basically been feeding me with the vampire equivalent of apple juice boxes.

What a joke.

“Ladies first,” I prompted as I pushed my mask up to sit on top of my head.

She rolled her eyes. “Fine.” When she crouched down, her knees popped. She poked it and flipped it over. It was still definitely dead.

“Maybe try the neck?”

Her fingers prodded at its neck, and she tilted its head back. “Well... Here goes nothing, I guess.” And she bit into it.

I guess I knew now how other people felt while watching me drink because I felt like a literal loser just standing here. I mean, I couldn’t even see her that well, so I was just listening to her drink, and if you don’t think that’s totally weird then I don’t know what to tell you.

After a few moments, she pulled back making a face at me in the dark. “Ew.”

“Was it bad?”

She shook her head. “No, I just got a bunch of hair in my mouth.”

“Oh.” Pause. “What was it like? Did it... taste okay?”

She stood and brushed her hands off, picking hair off her tongue as she spoke. “Well, it was furry--obviously--and tasted like dirt, but the blood was... subpar.” She shrugged. “It’s like comparing McDonald's to a five-star restaurant.”

I grimaced and looked at the raccoon. Great. “Do I really have to eat this?”

She gave me a look that was like, _Are you fucking kidding me right now?_ “Are you scared?” she taunted.

My pride did not like this one bit. “Of course I’m not scared.”

She picked it up by the scruff of the neck and held it out in front of her, a goading look on her face. I squinted and mentally bet myself ten bucks that she knew exactly what she was doing.

“Fine.” I took it from her and set it down. If I was going to drink from it, I certainly wasn’t going to be cradling it like a baby. Kneeling, I poked at it and exposed its neck. Internally, I sighed before I leaned down and just bit into it.

Historia was right when she said that it was furry because I nearly choked on the sheer amount of hair in my mouth. It also tasted dirty which was totally fantastic. Don’t you love it when your food isn’t washed?

She was also right when she said that it was like comparing McDonald's to a five-star restaurant. Human blood had some substance. This was sort of like water. It didn’t have much of a flavor--just a coppery undertone--but I could definitely taste the dirt.

I drank enough to feel somewhat satisfied and pulled away, realizing I hadn’t had any issues with bloodlust this time. Right, so the good thing about drinking from an animal is that I won’t go crazy, but the con is that it tastes like shit.

Nice.

Using my sleeve, I wiped the blood off my mouth. Pins and needles made my legs tingle when I stood from how long I’d been crouching. I spit as much hair out of my mouth as I could before I slipped the mask back on.

“What n--”

A bang caused me to jump and instinctively get low, heart pounding in my chest. Immediately after I heard it, I looked at the tree behind me to find that there was bark splintered off of it.

“What the _fuck_ was that?” I hissed.

Historia looked around frantically and then focused somewhere to my right. “G-guns,” she whispered, the fear evident in her voice. “Men w-with guns.”

I jumped to my feet and pushed her. “Don’t just stand there-- _run!_ ”

She looked at me for a moment that seemed to stretch on forever. For a second she reminded me of a cornered animal--afraid and unpredictable. And then she was gone.

As if I needed any more prompting to run myself, another bullet hit a tree right beside me, and I was fuckin’ _gone_ , man. I was nowhere near as fast as Historia, but the adrenaline coursing through my veins and the fear was enough to get my ass in gear. My PE teacher would be so proud.

The sound of footsteps pounded behind me, and it made me run just that much faster. Shouts arose colored with swears, and more gunshots sounded out. My ears rang, and I could hear my heavy breathing over it. Sweat beaded on my forehead, but I was fucking cold to the bone. Somebody was shooting at me. _Shooting at me_. I couldn’t wrap my mind around it.

What if... what if it was their idea? What if Erwin or Levi or even Mikasa did this to teach us how to survive in a real-life situation? The idea alone fired me up even more, and I was so pissed.

But I managed to push it to the side. Priorities. Get out of here. Get somewhere safe.

I followed the sound of cars whizzing by and was nearly out of the woods--no pun intended--when I heard somebody approaching. I pushed myself to go faster. At least if I was out on the highway there was a chance of somebody seeing me.

A hand grabbed the back of my shirt and tugged. I stopped and threw my whole body against them, hoping to throw them off balance and surprise them. It worked, and we fell in a tangle of limbs. They gasped when my elbow ended up in their gut. Scrambling to my feet, I turned to leave, but they grabbed my ankle, and I fell to the ground with a hard _thud_.

Panic flooded through me as my fingers grasped for purchase on the soil.

“Jean, _stop_!”

I froze. “Mikasa?”

She got to her feet and held a hand out. I took it and let her pull me up. “Where do we go?”

I didn’t let go of her hand, pulling her past the edge of the forest and into the dim moonlight. I took a moment to get my bearings and pointed down the hill. “That way. We aren’t far from where we started.”

We ran as best we could with clasped fingers. Had this been normal circumstances, I would’ve been embarrassed for needing to hold somebody’s hand, but this wasn’t normal. I think Mikasa was also okay with it just judging by how hard her trembling hand was gripping mine.

Once we reached the edge of town, we slowed to a walk and caught our breaths. Their house wasn’t too far, thankfully. I just hoped everybody else was able to make it back without getting lost, especially Historia.

“You didn’t stage this, did you?”

Mikasa looked at me. I realized she was bleeding from a small cut on her temple. “No.”

I nodded and looked straight ahead of me, putting one foot in front of the other.

It took about an hour for everybody to get home, but it felt like a fucking eternity. The adrenaline rush was wearing off, and I was starting to feel tired. It was late after all, and I have never run so much in my entire life.

Mikasa got out some blankets and such, and we sat on the couch together, waiting for the others to get back.

Historia was first, and she nearly burst into tears when she got in the door. We sat her down and wrapped her up between us. She relaxed against us gratefully, shaking and hot from running.

Levi and Erwin were next, respectively, with about five minutes between them. They both looked haggard and had various cuts on them. Mikasa jumped up to get a first aid kit for them, and I stayed on the couch with Historia.

“Are you alright?” Erwin asked us. He seemed to be looking us over.

“We’re fine,” Mikasa replied as she came back in the room. Levi took the kit from her. “Just shaken up.”

“Who were those people?” I demanded.

Erwin looked troubled as he allowed Levi to clean the cuts on his hands. “They were hunters.”

“Would you mind explaining to me why the fuck they were trying to kill us?” I snapped. I knew now wasn’t the time to let my temper get the best of me, but I was scared and tired, and I wanted answers.

“Hunters are just that--hunters. They’re groups of humans that believe that all supernatural beings are evil, and they’ve made it their goal to purge humanity of us.”

I stood and began pacing, carding my fingers through my hair. “Great. Just great. Thanks for _telling_ me. I’ve always wanted to be gunned down while I’m just looking for a meal _without knowing why_.”

“Jean,” Levi warned.

“What? What are you gonna do? Beat me up? Yell at me? Make me wish I was never born?”

“Jean, you need to calm down,” Erwin said calmly.

“ _Why_? Quit telling me what to do!”

A hand came to rest on my shoulder, and I instinctively shoved it off, backing away with a snarl. Mikasa looked unimpressed. “Go to my room.”

I was fully ready to argue again, but her eyes flicked over my shoulder to where Historia was sitting, and I realized I was probably not helping her at all by freaking out. Plus, the hard expression Mikasa wore put Levi’s to shame, but maybe that was just because she had more sway with me.

Whatever the case, I did go to her room after sending a glare toward the two men, of course.

Mikasa’s room was simple, but I guess it was to be expected. The walls were actually painted and smelled of fresh paint. They were a light gray with a white ceiling. Her bedspread was black, and her bed was neatly made. The room itself was shaped to outline all the gables in the roof since her room took up the whole attic, and I had to watch my head to avoid hitting it on the sloped ceiling. A dresser was leaned against one wall, and a small hallway of sorts had several doors to what I assumed were closets. The floor was dark hardwood, newly stained. 

I sat down on the edge of her bed, feeling awkward. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to be doing other than calming down, obviously. It was the first time I’d been in another pretty girl’s room other than Sasha, and she didn’t count.

_Wow, Jean. You get invited to a hot chick’s room, and it doesn’t even count because she’s your vampire mom, and she just grounded you._

I sighed deeply. How lame am I?

Laying down, I closed my eyes and rubbed my face. I could hear muffled voices coming through the floor, but the wood was too thick for me to make out what they were saying.

With a groan, I started tugging on my hair. God, what has my life even come to? I get turned into a vampire, I can hardly control my urges to drink--yikes, that makes me sound like a horny dog--nobody can find out about my situation, and now, I’m being hunted down by a group of over-glorified good Samaritans that think they can play God with supernatural population control.

I still didn’t really understand why they were trying to hunt us down anyway. It might’ve made sense centuries ago when we were all probably less civilized--I couldn’t totally speak for me as a vampire since I knew nothing about our history--but it sounded like it wasn’t needed today. There weren’t vampire attacks on the news or anything. Besides, wouldn’t that council Erwin was talking about take care of vampires that were killing everything? Surely, they wouldn’t want us to be found out, so they’d have laws in place that prevented massacres from happening, right?

Which begs the question: Why are these groups still hunting us? Just from watching the Ackerman-Smith family, they all seemed to be relatively normal--human, even--just regular people trying to live their lives. I doubt Historia has ever killed anybody, and I know I sure as hell haven’t, so these groups are trying to kill innocent people just on the off chance that something _could_ happen. I was reminded of how there are groups of people that put down pit bulls for the same reason. 

Sickening.

My thoughts were interrupted when the door creaked open softly. I lifted my head long enough to see that it was Mikasa before I let my head drop and draped my arms over my face again. “You aren’t going to make me go downstairs and apologize, are you?”

The bed dipped down by my knees. “Why would I do that?”

I peeked through my arms at her. “Because you’re like my mom now. Don’t parents hold their kids accountable for shit?”

She made a slightly disturbed face. “I’m more of a... mentor. I’m too young to be a mother.”

“Don’t mentors make their students into responsible people too then?”

“I guess, but I won’t make you go downstairs and apologize. That’s up to you to decide.”

“Is this some sort of reverse psychology thing or...?”

The slightest smile graced her lips. “No.”

I squinted and covered my face up, unable to stifle my yawn.

“You’re welcome to stay here,” she said. “Erwin would actually prefer it.”

I lifted my arms again and raised an eyebrow. “Why?”

“Because then he or Levi will be around to keep you safe.”

My pride wanted me to say that I was a big boy--I didn’t need to be protected--but just remembering what happened tonight... “Oh.”

She nodded. “As long as you promise not to make a move on me or Historia while we sleep then Levi is okay with it too.”

I propped myself up on my elbows. “No way. I mean, you’re really, um, attractive and all, but you’re still like my mom, so that makes Historia like my aunt. Nuh uh, I’m not going anywhere near that mess.”

She rolled her eyes when I called her my mom again, but she didn’t protest. “Wise choice.” She pulled back the covers. “Get under and go to sleep.”

I looked down at myself. “I might have some raccoon blood on me.”

With a nod, she stood and left the room, reappearing moments later with a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt that were obviously too big for my scrawny body. “I’m sure Erwin won’t mind you wearing this for right now. Just don’t make it a habit.”

I took the clothes from her. “I certainly don’t plan on it.”

She rummaged through her drawers and pulled out a large t-shirt of her own. “Change in here. I’ll go to the bathroom.”

I nodded, and she left. The pants were definitely too big for me, so I had to tie the string at the waist, and the shirt showed off my clavicles. A nervous pit formed in my stomach at the thought of sleeping with Mikasa, but I guess I didn’t really have a choice. I didn’t want to leave and risk running into Erwin or Levi or even Historia right now.

A soft knock resounded through the room. “Are you decent?”

“Yeah.”

The door opened, and Mikasa came back in, discarding her dirty clothes in the bin by her dresser. The t-shirt certainly didn’t leave much to the imagination, displaying her long, pale legs. The hem made it to the middle of her thighs.

She turned on a radio that sat on top of her dresser and flicked the light off, plunging the room in darkness. We both got under the covers and laid on our backs. I was tense. What was I supposed to do? Should I make sure not to move at all so as not to bother her or...?

Before I’d even had a chance to really start stewing, her breathing got slower, and I had a feeling she was out cold. I glanced over, and yep. Asleep. I guess I wasn’t the only one wiped out from getting chased by maniacs that want to kill you.

I settled deeper in the covers and hoped to god she didn’t kick when she slept like Lucy did.

* * *

I woke up as the sun was rising and snuck out as quietly as I could. The house was deadly quiet, but I knew Levi or Erwin were listening. As I walked away from the house, I looked back and saw one of the curtains in the master bedroom move.

* * *

Getting back into the house was a nightmare that I’d rather not discuss. Let’s just say it involved a lot of swearing and paying Percy ten bucks not to tell our parents.

I ended up sleeping for most of the morning. When I finally got up, I saw that my phone was blowing up with notifications between texts, Facebook, and other social media platforms. “Jesus,” I muttered, running a hand through my hair.

Most of the texts were from Sasha and Connie. Both of them were wanting to hang out on the Fourth of July and watch the fireworks together with the rest of our friends. I sent back a text of my own asking for times and such and went downstairs.

The twins were nowhere to be seen. I assumed they were still asleep from watching YouTube all night. Figures.

I started preparing a pot of coffee and leaned against the counter, examining my hands. The scratches were all gone, but I was still covered in dirt and probably blood. A shower was definitely something I needed desperately what with all the blood, sweat, dirt, and tears from the night before.

As I was pouring a cup of coffee, I got a text.

**From: Marco**

**Can we talk?**

**To: Marco**

**Sure. Everything ok?**

**From: Marco**

**I’ll tell you later.**

I squinted at the ominous text. Marco wasn’t generally very dramatic, but sometimes he could be. The stress of having all his siblings home at once was probably getting to him.

I shot a quick text back saying it was okay before I opened up a message thread for Eren.

**To: Eren**

**Dude**

**From: Eren**

**Wat. 2 fukn early**

I rolled my eyes. It was already just about noon.

**To: Eren**

**I got shot at last night by some crazy people with guns**

**From: Eren**

**Srsly? Wtf were u doin out last nite anyway?**

**To: Eren**

**I went hunting**

**From: Eren**

**Alone or with the vampires?**

**To: Eren**

**With the vampires**

**From: Eren**

**Tell me more tonight**

**To: Eren**

**Ok**

* * *

Every year our town has a fireworks display that they shoot off over the river for the Fourth of July. If the weather is shitty then it happens on labor day. Fortunately, it was nice this year, so the fireworks were going to be set off tonight. The area along the bank is usually packed with people, and this year was no exception. Sasha, Connie, and I got down there at about five in the afternoon with the meats. Eren arrived with his charcoal grill, and Sasha set to grilling them. Armin came later with drinks, and Marco arrived soon after with chips. Ymir was coming later.

The breeze started wafting the smell of hamburgers through the air as I leaned back on my hands with my legs stretched out in front of me. As people arrived, they’d thrown blankets and pillows into the bed of my truck for when the show started. Connie and Sasha were chatting with Armin while Eren and Marco played frisbee together. Marco was throwing the frisbee perfectly, but Eren was literally getting it anywhere but at Marco.

Eren finally gave up and came to sit next to me. “So what’s the four-one-one?”

I laid all the way down and closed my eyes, palms resting on my stomach. “Historia and I went hunting for the first time--raccoon blood is kinda shitty just for the record--and these people started shooting at us.”

“Like, legit shooting with bullets and guns?”

I cracked an eye open. “No, Eren. They were using Nerf bullets and water guns.”

He ignored my sarcasm. “Jesus. Why?”

I shook my head and watched a cloud blow by overhead. “Just because we’re vampires. Erwin said there are groups of people that think it’s their job to rid the world of supernatural beings or whatever.”

He reclined next to me. “What are you guys supposed to do?”

“No clue. Just try to blend in, I guess.”

He let out a long sigh. “This sucks.”

I turned my head to look at him. “You aren’t even in danger. Why would it suck for you?”

Green eyes looked back at me. “Because you’ve been my friend since grade school. It’d be shitty if you died.”

“Again.”

“Again,” he agreed.

We both just laid there and watched the clouds float by for several silent moments. The wind was stronger here since we were along the river, and it blew through my hair.

“You should see if Mikasa and her sister wanna come out and hang with us,” he said.

I propped myself up on my elbows and raised my eyebrows in his direction. “You like Mikasa.” It wasn't really a question.

“So what if I do,” he replied, sitting up himself. His cheeks were flushed, and it wasn’t from playing frisbee earlier.

I couldn’t stop myself from grinning. “No, you _like_ like her. You wanna actually, seriously _date_ her.”

The way he got flustered was so worth it. “So what?” he repeated. “She turned you into a vampire, but that doesn’t mean you get to have a monopoly on her.”

I held my hands up. “I was just messing with you, man. Chill.”

At least he had the decency to look embarrassed. “So... can you ask?”

“I mean, I can, but I can’t guarantee they’ll come.”

He smiled widely. “Okay. Thanks.”

I dug my phone out of my pocket and sent Mikasa a text. Surprisingly, she answered quickly. Ten minutes later, she’d gotten Levi’s permission to come with Historia for dinner and to watch the fireworks.

“It’s your lucky day,” I told Eren as I patted him on the back.

His expression was hopeful. “Are they coming?”

“Yep.”

He jumped up and did a literal victory lap around my truck. Loser.

More and more people were starting to arrive and set up their stuff when the girls got here. I leaned against the truck with my hands in my pockets as Mikasa pulled up next to me. “Is it okay to park here?”

“Yep.”

They both got out, and I could practically feel Sasha and Connie perking up behind me. Fresh meat.

Historia looked at my quickly accumulating group of friends and gave one of those friendly smiles of hers. “Do you have room for two more?”

“Yes!” Eren said quickly. “I-I mean, sure. Yeah, there’s enough food and stuff.”

Mikasa raised a delicate eyebrow but didn’t say anything. I knew she could smell the nervousness and attraction as well.

Sasha jumped forward and smiled brightly. It was still slightly alarming to see her teeth since they were so white, and now they stood out against her very tan skin--even more so than normal after being under the Tuscan sun. “You’re both super pretty. How could Jean possibly have met you guys?” She shot me a sly grin.

I flipped her off.

Mikasa actually blushed a little. “Our parents went to college together, and we just moved into town.”

Connie put a hand out to shake. “Welcome, then. Tonight should be a helluva show.” Based off his crazy grin, I guessed he’d bought some various fireworks of his own from across the state border.

Both of them shook his hand, and like that they were part of the group. I let out a breath of relief and jumped up on the tailgate, swinging my legs back and forth. Marco came over and sat with me. “So those are the infamous family friends?”

“Their daughters, yeah.”

He nodded slowly. “They _are_ pretty.” His tone was even, but it was laced with something else. Suspicion? No. Disgust? No, that wasn’t it either. Jealousy? Wait, Marco was jealous? What did he possibly have to be jealous of?

My thoughts were interrupted when Ymir pulled up next to Mikasa and Historia’s car. “The party can now start--I’ve arrived.”

I snorted. “More like the party just died.”

She squinted and pointed two fingers at her eyes before pointing them at me. “I’m watching you, Kirschtein. I know where you sleep.”

I rolled my eyes. “So does everybody else here. You’re not special.”

Marco jumped down and extended his hands between us. “Alright, ladies. Let’s take a moment to remember that we’re in public, and there are little kids around.”

She sighed dramatically. “Fine, fine. _Whoa_. Who do we have here?”

I followed her gaze. “Oh, this is Historia and her sister Mikasa. They just moved to town, and their parents went to college with mine.”

She nodded, but I didn’t think she was actually listening. Her eyes were firmly locked on Historia. The smaller girl was chatting with Sasha and eating some potato chips. “I’m gonna marry her,” Ymir breathed.

Mentally, I felt a small pang. There was no way that’d happen, and even if it did, she’d have to go through finding out Historia was a vampire and then grow old as Historia stayed young. I wouldn’t wish that on anybody, but aloud I said, “Not if you keep insulting people you won’t.”

She made a face at me, and I grinned, thankful that Marco was between us.

Eren made attempts to talk to Mikasa all night. I could tell she was a bit wary of him at first, but as the night wore on she warmed up to him. Historia talked to literally everybody, and I envied how she was able to just jump right in and be so social. She even talked to Ymir who seemed a bit shellshocked at first--like she didn’t know what she was supposed to be doing--but she got over it extremely quickly, and soon enough, she was laughing boisterously.

Finally, the last of the sun’s rays died. We were all full, and all the trash was thrown away. Our laughter was swallowed up by the sounds of the other people milling around. Looking between everybody in my group, I started to think that maybe I could actually do this--balancing my human life and my new vampire life.

A tap on my shoulder made my look up from where I was chilling on the ground listening to Sasha tell stories about her vacation in Italy. I looked up to see Marco hovering over me. “What’s up?” I asked.

“Can I talk to you?”

My stomach did flips even though I literally hadn’t done anything wrong. “Sure.” I stood and brushed my pants off. As I followed him to his car, I could swear I felt the eyes of my group on us.

Marco looked through the windshield when we were settled--him in the driver’s seat and me and in the passenger’s seat. The enclosed space allowed me to smell him--or rather what he was made of. Cinnamon and vanilla wafted up my nostrils, and it took a lot to not stick my nose on his arm and smell him.

He finally turned to me. “If I tell you something, will you promise not to tell anybody else?”

“Uh, sure, unless you’re doing drugs.”

He didn’t laugh. Actually, he looked extremely serious, and something about it was just... wrong. Marco smiled all the time and laughed. He was never ever, serious. “Promise?”

I nodded. “I promise.”

Briefly, he closed as he took a deep breath, and then he was looking at me urgently as if he were trying to will me into listening to him. “Do you ever wonder how only humans evolved and became the only intelligent life on Earth? Like, we have animals and stuff, but how is it possible that humans are the only ones since the beginning of time to evolve to become intelligent life forms?”

I gave him a long look, not liking where this was going. “I guess so. Maybe during earth science at school. Why? What’s going on?”

He bit his lip. “Humans aren’t the only intelligent life forms on Earth. There are others, but they blend in--they hide. All those stories you heard as a kid about werewolves and vampires and witches--they’re all real.”

It felt like a heavy weight had settled on my chest. “What?” I rasped.

“It’s true.” He took my hand and squeezed it. “I’ve seen what they can do to people. It’s horrible. They attack and mutilate people for fun.”

_No. Not true._

“That’s why my family has been... taking care of them for years. My grandparents hunted them and taught my mother, and they’ve been teaching us too. Once they think we’re mature enough, they’ve been helping us get stronger to fight these... _things_.”

_Stop. Don’t go on. I can’t..._

“I’m telling you this because I’ve been keeping this in for months now, and I--” He squeezed my limp hand again. Lights started flashing beyond the windshield. Blue. _Bang!_ Green. _Bang!_ Yellow, red, purple. _Bang, bang, bang!_ “I have to tell somebody, and you’re my best friend, Jean.”

_Why are you doing this?_

“My siblings all didn’t come home just because of the Fourth of July. Dad found evidence of some new vampires that are in the area, and we think there’s several of them, so they all came home to help rid our town of this evil.

“I know it’s a lot to comprehend, so I’m... gonna go, but I hope you’ll believe me someday.” He squeezed my hand one last time, and then he was gone, taking my breath with him.

I closed my eyes. Light flared behind my eyelids, and tears slid down my cheeks, mouth open around a sob I couldn’t let out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TOLD YOU!!!
> 
> Edit: I think it's worth mentioning as I go through and edit that this is a real place, and I did that mostly because I have a shit memory, and I knew I'd forget everything else if I didn't. I literally can't remember if I mentioned that in a later chapter note (I feel like I did), but I'll probably remove the name of it (if I did) since the last thing I need is from people from my high school to realize that it's ME writing all this shit lmao.


	4. Pain: physical suffering; mental suffering or distress.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spots of brown beneath my fingers caught my attention, and as I looked closer, I realized it was my own fucking blood--still there after over a month.  
> Tipping my head back, I laughed into the cool, morning air. How fucking ridiculous. Not even the rain and wind managed to erase my death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops. Looks like this won't be over by the end of summer after all.
> 
> Playlist (not necessarily in order)  
> Daniel in the Den by Bastille  
> Never Say Never by The Fray  
> Monster by Imagine Dragons  
> Eyes Closed by Halsey  
> Yellow by Coldplay  
> Hey Brother by Avicii  
> Empty Gold by Halsey  
> Air Catcher by twenty one pilots  
> Drive by Halsey  
> Casual Affair by Panic! At The Disco
> 
> (Edit: The name of the city used to be in here, but I took it out cause I lowkey don't want anybody from home to know who I am lmao. I can only imagine what they would think if they all knew.)

Ever since I could remember, the crack of dawn has been my favorite time of day. Sort of ironic when you think about it. I’m nowhere near a morning person, and getting up is such a struggle for me. However, when I do happen to be up, I fall in love with the rising sun every single time. There’s no noise. Usually, there isn’t even a breeze. Everything is still as the daylight starts to peek over the horizon. Colors seem softer somehow--muted.

Maybe I’m just needlessly poetic. Maybe I’m rambling. Maybe it doesn’t even matter since I’m enjoying it either way anyway.

I fell in love again the next morning. As soon as the fireworks were over, I left. I was deaf to the explosions and blind to the bursts of color. Distantly, I was upset since this only happens once a year, and I missed it, but I was still numb. An unhealthy habit of mine causes me to depersonalize to cope, and I was sure if I were to walk by a mirror I’d be startled to see myself.

I knew I shouldn’t be doing it, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. The numbness was preferable to the immense pain I knew I’d find if I let the feelings in, so the apathy was here to stay for the night.

It felt right to me to go back to where I died physically when I felt so dead mentally. All night I stayed in the tall grass, staring at the stars and just... being. Thinking was too hard, so I didn’t even try. Hours passed by without me noticing, and before I knew it, the world was turning blue. Standing, I walked along the ravine, kicking rocks down and watching them roll and tumble.

The first rays of the day shot over the horizon as I sat on the same boulder I fell off of so many weeks ago. The stone was rough against my fingertips, and the humidity pressed down against my skin. I just sat and watched the world lighten slowly.

I bit my lip and was surprised to find that it tasted salty. Raising my hand to my cheek, I found that it was wet with tears. I didn't even know I'd started crying.

Did I deserve to cry or did I bring this all on myself somehow? I didn't know. Maybe I'd done something horrible in a past life to make this one so freaking difficult. Or this might've been God's way of punishing me for masturbating so much. Normally, I would've said it didn't matter, but now I was starting to think it did. Whatever it was I'd done to cause this, I wanted to know what it was so I could stop. A man could only take so much before he combusted.

I looked down at the feet I was swinging over the edge. What would happen if I were to fall off again? Could I hurt myself bad enough that I'd die for real? Did I need more blood to help fix injuries? If I did, could I injure myself repeatedly until I starved to death? Would it be worth it if I did?

Spots of brown beneath my fingers caught my attention, and as I looked closer, I realized it was my own fucking blood--still there after over a month.

Tipping my head back, I laughed into the cool, morning air. How fucking ridiculous. Not even the rain and wind managed to erase my death.

And then my maniac laughing turned into sobbing, and I was crying so hard I could scarcely breathe. No amount of nails to my palms or tugging at my hair was helping. The pain in my gut had me doubled over, hands covering my face.

My best friend of over seven years was trying to kill me. Marco, of all people, was convinced that all supernatural beings fit this mold--that we were all inherently evil because of things we couldn't control. I know I certainly didn't choose to become a vampire, and I hadn't killed anybody before--and I never planned on it. My brain was in total disbelief at how he could buy into something like this.

But like with everything else that'd happened so far, I wiped my tears, stood up, and went home as if nothing was wrong. 

* * *

I'd just pulled into the highway when my phone rang from the passenger's seat. In the corner I noticed a fuckton of messages and winced, knowing I was in deep shit now.

“Hello?” I asked tentatively.

“Where the _fuck_ have you been?” Mikasa demanded in a strangely calm voice. It scared me more than if she'd just yelled at me straight up.

“N-nowhere,” I mumbled.

“Come to our house. We told your parents you fell asleep here and were staying with us for the night since we had no idea where you were.”

I flicked my turn signal on and began stopping. “I'm sorry. I--”

“Explain when you get here.” And she hung up.

I sighed and tossed my phone onto the seat next to me. Nothing like a little dread to wake your dead ass up in the morning.

* * *

I was sitting on the couch and feeling quite chastised half an hour later. She literally hadn't even said anything, and I still felt like I'd been yelled at. Her glare pierced right through me as if I were saran wrap.

As soon as I'd gotten in the house, Levi and Erwin gave each other a long look and went upstairs. I thought I heard Levi tell Mikasa to go easy on me, but I could be wrong. That asshole hadn't helped me out at all yet, so why start now?

Forget vampire instincts. Even my human ones were telling me to run.

“All night. No calls or texts to anybody. Your friends were worried sick--especially Eren.”

I licked my lips. “I can explain.”

“You've got two minutes,” she responded, lips pressed into a thin line.

After taking a big breath, I began to tell her about Marco, how he was the one who found me the night I died, and I imprinted on him. Then I told her how he talked to me in the car and told me how his family were hunters and that they knew there were vampires in the area.

Two minutes later, she was still listening, so I went on to explain that he'd been taught all supernatural beings were evil, and he'd been training for a while to hunt us. I also told her that he's been my best friend since grade school and that I was maybe starting to get a crush on him.

When I finally finished with my word vomit, I clamped my jaw shut and waited for her judgment. During my whole explanation, her expression hadn't changed, and it worried me.

“That's why you were so heartbroken this morning?”

I nodded, remembering that she could feel my emotions. I decided it must suck feeling things that others feel when you're just trying to live your life.

“Jean…,” she said, and then she was sitting next to me and pulling me against her. I let her, relaxing against her side and resting my head on her shoulder. If she'd done this earlier I would've been a blubbering mess. “Why didn't you just tell us?”

“What could you have possibly done? It isn't like moving away is an option, and I wasn't sure if killing--” My voice cracked.

Her arm tightened around me. “Erwin and Levi… they don't kill people. Not even enemies. Not unless it's absolutely necessary.”

“What if it becomes absolutely necessary?”

She was quiet for a moment. “We'll cross that bridge when we get there.”

I closed my eyes and accepted that answer for now. Moments later I was fast asleep against her in a dreamless sleep.

* * *

I jerked awake what felt like minutes later, heart racing. The dredges of a dream were slipping out of my grasp faster than sand through desperate fingers. A blanket was covering most of me, and somebody had stuffed a throw pillow beneath my head.

Closing my eyes again, I rubbed my face and waited for my heart to chill the fuck out. Crusty stuff formed around my eyes while I was asleep, and my throat was dry. It was like I was sick. Could vampires get sick? I sure the fuck hoped not.

The clock mounted on the wall across from the TV declared it was past one in the afternoon. Nice.

The sound of feet on the stairs made me sit up. Coming around the corner was Historia. We both looked at each other for a long silent moment. I was reminded of my little temper tantrum the other night. I wondered if she knew about Marco.

“I'm sorry if I freaked you out the other night,” I finally said, rubbing the back of my neck.

She shrugged lightly. “S’fine.”

“And for any, uh, concern I might've caused last night.”

“It isn't me you should apologize to--it’s Erwin.”

My eyebrows rose. “What?”

She nodded. “He always worries about things even if it isn’t his problem.”

Ouch. I’m sure she didn’t mean to diss me, but yikes that kinda stung. “I’ll… keep that in mind.”

She went to the fridge and got a bottle of water off the door. “Your friends were really nice.”

I stood and went to the counter by the stove, leaning back against it. The tile was cool beneath my fingers. “They’re a strange bunch, but they are all good at heart.”

She nodded and fiddled with the plastic lid. “Do you think they liked me?”

I blinked at her. Historia was uncertain of whether my friends liked her? Between finding out my best friend was a cold-blooded killer and discovering Historia was nervous about my idiot friends it was like I’d walked into an alternate universe. “Of course they liked you,” I said, totally bewildered. “Why wouldn’t they?”

She shrugged. “I dunno. I wasn’t sure since--what’s her name--Ymir kept staring at me all night, and I wasn’t sure if she hated me or--”

“No!” I blurted, startling her. “I-I mean, she doesn’t hate you. She likes you, trust me.”

She furrowed her eyebrows. “Oh. Okay. That’s good to know.”

I ran a hand through my hair. “Do vampires ever have relationships with humans?”

She blinked, probably confused as to how we got on that topic. “I guess they could. It might be rough, though, if the human doesn’t know about the other being a vampire or doesn’t approve. Why?”

To avoid ratting Ymir out completely and probably weirding Historia out--I had no idea if she was into chicks or not--I decided to vent about my own issues. “The guy from last night--the freckled one--I think I imprinted on him when I first woke up as a vampire.”

“Oh…” She nodded. “And you think you like him?”

With a sigh, I nodded. “He’s been my best friend forever, and I… like him. Not like anybody I’ve ever liked before.”

She nodded contemplatively again. “So you’re probably questioning your sexuality, right?”

“Yeah.”

“If I were you, I’d go on Tumblr and start doing some research. Who knows--you might be something you’ve never even heard of.”

I smiled a little. “Yeah, okay. Thanks.”

She looked a bit bashful. “No problem.”

Before things could become drawn out, another person came around the corner. “Oh, you’re awake,” Mikasa said.

I gave her an awkward half wave. She raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything about it. “Do I have to be home at a certain time?”

“Aren’t you seventeen?” she asked.

“Yeah, but some people don’t like teenage boys hanging around their house.”

She tilted her head slightly as if she agreed. “I guess, but no. Though, your parents might be worried about you.”

I grimaced. She had a point.

Historia waved and went somewhere else in the house, leaving just me and my creator in the kitchen. I jumped up on the counter behind me and swung my legs, making sure not to hit the cabinets. I wanted to pace, but that would be really obvious. Instead, I cracked my knuckles against the counter and popped my thumbs repeatedly. I’d messed with them so much that they got air bubbles in the joints almost instantly now.

Mikasa silently came toward me and boosted herself up on the counter too. Her swinging legs matched mine. “We’ll figure this out,” she said finally.

I sighed softly. “Okay.”

As I moved to grab her pinky in mine, I hoped it was the truth.

* * *

When I got home, I wasn’t surprised to see Mom on the couch waiting for me. I _was_ surprised with how... calm she was acting about the whole thing. As far as she knew, I’d just spent the night at a girl’s house. Who knew what could’ve happened?

“Hi, Mom,” I chirped--literally chirped. My voice was extra chipper with the happiness I didn’t feel. I hoped it wasn’t noticeable.

“Hi, Jeanbo.”

I paused on the stairs. She only ever called me that when she wanted to talk to me about something. “Uh, is something up?”

She pulled her legs off the couch and set them on the floor, patting the space beside her. “Come sit down, honey.”

Warily, I obeyed.

“Now, I know it makes more sense for your father to be talking to you about this, but you know how he is, and we’ve always had a special bond.” She smiled, eyes crinkling at the corners.

I was even more uneasy now. “Okay... What are you talking to me about?”

She crossed her ankles and placed her hands flat on the tops of her thighs. “As much as I hate to admit it, my boy is growing up.” Pride and a sort of sadness shone in her eyes. “You’re becoming a handsome young man, and you remind me of your father.”

I squinted. “Okay.”

“And I know when I was your age, I started to look at guys a different way. I started to see them as possible dating material.”

My breath caught in my chest. There was no way she could possibly know I was crushing on a guy, was there? I mean, she said that we had a “special bond,” but did that mean...?

“So what I’m trying to say is there are going to be girls looking at you like you could be fun to date, and I wanted to give you these.” She reached behind her and, from under a blanket, she pulled out... a box of condoms.

Any relief I’d felt at her not knowing my thoughts immediately dissipated. If I was drinking something, I would’ve choked. My face had never been this red in my life--I was sure of it. “ _Mom!_ ”

When it became clear I wasn’t going to take it, she dumped it in my lap. “Your father and I have noticed how much time you’ve been spending with Mikasa. We know it would be pointless to try to stop you, so we just want to make sure you’re safe.”

I gaped down at the box. “I-It’s not like that with Mikasa,” I stammered. “She’s just... no.” My voice broke, so I cleared my throat. “I’m not having sex with Mikasa ever, Mom.”

She gave me a knowing look and patted my hand. “Okay, sweetheart. Just keep them, alright? Give your dad and I some peace of mind.”

Finally, I picked it up and made a face at them. “Fine.”

She patted my hand again and smiled--it almost looked sad. “Thank you.” With a kiss on my forehead, she went into the kitchen. I stared after her for a moment and scrambled upstairs.

Once I was in my room, I deposited the box on my bed and glared at it. It seemed to stare back into my soul. With a huff, I sat down and picked it up, examining the labels. **TROJAN** it declared. **Extra Lubrication.** I groaned and shoved it under my bed where one of the brats wouldn’t look. That would be the icing on the cake.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and plugged it in, turning it on as soon as it let me. I answered all my friends’ texts of where the fuck I was at-- **Did u die again?** was Eren’s message; what a pal.

**To: Marco**

**You’ll never guess what Mom just gave me.**

It wasn’t even two minutes later that I got a reply.

**From: Marco**

**What?**

**To: Marco**

**Condoms**

**From: Marco**

**???????? You’re not getting laid tho ha ha**

My soul needed ice for that burn.

**To: Marco**

**Unless you come and do me lol**

Right after I hit send, I realized how fucking stupid that was, and wow, Jean, you’re the worst friend in the world. Do you realize how this could fuck your relationship up? What if things become weird? What if he takes you seriously and says no? What if he says _yes_?

**From: Marco**

**Lol. My parents gave me some like last year**

**To: Marco**

**Wait really?**

**From: Marco**

**Yep.**

The image of Marco having to go through the same embarrassment I just did made me grin, but then I imagined him putting on one of those condoms he’d received, imagined him pushing into somebody, imagined him sliding into _me_ \--

I shook my head and dug my nails into the palms of my hands. No, Jean. Now isn’t the time to be having these thoughts.

**From: Marco**

**G2g. Ttyl <3**

I gazed down at that stupid little emoji heart for much longer than I cared to admit. Somehow, I went from sporting a half chub to feeling this stupidly warm feeling in my chest. With a groan, I flopped back on my bed and covered my face with a pillow, making a mental note to ask Mikasa if vampires have mood swings.

* * *

It was past noon the next day when I got a text from Eren asking if I wanted to kick it later with the rest of the group. I told him sure. Yeah, we got to see each other almost every day--some days Mikasa and I would meet up other places for me to eat--but that wasn’t a good way to hang out.

That evening, all of us plus Mikasa and Historia were at Eren’s sitting around a bonfire in his backyard. Connie and Sasha were trying to see how many large marshmallows they could fit in their mouths, and Ymir was egging them on. Historia watched in absolute fascination at their stupidity while I took pictures of their puffed-out faces.

Sasha finally won by three, and watching the two of them spit them out onto a plate was absolutely disgusting. Eren threw marshmallows at their heads when they started actually eating them again. Animals, the both of them.

Ymir made an attempt to tell ghost stories, but she wasn’t a very good storyteller. She’d get lines mixed up or forget an important detail somewhere and have to go back, and when we razzed her, she’d start swearing at us and have to restart. All the while she would shoot grins at Historia that ended up looking more like grimaces. Historia would smile back somewhat nervously and bite her lip which only encouraged Ymir even more.

It was like watching a car crash: You couldn’t look away.

Eren wasn’t any better. It was pretty obvious that he was looking at Mikasa from across the fire where she was sitting next to me. On my other side, Marco leaned in and asked, “Does Eren look flustered to you?”

I nodded because yeah, he did. His cheeks were flushed, eyes bright, hair a bit fucked up, and I could fucking smell him over the smoke. Poor kid.

I glanced at Mikasa for a moment myself in the firelight, and I could see why he’d be pining for her. She was beautiful with her smooth skin that I knew was soft, her shoulder-length raven hair, pale pink lips, and stormy gray eyes. Plus her confidence and composure she maintained so well. Maybe if we’d met under different circumstances I would’ve had a crush on her too, but whenever I looked at her, I saw a distant relative. Dating her would be strange for me. Our relationship wasn’t like that, and it wasn’t just because she was my creator.

When we met, she attacked me. When we first _formally_ met, I was totally confused and afraid of her and her family. The third time we’d been in the same room, I was in a total bloodlust, and every other time since then, she’d been a steady gaze and a calm voice in the chaos of my new life. Neither of us had imprinted on each other, and neither of us made any romantic or sexual advances toward each other. I joked that she was my vampire mother, but she almost felt more like a cousin or sister--family.

I didn’t have a crush on her, and I didn’t think I ever would.

I glanced to my other side and caught Marco’s profile outlined by the light and shadow, and I bit my lip. My eyes were drawn to the tiny crease between his eyebrows as he concentrated on Ymir’s voice, the strong shape of his jaw where stubble had begun to form, the bags under his eyes from taking care of his family by day and hunting me and mine at night.

I was reminded of the lyrics from a song I had on Spotify:

_A lover on the left_

_A sinner on the right_

I was startled out of my thoughts when Eren tapped my shoulder and crouched down next to me between me and Mikasa. “I’ll make some bloody maries and put real blood in yours if you want,” he said under his breath.

Mikasa and I exchanged a glance--I was asking for permission if we were being totally honest--and she nodded minutely. Leaning closer so he could hear me, I said, “Yeah. A- please if we have any.”

“Comin’ right up.” He straightened. Louder, he asked, “I'm making some drinks. Whaddaya animals want?”

“The shittiest beer you've got!” Ymir hollered. Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum whooped in agreement.

“I'll have whatever you bring,” Historia told him with a smile.

“Me too,” Marco said.

Eren looked at the only one who hadn't responded. “Armin?”

He shook his head, blond hair sliding over his shoulders. “Somebody has to get you all home.”

Eren nodded and headed inside to fix our poisons. I heard a muffled vibration, and Marco dug around in his pocket, staring at the screen of his phone before standing and giving us all an apologetic look. “Gotta take this,” he said and headed to the edge of the property.

We all watched him leave, but I noticed Armin watching him longer and the small twitch of his eyes--like a tiny squint. When he saw me watching, he smiled in my direction and turned away.

Unable to help myself, I tuned into Marco’s conversation the best I could over the chatter.

“... out tonight. Don't you ever listen to me?” A heavy sigh. “Nevermind don't answer that.”

A male voice answered on the other end, but his voice was extremely faint from this distance, so I couldn't tell who it was. “Don't get smart with me, Mar. ‘M leaving in a week, and I don't have time to fuck around. _We_ don't have time to fuck around, not if--” Sasha’s laughter drowned out the rest.

Marco made a frustrated noise. “...not coming back yet--I’m with my friends right now.”

“Do you think this is some sort of joke? We didn't come back just for shits and giggles in case you forgot.”

“How could I ever,” he responded dryly.

The voice continued as if he hadn't been interrupted. “If we're going to take care of this _issue_ we need to do it soon before they multiply.”

Marco scoffed. “They aren't going to _multiply_. They care too much about self-preservation--they may be monsters, but they aren't stupid.”

A growl came from the other end. “If you aren't home in half an hour I'm coming to get you, and we both know how much your idiot friend hates me.” The line went dead.

I didn't have eyes in the back of my head--I couldn't see Marco--but I could imagine him staring at his phone and considering throwing it over the fence. From the sound of it, that was Monte. Nobody else was ever that mean to anybody.

_He knows I don't like him. Good._

I blinked several times, coming back to myself, and from the corner of my eye, I could see Armin looking at me this time. His expression was inquisitive as of asking whether I was okay.

I nodded and gave him a fake-as-fuck smile. He didn't push it.

Joyous shouts arose as Eren came out, drinks on a tray. He set them down and started to hand them out, handing me, Historia, and Mikasa our bloody marys and giving the others a can of beer. “I've got spiked punch here if anybody wants that instead.”

I stirred my drink and stared at the ice cubes clinking around. It smelled pretty good. When I tried it, it was like fireworks on my tongue. I could taste the tomato, feel the warmth of the alcohol settle inside me, but I could also taste just enough blood to make it heavenly. It took everything in me not to let out an obscene moan.

“Jean,” Mikasa said quietly.

I glanced up, still sipping my drink. “Hm?”

Her eyes were cast down as she slowly stirred her own drink. “Why does your friend keep looking around at everybody like that?”

I tilted my head. “Like what?”

Our eyes met, and her eyebrows twitched up. “Like he knows something we don't.” Her gaze moved across the fire. I followed it.

“Oh, Armin?” I shrugged a little. “That's just him I guess. He's smart--picks up on things most of us don't. He's harmless, though, trust me. Kid's just a little strange sometimes. He's always been like that.”

She nodded slowly, but the way she kept looking over at him made it obvious she wasn't convinced.

“Catch!” Eren shouted at Marco as he approached. He caught the beer effortlessly, popping the tab and taking a long drink--so long that he probably finished over half of it.

I certainly wasn't the only one who looked at him funny. Marco hardly ever even took a sip of beer when he was even in the mood--which was essentially never. The kid wasn’t a fan of drinking.

“What?” he asked defensively, looking at all of us like it was him against the world.

Connie looked concerned. “You okay, man?”

“I'm fine.” He took another drink. “Totally fine.”

“Who called you?” Sasha asked. Her face was a mask of worry, and I bit my lip, feeling a sudden rush of affection for my loving, caring friend. She may have been a bit of a spaz at times, but she had a heart of gold.

He stared down into his can for a moment before finishing it off and crushing it in his hand. “Nobody you need to worry about,” he told her harshly.

She blinked in astonishment. Everybody was a bit shocked, actually, but he didn't pause to look at us. He stood and left, moving around the side of the house to the front.

We all looked at each other for a moment. When I saw the hurt and confusion on Sasha's face, I jumped up and ran after him, anger sparking in my chest.

_“He’s had a hard life.”_

_“That’s no excuse for being an asshole.”_

_“No, it isn’t.”_

Coming around the corner, I yelled, “Marco!”

He didn't stop. “What?” he snapped.

I caught up to him and grabbed his forearm. “Would you please _stop_?”

He halted but didn't face me.

“What was that about? Why'd you say that?”

“Because it wasn't for her to worry about,” he stated as if I was an idiot for not knowing this already.

I let go, mostly because I didn’t want him to fully comprehend how cold I was--or how cold I was getting as the days went on. “You were a total dick to Sasha. She was just worried about you.”

He finally faced me. “Why? I’m _fine_. There’s nothing wrong. So what if I wanted to have a beer. Isn’t that what normal teenagers do?” There was a rare flash of anger and frustration in his eyes.

“You’re not a normal teenager, Marco. You’re rational and level-headed and smart, and you hunt supernatural beings.” I frowned to stop myself from adding anything else I’d probably regret. “Normal missed you by, like, seven miles.”

His lips were pressed into a thin line. “Did you ever think that maybe I want to be normal for once? You think I _chose_ to hunt things and be perfect all the time?”

“So why do you do it?” I demanded. “Why do you kill things?”

He winced visibly. “I don’t _kill_ them--”

“Then what do you call it? Hunt? Terminate? Abort? Pull the plug?”

He threw his hands up in the air. “ _Fine_ , we kill them, but why do you even care? We’re just keeping you safe.”

I crossed my arms. “Maybe I don’t want to be kept safe.”

I honestly don’t think I’d ever seen him roll his eyes until now. “Not just you, Jean. Don’t be so obtuse. Everybody. Eren, Armin, Connie, Ymir, _Sasha_. Everyone that lives here.”

“What about the supernatural beings living here just minding their own business? You’re not protecting them--you’re _killing_ them.”

He shook his head and threw his hands in the air again. “Whatever. I don’t expect you to understand.” Then under his breath, he muttered, “It certainly isn’t one of your strong points.”

Anger flared in my chest. What the actual fuck was wrong with him tonight? He knew I was much softer and more understanding than most people knew. Plus, if there was any word I truly hated, it was _whatever_ , and he fucking knew that too. It was like he was trying to pick a fight with me.

“Whatever to _you_ , you fucking jerk. Just because your dickhead older brother has your panties in a twist, doesn’t mean you get to take it out on us. Come back when you’ve pulled your head out of your ass. Oh, and by the way, tell Monte he can suck my big, fat cock.” And when he gave me an outraged, bewildered look, I popped my middle finger in my mouth for a second and flipped him off. “And I hope he fucking _chokes on it!_ ”

Not a word was spoken when I got back to the circle in the backyard. If this were a cartoon, smoke would be curling off my shoulders, face, and ears. I ground my teeth, and I was sure my face showed just how livid I was.

All eyes were on me, and I raised my eyebrows to avoid yelling at any of them. They got the message: _What the fuck do you want?_

Eren cleared his throat. “You guys got, uh, pretty loud.”

A pang went through my stomach. How much did they actually hear?

“You didn’t have to do that,” Sasha said quietly.

I took a deep breath in. Held it. Let it out. Repeated. “I know I didn’t have to.”

“‘Tell Monte he can suck my big, fat cock,’” Ymir echoed, nodding to herself and looking impressed.

I flushed. “Okay, so maybe it wasn’t my finest moment...”

She grinned. “I’d say it was one of your best.”

Slowly, the others started nodding along a bit sheepishly.

“I’ve always wanted to say something like that to Monte,” Connie confessed. “He’s an ass.”

Sasha tilted her head and looked at me with her big, brown eyes. “Is that who he was on the phone with?”

I nodded.

Eren leaned back in his chair and took a drink from his can. “That explains a lot.”

Historia’s eyebrows turned up in the middle. “What are we missing?”

I sighed and faced the both of them. “Marco is the youngest of the five sons the Bodt family has. Most of his siblings walk all over him, but Monte is the absolute worst. Marco ends up doing everything they say because he won’t listen to us when we say they’re just using him and his niceness.”

Mikasa nodded. “But none of you have said anything quite so... vulgar before.” It wasn’t a question.

“Not even me,” Ymir said. “I figured he might never talk to me again if I had.” She looked at me, and her gaze was pitying. The rest of them, actually, were either giving me sad looks or were avoiding looking at me altogether.

I sighed and downed a good portion of my drink, letting the taste of the blood settle against my taste buds and steal my worries away.

* * *

Marco watched his friend stalk away, feeling fury burning in his veins, but there wasn’t much he could do now, was there? The last thing he needed was round two with him. Or with Monte for being late.

He growled to himself and stalked to his car, slamming the door behind him when he flopped into the seat. The cab of the car was as muggy as the outside--even more so since the metal trapped in the heat of the last of the day. He knew it would be pointless to try the AC--it would start working finally once he got home--so he rolled down his windows and let the air whip around the inside as he drove home.

The whole way there he thought of Jean. How upset he was and how _pissed_ he was at the end. Marco knew Jean hated being told _whatever_ , but Marco hadn’t cared at that point. He had the unexplainable urge to hurt his best friend, so he’d said it, and now, he was starting to regret it.

But he couldn’t exactly turn around and go back now. His family was waiting, and he figured his friends had heard what Jean had said. He knew they’d agree with Jean. None of them liked his siblings very much anyway.

Marco suddenly felt lonely. It wasn’t a foreign feeling, unfortunately. Since his parents told him about vampires and werewolves and faeries and literally everything in between, he felt alone. He’d been so used to sharing his experiences with his group, his people. But for the past several months he hadn’t been able to, and his sanity had been wearing thin.

He knew he’d made a mistake of telling Jean. Jean seemed to think that these beings needed to be saved or that they were good somehow. Sure, Marco had thought about it before, but he always remembered that in the end they were monsters, and they held the power to hurt humans and each other.

They needed to be stopped before anything could happen, and he’d made it his life’s mission to keep humans everywhere safe from the evil things that went bump in the night. Even if all his friends hated him for it.

* * *

I didn’t hear from Marco for several days. In all honesty, I hadn’t tried to contact him either. At times, I’d remember what I said and feel bad about it, but then I’d remember being shot at, how terrified Historia and I were out in the woods, what my family would think if they found me with a bullet in my forehead, and I didn’t feel quite so bad anymore.

The day after that incident, I took Historia and Mikasa on the "25 cent" tour. Mikasa thought it was dumb that I actually charged both of them a quarter, but Historia just laughed and coughed it up without any complaints.

Our town was full of history, but I forgot it was since I was surrounded by it all the time. There was a pen factory that sat next to the river. It was opened early in the 20th century, but it was abandoned almost a decade ago. 

Next to it is a huge, double-decker bridge that goes across the Mississippi River. That’s fancy talk for saying it spins around with the focal point in the middle, so barges and other large boats can pass by and not hit it. The top deck is for cars, and the bottom is for trains, and there’s a train station about a mile or two along the river.

Going up the hill on the highway before we reached the woods we were in the night before, I showed the girls the state penitentiary. It was opened shortly after the territory became an official state. Some might think it was morbid growing up in a city where you  _definitely_ couldn't pick up any hitchhikers, but it was normal for all the locals. 

I showed them the monument that marks where the real fort that the town was named after used to be--which is in the parking lot of the pen factory. The fort was reconstructed a few blocks away, closer to the river, and volunteers pretend that they’re living in the early 1800s for people to learn the history of the place. They set off blanks in the canons sometimes, and it can be heard several miles away.

I’d volunteered there when I was young, and I ran around with Sasha and Connie, pretending to live in 1808. They let us make real bread, dress up, and climb all over. It was the most fun a fourth grader could have.

Anyway, I told them it had been active very early in the 1800s for five years. The fort was named after President Madison, and the only real battle west of the Mississippi during the War of 1812 took place there. It was one of three posts created to keep control over the Louisiana Purchase. It was also built for trade with Native Americans in the upper regions.

The other main attraction sits up on the bluff. It’s the arena for a professional rodeo. Normally, I’m not a big fan of anything hick related or could at all be considered southern, but there’s something about seeing cowboys getting thrown off a bull or bronco while eating fried Oreos that just gets a guy. People come from _everywhere_ \--as far as Australia--for a week. There’s a parade where all the horses trot down the main street and the bands play, pancakes on Sunday morning, and dinners in the pavilion all week. It’s actually really fun.

By the end of the tour, Historia had me promise to take her into the replica of the fort and take her to the putt-putt/ice cream place. Dad and I always laughed at it since it’s _right smack dab next to the prison._ I can't even tell you how many people have smacked golf balls into the prison yard over the wall. Brilliant.

Lunch was at a diner overlooking the river and the Old Fort. I hadn’t been there for the longest time since it’s literally just a counter and a few hard, plastic booths for two lined against the windows--kinda hard to fit a family of five.

We all ended up getting different kinds of burgers, but Mikasa ordered hers extra rare, much to the waitress’s dismay. Historia was on the fence about it since she saw how greasy all of it was, but we convinced her to just do it since one burger wasn't gonna kill her. (“Ha, ha, ha, Jean. You're _sooo_ funny.”)

I also offered to buy them ice cream at another place in town, Mikasa paid for it. When I tried to protest, she gave me a look, and damn, that was all it took.

As we were sitting outside on the patio in the shade, a shadow approached, and when I looked up, I suppressed a groan.

We all know how much I despise Marco’s siblings; however, I respect Marco much more than I hate them, so I'd never had it out with them. They knew I hated them, though, and they weren't fond of me either.

It was literally my friendship with my freckled friend that saved them from my comments. But Marco wasn't here. And we were fighting. So I had no qualms about telling them how I felt if it came down to it.

It seemed they didn't either, apparently.

“Hey, Kirschtein,” Stephano, the youngest brother beside Marco, called out. He wasn't too bad, I guess. None of them were, actually. They just all got super shitty whenever Monte was around. The main thing was they were all selfish idiots. 

The devil himself came in behind his younger brother and made a disgusted face at me before turning away, ignoring me completely.

I smiled tightly at Stephano. “Hey, Steph.”

“Here with your girlfriends?” He grinned, and I noticed he had the same lips as Marco.

I leaned back in my seat. “Nah. Family friends. You here with yours?”

Steph snickered, but Monte raised a disdainful eyebrow at me. “Sorry, but _some_ of us aren't into incest.” His lip twitched. “Or the same sex.”

I squinted. “What's that supposed to mean?”

“Incest is when--”

“Not _that_ ,” I interrupted.

Steph looked between us uneasily.

Monte’s lips parted and then curled at the edges like a sadistic cat. “You mean the part where I called you a faggot?”

There was an agonizingly long pause. The air felt thick and heavy, charged and electric. If there was anybody else around, they would've stopped talking.

“A what?” I breathed. I felt Mikasa’s hand on my knee under the table.

He crossed his arms and leaned forward. “F. A. G. G. O. T. I spelled it out for you even. You're welcome.” He uncrossed his arms and braced them on our table across from me. Historia leaned away, her nose crinkling. “You and my brother are always together, and we've all known since he was a baby that he was a little... queer.” A twisted grin settled on his face. “People tend to stick to their own kind--it’s human nature. What am I supposed to think?”

“Monte, I think we should go,” Steph said from behind him, eyes shifting around uneasily. The good thing about him was he was easily embarrassed, thus keeping any catty comments and outbursts at home.

The older brother ignored him, tilting his head and holding eye contact with me instead.

“Why'd you lie to Marco about being okay with it then if you so obviously aren't?” I demanded.

He shrugged lightly and blinked lazily. “My parents were adamant that us sons be accepting of our smallest _fratello_.”

“Still a mama's boy I see.”

His brows lowered. “Besides,” he continued. “It'll be much more… satisfying to see Marco’s face when we tell him we won't be coming to his wedding in the future or associate with him once he's become more comfortable with us about it, don't you think?”

Steph blanched and blinked rapidly. It was obvious he had no idea about this plan.

My upper lip pulled up. “You're fucking sick.”

“You better watch yourself, Kirschtein,” he threatened.

“I think you need to leave.”

He leaned as far forward into my personal bubble as possible from across the table. I could smell his minty breath and feel his spit on my face. “Or what?”

Before either of us could react, Mikasa stood and shoved him away from the table, spreading her feet and keeping her palms open at her side. “Leave.”

He spluttered and blinked, looking outraged. “Who the fuck are _you?_ ”

“A friend of Jean and your brother, and it's time for you to go.” It wasn't a request.

He gave a sharp bark of a laugh and turned to me again. “Oh, I see. Having somebody else fight your battles for you.” His eyes raked her up and down. “And a _girl_ no less,” he spat.

I had a split second to think, _Oh, f_ _uck,_ before she hauled back and punched him in the nose. I could hear a sickening crack, and blood gushed from between the fingers he was clutching his face with. The howl he let out was inhuman, and he doubled over.

For being a hunter he really sucked at taking blows.

Steph rushed forward and grabbed at him, panicked, but Monte shoved him off and straightened, glaring murderously between me and her. As for me, I was holding back laughter, hands clapped over my mouth and eyes wide. Mikasa did the one thing I'd wanted to do for the longest time.

Blood now speckled his crisp, white dress shirt. “Lemon and seltzer water. Or just wear red, dumbass,” I told him.

Unfortunately, he either didn't understand the _Deadpool_ reference or was too pissed off to comprehend it. “Control your bitch!” he screeched. Literally screeched. It was like nails on a chalkboard, and it was music to my ears.

“She isn't mine.”

“And she's not a bitch!” Historia piped up.

“Leave,” Mikasa repeated calmly.

“'ll get you.” He pointed at all of us with a bloody finger. “When you least expect it. I'm going to come for you.”

“I look forward to it,” I drawled.

Steph tried grabbing at Monte with one hand while handing him a fistful of napkins. “Let's _go_.”

With one last glare, he turned heel and left to lick his wounds. The tires squealed as they peeled out of the parking lot.

A moment later I started laughing and high-fived a sheepish looking Mikasa. “That was awesome!”

“I think I broke his nose.”

“Good! Thank you! You have _no idea_ how many times I wished I could do that.”

“I could get charged for assault.”

“He provoked us first. Besides, they're hunters--they’re supposed to be able to take a punch.”

Historia blinked. “They're _what_?”

Well, shit. I grimaced. “They're hunters.”

“Does that mean Marco…?”

I sighed and nodded. “Yeah.”

A somber silence fell over us. “We should go.” I stood. “Who knows if he'll come back for seconds.”

* * *

I dropped the girls off and headed home. Connie came over, and we played video games. He high-fived me when I told him about what happened and got online to have a box of chocolate sent to Mikasa. He could be such a weirdo sometimes.

* * *

Mikasa laughed and thanked Connie sheepishly for the chocolates a few nights later.

* * *

I woke up one morning to a text from Mikasa saying we were all going to go hunting the next night, but we were going to try going up on the bluff where less people lived.

A few things went through me at that. I got nervous and a tad excited and even a little bit afraid. Dread was one of those things too since I realized I hadn't talked to Erwin or Levi since the last time we'd hunted, and I hadn't apologized either for snapping at them.

With a groan, I stood and stretched. If there was one thing I did manage to get my ass in gear for, it would have to be going to see Erwin or Levi.

I texted Historia and asked if her dads were home. They were.

It took much longer than normal to get dressed. I totally wasn't procrastinating or anything. Promise.

The kids were busy doing their own things when I snuck out, and when I got to the house, the door was open, so I let myself in. Plus I knew that if they really didn't want me there, they could be at the door to kick me to the curb faster than you could blink.

“It's me,” I yelled as I toed off my shoes. I knew I was being redundant, but my mom raised me with manners after all.

“I'm in the office,” Erwin replied.

Cursing myself for mentally humming the Dunder Mifflin theme song, I followed the sound of his voice to the office in the back of the house. He was on the other side of the French doors which were open a crack--probably to keep a metaphorical eye on the house if I had to guess. There was a desk in the room now, and Erwin was sitting behind it. There was one of those lamps you'd find at a bank or in a university library--gold base with a long, green part covering the bulbs--settled on top of it.

Papers were spread all over the wooden tabletop. I was surprised since you'd think after about four centuries you'd learn and retain some organization skills, but he certainly hadn’t.

“Everything is organized to me, I promise,” he murmured as if reading my mind.

Clearing my throat, I sat down on the edge of the seat of one of two chairs situated facing the desk. The place reminded me of a lawyer's office. “It looks like a bomb went off in here.”

The corner of his lip quirked up, and he smiled with his eyes as he wrote something down. “Levi says the same thing except with more vulgarity.”

There was a clock sitting on one of the shelves ticking away. It grated on my nerves. “Gosh, can't imagine that,” I muttered.

He set his pen down and leaned back to give me his undivided attention. If he had on glasses, this would be where he would take them off. “Levi is… not the easiest person to get along with at times, I'll admit, and he knows this, but life has a way of effecting us all differently. It hasn't been easy. He's only ever seen loss, especially when he was very young, and that takes a toll on people--depression, abandonment issues, trust issues, you name it. When people constantly die around you or just flat out leave, why would you want to get close to anybody at all?

“He's definitely learned to trust again, but it's still rough on him--on all of us. Time does heal, but it still leaves its scars, Jean. You'll learn that the hard way as we all have, unfortunately.

“Immortality…” He shook his head, and I could see the sadness and depth in his eyes. Eyes were windows to the soul, and his… his were very clear. “It isn't worth it sometimes.”

“Then why don't we all just kill ourselves and get it over with? What's the point of still living when all we're gonna do is suffer?” _How did we get into such deep conversation so fucking fast?_

“Some say life is a gift, and whether we like it or not, we've been raised to appreciate gifts--the thought behind them. Life is so very painful, but there is just enough ease and beauty to keep us from wanting to die. When things are at their absolute worst, the universe has a way of reminding us that in the darkest nights, there will always be a sunrise.

“Others argue that fear is our main motivator for living. We are afraid of change, and living is all we know. Death is so very different. Many are terrified of what they don't know, and when the majority believes your species don't have souls, what is left for us after we perish?” He shrugged. “Even I at my old age have no clue whatsoever.

“I do not wish to die yet. There is so much I've done and an infinitely vast amount of things left.” He placed his palms down on the desk. They were manicured neatly, nails blunt and rounded. “I have two daughters that rely on me, and I have a husband. I cannot afford to leave them. I do not wish to cause them pain as well. They are my family, and I would do anything to protect them even if it means dealing with whatever pain I have--big or small--as it comes. Does that answer your question?”

I bit my lip and nodded. “I think so.”

He nodded to himself and rested his elbows on the table too. “I heard about the ice cream incident.”

“What exactly did you hear about it?”

“One of your friend's brothers came in and started insulting you and his brother. Then before you could--what is it the kids say nowadays?--start throwing hands, Mikasa broke his nose, and they left.”

My jaw was already starting to hurt from how hard I was squeezing it. I didn't want to start laughing, but the throwing hands comment was too much. I coughed and scratched my cheek in an attempt to hide my smile. “Sounds about right.”

He nodded to himself. “I hope she didn't use all her strength. We don't need them to suspect anything.”

“Yeah, that'd be bad,” I agreed.

“Now, if it had been you that punched him, on the other hand, I don't think they would have even considered it.”

I put my hand on my chest. “I'm so offended right now.” His eyebrow rose ever so slightly. “Wait, did you just make a joke?”

“Was there anything specific you came in here for?” he asked, lacing his fingers together and totally ignoring my comment.

I squinted. “Yeah, but I don't know if I wanna tell you now.”

He looked like he was repressing a smile. “I didn’t mean to insult you, Jean. I was merely pointing out a fact.”

I grumbled in response.

“Well, if you don’t want to talk now, you can come back whenever you--”

“I wanted to say I’m sorry,” I blurted out.

“I’m sorry?” he parroted.

My cheeks heated up, and I looked down at the hands I was fiddling with in my lap. “M’sorry. For, y’know. Getting all pissy. About not telling me about the hunters. I-I mean, I realize there’s a lot more I need to learn, and I’m not going to know it all right away. So um… yeah.”

It was silent for a moment, and when he cleared his throat, I looked up at him. “I accept and appreciate your apology, Jean. I remember what it was like to not know what was going on, to have things constantly thrown at you and be perpetually confused and frustrated, so I’ll try to tell you everything I know before it becomes relevant, okay?”

I nodded. “Okay.” I stood up and clasped my hands behind my back, feeling like I should bow but not actually succumbing to the feeling. “Thanks.”

He nodded and smiled. “Have a good day. I’ll see you tomorrow night.”

Turning around, I started heading toward the office doors but stopped and nearly had a heart attack when I saw Levi leaning his shoulder against the frame with his arms crossed. “Jesus!” I exclaimed, covering my chest with my palm.

“Far from it,” he replied sarcastically.

 _Was he there the whole freaking time?_ There was a flare in my chest when I thought about that. It was one thing for me to apologize to Erwin, but it was another to have Levi listening in on it. I don’t know. There was something about him that just ground on my nerves. Maybe it was just a clash in personalities or something.

“Levi, leave the kid alone,” Erwin mildly told him from behind me.

Levi pushed off the doorframe and stepped aside so I could pass by. I didn’t look at him, afraid of starting some sort of Mexican standoff. I didn’t think I could deal with that right now.

“Wait, Jean.”

I turned back around and looked at Erwin. “Yeah?”

“We’re going to have to get you registered soon.”

“Registered? What does that mean?”

“I believe you heard me reference the council a few times already. They’re our governing body for vampires all over the world. It became required several decades ago that each new vampire be registered--fingerprinting, getting an ID, and other things.”

I furrowed my brows. “That sounds… Hitler-ish.”

“It isn’t,” he assured me. “Think of it more like becoming an official citizen. Those of us that don’t have this done within a year can be considered rogue if found out about, and run the risk of being decapitated should the council deem it necessary.”

My eyes widened. “Decapitation? What the fuck. Why haven’t we done this yet?” Shit, man. I wasn’t so sure about getting an ID, but if it meant keeping my head then I could deal.

“We have to take you to one of the branches. The closest one is an hour and a half away, I believe.”

“We could make it there in, like, a day. We could go in the morning, and my parents would never know.”

I noticed Levi had been strangely quiet, but he chose now to speak up. “Who will watch your brother and sister? What happens if it takes longer than expected, and you aren’t home when your parents get home? What if one of them comes home early, and you aren’t there?” he demanded.

“Ugh, alright. Fine, jeez.” I leaned against the doorframe Levi had abandoned earlier. “When can we go then?”

Erwin sighed. “I don’t know. We have until next year, but it’s always better to get it done sooner. We’ll figure something out.”

“‘Kay.” I pushed off the wood and stood up straight. “I should go back and check on the rugrats--make sure they haven’t burned the place down and such.”

“We’ll see you tomorrow,” he replied. “Be safe on the way home.”

On the way out, I mumbled, “I’m a vampire. I think being safe from other humans is the least of my worries.”

* * *

The door closed behind Jean with a click. It was perfectly clear to Erwin, the sound sharp and high-pitched. Even after all these years of being a vampire, it still amazed him how much he could hear. He knew through Mikasa’s regular briefings that Jean’s hearing was progressing far faster than his sight was, but Erwin knew the boy still had no idea what was to come.

With a sigh, he leaned back and rubbed the bridge of his nose. As many times as he’d explained their world to those he’d changed, those he felt were worth saving, he’d always forgotten to say something--to inform them of the one thing they’d end up needing. For Mina, it was that she needed to lie low; she couldn’t just go around feeding from whomever she wanted, whenever she wanted. For Thomas, it was to avoid doing anything strange in front of others. And for Jean, it was that there were hunters.

Even though Erwin hadn’t been the one to turn Jean, he still felt responsible. For centuries he’d been trying to give others second chances, been teaching them the ropes, been guiding them until they left him in one way or another. Seeing a fledgling vampire struggling so much made his heart hurt, and it was always so difficult not to butt in all the time. Mikasa was Jean’s sire, and Erwin could help Mikasa as much as he could, but it was ultimately up to her to watch over the boy.

“Tch,” Levi scoffed, coming into the office and taking the seat Jean had abandoned. “You’d think his parents would’ve taught him some manners.”

Erwin raised an eyebrow with a small smile. “They must’ve. He came over to apologize. You know that since you so rudely eavesdropped.”

Levi rolled his eyes. “We both know you would’ve told me about it later.”

“That’s true, but he doesn’t really trust us. He merely listens because we know more than him, and I don’t think that was the right thing to do to gain his trust.”

Erwin’s mate slouched in the chair and crossed his arms, stubborn as ever. “Kid can deal with it. He’s rude and annoying anyway.”

“Not unlike somebody else I know,” Erwin replied with a challenging tilt of his head.

Gray eyes narrowed to slits. “You’re rude and annoying too. You know what I did back in the day to horses that were disrespectful like that?”

Erwin outright laughed at that, a full-bellied laugh. “Oh, Levi. Cut the crap. Don’t be so hard on him. He’s just a scared, confused kid. We all were once.”

After a few moments of glaring, Levi finally relented and stood up. “Fine, but you’re still getting punished later.”

“We’ll see about that,” Erwin replied, shamelessly staring at Levi’s ass as he left. Through their bond, Erwin saw exactly what whip Levi planned on using for said punishment. With a low chuckle, he got back to work. Paperwork wasn’t going to finish itself, unfortunately.

* * *

A few days later, I woke up sore. I had no idea vampires even got sore, but my limbs were fucking screaming at me. I guess that’s what happens when a wiry dude like me tries to climb trees and sprint after woodland creatures. I had no idea why I hadn’t been blessed with the gift of song. Snow White made it look so goddamn easy.

Thankfully, we didn’t run across any hunters last night. We were on edge the whole time anyway, but it was better to be safe than sorry, I guess.

Slowly, I dragged myself out of bed and into a hot shower. The steaming water felt a-fucking-mazing on my now permanently cool skin. My hair was a bird’s nest. Twigs and leaves were literally stuck in my hair, and I had no idea how I slept last night without getting stabbed in the scalp. Then again, I do sleep like the dead.

No pun intended.

It was much easier to move once I was done, and I also felt better since I wasn’t covered in grime anymore. I actually was feeling pretty chipper. Who knew a little bit of exercise could make somebody feel this way? It was no wonder why Sasha and Marco went out for cross country all these years.

 _Marco._ There was a physical pang in my chest. I hadn’t heard from him since we had our argument. No morning snaps of him half awake without a shirt on. No asking about how each other’s days were going. No midnight ice cream runs. Nothing.

With a deep breath, I pushed all of that to the side. If he wasn’t going to text me, I wasn’t going to bother. We weren’t supposed to be friends now anyway--not that he knew that.

I was toweling off my hair when I went into my room and nearly died of heart failure. Mikasa was on my bed, leaning against the wall.

“What the fuck is with you vampires and sneaking up on me? Do you get off on it or something?” I shouted, sliding down the door to sit on the floor.

“Your brother let me in,” she replied, twisting a ring on her finger.

Cracking the door open, I shoved my mouth to the open space. “Percy! You’re fucking grounded!”

“What? Why? I didn’t do anything!” his voice called back a moment later.

“You let a girl into my room!”

“Well, you can’t seem to get anybody in there on your own. I thought I was doing you a favor!”

I pulled back and shut the door with a noise of frustration. “I am so fucking offended.”

Mikasa cleared her throat. “Jean.”

I looked up and properly looked at her. I could see now that she seemed nervous, uneasy. If you didn’t know her, you’d think she looked exactly the same, but now that I was paying attention, I could see the subtle differences. Her fingers were still twisting the ring, and her jaw was clenched. Normally the picture of perfection, her shirt was slightly wrinkled, and flyaways drifted around her face.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Eren asked me out this morning,” she said, not even bothering with any buildup to the confession.

I blinked, not quite believing what I’d just heard. “He what now?”

She gave me a slightly exasperated look. “He came to the house looking for me and asked if I’d go see a movie with him this weekend.” A line formed between her brows. “Levi came up behind me, and he bolted, so I don’t know what _that_ was supposed to mean.”

“Hey, in Eren’s defense, Levi is a scary man.”

“He’s five-three.”

“Dynamite comes in small packages,” I countered. “If I were Eren, I’d be scared of the guy too. You’re basically his daughter, and I’ve seen the way that midget can take down a doe.” I shuddered, thinking about our hunt last night. “And I’ve told Eren pretty much everything.”

Her slender fingers fiddled with the edge of a sheet that was thrown lazily on my bed. “That’s beside the point. What should I do? Should I go out with him?”

“Kasa, you’re asking the wrong person,” I said with a sigh. Pulling my legs up to my chest, I rested my chin on my knees and wrapped my arms around my shins. “I’ve never been in a relationship before in my life.” And not for lack of trying.

“Why should that matter?” I looked up into her gray eyes. “I’m asking you because you know both of us, and I trust your opinion.”

My chest got all warm and fluttery. Mikasa really was one of few words, but she always made her sentences count. I was touched that she trusted and respected me, and I guess I never really thought about receiving those same things in return. In my mind, they Ackerman-Smiths were untouchable, immortal beings, and I was still a puny human. A CEO compared to a new bottom-of-the-food-chain worker.

I’d been a vampire too for roughly one month compared to being a human for about 17 years, so I knew it would take time to adjust my mindset, but now was a good a time as ever to start.

“Honestly? I don’t see any harm in going to see a movie. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to go out with him again. It isn’t like he’ll hold it against you or anything.”

She bit her lip. “You think so?”

I shrugged. “Sure. And if it turns out that you _do_ like him, he already knows you’re a vampire and is cool with it.”

She nodded slowly. “You have a point.”

“Duh. I’m always right.” I grinned.

She shot me a look that said, _Uh huh. Keep talking._ “Okay,” she said, slapping her palms down firmly on the tops of her thighs. “I’ll go out to see a movie with him.”

I smiled, and it deepened when I thought of something. Mikasa gave me a suspicious look when I reached between my feet under my bed and pulled out the box of condoms my mom gave me. Sliding my finger under the tab, I pulled some out and handed them to her. “Here. I won’t be using them, and if you two are going to do anything, I’d rather you be safe,” I said with a mock serious look. “We don’t need any tiny Erens running around.”

She spluttered and laughed, rolling her eyes as she accepted what I held out. “Thanks, _Dad_.”

I laughed too and tossed the box up onto the bed, crossing my legs after that. “Don’t call me that. I’ll kinkshame you.”

She rolled her eyes again. “Jesus, Jean. You’re horrible.”

I just winked at her. “You know that he’ll probably be too nervous to try anything, right?”

She arched an eyebrow slightly. “Nervous of me? Please.”

I gestured to her with my palms face up. “You’re a beautiful, immortal vampire. Who wouldn’t be intimidated to have sex with you?”

Normally, I wouldn’t’ve talked about sex with another girl--or basically anybody, for that matter--but hey, it was just Mikasa, and Marco obviously wouldn’t want to hear about my sire getting it on with our friend. He’d probably try to bust down the door and shoot her like a goddamn cock block.

Her cheeks turned pink. “You aren’t sore on the eyes either. I’m sure there are plenty of people that wouldn’t mind knocking boots with you.”

Ah, turning the attention back on me. Classic. “Actually, no. Not one person has ever shown any sort of sexual interest in me.” She squinted at me like she thought I was lying. “I’m serious! I haven’t even been kissed.”

“ _Now,_ I think you’re lying.”

I huffed. “I am not. I got kissed a few times as dares or during spin the bottle, but those don’t count.”

She pursed her lips and moved to sit down on the floor. “Come here.”

I squinted at her suspiciously, but I shuffled closer even though I thought I knew what was coming.

She bit her lip and leaned in close to me, cool fingers resting on top of my hand. I noticed that she smelled good, comforting and safe. If that came from her being my creator, then I could understand why progeny and sires hooked up.

Her lashes cast shadows over her cheeks as they fluttered shut. I could only sit there in shock and anticipation as her hair slid over her shoulder and framed her face--a dark, silky curtain separating us from the rest of the world.

Ever so softly, her lips brushed over mine. My lips tingled from the light contact, and my eyes shut as I leaned forward into her, flipping my hands over to let her fingers rest in my palms.

Sitting on the floor in my room, we shared various kisses--some light and questioning, some firm and absolute. My hand ended up coming up to hold the side of her face, and I wondered if this was what I was supposed to do? Should I run my fingers through her hair? Should I be attempting to touch anywhere else? Did I want to?

The longer I thought about that, the longer I realized that I did, and I didn’t. I wanted to touch _somebody_ more--along their neck and chest and sides--but not specifically her. I didn’t want to do anything I’d regret later with her. My rock--my best friend--wasn’t here for the first time in just under a decade, and I realized that Mikasa had become like a coastline for me. A place of sure footing that would always be there no matter what. A place from where I could dip my toes in the water, but it wouldn’t force me into it.

Eventually, I pulled back and rested my forehead against hers. “Thanks,” I whispered.

Her hand smoothed up and down my forearm. _No problem,_ it said.

I pulled away and flopped down on the ground, resting my head in her lap with my eyes closed. “I’m good for a nap.”

“It’s noon,” she said, burying her hands in my hair and gently scratching at my scalp.

I merely grunted in response, and we stayed together in a companionable silence for what felt like a small eternity.

* * *

It turns out we didn't have to wait too long for my registration to get done. My parents announced that they were going out of town to see some golf tournament several hours away next weekend. Why they were doing that, I had no clue. None of us kids were interested in golf or sports in general, so they had arranged for the kids to stay with some of their friends overnight, and I could either do the same or just stay home.

Immediately after dinner, I told Mikasa about it, and we started preparing to head up to get me registered. I told my parents I'd stay home that night, and they didn't suspect a thing. I wasn't sure if I should be ashamed that I could lie so easily to them or not.

I told Eren, of course, about what’d been happening to me in the past several days, but I left out the part where Mikasa and I kissed. I figured he’d get weirded out that A. he kissed the same girl I did, and B. said girl was supposed to be similar to a parental figure for me. Though, she was more of the mom friend and less of a mother, per se.

Anyway, he was as attentive as ever as I vented over a phone call about how I now had to become registered. He listened as I confessed that it actually kinda freaked me out that I was going to be in contact with a bunch of other vampires that were complete strangers. He didn’t try to comfort me or anything mushy like that, but he did tell me that he was a phone call away whenever I needed him. Even though I didn’t say it aloud, he knew I appreciated it.

Once I was finally done with my small mental breakdown, he told me that Mikasa had called him and agreed to go out with him. It was obvious from his tone that he was totally bewildered over this--he never expected her to agree to do it--and he was now stressing over the whole thing--what he was going to wear, where he should take her to eat, and even whether or not he should drive his mom’s car or just walk her to and from the theater since it was only a few blocks away from her house.

In the end, I offered to ask Mikasa if she had any preferences for him even though I told him that she really didn’t have any. (I texted her later, and she said she didn’t care, so I got to rub it in his face. Win for me.)

Our phone call ended, and I stared out my window for several long moments. I really longed to talk to Marco even though I knew he probably didn’t want to hear from me. We’d never gone this long without talking before, and I was getting antsy. Eren was actually nice to talk to, but he wasn’t Marco--he wasn’t my best friend or the one I’d imprinted on.

I’d stopped blaming the longing on the imprint after a few days. The guy had been by my side since grade school, and I missed him. There was nothing romantic about missing your friend.

I was close to falling asleep when I bit the bullet and sent him a goodnight text, but I plugged my phone in and drifted off before I went to sleep, not expecting any answer in return anyway.

* * *

When I woke up, he’d responded with a good morning text, and hope fluttered in my chest.

* * *

The night Eren was supposed to go out with Mikasa, he was an actual trainwreck. I would know. I was over at his house as he was getting ready. His hair was sticking up at weird angles from the gel he’d tried to use before I’d gotten there. Clothes were laid out on the bed, and he would put one outfit on only to change his mind and put something else on. Rinse and repeat.

After about the sixth shirt change--the second time he’d put the same goddamn shirt on, might I add--I grabbed him by the shoulders and forced him to look at me. “Get your shit together, man.”

“Sorry, sorry.” He bit his lip and wrung his hands in a very un-Eren-like show of nerves. “Just… what if I fuck this up completely? She might never want to even see me again. She won’t come over here to help you eat anymore, and she won’t hang with the rest of our friends or _anything_ ,” he all but wailed.

I shook him a little. “Stop overthinking things.” I grabbed a shirt from the bed, the most casual yet dressy one he had. “Put this motherfucker on, wash the gel out of your goddamn hair, and get it together. She won’t be upset if you’re wearing these pants or those, but she _will_ get turned off if you keep acting like this.”

He took a deep breath and nodded to himself. “She’s just super pretty,” he mumbled sheepishly. “And confident.”

I squeezed his shoulders almost sympathetically, a freckled face crossing my mind. “Right, and she’s going out with you because she likes you the way you are, so _quit being a pussy_.”

That seemed to snap him out of it. He stepped back with an eyeroll. “Fine, fine.” He grabbed the shirt from my hands and headed to the bathroom to get all that shit out of his hair.

* * *

Ten minutes before he was supposed to be at her house, Eren and I piled into my truck and headed over. It was quiet except for the sound of the radio and the humming of the engine. The air conditioning in the truck wasn’t the best, so the windows were rolled down. It was a nice evening now that the sun was going down.

We pulled up in front, and I turned the car off. “Okay,” I said, turning to face him. “You’re going to be fine. You’ve got this--you’re the man.”

He nodded, looking at the house behind me. “I’m the man.”

“You’re the man,” I repeated.

“I’m the man!” he parroted back to me, voice stronger and more confident.

I clapped him on the shoulder. “Go get her, tiger.”

He looked at me with a blank face. “Don’t ever call me that again.”

This time I punched him in the shoulder hard enough to make him yelp in pain and rub his arm. “Get out of my car, shithead.”

He didn’t have to be told twice, opening the creaky door and shutting it behind him. I watched as he took a deep breath to steady himself and then headed up the sidewalk. Silently, I cheered for him, but I certainly didn’t do it aloud--that would be lame, and he’d for sure try to kill me.

Even from the car, I could hear him knock on the door. Moments later, it opened, and Kasa was standing there with a big--well, big for her--smile. I rolled up the windows to give them some privacy. Their voices could still be heard through the glass, but it was muffled now.

They exchanged some small talk, and I guessed he told her how beautiful she looked--which was true. She was in light jean shorts and a flowy, black tank top. Even though it was warm, she still had on her red scarf. The outfit was extremely simple, but it showed a lot more skin than usual--mostly on her legs--and it was certainly flattering.

Eventually, they left, and I shot Eren a thumbs up when he looked my way.

As soon as they were out of sight, I got out of the truck and knocked on the door myself. Historia answered the door and smiled when she saw me.

I gave a little wave. “Is it okay if I stay here for awhile? I’d like to be here when she gets back.”

With a nod, she opened the door some more and stepped out of the way. “Of course. You’re always welcome here.”

I smiled a bit sheepishly, and when I walked through the threshold, it felt like I was just another part of their batshit crazy family.

* * *

It turned out that Erwin and Levi were going out themselves. It was strange to see them head out to the car, hand in hand. Erwin opened Levi’s door for him, and for once the grouch looked happy--eyebrows upturned in the middle and a smile quirking the corner of his lips. I watched through the crack in the curtains as Erwin pressed a gentle kiss to his husband’s forehead. I had to look away--the moment felt too intimate for somebody like me to witness.

Letting the curtain fall out of my grasp, I flopped onto the couch next to Historia who was searching through Netflix on the TV, glasses perched on her nose. Apparently, dhampirs could still have issues with their eyesight at times. Who knew? “What are we watching?” I asked.

She chewed on the inside of her cheek, eyes on the screen. “Dunno. You have any preferences?”

“Nope.” I popped the p.

We both sighed in unison.

Neither of us had decided on something to watch yet when I got a text. I ignored it, figuring they could wait. If it was an emergency, they could call me. Besides, my parents only ever called, so I didn’t have to worry about getting in trouble for not answering them.

The two of us had finally decided on some Netflix original show when I got a second text. Again, I ignored it, but it wasn’t until I got a third that I finally looked at them.

**From: Armin**

**Jean? Is everything okay?**

**Is Eren with you?**

**Hello?**

Frowning, I tapped out a response.

**To: Armin**

**Everything is fine why?**

I’d barely even hit send when I got a response.

**From: Armin**

**I just had a bad feeling.**

I squinted at the screen. The kid was strange sometimes.

**To: Armin**

**Oh. He’s on his date with Mikasa. I’ll tell him to text you when he’s back.**

**From: Armin**

**Okay.**

* * *

I was being kissed.

Hands were on my sides, trailing up and down slowly, tenderly. It was almost enough to tickle. Their lips were soft and, well, plush was a good word for it even though the word sounded so fucking pretentious. It was easy to sink my blunt teeth into their bottom lip, so I did. A low groan came from their chest, and they pressed closer to me, hands reaching down along my thighs to pull my knee up and rest it against their hip. I knew we were horizontal somehow.

Their tongue traced my teeth and newly grown fangs, and I parted my mouth some more, loving how the pressure felt on them. They seemed to know this, and they pushed their tongue against one of them hard enough to draw blood--which wasn’t hard to do since they were sharp as hell.

Blood mixed with the cinnamon taste, and I made a desperate, breathy sound from my throat. I sucked at the small wound on the tip of their tongue, and they let me for a moment before pulling away, and I chased it, not wanting to let go of something so good. But their teeth kept me away. Teeth and… and their fangs. Needless to say, I was confused.

“You like that,” they-- _Marco_ \--said in a low voice. “You want my blood, baby?”

My eyes opened, and I could see his head, mouth traveling down my jaw between his sentences. I wanted to ask him why he was what he hated so much, but that didn’t come out. “Please,” I whined--desperate, needy.

He pulled back, and his stare burned into my eyes, brown eyes intense and dark. “Then take it.”

An animal growl vibrated low in my throat, and I bared my teeth. When he tilted his head away from me to expose his neck, my fangs elongated even more. Fully extended, they reached a good half inch past my bottom lip.

Without even thinking about it, I buried my face against the curve where his neck met his shoulder and bit down, whimpering when my mouth filled with his sweet, savory blood. And oh god his _moan_ unhinged me. His arms were trembling as he tried to keep most of his weight off me--a difficult feat since I was pulling on his shoulders and wrapping my legs around his waist.

My eyes rolled back in my head. I’d never had sex, but this… I was sure this was a rival for it in the pleasure department. Or maybe it was because he was attempting to grind up against me. That also could’ve been causing the arousal.

Tasting his blood made me possessive. I wanted to claim him again and again and again. I wanted everybody to know who created him and who was making him moan like this--making him lose the composure he wore all the time like a second skin. Nobody else got to see him like this, and the thought made me swirl my tongue over his skin just to hear his pretty, pretty sounds.

I shifted my hips to let him grind his against mine just so, and fuck. Fuck, fuck, _fuck_. I couldn’t have stopped the way I cried out even if I wanted to. The smell of his blood was filling my nasal cavity as I pressed my lips against the tan skin of his neck, sucking and nipping my way up to his ear.

“ _Shit_ ,” he hissed into my ear when I used my tongue to pull his earlobe into my mouth. It made my hips jerk up unexpectedly, and god _dammit_ , I wanted him. I wanted to claim him as mine again so much. I wanted--no, I _needed_ \--

A loud shrilling sound made me jolt awake, and I sat up quickly, rubbing my eyes. My heart was pounding, and oh god… fuck. I pulled the blanket Historia and I were sharing around my waist some more. She stirred but didn’t wake. I was thankful for that. The last thing I needed was for her to see my _stupid fucking boner_.

The shrilling sound came again, and I realized it was coming from where my phone had dropped on the floor. I reached down and flipped it over, frowning at the screen and swiping the answer bubble. “Hello?” I asked, voice raspy from sleep.

“Jean?” Mikasa exclaimed. “Oh god. Jean, I don’t know where I am. Eren. He…” There was a pause that seemed to drag on forever. The only things I could hear were muffled voices and groans.

I was awake fully now. “What’s wrong Kasa?” She sounded scared. Mikasa _never_ sounded scared.

“I-I don't know where I _am_ , and there's so… there's so much fucking _blood_.” Her voice started to sound muffled like she was covering her nose. “Eren, don't fall asleep.”

A lump started rising in my throat. _Is Eren okay? I have a bad feeling._ “Okay, okay. Where does it look like you're at? Landmarks.”

I could hear her shaky breathing over the line. “Um…” She sniffled. “I can see a park across the street. A-and there's a fountain in it?”

I squeezed my eyes shut and rubbed my forehead. Fountain. Fountain. _Fountain!_ I knew where she was at. “Go to the fountain, and stay there. _Don’t move_ , okay? You hear me? I’m gonna come get you.”

“I won’t move. Just--” Quiet cursing. “ _Hurry_.” And she hung up.

Without wasting a moment, I jumped off the couch and shook Historia awake, half chub forgotten pretty damn fast. She looked up at me blearily, but I didn’t wait for her to get up before I started jamming my feet into my shoes. “Eren and Mikasa are in trouble, and we have to go get them.”

She got up and started to put her own shoes on, brows drawing together. “What do you mean?”

I straightened and searched my pockets for my keys. “Get your first aid kit and call your dads. It’s an emergency.”

Moments later we were piling into the truck, and I was speeding down Avenue E at least twenty miles past the speed limit. Historia was on the phone, but I was deaf to what she was saying.

_Is Eren okay? I have a bad feeling._

My jaw hurt from how hard I was clenching my teeth. That stupid fucking lump was still in my throat, and it was hard to breathe--like there was something that had my chest in a vice grip. My fingers were cold, palms sweaty, and my hands were shaking. I gripped the steering wheel and prayed I wouldn’t accidentally make us crash.

It seemed like forever, but I finally pulled up to the curb and parked as close to the fountain as I could. The truck was barely in park before I was out and fucking _running_ to where Mikasa was kneeling by the fence surrounding the stones, mulch, and well-tended flowers. In her arms was Eren, face washed out by the light of the full moon.

I scraped my hands when I dropped down next to them and looked into Mikasa’s scared eyes. “We have to get him back to your house,” I said in a voice much calmer than I felt. “You two can sit in the bed of my truck, but you have to help me move him.”

She nodded and bit her lip. The two of us put our arms around him and started carrying him. I didn’t dare look down to see where he was bleeding at yet. Even though I could smell it, I didn’t think I’d be able to handle it if I saw it. The feeling of it seeping onto my clothes was more than enough.

Historia covered her mouth when she saw Eren and opened the tailgate when I told her to. Before either of us started to lift him up, she crawled up into the back to help pull him up. It took no time to get my friend settled in the back, head cradled in Mikasa’s lap and wounds being covered by Historia.

I drove like a bat out of hell for the second time that night, surprised that I didn’t get pulled over since I peeled out right in front of the fucking police station.

Erwin and Levi were already there when I pulled up. As soon as they saw us carrying Eren’s limp form, Levi came out and took him from us. The kitchen table was cleared off, and the lights were all on, so when they laid him out, the damage was all fully visible.

Scrapes and cuts littered his body, but they were minor compared to the three giant _gouges_ across his chest and his bloody, mangled arm. Blood was dripping onto the table, and I fucking hated myself because I wanted nothing more than to lick up every last drop of it.

“What the fuck happened?” Levi demanded as he and Erwin started to disinfect Eren’s wounds.

Mikasa could only stare in horror at our friend’s pale face, speechless and in shock.

Reaching out, I grasped her hand in mine. She started and then squeezed it back tightly. “What happened?” I asked her quietly.

She swallowed and gave a shuddery breath. “W-we were on the way home when th-this _animal_ came out of nowhere. S-so I grabbed his hands we ran, b-but it caught up to us.” She sniffed and swiped under her eyes angrily with her free hand. Blood smeared onto her cheek. “He threw himself in front of me when it tried to attack me. He s-saved me. A-and then hunters showed up and shot it, and it followed them instead.”

Levi let out an impressively long string of curse words under his breath. “What did this animal look like, Mikasa?” he asked, voice surprisingly even and non-threatening.

“A wolf,” she breathed.

Erwin and Levi shared a look. “Werewolf,” they said in unison.

“Fuck,” Levi added.

I looked back and forth between the two of them. “Wait, you mean to tell me a werewolf just attacked my friend?” Erwin gave me a steady look but didn’t answer. “What’s going to happen to him?”

They exchanged another look. “He’ll become a werewolf,” Erwin said finally.

“What will happen if he doesn’t turn into one?” I asked, the _but_ obvious in his tone.

Levi looked at me this time, but his gaze was almost pitying.

“You three: go put blankets and a mattress downstairs in the basement. This is going to be a long night,” Erwin said, voice clear and commanding. For a moment, I imagined him as a leader of an army--a damn good one.

Historia immediately started doing as she was told, but it took me and Mikasa a bit longer to process. I squeezed her fingers and didn’t let go until she returned it.

As soon as a mattress--I had no idea where it came from--and blankets among other things were in the basement, they moved Eren down the stairs. His cuts were all bandaged up, and the smell of blood wasn’t so strong anymore. In hindsight, they probably had us doing all that stuff not because Eren needed a bed but because we needed something to do--something to keep us from eating him.

Eren still hadn’t woken up, and I was beyond worried. He was either going to change or die tonight, and there was nothing I could do keep it from happening. There was nobody to fight now. No bad guys to rough up and send away. It was too late.

_Is Eren okay? I have a bad feeling._

I pulled my phone out to call Armin and tell him--he’s the one who had the premonition after all--when I noticed I’d gotten a text from Marco.

**From: Marco**

**Don’t go out tonight. There’s a werewolf on the loose.**

**We killed it but still stay inside. Please.**

The lump in my throat got bigger, and I was crying and laughing like a motherfucking maniac at the absurdity of it all. My friend since childhood who I’d confided in with my supernatural issues was also going to become one of the supernatural himself. And to top it off, our other friend was out to kill both of us now.

Deciding to call Armin later, I shoved my phone back in my pocket, and that’s when they started.

The screams.

Oh god.

Eren’s voice could probably be heard down the block. It was a wonder that the cops didn’t get called on us. For hours, he shouted and screamed and cried, and it was all perfectly clear for me even though the door was shut and locked. Cracking and scratching sounds came through the door too, and eventually, the sounds turned into animalistic howls.

He’d shifted.

He was alive.

But now, he had to live with this for the rest of his life.

Sliding down the wall to the floor in the hallway, I buried my head in my hands and fought off the urge to cry again.

* * *

I didn’t know when I’d fallen asleep--I couldn’t believe I actually _had_ \--but my eyes were covered in crusty shit when I sat up. My back and hip hurt like a bitch from sleeping on the floor, but somebody had put a pillow under my head sometime during the night.

Everything was completely silent. I squinted at the sunlight filtering in through the window. After last night, the quiet was jarring. Only soft breathing could be heard from Historia and Mikasa--both of whom were asleep on the couch.

I stood up and stretched, going to the basement door and putting my ear up to it. Silence. Concentrating, I listened harder and could hear a fluttery heartbeat and shallow breathing. It didn't even hurt my pride to admit I just about started crying again--in relief this time.

Pressing my forehead against the wood, I gave a shuddery sigh. “I'm so sorry, Eren. I… I never meant for this to happen. Not to you--not to anybody.” I squeezed my eyes shut and clenched my teeth together. _Deep breaths. Deep breaths._

Quiet movement could be heard from upstairs, and moments later the Levi came down the stairs. He didn't say anything when he saw the redness in my eyes. Just gestured with his head for me to follow him into the kitchen.

I leaned against the island and crossed my arms as he turned on the Keurig machine by the fridge. “Erwin insisted on this stupid piece of shit,” he muttered. It made some growling noises in protest. “You want some?” he asked, turning to face me.

“Uh, sure.” He gestured to the rack of coffee-filled cups, and I spun it around until I found some blonde roast from Starbucks. A little known fact: Blonde roast is the strongest followed by medium roast and then dark roast--which was perfect now because I needed something strong to get me through the day.

Oh my god. I still had to go to become legal today.

Levi plucked the small, plastic cup from my hand and put it in the coffee maker first. “Creamer is in the fridge if you want it.”

I opened up the fridge and pulled out some cinnamon flavored creamer. As soon as my drink was ready, I accepted it from him and put a decent amount in it, watching the liquid swirl around and around on its own--a product of convection.

There was an awkward silence as I stood in their kitchen and stared into a coffee mug while Levi prepared his own cup. Eren’s breathing couldn’t be heard from in here, and everybody else was still asleep.

I blew on the steam and leaned back against the counter again, wishing I’d pretended to be asleep when he’d come downstairs.

He cleared his throat. “We contacted some friends of ours last night--werewolves--and they agreed to come help Eren for a few days.”

Looking at him, I blinked in surprise. “You’re friends with werewolves?”

Honestly, I should’ve expected the look he sent my way. “Of course we are. Us monsters have to stick together," he replied ironically.

I inhaled deeply and repressed a sigh. Barely. He had a point. “How far away do they live?”

“Couple hours at most. They’ll be here later this morning to watch him, so we can take you for your registration.”

I nodded. “How many are there?”

He blew steam off his own drink. “Two. They’re mates, and they’ve been together for...” The gears could practically be seen spinning in his head. “Forty years? Fifty?”

Jesus. Looks like we were going to be dealing with some old geezers. “And you’re absolutely sure they can help Eren?”

We made eye contact for the first time since we got in the kitchen. I expected him to make some smartass comment, but he didn’t surprisingly. “I promise they can help your friend.”

Biting my lip, I nodded. “Thank you,” I told him, and I really meant it.

He merely grunted, and the moment was over.

Sensing that I’d been dismissed, I took my coffee and sat in front of the basement door. I didn’t know if I was allowed to go down there yet or not, and I didn’t want to fuck anything up. I was obviously extremely worried about whether he was okay or not. Physically, I was sure he was fine, but mentally was a totally different story. Even though he didn’t have to die to change into a werewolf--as far as I knew--it probably felt like he had.

I couldn’t even imagine how it must’ve felt for him. He was in such agony--the screams were extremely obvious when it came to that. At least when I’d changed, I’d been deader than a doornail--literally. I was sure the headaches and adjustments for the two weeks or so after that were nothing compared to what he’d felt last night.

Ten minutes or so had passed with me leaning back against the door when I decided that I should tell Armin what happened. Part of me was uneasy about telling him because what if he told other people? What if he freaked out and ended up never talking to us again? But the other part of me knew that was highly unlikely. This was Armin. Literally, the worst thing he’d do is probably bombard us with questions forever.

But then again, Marco ended up being a cold-hearted killer, so maybe I didn’t know my friends that well after all.

My drink was cooled off now that over half of it was gone, so I knocked the rest of it back, set the mug in the sink, and went outside to sit on the porch swing. It was one of those mornings was weirdly cool with a nice breeze. If I was a runner, I’d be having the time of my life right now.

Armin answered the phone on the third ring. “Hello?” he asked, obviously having just woken up.

“Hey, Min.” I pushed off the wood with my toes to get moving. “Sorry to wake you up.”

“No, no. It’s okay.” Shuffling noises. “Is everything okay?”

Closing my eyes for a moment to compose myself, I took a deep breath and sighed softly. “No, it’s not.”

There was a pause. “What do you mean? What happened?”

I bit my lip. “This is going to sound super weird, okay? So just bear with me.”

“Okaaayyyy...”

“So you know all those stories from when we were younger about faeries and witches and stuff? Well, they’re real, and Eren got bit last night by a werewolf.”

Without even missing a beat, he said, “And earlier this summer at that party you got bit by one too?”

I blinked several times. “Wait, what?”

“Did you?” he pressed.

“Uh, no. I got turned, um, into a... a vampire.”

He swore quietly under his breath. “I was so close.”

“Hold on. How do you know about all this? Did Eren tell you?”

There was another pause on his end, and I imagined him chewing on the inside of his cheek as he debated. “Can I come over? I think this is something we should probably talk about in person.”

I looked toward the door where the rest of my dysfunctional family was sleeping. “Sure. I’ll text you the address.”

About half an hour later, Armin pulled up in front of the Ackerman-Smith household and sat next to me on the swing. We didn’t talk for awhile, just enjoying the rising sun and lack of heat.

“So you’re a vampire,” he finally said quietly.

I nodded. “Yup.”

“What’s the process? Like, how does it happen?” He pinned me with those baby blues of his. There was nothing there but curiosity and understanding.

“To become a one, you have to... die while there’s vampire blood in your system.”

“Oh.” He was quiet for a moment. “How did...?”

“How did I die?” I looked back at him. His brows drew together as he nodded. I sighed. “I went to sit by the ravine and get some air when I got attacked. I was being fed on, and there was a hand over my mouth, so I bit it and ended up getting a fair amount of blood in me before I fell over the side while I was trying to fight them off. Hit my head on a rock and crushed my skull in. By the time you guys found me, I’d already died and come back.” I laughed bitterly.

He didn’t say anything--just rested his head on my shoulder. Normally, I would’ve been uncomfortable with it, but Armin was just different from the others--even Marco. Plus, he smelled like lemon drops. So I let him comfort me as I closed my eyes and took deep breaths.

“It was Mikasa,” I told him before he could ask. And then I was telling everything--about how scared I was when I saw the bruise on her hand when she was in my house, about what happened with Eren and when I finally caved and told him everything, about how I almost attacked him. I told him how things were different now that I understood where she was coming from--how I wasn’t mad--and I told him about what happened on the Fourth of July--and how we got shot at a few days before that. He was quiet as I told him about how I told Mikasa to go out with him--how I helped him get ready, how I encouraged everything about last night--and how I had to pick him up--how badly he was bleeding and how much I wanted to suck the soul out of his body when I saw all the blood.

He was quiet and listened without saying anything. For several moments he processed everything, and finally, he put his arms around me. “I’ll be here for you too,” he replied firmly, and the dam broke. I held onto him and cried against his shoulder out of relief that he hadn’t left us, out of the guilt I felt for everything that happened with Eren, out of frustration because I wanted things I couldn’t have.

I’d just pulled myself together and was rubbing the shit out of my eyes when the front door opened, and Mikasa stepped out. Thankfully, she didn’t say anything when she saw how much of a wreck I was. “Erwin said it was okay to see Eren.”

I nodded and stood up, slipping past her without waiting to see if Armin would follow. “Let’s go then.”

The basement was quiet--almost eerily so. After all the screams from last night, it felt like there should’ve been noise, but there wasn’t. Little light came through the small windows close to the ceiling, but the hanging lightbulbs were already on.

I gripped the clothes I was holding for Eren. Levi told us that the wolves could be even more possessive and unpredictable than vampires, so I volunteered to go down alone since he knew me better than any of them, and they could run down the stairs if I needed them. However, I wasn’t sure what to expect, and that put me on edge. Could he tear me to shreds? Could he be faster than me, stronger than me? Would he still be a wolf, or would he be a weird human-wolf mutant?

Was my friend a literal furry now?

There was no jump scares when I rounded the corner, thank god. The poor guy was just lying on the mattress on his back, staring up at the ceiling. A blanket covered his waist, and the tattered remains of his clothes were piled in the corner.

“About goddamn time,” he said, causing me to jump, and he threw me a weak smile. Bags were settled beneath his eyes.

I relaxed when I saw that he wasn’t going to jump me any time soon. “Put some clothes on, nudist,” I retorted, trying to lighten the mood by dropping the load on his face.

“Excuse you.” He sat up, wincing. “My body is beautiful. It’s _yours_ that needs some work, skimpy.”

I rolled my eyes. “If you say so, furry.”

He gave me a deadpan look. “If you call me that again, I’m going to eat your arm off.”

I grinned. “Kinky.”

“Nasty,” he replied, putting on his shirt. “Now, get out and start making me something to eat. I’m fucking starved.”

With a dramatic groan, I went upstairs. Everybody looked at me expectantly when I reached the top. I gave them all a smile that I truly felt. “He’s gonna be just fine.”

* * *

The moment we put food--a plate of sausage and eggs--in front of Eren, he wolfed it down--pun intended. He’d always had an appetite, but Jesus. I’d never seen him inhale something so fast.

When he noticed me watching him, he looked up at me innocently. “What?” His irises were... glowing slightly--like those glow-in-the-dark stars you were supposed to stick on your walls and ceiling.

“Nothing, nothing,” I replied, going back to my pancakes. I’d made a joke about putting blood on them instead of syrup, and I was completely shook when Levi tossed a bag onto the table. A-. I looked at it for a moment before I ripped off a corner and drizzled some on my food, giving Levi a challenging look once I’d finished. It might’ve been my imagination, but I thought I saw him smile for a moment.

Armin eyed my plate for the longest time, but he finally focused on eating his own eggs. I had to give him credit, he adjusted much faster than I thought he would’ve. Mentally, I made a note to ask him how he knew about this without any of us telling him and how he knew about Eren being attacked, but that would have to be for another time.

“So how much longer until these guys get here?” I asked.

“About an hour,” Erwin replied from the kitchen.

I buzzed my lips together and swirled a piece of pancake around in the blood before eating it. As much as I hated to admit it, this was much better than syrup.

Eren was the first done, and we sent him upstairs to shower. Shortly after that, Mikasa disappeared. I didn’t try to find her, figuring her and Eren were talking things out--or something, if you know what I mean. I really didn’t want to know.

I’d just sat down when my phone vibrated.

**From: Marco**

**Are you okay? Please tell me you stayed inside.**

**To: Marco**

**I’m not an idiot.**

**From: Marco**

**Well...**

**To: Marco**

**If anybody is the idiot it’s you. You hunted that thing down. Are YOU ok?**

**From: Marco**

**Fine.**

**To: Marco**

**You’re lying.**

I didn’t get a response after that which only proved my point, so I sent him another about ten minutes later.

**To: Marco**

**I’m going to be at Central Park in half an hour.**

**From: Marco**

**Okay.**

* * *

I was sitting on the swings thirty-five minutes later when Marco pulled up. He got out and made his way over with an uneven gait to sit on the swing next to mine. The only noise between us was the sound of the chains squeaking from the movement and the leaves rustling in the breeze.

“You’re limping.” It wasn’t a question.

He didn’t look at me at first--just shrugged. “I’m fine.” When I looked at him sadly, he frowned. “I’m _fine_ , Jean. I promise. It’s just a scratch.”

I looked down at the jeans he was wearing. There was a small bulge around his left calf. “Let me see it.”

“No,” he replied immediately. Then after clearing his throat, “It might attract other beings. The blood,” he supplied, but it was total bullshit, and we both knew it.

Standing up, I crossed my arms and stood in front of him. “Let me see it if it’s just a scratch.” I leaned forward. “Or I’ll pin you down and unwrap it myself.”

He scoffed and pushed off the ground with his toes, pumping his good leg a few times to gain momentum. “Puh-lease. You couldn’t do it even if you wanted to. I’m stronger than you.”

I glared and decided that this--this superiority complex he had--had to end right here, right now.

Reaching out, I grabbed his shirt and yanked him out of the swing and onto the ground. His mouth was the shape of an O, and his eyes were wide; I’d surprised him. Before he could react, I sat my skinny ass on top of him and ground his cheek into the wood chips, wishing somebody had taught me how to fight.

He squirmed and managed to tip me off of him, and I had a realization that this was going to get ugly.

The first thing he did was grab my wrists and tried to pin them against the ground, pushing his side against my stomach to keep me from moving too much. I brought my knee up and hit him in the back. He was probably expecting that but not something quite that hard, judging by the look on his face.

I had to say, vampire strength was definitely a pro because I hit his shoulder blade hard enough that his grip on one of my hands loosened, and I pulled it free, pushing his chin away from me. He used both hands to grab the arm that was attacking his face. Seeing the opening, I grabbed a chunk of his hair and pulled--not as hard as I could but hard enough that he shouted in pain.

The next few seconds were so fast that it must’ve been sheer instinct that was driving me instead of thought. Since he was now trying to pry my fingers out of his hair, I punched his gut, pushed him off, and straddled him, holding his arms above his head in an iron grip.

Both of us were breathing heavily, and the surprise and frustration was rolling off him in waves. The urge to hiss at him was strong, and I just barely kept it repressed. Had it been under different circumstances, I would’ve savored the feeling of him beneath me, marveled at the way his chest was rising and falling, memorized the hardness of his hipbones as they dug into my legs.

I was reminded of my dream last night. The memory of him on top of me was intoxicating, his weight a steady presence.

But this wasn’t a romantic situation in the slightest. I was pissed off at him, and he was in a shitty mood because I’d managed to beat him.

“Next time,” I growled, “just show me your fucking leg, and we won’t have this problem.”

He clenched his jaw and held eye contact with me, brown eyes as rich as the soil beneath us. “Why?”

“Because I _care_ , Marco!” My chest was on fire with this anger. “Do you not see how stupid it is to just charge after things like this? How reckless? You could’ve gotten hurt even worse. You could’ve _died_.”

“ _Somebody_ has to do it!” he shouted back. “If we don’t then nobody will, and even more people will die. Don’t you see that?”

“I don’t give a _fuck_ if other people die because they aren’t you, Marco!”

He looked up at me and didn’t say anything. Both of us were still tense and breathing hard from the arguing. The silence was deafening now that there were no words being spoken, now that we weren’t struggling against each other. My words seemed to echo off the houses surrounding the park and bounce back at me from all sides.

His eyes closed. “Jean…”

I let go of him like he was made of fire. “No!” Jumping to my feet, I swiped at my eyes. Crying was always something I’d done when I’d gotten extremely angry, and I hated it. “Don’t talk to me.” My voice broke.

I could hear him scrambling to his feet. “Jean. Jean, wait!”

With my head down, I started toward my truck, but his hand on my shoulder stopped me. Actually, it did more than stop me--he spun me around to face him. And then his nose was touching my own. “Please don’t be mad at me,” he said quietly, a plea much different from in my dreams. “I want to keep our friends safe. I want to keep _you_ safe. Can’t you see that?”

More tears welled in my eyes because what was I supposed to say to that? It was too late--I wasn’t safe. I was immortal now. I was a killer in his eyes. And here he was with his palms on either side of my neck, holding me tenderly when he should’ve been squeezing the life out of me.

The vampire side of me was preening because this was what it wanted--to be held by the person it had imprinted on--but my human side was dying hundreds of deaths. This was not how things were supposed to be. This was not what I had planned. _None of this_ was what I’d planned.

If we’d been different this might’ve worked. If we weren’t on opposite sides of the same battlefield then we might’ve been able to be together and live happily. I do believe that we would’ve gravitated together in one way or another--I really do--but now? No. We were two stars orbiting around each other, getting faster and faster, and the only thing left to do was crash.

I wouldn’t do that to him. I couldn’t.

His lips were so close to mine, and I was overwhelmed. He smelled so fucking good between the scent of his blood, his body wash, and what was distinctly him--his soul. I could hear his heartbeat steadily pounding in his chest. His warm, warm hands were leaving goosebumps wherever they went--my shoulders, arms, sides.

I wanted to kiss him badly. Every time my heart thumped, it cried out for him. Ba-dum. _Please._ Ba-dum. _Kiss me._ Ba-dum. _Don’t leave me._

“Why are you crying?” he whispered, fingertips touching my cheek, and that’s when I knew with 100% certainty, with complete clarity: I loved Marco Bodt. It wasn’t something in my head from the imprinting. I wasn’t imagining things. I loved him with my heart and soul, and I knew with as much certainty that I could never be with him for as long as I lived.

With a sob, I took a step back, a step away from him. The heat he gave me still lingered everywhere--the first time I’d been truly warm since I’d been turned and probably the last.

He looked so confused and hurt, open and honest. “What’s wrong?”

“I-I can’t,” I cried. “I can’t do this to you.” And I ran away from him, hand over my mouth to stop myself from crying out any more than I already had. He didn’t try to stop me this time.

* * *

Marco could only watch as his best friend ran away for the second time that morning. The truck was gone before he could even think to move. He just kept thinking about how heartbroken Jean had sounded--how _broken_ , period.

His calf throbbed horribly from their fight earlier, so he sat on the swing again. Pretending he hadn’t been in pain was extremely hard. He hadn’t lied--it _was_ just a scratch--but it was a deep one. His mom had said he was lucky his shin wasn’t gone.

Marco rubbed and covered his face. He was so _confused_. Jean seemed like he was going to let Marco kiss him. All the signs had pointed to it. He wondered if he’d read his friend wrong, but he never had before--he was good at reading others. No, Jean had wanted it, but something was stopping him.

Biting his lip, he pushed the swing to a start. There was something off, something wrong. He was missing something vital, and in the business he was in, he couldn’t afford to miss things. 

Like when Jean had taken him by surprise. They both knew he wasn’t strong enough to overtake Marco, so how had he done it? He was so _strong_. Adrenaline? Maybe. But his hands and arms were also so cold too. Was he sick? Did he have some sort of circulation issues Marco didn’t know about?

Fuck, it was so hard to _think_ with his leg hurting so bad. He had no doubts that some damage had come to it while they were fighting. He sighed and stood, limping over to his car. Luckily, it was his left leg that got hurt, and he was still able to drive. He didn’t think he’d be able to spend a whole day in the same house as his whole family, and walking simply wasn’t an option.

While he was on the way home, mind clouded with thoughts, an idea struck him--one that made a freaky amount of sense. But it couldn’t be, could it? There was no way. Jean… Jean wasn’t a murderer-- _he wasn’t_ \--he _couldn’t_ be.

Yet the more that Marco thought about it, the more it seemed to fit. How weird Jean seemed to be acting, his cold skin all the time despite the weather, the strange strength today, him never wearing his reading glasses anymore, and what he’d said before he left.

 _I can’t do this to you_.

Marco frowned and pulled up in front of his house, pausing to collect himself and his thoughts before he got out. He’d have to tell his family. If Jean was anything other than human, Marco knew he would never be able to kill him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, okay. This took so long because of a word goal I was trying to reach (this motherfucker is exactly 20,000 words). School will be starting up again in a week too, so I hope to have the possibly final chapter posted in a month or two. I just got my first job at the beginning of August--woo hoo! I'm now Starbucks barista (honestly the only reason why that tidbit about blonde roast being stronger than dark roast was in there. I got excited about my knowledge ha ha). 
> 
> Thank you to all who've been reading so far! Comments literally make my day, tbh. I love, love, love getting them. Thank you for the kudos too! I never expected so many people to actually like this??? It's astounding! 
> 
> Here is my [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/live-love-music1).


	5. Distance: An amount of space between two things or people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go, fuckers. It was supposed to be 32,308 words long, so I could reach my 100,000-word goal for the story, but the chapter was taking so long that I just cut it off at the halfway point (roughly). It took longer than normal since school started up again, and All-State was going on for instruments. It's over now, though, so I can write this piece of trash for you heathens again.
> 
> Just kidding. I love all of my readers.
> 
> (P.S. The playlist will be posted with the second half since I had no intentions of breaking up the chapters until literally five minutes ago.)
> 
> (Edit: I was reading the chapter, and I forgot how much I love the friendship between Jean and Historia. Enjoy my tortured children.)

 Nobody said anything about how long I was gone. Thankfully, my face wasn’t puffy, and my eyes weren’t red. I’d gone on a long ass drive after running away from Marco. Thoughts ran rampant the whole time. Turmoil was a pretty good term for it. I honest to god wanted to die for a few moments just to make the thoughts and feelings  _go away_.

Eren was laying on the couch with his feet propped up on Armin’s lap, dozing while Armin was doing something on his phone. Historia was sitting on the floor next to them and looked up when I came in. She gave me a concerned look. I just smiled weakly at her.

Mikasa poked her head around the corner when she heard the door open and gestured for me to follow her. I did, and once we were in the kitchen, she leaned back and gave me a steady look--a far cry from last night. “Are you okay?” she asked.

Right. The bond. “No,” I sighed. “But I can deal.”

She raised her eyebrows a little. “Whenever you’re ready.”

I nodded and gravitated toward the coffee machine. “Maybe later. I can’t do it right now.”

She was silent for a moment, thinking. “Okay.” Before heading out, she rubbed my back for a moment and patted it. Then she was gone.

The next twenty minutes were a bit of a blur. I remember that I got coffee for the second time that morning, and I remember sitting on the floor to watch TV with Historia, but I don’t remember actually doing it. It was sort of a smear in time if I’m being honest.

I was startled out of my daze by a knock on the door. Levi answered it, and there were two people standing on the other side. It was a guy and a girl. The guy was really tall with dark hair and olive skin, and he looked really nervous. The girl was almost as short as Historia with platinum blonde hair, a hooked nose, and icy blue eyes. I was immediately wary of her.

Actually, my internal hackles went up. I wanted to keep Eren safe--he was the injured one, and the weak always had to be protected--especially when the both of them looked at Eren the moment they entered the house.

“That’s him?” the blonde chick asked Levi.

Levi nodded. “His name is Eren.”

Her eyes flicked up and down over me. “Who are you?”

I tilted my chin up minutely. “I’m Jean. I’m his friend, and if you hurt him, I’ll hunt you down.”

Like Levi, she didn’t show much emotion past her resting bitch face, but I could tell she was amused. “If you insist, young one.”

My brows furrowed. Before I could say anything, Levi cut in. It was probably for the best, honestly. “Jean, these are the mates I told you about earlier today.” His pointed look said to be respectful to them or he’d wax my eyebrows off in my sleep.

I nodded but didn’t say anything.

Through this whole thing, Armin and Historia were watching quietly, and Eren was sleeping. Now, Armin shook Eren’s foot, and Eren rubbed his eyes with a groan. “What?”

Erwin strolled in and gave the two werewolves an easy smile. “Annie, Bertholdt! Thank you for coming on such short notice. Can I get you anything to drink? Coffee, tea, milk, lemonade?”

“Water, please,” the guy--Bertholdt, I guess--said. “And Annie wants lemonade.”

“Whoa,” Eren said, blinking owlishly at the guests. “You seem different. Are you…?”

At that, Annie looked like she might consider smiling. “Yes, we are. And you have a lot to learn, don’t you?”

Moments later, all of us were sitting around the dining room table with our own drinks. Eren sat directly across from the two werewolves who made sure to sit right next to each other. Currently, Levi was inspecting Eren’s injuries to make sure they were healing correctly. The first thing Bertholdt told us as soon as he heard about the wounds was that werewolves, like vampires, healed extremely fast.

Deja vu washed over me. Not even two months ago, I’d been in this same position. The only difference was I was much angrier and resistant to the other vampires. Eren, on the other hand, seemed to have accepted his fate and was ready to jump in with both feet.

“Does it always hurt to turn into a wolf?” he asked the two of them, hissing when Levi applied peroxide to his chest. My heart went out to him. I wouldn’t’ve been able to sit through that without punching him.

“Sort of,” Bertholdt began. “It hurts at first, but the more and more you do it, the less it hurts. We only are forced to shift on the full moon, but we can shift whenever we want to otherwise. So the more times you shift, the less painful it’ll get with time.”

Eren nodded eagerly. “How do I do it?”

“We can teach you some other time. It takes practice.” Another thought seemed to come to him. “It can also be triggered by certain things. Getting really angry, being really tired, or getting injured like you are again can force a shift.” He took a drink of his water.

Figuring he was going to ask something stupid like whether he could stab himself in the hand to force a change, I interjected with a question of my own. “Will it take as long as it did last night?” The hours of screaming came back to me, and I suppressed a shudder.

Annie shook her head. “The first shift is the longest. The second should be no more than half an hour in the worst case scenario, and it gets shorter after that.”

I sighed with relief. Armin, who was sitting between me and Eren, patted my knee comfortingly.

Levi stood up and started gathering up his first aid stuff. Looking at me and Mikasa, he said, “We’re going to have to leave soon if we want to get up there in time.”

Biting her lip, Mikasa nodded. Neither of us wanted to leave Eren or Historia with these people. They were strangers, and neither of them was strong enough to fight against half-a-century-old werewolves if it came down to it.

But we didn’t say anything about it. Instead, we got up and started getting ready to go. I listened while Eren asked questions, and Bertholdt and Annie answered them all patiently no matter how dumb they were.

Erwin snatched the keys from off the counter and gestured to the door with his head, and Levi, Mikasa, and I all left, piling into the car. As we pulled away from the curb, I realized tiredly that the day wasn’t even half over, and I still had so much left to do.

* * *

On the way up, I was texting Armin for details about werewolves. Eren had been there for me, and I wanted to be there for him too.

Apparently, at the same time as the witch trials, there were werewolf trials too, beginning in what is now Switzerland. Throughout history, there were many parallels between witches and werewolves, and, according to Annie and Bert, it’s because they’re the same thing.

There was a group of witches that attempted to inhabit the bodies of their familiars--which happened to be a pack of wolves--but they messed the spell up. The details have been lost over time, but basically, they ended up becoming one with the wolves. Every full moon, they were doomed to turn into their familiars, while the animals lived inside them and tempted them to shift forever.

Because of this, the majority of all werewolves have reported that they feel like they share their body with their wolf. They said that Eren might not feel it for quite some time. The wolf is also the instinctual, wild side of them. It reminded me of how I feel like I share my body with something way older than myself.

Another thing they said was that in some places in Eastern Europe such as Bulgaria, Slovenia, and Serbia, vampires and werewolves are linked together. Some of the same methods used to kill vampires could be used to kill werewolves and vice versa. Annie speculated that vampires evolved from witches as well--ones that had different familiars and fucked that up too--and I could believe it. The theory could explain why we were so similar in some aspects.

Werewolves were like normal people that happened to turn into wolves on the full moon and whenever they wanted to. It was common for people to have appetite changes--where they craved raw meat the week before they shifted like some fucked up version of PMS. Their metabolisms were also raised much higher than that of a human’s, so they needed to eat and drink a lot more. Their internal body temperatures were naturally higher too, and they had lots of energy--as if Eren needed any more than he already had.

Their skin had a bad reaction to silver, but myths had exaggerated how much damage it actually did over the years. A silver bullet to the heart most definitely would kill them, but who wouldn’t die if they got shot in the heart?

The same ways in which a vampire could get killed in legends--receiving a stake to the heart, decapitation, and being burned to death were just a few on that list to jog your memory--could kill a werewolf. I wasn’t too impressed with the fact that we could die by those means because it just meant that we were more human in a way. Anybody could die if they got their fucking heart ripped out of their chest.

I was, however, worried about hunters trying to ram a stake into my back. Honestly, I was pretty sure that a Caesar joke was really appropriate at this point.

I must’ve fallen asleep at some point because I woke up with a jerk when my head slid forward. Mikasa could be heard snickering beside me, but her face was one of pure innocence.

“How nice of you to join us again,” Levi said dryly.

Clearing my throat, I replied, “Glad to be back.”

In the rearview mirror, I could see Erwin’s amused look.

Rows of corn and soybeans started to get replaced with houses, apartment buildings, and businesses as we entered town. You’d think I knew where we were at, but my parents had never let me drive us up here before--Dad never would admit it but he had control issues, and he would never give up the wheel--so I watched as we got deeper and deeper in the city.

Some part of me thought that we would be going to someplace in the middle of nowhere, but it seemed like we were doing just the opposite. Erwin navigated the streets flooded with people and eventually parked outside some sort of froyo shop.

I squinted at the other vampires as they all got out, but I didn’t question it. Levi and Erwin held hands and talked quietly to each other over the din as they led the way to our destination. Mikasa and I followed a few paces behind. “Where is this place?” I asked her.

She gestured with her head up at the old, run-down building the other two were stopped in front of as an answer.  **Heartland of America New Age Shoppe**  the sign declared.

Erwin started up the stairs, but I stopped dead in my tracks. “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.” When they looked at me, I gestured up and down with my hands at the place. “There’s no way this is it.”

“What better place to hide than in plain sight?” Erwin asked.

“Plus, it sounds stupid, and it’s right by a university,” Levi added with amusement. “Nobody would ever suspect a thing.” Under his breath, I thought I heard him say, “Fucking college students.”

They had a point, but still… “I’m cringing so hard right now.”

Mikasa nudged me forward. “I do every single time we come here too. Now, move it.”

With a sigh that was more like a huff, I followed them inside.

The interior was exactly what you would expect down to the cat. No, really. As soon as the bell tingled from the door opening, a fluffy, black cat with green eyes trotted toward us and rubbed against our legs, meowing and purring.

Levi picked the cat up and started to pet it between the ears. “Long time no see, Lucy.”

I did a double-take for two reasons.  _Levi_ of all people was the first to pick up the cat despite the hair and  _call it by name_ , and the cat had the same name as my kid sister.

Lucy purred louder and settled into his arms happily, eyes closing to slits.

Erwin strolled up to the front and rang the bell on the glass counter while I looked around. All the walls were covered with shelves, and several standalone bookshelves were lined up on either side. Candles, singing bowls, wooden and metal figurines and more were all crowded on the shelves. On the glass case, a tree made of metal held pendulums on its branches. Crystals of all sizes, shapes, and colors littered every available space, and the scent of incense hung in the air, but surprisingly, it wasn’t overwhelming. On the wall behind the counter, rows of herbs and scented oils in vials were lined up neatly. Meditation music was playing softly in the background.

While I was gawking, a man came out from behind a curtain in the corner. “Levi! Erwin!”

“Hello, Oluo,” Erwin said with a polite smile.

Internally, I started cringing because this guy looked exactly like me if I was about sixty-seven years older and just… uglier. Mikasa coughed to cover up a giggle at the face I was sure I was making.

Levi joined Erwin up at the counter. “We have somebody to register,” he said, focusing more on the cat still than on the newcomer. “And we have to change our address.”

Oluo nodded and looked right at me. I nearly gagged at his puffy eyes. “I see.” Then to Erwin, he said, “Yours?”

Erwin shook his head. “No. We do have to be quick about this if you wouldn’t mind. We have some urgent business to attend to at home.”

He made a noise that sounded awfully similar to something Levi would and waved us all forward as he went through the curtain. Behind said curtain was a staircase leading down to a short hallway with several doors. The walls were same old brick, the stairs were a creaky wood, and there was a single lightbulb hanging from the ceiling. All my instincts were screaming at me about how sketch this was, but I followed anyway. We ended up going through the second door to the left.

We got to the basement, and it was different from the upstairs, to say the least. I was blinded when he turned the lights on because the room was totally white--white paint, white tile floors, white fluorescents, and white furniture. It was surprisingly large too. Several desks were lined up along the walls, and some of them had people in them, typing and looking busy. Somehow, I could tell they were all vampires.

He led us to one of the desks in the back and sat behind us. There weren't enough chairs for all of us, and he didn’t offer to grab more, so I leaned against the wall while Erwin and Mikasa sat.  Levi stood beside Erwin.

Oluo opened up a laptop and started clicking and typing away, muttering under his breath to himself. Finally, he looked at Erwin and Levi. “What’s the new address?”

Levi told him, and he entered it into the system.

“Your files have been updated.” He shut the laptop with a soft click. “Somebody else will be here to pick up the brat and get him entered into our system.” He looked in my direction, but it was extremely judgmental. Then he was gone.

_Did he seriously just call me a brat?_

Erwin elbowed Levi and had a big grin on his face. “He’s still trying to act like you, I see.”

Levi sighed and shifted his hold on the cat. “Unfortunately. Shithead needs to find something else to do with his life.”

This made Erwin actually laugh. “Come now. It’s kinda cute.”

Levi gave him a disgusted look. “No.”

“Yes! Nobody can be as insensitive and blunt as you can, but he keeps trying anyway.”

This time, Levi looked offended.

Before he could say something “insensitive and blunt”, a petite woman with strawberry blonde hair and a big smile came up to us. “Hello!”

Erwin and Levi looked genuinely happy to see her. “Hi, Petra,” Erwin said.

“Has it really been two years?” A dimple appeared in her cheek. “You haven’t aged a bit,” she said with a glint in her eyes. “And  _you_ , young lady.” She looked at Mikasa. “As beautiful as ever, dear.”

Mikasa straight up blushed and smiled. “Thanks.”

The lady--Petra--turned her gaze to me. “And you must be the newest addition to the family.” She extended a hand, and I shook it.

“I’m Jean. It’s a pleasure to meet you,” I said, and I really meant it. She seemed super sweet.

“If you and your sire will come with me, we need to get some information.”

Mikasa stood up and followed Petra out of the room. Erwin and Levi followed, but instead of following after us once we reached the hallway, they headed back up the stairs. For once, I was sad to see them go.

Petra took us into one of the other doors. This room was nowhere near as big, but it was much more comfortable. Two couches were positioned facing each other with a low coffee table between them. The walls were tan, and the floors were a cream color. Everything about the room from the lighting to the softness of the couches told me it was meant for comfort.

I sat down on one of the couches with Mikasa while Petra sat across from us. She set a clipboard down and slid it across to me. “This is just some basic things that I’ll need you to fill out. Some of this will go on your identification card, and all of it will go into our system.”

Picking it and a pen up, I started filling out spaces.  _Full name. Address. Phone number. Birthday. Day of creation. Full name of sire. Height. Weight. Hair color. Eye color. Ethnicity. Marital status. Children. Religion._

“What’s the point of some of this stuff?” I asked. “All these questions and getting registered--doesn’t it seem sort of… Hitler-ish?”

She crossed her legs daintily. “It does, but it’s necessary, I assure you. There have been too many times in the past when a vampire has decided to create lots of vampires at one time. As you could guess, keeping track of so many at one time is not only dangerous for civilians but for us as well. Too many young vampires that can’t control themselves in one area can mean exposure of our kind to humans.

“So to combat this, all vampires are registered and kept track of. That way, we know where they live or who they know if we need to find them. Motives could also be guessed if we need one.”

“Oh.” How joyful.

There was a soft knock on the door, and when Petra called for them to come in, a blonde-headed guy poked his head through the crack. “Ms. Ackerman, could you come with me please?”

Mikasa looked at me. Biting my lip, I nodded minutely, and she stood up, following him out.

“Where is she going?” I asked.

“Interrogation,” she replied simply. “It’s best to have you two separated while we do this.”

“Why are we being questioned?”

“To see if you’re safe to let live,” she responded as if she’d just told me that it was raining outside.

The pen slid out of my fingers. “Wait,  _what_?”

She smiled reassuringly. “Don’t worry. We only kill those who seem like they could be extremely problematic, which is rare. If somebody appears to be unstable, we usually keep them and get them therapy until they’re ready to go out into the world.”

I picked the pen up again. “Jesus, why didn’t you start by saying that?” God, did she get off on scaring people to death the rest of the way?

“It’s much more amusing to see people’s reactions.”

“Sadist,” I muttered, filling out the rest of the forms. “How do you determine whether somebody needs rehab?”

“Unfortunately, I can’t tell you. It might influence what you say.”

That was fair. “How can you tell if we’re lying?”

She tapped the side of her nose. “I have a… well developed olfactory sense.”

Nice. I was going through a lie detector which happened to be some chick’s nose. I hoped I didn’t smell. I remembered to put deodorant on earlier, right? Fuck.

Once I’d finished, she began to ask me questions. They were easy at first--stuff I’d filled out on the forms--and I guessed it was so she could get a sense of what I smelled like if I was lying. Then she started asking harder stuff.

“Why were you turned?”

I shifted in my seat. I didn’t want to make Mikasa look like a bad guy, but if I didn’t tell the truth, who knew what would happen. “I’d wandered off on my own at a party outside of town. I was alone when Mikasa attacked me and started feeding off me. I bit her hand and got her blood in my mouth before I escaped and lost my balance. When I fell down a ravine, my skull got crushed.”

She was writing notes down on a pad of paper. If she noticed how my voice got thick, she didn’t comment on it. “Have you attacked anybody before?”

Biting my lip, I wracked my brain. “I almost bit one of my friends when he was helping me feed out of blood bags, but Levi stopped me in time. I haven’t stayed in the room for very long if there was blood.”

“Who is this friend? Why did you tell them about vampires?”

“His name is Eren Jaeger, and I told him because he’s been my friend since we were little kids. He’s also a werewolf so…” Not technically a lie if I didn’t tell her that he was turned this morning, but she didn’t need to know that.

“Does anybody else know?”

Armin. “I don’t think so.”

Nothing happened, thank god. “Have you had any thoughts of killing your friends? Family? People on the street?”

I blinked, slightly horrified. I could understand why she had to ask, but jeez. “Uh, no.”

“Do you think your sire is a danger to society?”

I thought of Mikasa with my siblings. I thought of her holding hands with Eren. I thought about how she kissed me on the floor in my room. “No,” I told her firmly.

She clicked her pen and smiled at me. “Okay. I think that will be all. If we have any further questions, we’ll contact you. Failure to respond within thirty days will result in somebody coming to find and figure out why you haven’t answered. Any immediate punishments will be up to the discretion of the officials.” She gave me an apologetic look. “Policy.”

_If you say so._

“Do I need to show you how to get back to the shop, or can you find it on your own?”

“I think I can find it on my own. Thanks.”

We both stood. “Oh!” she exclaimed. “I forgot one thing. Please stand against the wall. I have to get a picture for your identification card.”

I obeyed, she took the picture, and I high-tailed it out of there, not waiting around any longer than I had to. She may have been small and sweet, but it was terrifying how easily she could dole out threats.

Levi was scowling at all the incense, and Erwin was skimming through a book when I got back upstairs. “How was it?” he asked without taking his eyes away from the pages.

“Fan-fucking-tastic,” I mumbled, knowing full well that he could hear me. I dragged my fingertips across the spines of the books next to me, reading the titles but not really paying attention. “It’s like they want me to fuck up, so they have somebody to torture.”

“‘S why I left,” Levi said, suddenly right beside me.

I jumped. What the  _fuck_ was with this family? “You used to work for them?”

He nodded, picking up a crystal and studying its edges. The cat was nowhere to be seen. “Yeah, for about sixty years. Got transferred about two years ago and finally left a few months ago.”

Jesus. That explained why he constantly had a stick up his ass. “Why did you leave?”

He shrugged. “Wanted a change of pace, I guess.” He held the stone up to the light. A rainbow flashed on the inside when he moved it around.  _Clear quartz,_ the sign said. “I might go back and work for them again. Who knows? But I know I wanted to do something other than deciding people’s fates for the rest of their lives.” His gray eyes met mine. “It gets tiring.”

I nodded in agreement, picking up a stone of my own. It was smooth, tumbled. It looked sort of holographic in a way, browns and golds streaking around the circumference. _Tiger’s eye._ “Is that why you know that cat?”

As if sensing it had been called, Lucy chirped from the end of the aisle and trotted over, rubbing against my legs. I leaned down and extended my hand. She butted her head into my palm.

“Yeah,” he said. “She’s actually mine. They were just watching her for me for awhile.”

I looked up at him from where I was crouched next to the cat. “So you’re taking her home today?”

He nodded. I smiled down into Lucy’s green eyes. At least something good came out of today.

The two of us continued to stand together in a companionable silence. It was strange how easy it was to talk to him. Maybe he wasn’t such a bad person after all. But after I picked another stone--heliotrope--he snorted as if I’d done something amusing and went somewhere else.

Not long after I’d come up the stairs, Mikasa came through the curtain. She looked at Erwin, and they seemed to have some sort of telepathic communication going on for a minute before Mikasa said aloud that they were good to go.

We filed out of the shop and made our way back to the car. The tiger’s eye stone was nestled in my pocket. Don’t worry, I didn’t steal it. Holding made me feel better, so I got it. I’d have to remember to look up their metaphysical properties later.

Mikasa told me that my ID would come in the mail within a week and that I needed to carry it on me at all times. It looked like a driver’s license, so nobody would suspect a thing if they saw it. She showed me hers, and yeah, it looked pretty average.

On the way home, I definitely fell asleep, and I knew this because in my dream Marco and I were back to normal.

* * *

 ** _Tiger’s eye_  ** _: A stone of prosperity and good fortune. This stone was worn by Roman soldiers into battle to give them courage and help deflect weapons. Tiger’s eye is thought to be connected to the sun and the earth. Because of this, it helps one out of a world of duality and helps with understanding--the reasoning and unity between opposites._

_It helps one with necessary changes in one’s life by helping to strengthen one’s will. Creativity is inspired by the stone, and it helps one use one’s own abilities and talents. It inspires wealth and the will to keep it. Protection is brought to the wearer, and it is perfect for when one is afraid of making the wrong choice._

**_Heliotrope_  ** _: It was believed that the heliotrope, or “bloodstone”, was formed during the crucifixion of Christ. His blood fell and mixed with the earth before turning to stone. This is why the stone is actually a dark green color, despite the name._

 _It was discovered far earlier, however, by the Greeks._ Helios  _means “sun”, and_ trepein  _means “to attract”. It was believed that if one were to put the stone underwater or in the rays of the dying sun, it would turn the reflection of the sun blood red._

_Uses for the stone are quite diverse. It helps protect against verbal and physical threats, making it perfect for one who is being bullied. Courage can be drawn at the appropriate times as well. If one wears a bloodstone, one can receive a mental boost from it when one is exhausted or unmotivated. This makes it great for helping with endurance in physical activity. The magical properties of the stone allow one to use the energy of the weather to heal oneself--such as using the rain to wash away one’s sorrow._

* * *

When Mom and Dad got home, I told them that my weekend was uneventful and that it was nice being alone for once. Relief and something else unexpected--disappointment?--filled me when they took my word for it.

* * *

Annie and Bertholdt stayed for a few nights before going home. In the time they were here, Eren asked questions and soaked up information like a sponge. Before they left, they gave him their numbers and told him to contact them if he had any questions, concerns, needed help, or just wanted to talk. They also said they’d talk to the rest of their pack to see if he could be accepted if he should choose to do so.

Then without telling him, Annie gave me their info too and told them to call them if it seemed like he could possibly risk losing control. When I looked panicked, she told me not to worry--it was extremely unlikely. However, the nights before and after the first moon, I should keep a close eye on him. After his shift, he would be weak and would need to be taken care of. I could see why they told me and not him. His pride would get in the way--though, I had no room to talk.

Eren seemed to be handling his new lifestyle much better than me. I liked to think it was because he had a heads up and hadn’t had to accept the existence of the supernatural like I had. The wounds on his arm and chest had already healed to shiny, white scars. Foundation easily covered the one on his arm, but I found him wearing shirts with longer sleeves despite the heat.

The last of summer passed by lazily. Marco and I didn’t see each other again since our talk, but I still thought about him often. I’d wake up sometimes and swear I could feel the heat of his lips against mine, but I was alone. All our friends seemed to know about our little friend breakup thing, and they all had the good graces not to ask me about it.

Three days before the full moon, Eren started to get irritable. I did my best to remind him that he was being a little bitch without actually saying so to his face--especially when there were people around. Luckily, he took the hint and didn’t stay mad at me. Well, he didn’t stay mad for very long at least.

Other than that, nothing new happened. Until the Saturday before school started.

Okay, so I may have mentioned that Sasha came from a loaded family, and when I say loaded, I mean huge house, nice cars, vacations, and all the food a teenage girl and her friends could want.

They weren’t always rich, though. It wasn’t until Sasha was in middle school that things started to fall into place. Her dad was a hunter that owned his own taxidermy business, and when she was in elementary school, it went belly up. People around here just didn’t want their animals stuffed and put in their living rooms to stare at them for eternity, not that I blame them.

After that happened, he took up singing and songwriting. In high school, he’d been super good, being accepted to All-State and even receiving scholarships for his voice. He found an old guitar at a Goodwill and started touring in a beat-up van. Two years later, he got picked up by some record company and started to make some actual money for his singing. Six months later, an estranged relative died and left their abundant heritance to none other than Sasha’s dad. He was far from stupid. Immediately, he invested in stocks, and got rich from it and his singing throughout the years.

Even though he was wealthy and owned nice things, he was still relatively the same. You’d literally never know he was a multimillionaire just by being around him. He had a bushy but well-kept beard, and purposefully shaggy hair the same color as Sasha’s. About seventeen or so years ago, he got attacked by a bear and has a super cool scar across one of his cheeks. The dude was tall as fuck--about six two--and had some decent muscles. Flannel shirts were his favorite along with Levis and work boots. Honestly, he looked like a lumberjack, but he was far from intimidating. He was always kind to everybody no matter who they were, and his easygoing personality made him fun to be around.

Unfortunately, he wasn’t home when all of us stayed at Sasha’s for the night. It was kind of a bummer, but I understood. Her mom was with him too, so we had the whole house to ourselves.

When I got to her house, the smells of dinner wafted into my nose. Something with beef; I could smell the faint metallic tang of blood. Sasha and Connie were in the kitchen--the former actually cooking and the latter being more of a nuisance. “What’s shakin’, bacon?” I asked, peering over her shoulder.

“Kabobs,” she replied, continuing to cut the beef into cubes. “But Connie keeps eating all the tomatoes.” She aimed a glare at him, and he grinned sheepishly, popping another into his mouth.

Moments later, the door opened again, and this time, Ymir, Eren, Marco, and Armin came flooding into the kitchen. As soon as Marco saw that dinner was being made, he moved around me and got a knife to start cutting up the vegetables. I noticed how natural and… domestic he looked while holding the utensil, but I also got nervous when I remembered that he probably knew how to wield it with the intent to kill.

“Who’s ready to get hammered?” Ymir asked with a grin as she set a case of beer on the counter.

Armin looked at it with disdain--he obviously wasn’t too impressed--and Eren whooped, excited about the prospect of getting drunk one last time before school started.

“Not until after dinner,” Sasha told her firmly. “Or else you won’t be able to fully appreciate my cooking skills.”

Connie practically had heart eyes, and he  _smelled_ like he was some sort of cotton candy machine. Jesus. Could he be any more obvious?

Ymir grumbled but didn’t protest. Sasha was feeding us after all. Plus, I think Ymir has always had a bit of a soft spot for our friend. Sasha was the one who initially became friends with Ymir, and I personally think she was Ymir’s first lesbian crush. It hasn’t been confirmed, but Ymir’s never denied it when I’ve asked her.

Eren made a big deal of tossing his hand over his eyes and falling against the counter, moaning as if he’d been stabbed.

Sasha laughed and lightly kicked him which only made him play dead on the floor.

“Dramatic much?” I muttered.

He squinted his eyes open enough to glare and stick his tongue out at me. I snorted moved to take the open space at the bar next to Ymir and Armin. From my new spot, I could see the muscles in Marco’s arm flex as he continued to cut up chunks of meat, and my traitorous mind reminded me of how it felt to be close to him even if we were literally in the middle of a fistfight.

I remembered the way he held me close in an attempt to warm me up shortly after I’d gotten turned. His cinnamon smell was embedded into my memory along with the warmth of his skin, and the safe feeling I had with his arms around me.

I hadn’t realized I’d been staring at Marco’s form until he raised his eyebrows at me like,  _Is there something I can help you with?_

Blushing, I began to turn away, but he hissed with pain and dropped the knife. Blood lined the edge of the blade, and it slid down his fingers. “Dammit,” he muttered.

“No!” Sasha yelled, grabbing his wrist and yanking him away before the blood could get on the food. Then she had him keep his hand over the sink--which was right in front of me at the counter.

The salivary glands under my tongue fucking exploded, and I nearly drowned in saliva. Swallowing as discreetly as I could, I looked up at Marco’s face instead. “Are you okay?” I asked, putting as much concern into the question as I could. It was hard to talk since my mouth was hurting so much. Damn fangs. Now I knew why babies cried so much when they started teething.

“‘M fine,” he answered somewhat stiffly.

Armin left and came back with some bandages and peroxide. “Here, let me help you,” he said kindly, gently taking Marco’s hand and rinsing the blood off of his hand. I was eternally grateful to him for making the steady dripping sound of liquid into the sink stop.

I got up myself and busied myself with helping Armin. He seemed to understand that I needed something to do, so he let me, not saying a word about it. Even though Marco appeared to be paying attention to his hand, it felt like his eyes were on me the whole time. A cold sweat broke out along my back, and I bit my lip, hoping to whatever was listening that I wouldn’t lose control in front of him. I  _couldn’t_. It wasn’t just him that would see.

“Way to go,” Ymir said with a snort. “Maybe if you weren’t making goo-goo eyes at Jean over here…”

It felt like all the air just got sucked out of the room. A weight settled on my chest, and Marco’s gaze on me only added to the heaviness. Sasha and Connie looked up like dogs that just got whistled at. Eren and Armin exchanged glances. Okay, so maybe not all of my friends had gotten the message of our little breakup. Though, to be fair, I hadn’t bothered to tell anybody who hadn’t asked--which was nobody.

“What? Was it something I said?” she asked when she saw the expression on my face--probably depressed and in pain.

Connie jostled Marco from behind. “Ooh, Marco! You wanna make a man of our son?” He cackled. “Sasha and I are such proud parents.” Sasha giggled and nodded in agreement.

Before I could say anything--which was for the better since I’d probably say something beyond offensive--Eren snorted and kicked Connie’s ankle from where he was still sitting on the floor. “Lay off, Con. Nobody is bedding anybody.”

“Oh, really? What about you and Mikasa? You two went on a date.” Connie wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Eren crossed his arms over his chest and tried to look nonplussed, but the blush creeping over his cheeks sort of ruined it. “We didn’t have sex, Connie. She’s not one of those people.”

Ymir raised an eyebrow. “Those people?”

I used their conversation as a way to get some space. Slowly, I crept backward and went to stand in the hallway, leaning against the gray wall and taking a few deep breaths. The weight eventually lifted enough for me to feel somewhat normal again.

“Jean?”

I looked to my side at the doorway I’d just come out of to see Sasha. The others were still in a heated discussion about whether or not any of us was sleeping with anybody, and it seemed nobody noticed our absence. “You okay?”

I nodded and pushed off the wall, facing her with a flimsy smile. “Perfectly fine.”

She crossed her arms over her chest and raised an eyebrow, giving me that look all girls seemed to have down perfectly. “Jean Edward Kirschtein.”

“That isn’t my middle name,” I pointed out.

“It is now. Tell me what’s eating you before I go get Connie.”

I rubbed my forehead. “Nothing is wrong. I’ve just had some issues since…”

She looked at me expectantly. “Since?” When I didn’t answer, she stepped closer and grabbed my hands in hers. “Jean, we’re your friends, and we just want to help. Tell me what’s bothering you?”

I sighed and let my head roll back, so I could look at the white ceiling. It didn’t seem to be offering any advice, unfortunately. “Fine,” I said, straightening up. “But I’ll tell you when we can be alone. I don’t want the peanut gallery to hear.”

It was obvious they weren’t listening to us, but their conversation seemed to be winding down, and I didn’t want them to accidentally hear. She seemed wary but let it go. “Wash your face off or something.” She shooed made a  _shoo_ motion with her hands.

With a small smile, I kissed her forehead and went to the bathroom. Bracing my hands on the counter, I stared hard at my reflection. “Don’t be a pussy,” I muttered. “You can do this. They’ve been making fun of you your whole life--what’s one more night?”

I put on some sweet smelling lotion that was sitting on the edge of the sink--for moral support, I swear--and went back out to the kitchen.

“Longest piss ever, dude.” Connie was grinning and sticking food on sticks instead of eating it this time.

“Ever think that maybe I had to take a shit too?” I retorted, sitting down at the bar again. Eren was now leaning against the bar instead of being dead on the floor.

He made a face. “Ew. Too much information.”

I shrugged. “Then don't ask.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I caught Marco staring. When I looked at him, he was unable to keep me from seeing the look of concern on his face, but he schooled it quickly, looking down at his phone instead of at any of us.

The conversations stayed pretty calm as Sasha grilled the food. It might’ve been my imagination, but it seemed like Eren and Armin were steering the conversation well away from anything related to romance or sex--not an easy task since Ymir and Connie were in the same room.

We were all sitting at a glass table on Sasha’s porch when Ymir elbowed me--and it wasn’t gentle either. “Is Historia coming tonight?”

I rubbed my ribs with a frown. “No. They’re all out of town this weekend.” They were actually looking at the universities in state. Mikasa had been talking about wanting to go back to school to get a degree so she could do more. She told me that she wanted to repay all that Erwin and Levi had done for her, and that meant moving out and getting on her feet.

Sure, I was sad at the idea that she would probably be further away from me than a ten-minute drive, but I was also strangely proud. Life hadn’t gone easy on her, and it was nice seeing her take the metaphorical bull by the horns--being proactive instead of reactive.

Of course, she wouldn’t be able to get in until the spring semester probably, but she had to figure out all the things she still had left to do until then in order to get in.

Ymir sighed and stabbed her mashed potatoes with her fork. “Damn.”

I raised my eyebrows. “You’ll see her at school. Unless you decide it isn’t worth it to go.”

It wasn’t exactly a big secret that she wasn’t a very academic person. She’d already turned 18, and we were all wondering if she was going to drop out. She liked doing more physical, hands-on work instead of things that could be put into a spreadsheet.

“‘Course I’m gonna go. I’ve got somebody to take to homecoming this year,” she said with a grin. I couldn’t tell if she was actually being serious or not. With Ymir, it was hard to tell sometimes.

“Do you really like her that much?” I asked as I picked up my corn on the cob.

“Enough to take her to homecoming? Yeah. That’s what you’re supposed to do with people you like, right?”

“No, no. I mean you like her enough that you’d finish your degree instead of dropping out?”

She scratched her cheek thoughtfully. “Maybe. She’s different from other girls. I just know it.”

Shit, she had no idea how right she was.

We all had to help out with cleaning once dinner was done. It wasn’t too much, really. Dishes went in the dishwasher while one of us wiped down the counters and table, somebody washed the pots and pans by hand, one dried, one put away, and the other put everything else away. I got stuck on dishwashing duty, though, with Marco as the drier. That part blew since it was so tense and awkward.

It wasn’t until after we were through several games of  _Cards Against Humanity_ that I was able to pull Sasha away to talk to her. Somebody set up the Wii I brought, and they were playing Super Mario brothers. Well, four of them were while three of us watched. While they were distracted, I tapped Sasha on the shoulder and gestured behind us with my head. She got the hint and followed when I got up and snuck out to the back patio.

The door closed behind us with a click, and my brain started racing. I hadn’t decided what all I was going to tell her. Did I want to tell her about vampirism? What about everything else? What if she didn’t believe me. Or worse--what if she believed me and thought I was a killer too?

“What happened between you and Marco?” she asked, speaking to me carefully as if I was an animal on the verge of striking.

Me and Marco. That I could do. Maybe. “We had a bit of a falling out.”

She frowned. “Why?”

“He… We… We had a fight,” I said finally. “He was acting like a dick--like Monte--and I didn’t like it, so I threw him to the ground.”

Her eyebrows rose. “Wait, like an actual  _fight_ fight?” It was obvious she was trying to keep her surprise contained. We both knew that it was super strange that I would even argue with Marco and the fact that  _I_ started a fistfight? Yeah, I’d have a hard time believing it too if I wasn’t fucking there.

I nodded and rubbed the back of my neck sheepishly. “He kept bragging about how much stronger he was than me and saying a bunch of other shitty stuff, so…” I bit my lip and trailed off.

“Who won?”

I lifted my head to look at her. “What?”  _Was that really what she was concerned about right now?_

“Who won?” she repeated slowly and deliberately.

“I did.”

It was obvious she was trying to hide a pleased smile. “If  _you_ got mad enough to take on Marco then it was probably justified. It’s obvious how much you love him.” My heart launched itself into my throat. “You’ve been friends forever. So don’t hesitate to rough him up again, ya’ hear me?” She made a face. “Especially if he starts acting like his brother again.”

I totally understood the point of her speech, but that one phrase kept nagging at me and wouldn’t stop.  _It’s obvious how much you love him._  Could they all see it? Was I not good enough at hiding it? What if my parents found out? What if his parents found out? What if  _his brothers_  found out?

Things probably would’ve been totally okay even though I was freaking out, but I just  _had_ to open my big, fat mouth. “H-how do you know I love him?” I demanded, slightly panicked.

She gave me a funny look. “What do you mean?”

“I-I haven’t told anybody! You shouldn’t know that!”

We stood and stared at each other. I could see the gears turning in my head and hear the pounding of my heart in my chest. Slowly, her lips parted, and she looked at me in astonishment. “ _What_?”

I clapped my hands over my mouth. Fuck me. She meant like a brother or a friend. Not like…

“ _Jean Kirschtein, what the fuck? Do you mean to tell me you actually--_ ”

I jumped forward and covered her mouth with my hands. “Shut up!” I hissed, glancing at the window to see if anybody heard her ungodly screeching. Thankfully, they all seemed oblivious.

She licked my palm, and I gave her a  _Seriously?_ look. I felt her teeth on the skin below my fingers, and I jerked my hand away, a cold sweat breaking out all over my body. Flashbacks of the night I died made my breathing grow heavy, and I nearly cried with relief when I saw that she hadn’t broken the skin. I knew that she wasn’t going to die tonight--she had a vampire, a werewolf, a hunter, and three other humans (like the beginning of a bad joke) here that would protect her--but I still would never have forgiven myself if something had happened to her somehow.

Sasha put her hand on my arm, thankfully oblivious to my inner turmoil. “Does he know you want to jump his bones?”

I swallowed down all the unwanted memories and emotions and huffed. “Shit, I don’t know. Maybe? He tried to kiss me, but I ran away.”

She facepalmed and groaned. “Have I taught you  _nothing_?”

I crossed my arms over my chest. “Says the person that took years to finally get a move on Connie.”

“We were in middle school,” she pointed out.

“Age is just a number.”

She scoffed. “Yeah, and jail is just a room.”

I turned away and sat down in one of the chairs petulantly. “Shut up.”

“What’s the problem then?” she continued, sitting down across the table from me. “If you love him, and he tried to kiss you, why didn’t you just let him?”

And that was the million dollar question, wasn’t it? How was I supposed to explain all this to her without giving away what I really was? What could I possibly say to make this make sense? She was missing a huge, crucial piece of information that I couldn’t give to her. Could I?

“I just… can’t, Sash,” I told her, and it wasn’t my imagination that my voice sounded tired. “It’s complicated.”

“What could possibly be so complicated about this?” she asked curiously. There was no judgment in her eyes, just concern and genuine confusion. “You love him, and it’s obvious he loves you too with the way he’s always making eyes at you. What’s the deal?”

Smiling sadly at her, I stood and walked around the table. “His family would never approve, and I won’t make him choose,” I told her honestly. It wasn’t technically a lie. “He hates me now anyway, trust me. Thank you for letting me vent, though.” I kissed the top of her head. Her hair smelled like coconuts. “Love you.”

“I love you too.” Grabbing my hand, she smiled up at me. “Everything will be okay for you someday, Jean. I can feel it.”

“I hope so.”

* * *

It was at some ungodly hour that I was woken up by people talking. They weren’t loud, but being turned into a vampire made me a light sleeper. Combine that with the sensitive hearing, and yeah, I could hear people talking in the kitchen.

We were all--almost all of us--were camped out in the living room. I was one of the lucky ones that got to sleep somewhere other than the floor--a blowup mattress--even though I was sharing it with Armin. Connie had tried to sleep on the couch, but Ymir swiftly kicked him off it, so he was stuck on the floor with the others. It wasn’t that big of a deal since Sasha had dragged down a ton of blankets and pillows for them to use.

The warmth coming from behind me told me that the voices weren’t coming from Armin. Opening my eyes, I could see a bunch of lumps scattered on the floor. Eren… Connie… No Sasha or Marco.

I sat up slowly so as not to wake my friend up and stood. My eyesight had been slowly improving, so I could see where I was going as I tiptoed toward the kitchen. A light had been turned on, I saw, and the two of them were sitting at the counter across from each other. Well, Sasha must’ve been at some point. She was now pacing around the kitchen.

“How can you be so sure?” she asked, a troubled look on her face.

He shook his head. “Trust me, he is. The strength he had when we fought, how cold his skin was, the advancements in his senses.” Rubbing his face, he sighed. “I didn’t want to believe it either.”

It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what they were talking about. Why they were talking about it at all, let alone in the middle of the night was beyond me.

“But you can’t just  _kill_ him! He’s your best friend!”

His hands fidgeted with an apple from the fruit dish on the counter. “Was. Whatever is sleeping in the other room isn’t our friend anymore.”

My breath caught in my throat, and tears stung my eyes at the unexpected pain in my gut. It was one thing to know what he thought. It was another to hear him say it out loud to somebody else we know.

Biting my lip to keep from making any noise, I kept watching the scene. Sasha looked at him in disbelief. “How can you say that?”

He furrowed his brows seriously. “Vampires drain the life out of everything they can get their hands on. They’re heartless, emotionless--”

 _Bam!_ I jumped when she slapped her palms on the countertop. “Shut up,” she growled. Seriously.  _Growled_. “You have no clue what you’re talking about.”

“Of course I--!”

“I said shut up!” Smoke practically curled off her shoulders and head. “Have you ever spent time with a vampire and seen what they’re like?” she demanded. “How can you say for certain that every single one of these vampires--or anything else, as a matter of fact--is like that? You can’t because you haven’t even considered that whoever is telling you this could be wrong.

“Now, you listen here. I can believe the fact that all these beings exist and that what you’ve said about my parents is true, but I will never believe that Jean doesn’t have any personality other than the need to kill.”

Marco seemed to consider this for a moment before he stood. I moved further into the hall, prepared to bolt to the living room. “If you want to believe in such delusions, go ahead.”

As he started to walk away, I could see Sasha’s rare temper flare up. “He loves you, you know that?”

Marco halted. “No.” But he didn’t sound so certain of himself.

 _Jesus, Sash. I get that you’re trying to save my life and all, but did you_ have  _to tell him that?_

“He told me so himself. And before you tell me that he was probably lying or putting up a facade, it’s pretty obvious that he loves you in the way he acts. The way he looks at you, and the way you look at him--”

Marco spun around to face her. “ _Don’t_. I’m not in love with some sort of monster.”

Sasha just shook her head. “I do know one monster, and it isn’t Jean.” Then like some sort of badass, she brushed past him and into the hallway, stopping when she saw me.

My eyes widened, and I put my finger up to my lips. She didn’t say anything, but the shooed me down the hall. I obeyed, stepping over Connie--who was snoring super loudly, might I add--and sliding back into bed with Armin.

Marco never came back into the living room, and as I was on the verge of falling asleep, I heard the door open and click shut quietly followed by a car engine leaving the driveway.

* * *

The next morning, there was a note on the countertop.

**Was feeling sick, so I went home.**

**\--Marco**

Sasha and I made eye contact, but we didn’t dare say anything else about it.

* * *

I decided shortly after my first full week of school, that I couldn’t wait to get out of calculus. For anybody deciding whether or not to take it, don’t. It blows. Limits made me want to gouge my eyeballs out of my head, and that was when we were just talking about properties!

My first trimester of school was tedious. Marching band, AP calculus, French IV, AP English Lit and Comp, and Economics. Being a vampire had its perks when it came to school. During band, my endurance had skyrocketed, and I quickly became one of the best trumpet players in my section. I didn’t fall asleep in class anymore since I needed a much smaller amount of sleep, and I was able to stay up a bit later and actually finish my homework instead of putting it off for the next day (didn't mean I wasn't bored out of my mind, though).

All the teachers for my classes I’d had before--except for one. Last year, our French teacher had decided to transfer to the middle school to take a different position. Obviously, that meant the position was open. So let’s recap. Who do we know that can speak fluent French and has been alive long enough to have a degree in teaching? I’ll give you three guesses, and the first two don’t count.

Yeah, none other than Levi fucking Ackerman-Smith himself.

I was completely mind-fucked when I walked into class and saw him writing on the whiteboard in perfect, legato cursive. People actually had to push past me because I was standing in the doorway for so long.

Levi turned around, and his eyebrows twitched up ever so slightly with amusement when he saw the look on my face. “Feel free to take a seat, Kirschtein.”

Gaping, I followed his order. “Why am I just now finding out you’re my French teacher?” I whispered at my desk, knowing full well that he could hear me.

“What would be the fun in that?” he responded as the bell rang.

I let my head drop onto my desk, suppressing a sigh and cursing the Ackerman-Smith family just loud enough for him to hear it but quiet enough that he couldn’t do anything about it.

It turned out, he was a surprisingly good teacher, explaining everything in a way that made sense and giving helpful hints for learning the vocabulary. His French was, obviously, flawless, and after a week, I began to like coming to class more than I ever had before. I’d been considering dropping the class over the summer since the last teacher sucked, but Levi made the class bearable, and, dare I say it, enjoyable.

I had at least one of my friends in each of my classes, and that included Historia. She was the only junior in my French class, but damn, she was _good_. She was also in band with me and the rest of us--minus Ymir--and it was obvious she loved playing her flute. I wanted to be there when Ymir heard her play for the first time so I could catch it on camera.

Marco was in calculus and economics with me, but he ignored me for the most part, sitting all the way across the room and never making eye contact with me. It was hell and even people that didn’t really know us knew that we were having issues.

It seemed in our “divorce” of sorts, I’d inherited Sasha--so Connie came along too--Armin, and Eren. Even though he was the one being a dick, I still felt bad about our friends spending less and less time with him. As far as I knew, Armin talked to him and pretended nothing was wrong, Connie hung out sometimes, but he knew something was off between Marco and Sasha, and Eren was much more careful than before. Sasha simply refused to talk to him no matter how hard I tried to get her to--the last thing we needed was to destroy friendships. Ymir was the only one that didn’t seem to care about anything.

Armin, Eren, Sasha, and I soon ended up talking, and we explained to Sasha the rest of the stuff she didn’t know--about how I’d gotten turned at the party and how Eren had gotten turned into a werewolf. She promised to not tell Marco about Eren and vowed to do whatever she could to keep the two of us safe. I knew that she probably wouldn’t be able to do much, but I appreciated the gesture.

Armin told us how he’d always been sensitive to things others were feeling and about the future. He’d get some _That’s So Raven_ -like premonitions sometimes, but he never tried to change the future. “It’d just happen anyway,” he told us. I was baffled at first and slightly pissed, but after a few days of thinking, I realized that it was better off that he didn’t mess with things bigger than himself.

Sasha told us what Marco told her the night I found them in the kitchen. He’d said that her family had not only been hunters, but they were _hunters_. The scar on her dad’s face? From a violent shapeshifter, not a bear. And all the weapons they’d had? Perfect for hunting things like me while being disguised as something for wild game.  Her parents and Marco’s used to hunt together, but the shapeshifter incident had apparently been the last straw. They decided to keep Sasha away from this world, but Marco had told her anyway--probably in the hopes that she would see things his way and help him hunt us down, but she was too kind-hearted and loyal for that kind of stuff.

It was kind of depressing if you thought about it. Our parents were constantly hiding things from us in the hopes of keeping us safe, but fate was wanting to suck us in anyway, and there wasn’t anything they could do to stop it. The next thing you know, my parents were going to tell me they knew about vampires all along too.

On a lighter note, lunchtimes were amusing since Ymir was constantly trying to court Historia in her own way--buying her lunch or carrying her tray, sitting close to her, carrying her bag, and walking her to class. It was kinda cute if you knew what Ymir was trying to do, but if you didn’t know her, you’d be cringing so hard.

Watching Ymir try so hard to get Historia to like her was like watching a car wreck in slow motion, honestly.

As I was taking Historia home after school one day that Levi had to stay for meetings, she confessed that she thought Ymir was being sweet. At first, I was like, puke. This was Ymir. There was no way she could be at all sweet or endearing or cute, but as I thought about it more, I reminded myself that Ymir was a person too, and Historia was allowed to have her own opinions. If she thought an awful lot of blushing and swearing and threats to beat people up was cute then there wasn’t anything I could do to change that.

Plus, Ymir may have been harsh, but she deserved somebody that cared about her too. Her past hadn’t been pretty, and that’s shaped her into the person she is today. Maybe knowing there’s somebody that cares about her will soften her up.

I also felt like Ymir would probably be able to protect Historia if something were to happen. That chick was much stronger than she looked.

Ymir wasn’t the only one getting closer to a vampire. Eren and Mikasa seemed joined at the hip from the time that school ended to the time that he had to go home. I’d go over to the Ackerman-Smith household to say hi and check up on them--so I might actually care about them now; sue me--and Eren and Mikasa would be together already. They never tried to make me feel like I was interrupting something, but I still felt slightly off when I came into her room and they were sitting a bit too close together, hair out of place and cheeks flushed.

Needless to say, I spent more time with Historia when they were like that.

I was genuinely happy that they were living their own lives and making relationships, but there were times when I did get jealous. Had they never come to town, things would’ve been vastly different. It seemed unfair that they got to come into my life and get comfy with my friends while I lost one of my closest ones. When I got like that, I had to stop and remind myself that I couldn’t change what’d already happened.

Things were going as well as they could considering the circumstances I was in, but I still felt so lonely sometimes without my best friend. I missed his cooking, stupidly messy room, and positive presence. I missed having somebody to tease and talk to late at night. There was nobody I wanted to talk to about my loneliness with more than him.

Slowly but surely I began progressing more and more as a vampire. My eyesight was good enough by the end of the second week of school that I could read a text off somebody else’s phone from across the room. I could hear people holding a conversation from across the football field, and--unfortunately--I could hear people making out in the bathrooms even during class.

My sense of smell was the only real downside. Not because it wasn’t good enough but because my nose worked way too well. If somebody in my class forgot to put deodorant on that day, I could smell it. If they put too much Axe on I could smell that too. Walking by the restrooms was the absolute worst time of the day. I had to plug my nose every time.

It was a blessing and a curse.

Sometimes, my temper and my abilities didn’t mix. Like the time I got so frustrated in class that I broke two mechanical pencils just from gripping them too hard. The clear tube just cracked and snapped in half in my fingers as if it were nothing more than the stem of a flower. Or the way I kicked a chunk out of a tree the afternoon I got locked out of my truck.

The improvements weren’t free, however. I felt the urge to hunt much more often, and I found myself sneaking out to go hunting by myself about twice a week. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that going by myself was the worst idea in the world, but I couldn’t help it. The thought of somehow snapping and attacking my family terrified me, so I risked my own life to keep them safe from me.

I stopped feeling bad about sneaking out a long time ago.

Our routine for school at home picked up like normal. The kids complained, I told them how easy they had it, and my parents reminded me that I complained that much when I was little too (I didn’t. I promise). Lucy constantly hogged the bathroom, so Percy and I were usually running behind, and Percy stole all my fucking socks from my dresser.

So like I said. Same shit, different day. It wasn’t bad, I guess, but the monotony--the steadiness--put me on edge. I couldn’t stop thinking that something big was bound to happen.

* * *

It was a Saturday afternoon when shit went sideways in a fairly colossal way.

I was home alone making myself something for dinner when there was a knock on the door--I’d been expecting Mikasa since it was about time for me to feed. When I opened it, however, I was met with somebody else. “Hey, Historia. What’s up?”

She looked relieved. “Hi. I brought you dinner,” she said, lifting the bag in her hand.

“Thank you.” I backed up to let her in. “Not that I’m not excited to see you or anything, but I thought Mikasa was bringing it.”

“Kasa and Eren were… going at it in her room.” She grimaced. “And then Armin came over and went in too, but the, uh, sounds didn’t stop so…”

I put a hand up. “It’s cool. I get it.” Armin? What could he possibly be doing with Eren and Mikasa?

Honestly, I probably didn’t want to know.

The two of us went into the kitchen where I was chopping up some carrots. “Would you like to stay for dinner? I’m making ramen.”

Historia peered into the pot. “I would love to.” She smiled at me and hopped up--with difficulty--onto the counter beside me. “It smells delicious.”

I felt my head swell. “Thanks.” I stepped over to the fridge and pulled out a small box. “You’re gonna be my guinea pig for tonight. I’ve never cooked with tofu before. I always use chicken for ramen.”

“Ooh!” Her feet swung back and forth as she leaned back on her palms. “I’ve never gotten to try tofu, so you better not mess it up.”

I rolled my eyes. “As you wish, princess.”

She mockingly flipped her hair over her shoulder. “And while you’re at it, could you get me a sparkling water and a massage for my feet? They’re sore from all the shopping.”

“Yeah, okay. I’ll get right on that.” After stirring what I had in the pot, I got a straw off a Capri-Sun pouch and stabbed it into the top of the blood packet Historia left on the counter, sucking some up before the pressure could cause the blood to spill over. As usual, my teeth throbbed.

“Did you seriously just…?”

“Hey,” I said defensively. “Straws make everything taste better.”

“Nuh-uh.”

“Yeah huh!” I stuck the pouch out in front of her. “Try it.”

With a dramatic sigh, she took it from me and drank. “It literally tastes the same.”

I huffed and took it back. “Where’s your sense of imagination?”

She actually laughed at that. “You’re saying that to _me_ of all people?”

I nodded. “You’re right. I should be saying that to Mikasa or Levi.”

“When you’re over a hundred years old, you tend to lose your sense of imagination,” she pointed out. “But Erwin has somehow kept it through all these years. I hope I never get jaded.”

“God, me too.” I stirred the pot again, poking at my gums with my tongue. They were hurting more than normal for some reason. “Do you think we’ll still be friends when we’re as old as they are?”

“Of course.” Her feet stopped swinging. “Why wouldn’t we be?”

I shrugged and moved to finish chopping up the onions. “I dunno. Cause shit happens.”

“Jean.”

I looked up at her. “Yeah?”

“We’ll still be friends in ten, twenty, even a hundred years from now, okay? You’re like a brother I never had.” She looked into my eyes with her baby blues. “Promise.”

I cleared my throat and nodded before going back to chopping. _Too much emotion,_ I thought as I took a piece of gum out of my pocket and started chewing on it to have something to do with my mouth since my teeth were begging for it.

The mint did wonders for my blood-breath I’m sure.

It was another half hour or so until I was finished with our ramen. As I cooked, we talked about whatever came to mind. I’d forgotten how nice it was to just sit and converse about trivial things with another person. It was refreshing.

As we sat down for dinner, I took out two glasses and squeezed and somewhat equal amount of blood into both of them. She put her hand on her chest and gasped. “You’re sharing with me?”

“Shut up,” I muttered. “Enjoy me being nice for once.”

Historia raised her glass up and over the table. “To being friends for as long as we live.”

A smile tugged at the corners of my lips as I raised my own glass. “And in whatever afterlife we end up in.”

We clinked our glasses together and drank. Unable to help myself still, I downed about half of my glass in one go. When I set my glass down, I caught Historia’s look of concern before she covered it up with a grin. “You’ve got a little something…” She pointed at her upper lip.

“Maybe I want it there.”

“Of course, of course. You _are_ a trendsetter, and what looks better than having blood all over your face?”

“Nothing,” I concluded for her.

She took another drink and ended up with a blood-stache of her own. Both of us laughed at our idiocy.

“Boo!”

I nearly spit out what I’d been drinking when Ymir fucking jumped into the living room. “ _How the fuck did you get in here?_ ”

But she wasn’t listening. Her eyes were darting between me and Historia. “Please tell me that’s fruit punch.”

Historia glanced at each other. “Uhhh,” was my intelligent response.

“Are you, like, cannibals?” she asked, and for the first time in my life, I heard her sound _scared_.

“No!” I looked at Historia for help, but she hadn’t moved--just stared at Ymir with a deer-in-the-headlights look. “Y-Ymir, let us explain,” I began, palms extended as if she were some sort of rabid animal.

“You fucking freaks,” she whispered before she turned and bolted out of the room, screen door slamming behind her.

I ran after her but stopped once I get to the porch. She’d already made it to the end of the block. Catching up to her wouldn’t exactly be a problem for me, but I knew how confrontational she could be at best. I didn’t feel like getting punched in the nose, and I had a feeling I would lose this fight. Marco may have been a trained fighter, but I’d surprised him, and Ymir would fight dirty.

Historia was still sitting at the table--face even paler than normal--when I got back inside. All she said was a shaky, “Fuck,” and I was inclined to agree with her.

* * *

We finished our dinner and cleaned up in silence. I felt torn between guilt that I hadn’t been paying attention--not locking the door and not hearing her come in--and complete and utter helplessness. All this shit in my life was happening, and there wasn’t much I could do to stop it. It was like seeing a train get closer and closer, but my feet were glued to the tracks.

Uncharacteristically, I began washing the dishes just to have something to physically do. It was a problem I could solve myself that I knew I wouldn’t fuck up. Moments later, the silence became too much. Draining the water and drying my hands, I tapped on Historia’s shoulder, pulling her out of her daze. “C’mon.”

She followed me outside, and we piled into the truck, and I drove. We didn’t talk, but the radio filled the silence. I let her have her moment. I know if Marco had seen me drinking blood with one of our other friends that he would’ve freaked out too. Actually, he would’ve probably just ripped my heart straight out of my chest.

Technicalities.

The tires crackled on the gravel as I turned off the highway and traveled down the same road I’d been driven down myself not so long ago. When I pulled off the gravel and started driving through the grass, Historia lifted her head from the knees she’d pulled up to her chest. “Where are we?”

Stopping, I put the truck in park and got out, coming around to open her door. “We’re away from people.”

She squinted at me but followed as I made my way to the treeline. “Is there any way you could be more specific about that?”

I rested my hand against the nearest tree, the bark rough against my palm, and breathed in the late-summer air. The humidity made my cool skin clammy and sticky. Gross. “Sometimes you just gotta let it all out.” Turning to her, I smiled weakly--it probably looked more like a grimace, honestly. Then, I faced the trees that were bathed in dying sunlight and cupped my hands around my mouth before I screamed at them.

Three months. That was all it took for my life to get flipped upside down, spun sideways, and thrown into a washing machine. Out of all the things I lost, I still remembered what it was like to have those things, and that made it all worse. I still remembered what it felt like when I was carefree, when I could laugh at my friends’ stupid jokes, when the only thing I was worried about was what grade I got on a test in statistics. I remembered what it was like to be able to sleep through the night and not worry about getting hungry and eating my family.

So I yelled and screamed and cursed at the trees in the hopes that they could give me some fucking answers because I was at the end of my rope here.

They stayed silent.

The world was fucking cruel like that.

For a moment, I thought I was alone in every sense of the word, but I heard a small _crunch_ as Historia shifted, feet crushing already-dead leaves. She looked at me with those baby blues of hers, and her face was unreadable. I couldn’t tell what she was thinking.

It was ironic, really. We wore masks to keep ourselves safe from the hunters, but we--everybody, not just vampires--wore masks all the time. Funny how nobody truly knew anybody. We’re all just a bunch of posers.

 _I’m going to tell my parents,_ I promised myself. _I have to._

To my surprise, Historia didn’t call me crazy and walk away. She stepped up to my side, took a deep breath, and screamed herself. She was much louder and higher-pitched than I was, but I could hear the pain in it just the same. Turning around, I started yelling again too, and we poured our stupid feelings onto the dirt by our feet for the trees to witness.

Both of us were breathing heavily, and I know I was lightheaded when we were done. My throat was raw, and I inconspicuously swiped at the angry tears on my cheeks. We were both spent.

Heaving a sigh, I threw an arm around her shoulders. I forgot how tiny she really was. “Let’s go home.”

She reciprocated the awkward half-hug. “Okay,” she said, and the two of us made our way back to my truck, arms still around each other.

* * *

For the following week, I’d been trying to drop subtle hints to my parents about me being different, but it was hard to do when they were dense as fuck. I spent time watching vampire shows in front of them and asking them if they liked the shows to see their reactions, and you know what they said? My Mom was all, “They’re okay, I guess,” and Dad just grunted.

What the fuck, guys.

It wasn’t until I’d stooped low enough to start watching _Twilight_ that they truly took notice.

Bella was doing her dramatic breathing thing for the upteenth time in ten minutes when Mom finally put her book down. “Jean? Why are you watching this? You hate this stuff.”

Obviously. I shrugged noncommittally. “Nothing else on TV.”

She squinted at me. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all. “Are you going through some sort of… vampire phase?” she asked tentatively as if she’d asked if I was having sex upstairs a minute ago.

“It’s not a phase, Mom,” I mumbled in an attempt to be ironic and edgy. But I forgot that edginess would always just go right over my parents’ heads. I could see her staring holes into the side of my head through my peripherals. Jesus, woman. _Blink_.

“Are you saying you’re going to be obsessed with them your whole life then?” she asked. “You aren’t thinking of actually _becoming_ one, are you?”

The back of my neck and my face heated up as a chill went down my spine, and yep, those were definitely cold sweats. “Uh…”

“Look at me.”

I did.

“Please, don’t.” Her tone was serious and almost begging, a far cry from what I’d been expecting out of this conversation. “If you were to become… immortal, it wouldn’t be pretty or easy. You’d have to be around as all your friends and family got old and withered away. I know you--you wouldn’t be able to handle that.

“So I know you think I’m probably being stupid and crazy, but if you ever get offered a chance to become one of them, think really hard about it. I can’t control you or decide things for you, but I hope you’ll listen to me when I tell you to think twice about it.”

My parted lips kept coming together temporarily, but no sound came out. She believed in vampires. I was certain of it now. And she _didn’t want her eldest son to be one._ I knew that Moms always wanted what was best for their kids, and every sane person would know that vampirism certainly wasn’t it. Still, it wasn’t like I chose it.

“Okay,” I said finally, unable to think of anything else to say.

She gave me a stern yet concerned look for another moment before she went back to her book. Neither of us spoke for the rest of the evening, and even though I kept the movie on, I sure as shit wasn’t actually watching it.

* * *

It was about one in the morning when I woke up with the jitters. Actually, that’s the wrong word for it. It was more like a restlessness. It was a distinct feeling that if I didn’t get up and do something right that minute, I’d explode.

So typical for me now.

With a sigh, I dragged my hands down my face and my body out of bed. Pulling on a random shirt, I dug out the tennis shoes I’d started keeping in my closet for just this reason. It was a slightly beaten-up pair of running shoes I’d snagged at a secondhand store. No need to spend 150 bucks on a pair of shoes only I would ever see.

I also pulled my mask out my sock/underwear drawer and stared at it for a moment. It was still completely blank. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to figure out what I wanted to put on the damn thing. Nothing seemed significant enough.

Quietly, I snuck out my window and made my way to the ground. The moon was nearly full now, and it was easy for me to see. Good since I was less likely to trip; bad since other people could now see me easier.

The night air was chilly on my equally cool skin. Along with never getting hot during the summer, I noticed I didn’t get very cold on my nighttime trips--for now at least--since it was literally my internal temperature now. I was sure that once stronger cold fronts started to come through, I’d need something to cover up with, but today was not that day.

Leaves crunched beneath my heels as I walked to the edge of town. For some reason, they were falling early this year. It was probably since we’d been having unseasonably cool weather. There wasn’t any rain either, which we desperately needed, but what else was new.

With my quick, sure footsteps, it didn’t take long to get to what I’d started referring to as my hunting grounds. Peering into the foliage, my eyes didn’t take long to adjust to the dark. I was still astounded sometimes at just how _much_ I could see now. Being a vampire sucked--pun intended--but at least it was easier for me to enjoy the simple things now.

Shaking myself out and taking a deep, calming breath to put myself in the hunting mindset, I plunged into the darkness.

It was relatively quiet at first, but once I stopped and concentrated, I started to notice more and more things. The soft breathing of nearby animals, cracking leaves and sticks as they moved, the wind sighing through the trees as leaves settled to their deathbeds.

_Snap!_

Eyes closed, I whipped my head toward the source of the sound. There was some more rustling after that, but whatever it was, it had the brains to stay still. Some things it couldn’t control, though, like the way its heartbeat picked up in anticipation of a chase it knew it wouldn’t be able to avoid.

We stayed like that in a sort of silent standoff until it shifted and crunched some more leaves. Like lightning--at least in my head; let me at least imagine I’m much faster than I really am--I took off toward the sounds. A split second later, it took off, heading deeper into the trees.

Right, so we all know that scene from _Twilight_ where they’re running around in the woods and the dust looks like glitter, there’s light coming through the leaves, and she’s in absolute awe at how clear everything looks (if you aren’t familiar with it, you’ve been blessed). That’s not too far off from the truth.

Erwin explained to me that his friend Hanji--another vampire--had theorized that the reason everything appears to be in slow motion is that we react to adrenaline differently than normal humans. It causes our brain’s processing capabilities to speed up substantially, thus the ability to take in all that information, process it, and store it in such a short amount of time. (I liked to think it was like the theory in  _Epic_ where we were actually living in a parallel universe that moved faster than the human one.)

Obviously, it took time to get to be as fast as Erwin and Levi were, but I was getting there, okay? So maybe my processing abilities were too fast for my still-kinda-human-brain to properly comprehend. What’s the big deal?

Oh, yeah. The big deal was that when I tackled my prey to the ground, I’d understood that it was big, but I didn’t know what exactly it was. Part of it may have been my own negligence, but as long as nobody tells Levi, it’s okay.

A nanosecond later, I realized that what I was pinning to the ground wasn’t actually an animal but a _human_ . One that was squirming and smelled familiar. One that smelled _good_ \--comforting and homey, if people could possibly smell like that.

It was also one that hauled back and punched my face so hard that I saw actual stars, so that was fun.

Just barely refraining from cursing aloud--it would be an actual dead giveaway if he heard my voice--I rolled off of Marco and stumbled to my feet. The smell of blood was sharp in the air, but it didn’t smell at all tasty. That was when I realized it was _my_ blood. Cool. At least I knew I wouldn’t be succumbing to autocannibalism anytime in my life.

Panic clenched my lungs. If he’d been following me and alerted all the others to my position… I had no choice but to outrun them. There was no fucking way I could possibly fight all of them, vampire advantages or no.

“Leo!” Marco called out, and I nearly bashed my head against the ground on purpose. Mother _fucker._

He reached toward me, and I scrambled backward and into a tree. Looking up, I got an idea. I kicked the hands that were reaching out to me as hard as I could, causing him to grunt in pain. It gave me the precious seconds I needed to get on my feet and start climbing.

One good thing about having my best friend as my arch enemy is knowing all his weaknesses. Like how he doesn’t like climbing trees since he fell out of one when he was young and broke his collarbone.

The bark dug into my skin, but I didn’t dare let go. Instead, I kept going up. Up was safe. Up was where nobody could pull a gun out and shoot at me without hitting other branches.

Marco yelled for his other siblings and his fucking parents, and I felt my heart kick up in my chest. _All of them were out here?_ I looked up at that sky and muttered, “You have to be fucking kidding me.”

No response.

 _Okay, Jean. You gotta get out of here,_ I told myself once I’d gotten up as far as I could. Looking around, I saw that there were other trees close enough that I could hop from one to the next. Yeah, it was risky, but so was staying where I was.

Cracking my fingers nervously, I inched closer to a nearby tree and hopped into it, gripping the limb I’d caught in a death grip. It was sturdy and didn’t break. I didn’t wait until I was ready to start going to the next tree. If I waited until then, I’d be here all night. Sure, I had no idea where the fuck I was going, but I could figure that out later.

Footsteps pounded closer as the rest of the group closed in on me. I repressed a sob. Barely.

_Keep going forward. Don’t think about them._

It worked until I heard Monte shout, “Somebody give me the wolfsbane bullets!”

I may not have known much about Wolfsbane, but I knew enough to know that it was deadly to werewolves. If they were going to _shoot_ _me_ with that shit…

Wow, I was royally fucked.

The first shot rang out and scared the bejesus out of me, my sensitive ears ringing. I nearly lost my grip on my branch. Air whistled in and out of my nose, and I was certain it was broken. Blood ran down my face and dripped off my chin.

“You can’t run forever!” Monte taunted. “Nasty fucking bloodsucker. I can’t wait to see how _you_ like it when your blood is being drained out of your body.”

Now, I was actually shaking. I knew he was a violent, shitty person, but _this_ was a whole new level.

The next bullet lodged itself into the limb I was precariously balanced on. As quickly as I could, I jumped onto another. Not a moment too soon, it seemed. The sounds of it crashing to the forest floor were deafening.

More people began approaching, and I was literally two seconds from crying, that’s how scared I was. I wasn’t afraid to admit it. Every single self-respecting person should know to be afraid of a gun when it’s leveled at you.

The third bullet hit its mark. Immense pain erupted from my forearm, and I cried out. The powder on the bullet was audibly sizzling the fuck out of my flesh, and I whimpered, gritting my teeth to avoid screaming some unflattering things at my pursuers.  

“You got ‘em!” yelled somebody below that sounded an awful lot like their father followed by a thump on the back.

Even more adrenaline pumped into my bloodstream, and before I even knew what I was doing, I’d jumped to the ground, rolling and tucking my fucked up arm to my chest. It had gone numb, and I wasn’t sure if I should be glad or panicking about that.

“Get into formation!” their mom cried. “Don’t let him get away!”

My feet kicked up dirt behind me as I fucking _sprinted_ away from them. I thought I was like lightning earlier, but now I _was_ lightning, the tree trunks warping in my vision as I passed between them. The edge of the trees was in my line of sight. There was no fucking way that I was letting my second death be in the middle of the forest by a group of megalomaniacs.

I could hear shouts of frustration behind me, and more shots rang out, but I was untouchable, running faster than I ever had before until I was out of the woods. Even then, I didn’t stop. I couldn’t hear anything other than the sound of my blood roaring in my ears. My legs started to wobble beneath me from the wolfsbane and blood loss.

I wasn’t going to last much longer.

Moments later, I halted on a familiar front porch, actually falling forward on the door and kicking it as hard as I could--which wasn’t very much, truth be told. My vision was getting blurry, and my breath was heaving in and out of my body at an alarming rate. If they hadn’t heard the kicking, they most certainly could hear my fucking up breathing, that’s for sure.

I nearly pitched forward when the door opened, and I was met with a short stature and gray eyes. “What the fuck,” Levi said.

“Help me,” I rasped before everything went black.

* * *

Everything was dark.

And hot.

So fucking hot.

I was swimming in my sweat, blood, and tears.

Cotton in my head.

A hot poker stabbing through my arm. 

People were talking, but it was like they were speaking through water.

The ringing in my ears lulled me back to sleep. 

 

Sleep. 

 

S l e e p . . . 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hurt me???


	6. Acceptance: the action of consenting to receive or undertake something offered; the fifth stage of grief of the Kubler-Ross model.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting shot at really puts things into perspective.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so inconsistent. Forgive me. The epilogue won't be posted until the prologue of the second part is done too. Hopefully, that will be done before my finals later this month. Fingers crossed! 
> 
> A big thanks to everybody that has stuck with me for this long??? I love all of you???
> 
> Playlist (I had a much bigger one, but ao3 apparently deletes everything if your chapter is too big. Rip. Here's what I remember.)  
> Lie by Halsey  
> Strangers  
> Devil In Me  
> Not Afraid Anymore  
> Believe Mumford & Sons  
> Taxi Cab by twenty one pilots  
> Lovely  
> House of Gold  
> The (Shipped) Gold Standard by Fall Out Boy  
> Champion  
> Sugar We're Going Down  
> Golden  
> Waiting Game by Banks  
> Whatever It Takes by Imagine Dragons  
> Animal I Have Become by Three Days Grace

_Hot. I was hot. Burning, boiling, scorching. All around me for as far as the eye could see, a desert stretched. The dunes rolled and roiled in the warm breeze. Above me, the sun beat down, staring like a disapproving guardian. I had half the mind to tell it to fuck off._

_I had nothing with me, not even clothing. My skin was already peeling from a sunburn, and I had to squint constantly to see where I was going. Not that it mattered, anyway. Sand burned the bottoms of my feet, and I sank with every step. The air scattered sand, and the heat and granules nearly choked me with every breath._

_As I stumbled along, I found refuge in the shadow of a particularly large dune. The reprieve from the sun was heavenly, but I had to keep going. I knew not where I was headed, but I knew I could not stop._

_For hours and hours on end, I climbed and slid on the sand. There were no other signs of civilization around me and no landmarks. I couldn’t even tell how far I’d gone. The only way I knew I hadn’t gotten turned around was the trail I was leaving behind me._

_The sun was becoming increasingly unbearable, and right when I was sure I was going to combust, a glimmer appeared on the horizon. I blinked several times and rubbed sand out of my eyes, not willing to believe what I thought I was seeing. As I got closer, I realized my eyes weren’t playing tricks on me after all: an oasis was ahead._

_In an instant, my energy seemed to return to me. My leg muscles ached as I ran to the small paradise in my sight, but I did not slow down. My salvation was ahead if I could only reach it._

_I collapsed on the edge of the pool of crystal clear, cool water and cupped my trembling hands in it to drink. The liquid restored my life to me as I drank, and I hadn’t felt so alive in… How long had it been since I was turned?_

_It was cliche, but around the pool was a tree and several small shrubs. Fruits burst from them, and I greedily plucked them and ate the soft flesh inside the rinds. Mangoes, oranges, papayas, pomegranates, bananas, and cracked-open coconuts were there waiting for me to eat of them, and I did so without reservation._

_My fingers were stained from the juice of a pomegranate as I dug the small seeds out of it when I felt a presence behind me. It wasn’t a malicious or harmful one, but I became sad nevertheless. Biting my lip, I turned around and faced my hope and fear._

_Marco stood with one foot in the water and one on the bank, a hand extended to me. Just like me, he wasn’t wearing anything, but his skin wasn’t burned like mine. He was smiling as if we were still friends, and I settled my fingers in his. His palm was strong, and his fingers were sure as he pulled me to my feet. His nose grazed my jaw, and I tipped my head back, reveling in the feeling. I could feel his eyelashes as they brushed against my neck, and I ran my hands up his arms._

_“Jean,” he whispered against my collarbone, and I shivered despite the stifling air. “We’re okay here. Nobody can hurt us.”_

_A sob I had no idea I was holding, escaped my lips, and he pulled me into a bone-crushing hug. “I missed you, Marco,” I cried. “I missed you so fucking much. I want you to talk to me again, and I wish you didn’t hate me, and I want you to see me as_ me _again.”_

_His hands trailed up and down my back soothingly. “It’s okay,” he murmured. “I miss you too, baby, and I wish things were different as well.”_

_As soon as he used that pet name, I gripped his biceps and pulled back. His brows were upturned in the middle, so I used my thumb to smooth them out again. “Why do you hate me so much?”_

_He bit his lip. “It’s so complicated, Jean. I wish you could understand.”_

_“Then why don’t you just_ explain _it to me instead of confusing me even more?”_

 _He exhaled and rested his forehead against mine. “I… I don’t want to talk about any of that right now,” he confessed quietly. The wind blew around us gently. His breath caressed my bottom lip as he spoke. “I_ need _you,” he said, and the low groan buried in his voice_ got me _._

_Fisting a hand in his hair, I yanked him toward me, and our lips crashed together. It felt less like a disaster and more like a missing piece of a puzzle finally being put in place. His mouth was eager on mine as he spoke about how much he missed me against my teeth and conceded to my tongue just what he wanted from me._

_When I bit his lip--harder than necessary, I might add--his hands gripped my upper back, and tingles shot up my neck at how good the pressure felt. His hands moved up to scrape his blunt fingernails against my scalp, and I wanted nothing more than to stay in this moment with him for eternity._

_The two of us lowered ourselves, and he hovered over me, our tangled legs in the water. He pulled away slightly, and I looked up at him, a mere silhouette backlit against the sun. “You’re so fucking beautiful,” he whispered in awe, and I couldn’t handle it._

_“Make love to me,” I blurted, and his eyes darkened with want. “Please, Marco, I need you. I have to feel you.”_

_He growled almost possessively and quickly latched his lips onto my neck, sucking a mark into my skin and causing me to gasp his name and wrap a leg around his waist. Our arousals rubbed together, and the both of us moaned together._

_To say I remembered every detail would be a lie. I could only remember snapshots of our actual actions, but the emotions? I could feel it all._

_The sheer pleasure his rough palms gave me as they rubbed me in all the right places, and the way his fingers unraveled me as they slid into me. His throaty voice telling me to “be louder, baby, I want to hear you” elicited moans and gasps and everything in between. All around me was Marco, Marco,_ Marco, _and I never wanted it to end._

_He was rocking into me, grinding harder and harder as he approached his own orgasm when I laced my fingers in his and held his hand over my beating heart. “I love you,” I breathed. “I love you. I love you. I love you…”_

_“F-fuck, Jean, baby. God, I love you too. I love you more than life itself. A-ah…”_

_Squeezing my eyes shut, I wrapped my legs around his waist and held him close, all the way inside me, clamping down and grinding myself in small circles. The way he squeezed his eyes shut told me he was so close. “Marco. P-please. Make me come.”_

_His hand fell onto my painfully hard arousal, and he pumped his fist until I was coming, spilling over his hand and crying out, eyes squeezed shut tight and mouth fallen open. Moments later, he came too and collapsed over me, covering me with his warm, strong body. My hands trailed up and down his ribs, the both of us regaining our breath._

_“I love you,” I whispered again._

_He pressed a kiss to my cheek and pulled out, gathering me against him tight. My eyes felt heavy, and I was afraid of falling asleep because I knew as soon as I did, my water boy would slide right through my fingers once more._

_The last thing I heard before everything went dark was, “I love you too, Jean.”_

* * *

It was still hot, but I knew I wasn’t dying again. Yet, at least. My limbs refused to move, and my eyes were practically glued shut. From what I could tell, I was lying on something soft, and there was a blanket over me even though I was sweating like a whore in church. There was a scratchiness in my throat, but at least I could breathe through my nose again without feeling like my face was being kicked into a brick wall.

I could hear voices coming from the next room--wherever _that_ was--but they were too low for me to understand what they were saying.

I took a deep breath, and a warm body moving around on my chest alerted me to the fact that I had been sleeping with a cat on me. For how long, I knew not. “Hey, kitty,” I tried to say, but it just sounded like a wheeze. Dammit.

Thankfully, she seemed to understand my predicament and didn’t hold it against me. She began to purr and moved to curl up between my arm and side instead.

Not five seconds after she got settled, I could hear the door open to my left. I tried to turn my head toward it with some luck, but not much. I _was_ able to open my eyes, though, so score one for me.

Mikasa came forward into my limited line of sight, a crease having taken place between her slender brows. “You’re an idiot,” she stated, and I definitely agreed with her. “Why?”

“'Fraid,” I finally managed to choke out.

Holding up a finger, she left and came back a minute later with a bottle of water. She helped me sit up, arranging the pillows behind me and also helping me drink without choking myself. “Afraid of what?” she asked.

“Afraid of hurting them.” My voice sounded like a radio station that got a shitty signal--cutting out and sounding gravelly like static.

The frown line deepened. “Why didn’t you tell one of us that you were going out at least? One of us could’ve come with you.”

I shrugged. “Why would I?”

“Because all of us have a price on our heads; especially you.”

I sighed. “Everybody’s been busy doing their own things, and I’ve been going, like, three times a week.”

Her face was as passive as ever as she processed this. “And you never once thought to at least tell _me_ that you were having issues?” she asked, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Can’t you tell through your whatchamacallit?”

“I may be two years older than you, but all this siring stuff? I’m still new to it.” She looked at her hands. “I can’t read your mind or tell where you are at all times.”

“Sorry,” I mumbled after a moment of silence.

She looked back up at me. “I’m not the one that got shot. It’s yourself you should apologize to.” Then she stood and left without another word.

Not gonna lie, I was sort of fuming at everything right after she left. It just wasn’t _fair_. If I stayed at home, I’d end up murdering my family in their sleep. If I went out, I got shot at. If I asked somebody to go with me, they’d eventually start getting annoyed. If I didn’t ask somebody, Mikasa would be disappointed that I hadn’t asked, and everybody would be worried about my well-being.

I just couldn’t win. It was like the world was dead-set against me or something. Cue the ironic look.

With a sigh, I pushed all those thoughts out of my mind for right now. There wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it, and I was sick of pitying myself. Obviously, I couldn’t exactly do something about anything right now, but I knew I had to focus on getting better. That was the only thing I _could_ do at the moment.

Lucy, who’d curled up by my feet when Mikasa helped me sit up, stood and stretched languidly before looking at me with her big, green eyes. I extended a hand out to her, and she approached to butt her forehead up against my palm. I smiled and scratched under her chin, causing her to start purring again.

As she snuggled up next to me again, I looked around the room. I was in the spare bedroom. Light was coming in through the windows, but it was still soft, so I assumed it was early in the morning. Fuzzy shapes from the tree outside were thrown against the cheerful, yellow bedspread, and they danced in the wind. 

Footsteps approached lightly from down the hall, and there were two small knocks on the door. “Yeah,” I called out. When it opened, Erwin came in with a tray of food. As soon as I saw it, my stomach screamed for it. Loudly.

Erwin laughed and shut the door behind him. “I supposed one would get hungry after not eating for three days.”

I was reaching for the toast on the plate I’d taken from the tray, but I stopped and looked at him after he spoke, astonished. “Three days?”

All those days of school. All those days away from home. My family. My _parents_.

“Don’t panic,” he said when he saw my expression. He set the tray on my legs and pulled up the chair from Mikasa’s desk. “One of your friends has been collecting your school work, I believe.”

“My parents don’t know where I’ve been,” I wheezed, and it wasn’t from the sore throat this time.

He paused. “They are… also downstairs.”

“ _What?_ ”

He held up a hand before I could say anything else. “I made them stay downstairs. Finish your food before you do anything rash.”

I looked down at the plate in front of me, and had I not eaten for three days, I would’ve pushed it away. As it was, I was still a hungry ass motherfucker. While I dug into the eggs, Erwin checked his phone, tapping away for a moment before putting it away. “Do you mind if I tell you a story?”

I looked up. “Uh. Sure. Go ahead.”

Clearing his throat, his eyes got dazed for a moment as if he were looking far away. “A long time ago, a son was born from a whore and a recently-dead man.”

What a great start to a story.

“He was a very small child, one that wasn’t supposed to live past three years old due to the lack of nutrition available to him. His mother was desperate to give her son a good life, so she packed up what little belongings they had and moved the both of them from their small village to a grand city.

“For the first several years, she scrounged for food and let herself starve in order to feed her baby. The boy lived, and as soon as he was old enough, he began to work and steal to take care of the both of them. Their lives weren’t at all easy, but as long as they had each other, they were happy.

“Mere months before the boy’s twelfth birthday, his mother passed away from what is now recognized as an STD.”

“Okay, what’s the point of this story?” I asked. “It doesn’t seem like a very happy one.”

He raised his eyebrows slightly. “That’s because it isn’t.”

Fair enough. “Okay. Go on. Sorry.”

“As I was saying, the boy managed to make it on his own for about a year before an estranged relative--an uncle--found him and took him in. Under his uncle’s care, the boy was able to receive some form of a basic education, but it was at the price of his uncle’s harsh treatment.” His eyes seemed dark. It seemed so personal to him, that I assumed the story had to be about himself. It seemed likely for him somehow.

“By the time the boy--though more of a man at this point--was in his mid-twenties, he had a wife and two children that he did everything to care for. While delivering their third child, his wife died six years after they’d gotten married. The infant lived, but he did not have the right food and couldn’t hire a wet nurse for the child, so it was with a heavy heart that he gave it to an orphanage.

“Four years passed, and he was still raising his children on his own. He managed to get a job breaking horses and training them for noblemen. However, this job did not pay enough, and he had to resort to stealing again in order to give them as much food as they required. It only took one day of being careless while he was swiping an apple to land himself in trouble.” He paused, looking at me seriously.

“I found Levi crushed and bruised in an alley like some discarded produce.” Wait, what? “I’d been keeping an eye on him for some time, and I knew he had children to take care of.” This was about _Levi_? “I knew how… intense he was even if I didn’t know why, but I already loved him.”

Levi was born from a prostitute? Had a wife that died and kids that he tried his best to care for even without her? Gotten killed because he was doing just that? That was so fucked up. Now I knew why he always seemed to have a stick up his ass.

“He hated my guts for the longest time, but he accepted my help, so he could be around his children without them suspecting anything. He was able to stay with them for a really long time until his appearance became too obvious, and he had to fake his death. He was still able to watch over his family from afar, and he does even to this day.

“We went our separate ways until fate brought us together in the roarin’ twenties.” He shook his head and laughed to himself. “He was so stubborn that he refused to talk to me again until several years after the beginning of the Great Depression. The rest is history, I suppose.”

“Why are you telling me this?” I asked. My plate lay on the tray, forgotten.

“You seem like you need somebody to relate to,” he said simply. “And it’s just so you know he isn’t as bad as he seems.”

I opened my mouth to protest when I stopped. At first, I thought there was no fucking way I was like that asshole, but if somebody else who’d only known me for a short amount of time could see it, maybe I actually did.

Sure, we hadn’t had the same experiences, but we were both hard to get along with at best. We both had people to hide from, and we would do anything to keep them safe. I’d been reluctant to accept any help from the “monster” who’d turned me for longer than probably necessary just like he had, and we both seemed to have an, ah, affinity for men _and_ women.

“I don’t expect the both of you to become best friends overnight,” he continued when I didn’t answer. “But I just wanted you to know that you aren’t alone in your experiences no matter how it may seem.” He scooped the tray off my legs and straightened up. “You should rest.”

“How long will I be out of commission?”

His bushy eyebrows drew together a smidge as he thought. “You should be feeling back to normal in a few days, but your bullet wound will heal at the same rate as a human wound would, unfortunately.”

I played with the threads of the blanket covering me. “How long will it be until I can see my family?”

He smiled ruefully at me. “We’ll have to see.”

I looked up at him. “They know now, right? Are they mad at me?” I hated how tiny my voice sounded. It made me seem like some stupid little kid. Why should I care if they’re mad at me anyway? It wasn’t my fault; I didn’t choose this life for myself.

“When you are healthy enough, you can speak to them yourself.” His voice gave away nothing, and it pissed me off, but there wasn’t much I could do about it in my bedridden state. He’d probably have me pinned before I even considered getting off the bed.

“Fine.”

The door clicked behind him as he left, and I was alone with my thoughts again.

* * *

It was two days later when I was finally allowed out of bed, and I was ready to throw hands. There was a very distinct difference between being stuck in somebody else’s bed under their orders while you get all your life force back and being homesick where you can camp out on the couch and masturbate as much as you damn well please. Do you know how embarrassing it is to wake up with a raging hard-on and your host walks in? Yeah. At least it was Mikasa and not Erwin or, God forbid, _Levi_.

The first thing I did was take a fucking shower to get all the grime off myself, and I inspected the damage in the mirror. Apparently, the trees didn’t take it easy on me either. I looked like I’d gone through a blender. Scrapes and scratches were slowly healing themselves, but they had a yellowish tint to them. With a grimace, I looked at my left forearm and regretted it instantaneously.

There was an actual hole that went through the fleshy part right below my bone. If he’d hit me one inch to the side, my arm would’ve been broken for sure. The hole didn’t look like it’d even healed one bit. If I wanted to, I could stick my finger in it up to the first knuckle. Gross.

That wasn’t even the worst part, though. The coloring was most definitely not normal. The rim around the wound was red and very irritated. As it went out, it turned to a sickly gray color followed by baby-puke-green, rotten-mustard-yellow, and decomposing-eggplant-purple, not necessarily in that order. The whole entire side of my arm was splashed with these nasty colors, and they didn’t look like they were keen to go away anytime soon.

Then to top it all off, my nose had definitely been broken. I had bruises all over the middle of my face. When I’d been knocked out, somebody must’ve put my nose back in place, but it was really crooked if you looked at it long enough. Nice. Just what I’d always wanted.

I sighed and turned away from the mirror. Time will heal all wounds or some shit like that.

My shower ended up taking much longer than normal. I stood and let the water warm up my cold skin. My hair was so oily that I had to wash it twice. It didn’t hurt my ego at all to admit that I straight-up stood there and cried for probably ten minutes. It was stupid, but I felt like I deserved it for getting an infected bullet lodged in my arm and a broken nose.

Could vampires get tetanus?

As soon as I was dressed, Mikasa tapped on the door and came in to dress my arm. I plopped my bony ass on the toilet and let her do her thing. All the standing and crying sapped the energy right out of my body.

“You don’t have to be strong all the time, you know,” she said quietly as she wrapped gauze around my arm.

I furrowed my eyebrows. “How is standing in the shower while sobbing my lungs out being strong.” There was no point in trying to pretend I wasn’t. The whole house could probably hear it.

Her stormy eyes met mine. “Emotions aren’t a sign of weakness.”

I stayed quiet.

Her fingers were gentle but firm. I had an inkling that something was going through her head, but as she told me earlier, we weren’t mind-readers. If only we were a little more like the Cullens from Twilight. Maybe then I could have some sort of superpower to help me figure all this shit out.

Moments later, she was finished. “Your parents are still downstairs.”

“Have they been here the whole time?” I asked.

She headed out the door toward stairs. I followed her at a snail’s pace. “They’ve been taking turns staying here until you woke up,” she explained. “When they heard you were up, your dad came back.”

“Oh.” We started descending the stairs. If I had any other questions about them, I guess I could just ask them myself.

Mom jumped up and gasped when I came around the stairs. The only thing that prevented her from pouncing on me was the way Mikasa positioned herself between us. I wasn’t sure how to feel about that.

“Jean,” she breathed, hands covering her mouth. I could see--and smell--her emotions as clear as day. There was relief and sadness and some anger mixed in with lingering worry. The look she shot Mikasa made it clear that it wasn’t me she was mad at.

I waved shyly at them. I could tell the both of them were speechless for the first time, like, ever. Seriously. No other time in my life had I made them actually at a loss for words for longer than five seconds.

“So I guess you’re wondering why I’ve gathered you all here today,” I began to break the ice.

“Jean Michael Kirschtein,” was the first thing Mom said, and my stomach dropped because _dammit_ I was in trouble. “What do you think you’re doing sneaking out of the house?” she demanded, crossing her arms.

I blinked. Out of all the things to talk about, she chose that? “Uh.”

Dad stood up next to her. “We’re very disappointed that you’d do something like that.”

I looked at Mikasa, but she was very focused on my parents. I wondered what it was like to be them. They’d seen Mikasa as such a wonderful, sweet daughter of their friends, and now they presumably knew what she’d unwittingly done to me. “Sorry, I guess?”

Mom bit her lip, and it looked like she was trying hard not to cry. “You’d better be, young man. You’re grounded until you graduate. No, until you graduate college.” Her voice broke at the end, but she tipped her chin up. Gee, now I knew where I got _that_ from.

“I… didn’t mean to break the rules, but I didn’t exactly have a choice.” If they weren’t going to bring it up, I was going to have to. “I was getting restless.”

Again, she seemed at a loss for words, hands fluttering around as if she was trying to grasp for _something_.

We obviously weren’t getting anywhere, and I was getting tired, so I turned around and headed to the kitchen. Mikasa followed close behind me, as silent as ever. No, I couldn’t read minds, but I knew her, and I knew she was having difficulty with the situation like I was.

“Wh-where do you think you’re going?” Mom exclaimed.

“To get something to eat. I haven’t had breakfast.”

She didn’t say anything, but I heard her and Dad start to follow after us.

Once I got in the doorway, Historia looked up from the newspaper she was reading. “Hi, Jean,” she chirped. She gave a polite smile behind me to my parents before turning her attention back to me. Kicking the chair out on the other side of the table from her, she stood and went to the counter. “Dads left some food for you. They had to go to work.”

I nodded and dropped heavily into the seat. “Why aren’t you at school?”

She slid the plate over to me, causing my stomach to growl loudly. “It’s one of those teacher learning days.”

“Oh.”

Mom and Dad stood awkwardly in the doorway as I dug into my breakfast of eggs, bacon, and pancakes. Mikasa took a seat to my right where they’d be in her sight at all times. Interesting. Did she not trust them?

“Do you, like, wanna take a seat or something?” I asked.

Dad and I made eye contact for a brief moment before he sat down in the seat next to me. He looked up at Mom. “Janelle.” Silently and slightly in shock, she took a seat next to him. The tension was so thick that I felt like I could choke on it.

On instinct, I glanced at Mikasa, and in the morning light, I noticed how worn she looked. Bags hung under her eyes like unwanted passengers, and her skin was paler than normal.

“When’s the last time you slept?”

She looked at me, and I saw how glassy her eyes were. Her only response was a small shrug.

“Mikasa, when’s the last time you _ate_?”

She blinked slowly and got up, snagging a mug from a cupboard. “I’m fine.”

Even though I was tired, I stood and went to lean on the counter next to her. “Hey.”

“What?” Her voice was soft, so I lowered my own.

“I know you’re all stressed out from me being an idiot and from my parents being here, but everything’s okay now. You can relax.”

Her stormy eyes flicked to my family and back to me. The message in them was obvious. They were making her straight up nervous, and the rest of her body language told me that her instinctual side must’ve been making her a bit protective and possessive.

“Would it help if I get them out of here?”

She didn’t answer me. All I got was a long look before she went to push some buttons on the coffee machine.

“You don’t have to be strong all the time,” I echoed, and she stopped moving.

“Fine,” she muttered. “Yes, it would help.”

I touched her elbow as a supportive gesture and went back to the table. Three pairs of eyes fell on me, and I swallowed. “So I know that you guys’ve been worrying about me and stuff, but I’m okay for right now. You can, uh, head home for right now, and I’ll be there... later. I gotta eat and get some more of the wolfsbane out of my system.” I rubbed my arm.

Mom opened her mouth to protest, but I interrupted her. “Please. I don’t want it to affect me in some weird way. I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if I hurt anybody.”

She bit her lip. Dad touched her elbow, and they seemed to have some sort of telepathic communication with each other through their eyes alone. Finally, she sighed. “Fine. We’ll go home. But we’re going to come back and see you again later.” Her tone left no room for an argument.

I nodded. “Okay.”

The two of them stood up, and after one last lingering look, they disappeared through the doorway. The front door shut quietly behind them, and the house and its occupants all breathed a sigh of relief.

I turned around to face Mikasa again. “Now, eat something before I shove it down your fucking throat.”

She arched an eyebrow at me, but I wasn’t able to keep the smirk off my face, so she rolled her eyes and turned away from me. “Fine, Mom.”

It was quiet and much less tense for the rest of the afternoon. Historia promised to babysit me, so Mikasa could get some rest. Levi and Erwin got home before she even woke up which worried me, but they told me that she literally hadn’t slept in the time I was out for the count.

While she was asleep, I got Erwin alone in the kitchen, so I could talk to him.

“How bad was I?” I asked, fingering a stack of napkins. They were in one of those pretentious, fancy-ass holders that were totally pointless. “When I got here, I mean.”

There was a moment where he didn’t say anything. It got to be so long that I almost asked him again when he finally answered me. “Levi didn’t think you were going to make it. Neither did Mikasa.”

I looked up. “That bad? I only got shot in the arm, for fuck’s sake.”

His face was lit up from the interior of the fridge as he pulled out stuff to make dinner. “They laced their bullets with more than enough wolfsbane than necessary to take down at least four werewolves in their… alternative form.” Hamburger. Cheese. “Then when you ran here, your elevated heartbeat circulated it all throughout your body.” Tomatoes. Onions. “That’s why the skin around your injuries look yellow.” The door shut with a soft _thump_.

“Oh.”

His eyes flicked to mine. “Do you really want to know the rest?”

Swallowing hard, I nodded. “Yeah.”

He straightened and leaned against the counter. “Levi set your nose and cleaned your wounds while I dug the bullet out of your arm. Mikasa was trying to make you drink some blood, but you couldn’t swallow. Right as I started to clean the bullet wound, you woke up and started screaming so hard that Historia had to come in and take Mikasa in the other room. She couldn’t handle it.”

I realized I was biting my lip so hard that it was close to bleeding.

“We got you cleaned up, but you had a fever and wouldn’t eat or drink anything for almost two whole days. The wolfsbane was burning you from the inside out. Eventually, we had to put an IV in you just to get some fluids back in your body. We also took some of your blood out of your body and put some clean blood back into you in the hopes that it would dilute the poison.

“The fever finally broke the second night, and you woke up the next morning. Mikasa stayed at your side the whole time. Your parents came looking for you here during the first day, and they threw a fit when they found out what had happened. They only left to bathe and eat. Your siblings stayed with friends, I assume. The rest is history to you, I suppose.”

My brows furrowed. “Did you tell them about all of you being vampires too?” I asked, mind going a mile a minute. From what I’d been told and what I’d seen, they hadn’t been surprised about the whole thing. Then earlier when Mom told me not to accept immortality had I been given the chance…

“They’ve known since we were in college together.”

That explained a lot, actually. “And do they know it was Mikasa that did it?”

He nodded somewhat gravely. “Yes, and they have... not taken kindly to her anymore.” His eyes were sad and upset.

“I see.”

A flare of anger burst in my chest. It was understandable that they’d be upset with Mikasa, but knowing my parents, they did--or said-- _something_ to make her feel like shit. That must’ve been why she was so on edge when they were around. Who wouldn’t be?

Turning on my heel, I left the kitchen and went upstairs. I didn’t bother to even tap on the door since I could hear her soft breathing anyway. Mikasa was sleeping peacefully on her bed, lips parted slightly and hair covering a portion of her cheek. Quietly, I made my way over to her and sat on the edge of the bed. She didn’t even stir.

“I’m not going to let them hurt you anymore,” I whispered. “I promise. As long as I’m here, I’m going to protect you like you’ve done for me. We can do our best. Together.” Leaning down, I brushed her hair off her face and kissed her cheek.

I’d just gotten up to leave when she spoke, scaring the shit out of me. “Thanks.”

“M-Mikasa!” I stammered. “I didn’t know you were awake.”

Her eyes stayed closed. “You were loud when you opened my door.”

I pursed my lips and huffed. Damn vampires with their super hearing. “Sorry. I’ll just go now.”

She scooted back until her back was against the wall. Patting the bed in front of her, she mumbled, “Stay. Please.”

I bit my lip, but I wasn’t about to tell her no. Gingerly, I crawled into bed and rested my head on the pillow next to her. She moved closer until we were pressed together, so I decided, _Fuck it,_ and gathered her close.

Moments later, she was sound asleep again, my fingers carding gently through her hair.

* * *

Deciding I’d had enough sleep to practically be considered twice-dead, I scrolled through the notifications on my barely alive phone. I honestly had no clue how the stupid thing was still alive. It wasn’t found until I was in the shower this morning. It was in the pair of pants I’d been wearing when I ran for my life. Nobody could find it until Historia had the bright idea to check my pants just as the trash guys were about to empty the trash cans in their dump truck. Sure enough, it was still in my back pocket. Surprisingly, it was unscathed and still running--albeit on dredges, but beggars can’t be choosers. There wasn’t even a crack on the screen. Truly a Christmas miracle. 

I didn’t even bother to read all the texts or check who called me. I knew who would try to find me if I went missing, and the list seemed to be growing shorter by the week. Instead, I opened up social media for a bit of mindless time-wasting. It was quiet and peaceful until I got a snap.

With a sigh, I opened it up. It was a picture of Eren with 63 double-chins. _Where the fuck have u been dickwad?_

I rolled my eyes and sent him a picture of Mikasa’s ceiling. _It’s a long story. I almost died. Be more sympathetic._

He switched to Messenger.

**Angery: Again?**

**My Little Pony: Yeah**

**Angery: How?**

**My Little Pony: Monte shot me with wolfsbane. Marco’s whole family was there too.**

**Angery: Wtf. How do you even get yourself into these messes?**

**My Little Pony: Idk.**

**Angery: You missed so much last week.**

**My Little Pony: How?**

**Angery: Homework, loser. I’ll bring it by later**

**My Little Pony: Wow what would I do without my knight in shining armor**

**Angery: I know I know you’d be lost**

I shook my head.

**My Little Pony: Dumbass**

**Angery: Love you too**

I was trying to think of a snarky answer when the door opened and in walked none other than fucking Ymir.

“What the fuck,” I said. Instinctively, I moved closer to Mikasa.

She made a face at me, but the effect was lost with the way her cheeks were flushed. “Shut up.” Her toes dug into the ground, and I noticed she was still wearing her shoes. Levi was going to kill her. “I’m here to apologize.”

The look I gave her must’ve been withering because she seemed to shrink. “You’re here to apologize _now_? It’s been, like, over a week. Couldn’t it wait until I actually come back to school?”

Her hackles visibly raised. “Would you quit being a dick and listen to me for five seconds?” She jammed her hands into her jeans pockets.  

I pursed my lips but didn't say anything else.

“I wanna, uh, say sorry for freaking out on you and calling you shitty things.” She raised herself on her toes and lowered herself again. “And for coming into your house uninvited. That was wrong too.”

I looked at her for an agonizingly long moment. A very small bubble of pride swelled in my chest. The Ymir I knew at the beginning of the summer never would’ve apologized about that. She wouldn’t’ve been able to suck up her pride.

Now, she was standing in front of me with her heart on her damn sleeve asking for forgiveness. If that isn’t some character development, I don’t know what is.

“So, uh, yeah. I know you probably don’t want to talk to me right now, but I just wanted to let you know that I am. Sorry, I mean,” she continued when I didn’t say anything else.

I let her squirm for another moment before I shook my head a little bit--to myself, mostly. “I forgive you. So quit looking like you’re about to cry.”

She stood up straighter, cheeks flushed. “I do not!”

“You don’t now,” I quipped.

With a roll of her eyes, she sat on the floor. “You’re impossible, Kirschtein.”

“You like it that way.”

“Whatever.” Her eyes traveled to my bandaged arm. “That why you weren’t at school?”

I looked at the wound in question. “Yep. Got shot.”

Her eyes went wide, and she blinked several times. “Seriously?”

“Yep.”

She crossed her arms. “Dammit. How am I supposed to be tougher than you if you’ve got a scar from a bullet, and I don’t?” I opened my mouth to protest, but she waved her hand. “Kidding. How’d you get it?”

So I told her the story starting from when I left my house that fateful night. She listened attentively and didn’t say a word as I spoke. It was with hesitation that I told her how it was Marco and his family that were trying their best to kill me. I didn’t want to be that person that started something, but she deserved to know. Plus, she’d probably try to beat me up if I left out a detail like that.

“So that’s why you and Marco have been acting all weird together?”

“Yep.”

“Why does he want to kill you?” She leaned back on her hands.

I waved a hand in the air. “Because it’s his family business, I guess?”

She chewed the inside of her cheek and squinted in thought. “Do you think he just wants to impress his parents?” she asked. “‘Cause he _is_ the baby of the family, and he’s got some pretty big shoes to fill. Maybe that’s why he’s so dead set on trying to be the Midwest’s most vicious supernatural exterminator?”

She had a point, I suppose. I had it somewhat easy since I was the oldest, and my parents had no expectations for me for the first several years of my life. With all his brothers owning a monopoly on business, weed selling, sleeping, and teaching, he had to make an impression somehow.

“Whatever the case is, I don’t see how he can just kill one of his friends like that. You’d think that would haunt him forever.”

“But if he really does care about what his parents think that much…”

She tilted her head as if to agree with me. “Okay, so what are we gonna do about this?”

I shook my head. “No clue. There isn’t anything I _can_ do. Not without risking the exposure of the rest of the household and not without hurting Marco or his family.”

She let out a low whistle. “Damn, kid. No wonder you’ve been so moody lately.”

I sniffed. “Have not.”

One of her eyebrows rose. “No?”

“Maybe a little,” I grumbled. Movement at my side reminded me that I still had somebody asleep on me. I made soft, cooing noises and brushed my fingers through Mikasa’s hair until the strained look left her face, and she fell back into a peaceful sleep again.

Ymir was looking at us curiously. “What’s up with, uh,” she waved between me and Mikasa, “this?”

“What do you mean?” I tucked her closer minutely.

“You don’t normally let anybody touch you, yet here you are in a chick’s bed while she’s wrapped around you like a starfish.”

I looked down at Mikasa’s hand resting on my chest, palm up. Her fingers were curled and relaxed. Even though her skin was a milky white color, her nails were a healthy pink and filed to perfection; fingers slender and fine. Vampirism skipped nothing, I suppose.

“She’s the one that turned me.”

“And you aren’t pissed about that?” For once, there was no judgment in her voice. Just curiosity.

“I was at first. Extremely. But I learned that she didn’t do it on purpose, and it’s harder than it looks to try and control yourself all the time.” My teeth throbbed in agreement. “Plus, we’re connected for eternity. And she’s not a bad person either.”

“Oh, so it’s like not judging somebody just because of one mistake they made, right?”

“Yeah.” Pause. “That’s totally also the only reason why I forgave you.”

“Shut up.” She shifted and leaned forward to settle her elbows on her knees. “Hey, what if you, like, graduated early and left?”

“Why do you ask?” Mikasa’s cool breath washed over my neck when she shifted her head.

“‘Cause you could tell people you wanted to do that gap year shit, and nobody would question it. You’d have your diploma, and then they’d know you were out of town. If you’re gone, they’ll probably think the rest of them left too.”

I blinked at her. “That’s actually a good idea, Ymir.”

“I’m going to take that as a compliment.”

My mind ran rampant. I thought about graduating early several years ago, but I didn’t think I could do it. But, like, what if? I’d have a chance to get out and be independent for several months before college which would be good for the restlessness I’d been feeling. Maybe I’d also be able to forget about my feelings for Marco.

“You really think it’s a good idea?” 

She nodded slowly, looking and sounding uncharacteristically sincere. “We’d all miss you-- _I’d_ miss you--but what’s right isn’t always what’s easy.”

My whole being filled with a melancholy feeling. “You changed a lot since the beginning of the summer.”

Standing, she put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed. “You too.” With a sad smile she left, and I was left to think about her suggestion.

* * *

I was woken up from my dozing by a tap on the door. Some unintelligible noise came out of my mouth as an answer, and it opened all the way. Standing with his hand on the doorknob was Eren. “Hey,” he said quietly so as not to wake up Mikasa who was _still_ asleep. At least she’d moved to lean against the wall, so I didn’t feel so weird getting caught in somebody else’s bed literally and figuratively.

Sitting up, I swung my legs around and let them hang off the edge of the bed. “What’s up?”

“I brought your work. It’s downstairs. And… so is Ymir?”

I told him how she barged in on my and Historia eating and how she came to apologize. “She was actually really nice about it.”

“We’re still talking about Ymir, right?”

I made a face. “Cut her some slack.”

“Yeah, yeah. Sorry.”

Trying to stand was a bit of a bad idea. I immediately got dizzy and started to wobble, knees locking to keep from giving out under me.

Eren grabbed my elbow. “Woah, you okay?”

“M’fine. Just haven’t eaten enough today.”

“What the fuck, man?” He steered me toward the door. “Go eat something! I don’t wanna die cause you got the munchies.”

I rolled my eyes but let the comment go. “Whatever.”

The trip down the stairs was quite an interesting one, and we’ll leave it at that. The rest of the household may or may not have been watching in varying degrees of amusement, but that’s because they’re all assholes anyway.

“Why the fuck are you so heavy?” Eren grumbled when we were at the bottom.

I let go of him. “Why are you such a dick?”

“That’s fair.”

“You got shot in the arm. Why can’t you walk normally?” Ymir asked from where she was leaning against the wall with her arms crossed over her chest. A smirk was firmly planted on her face, but I wasn’t mad. I knew it was her defense mechanism even if nobody was attacking her.

“What the hell? Is this Question Jean Day?”

“Can’t make a holiday out of something that happens all the time,” Ymir said as she headed to the kitchen.

“Then I guess that’s why there isn’t a Bitchy Ymir Day either,” I replied, following after her.

“Fucker.”

“Douche canoe.”

“Soggy walnut.”

“Shithouse.”

“Cunt.”

“Cripple.”

“Stupid ass, motherfucking pr--”

“ _Ladies_ ,” Eren butted in.

Both of us huffed and shut up.

When we got into the kitchen, I dug around in the fridge and was delighted to see it freshly stocked. I rooted around for a bag of A- and tore a corner of it off with my teeth before sinking my fangs--literally--into it.

After being hungry to the point of weakness--despite the fact that I was sleeping; something I also needed to do--the cool blood rushing over my taste buds was the best damn thing I’d ever tasted. It was like giving a druggie their choice habit.

My eyes slid shut, and I leaned back against the counter, trying to control my breathing so I didn’t seem like I was going out of control on the outside too. But it was actually so difficult. I hated how much blood I needed in order to heal my wounds. It was irritating at best.

Too soon, the bag was empty, and I made a noise of disapproval as I went to throw it away, but Ymir and Eren were both looking at me funny. “What?” I asked, self-consciously wiping my hand over my mouth in case there was still some blood there.

Eren pointed inside his mouth. “You got…”

I touched my teeth with my finger and got the shock of my life.

Fangs.

Like the actual fangs were there now, and I hadn’t even felt them come out.

My eyes must’ve been wider than saucers cause Ymir looked between me and Eren. “Does that not normally happen?”

“Not for me.” I found it surprisingly easy to talk with them even though they seemed like they would get in the way. They were extremely thin and razor sharp, covering the front of my upper canines like sheaths. Now that there wasn’t any blood in my mouth, I could taste the metal of my _own_ blood from where they’d cut through the gums.

Mikasa padded into the kitchen and took in our dumbfounded state. Finally looking at me, she smiled and tilted her head forward. “Congratulations, Jean.”

I looked at her with excitement that could rival a little kid’s. “Dude! They’re so cool!” I ran my tongue over them for the upteenth time within two minutes. Unfortunately, I cut it. I’d have to learn how to control that.

“You aren’t a baby anymore,” she said mildly as she got into the fridge herself.

“Yeah! I’m not--wait. What?”

She looked up at me. “What?”

“Did…? Have you guys been calling me a baby all this time?”

Her lips parted slightly, and she looked like she was about to say something, but the corners of her lips turned up. She submerged herself more fully into the fridge. “Ask Eren.”

I glared at Eren who had his hands out in front of him, palms up. “Well, you see…”

“You guys are jerks,” I muttered, plopping down onto the floor.

Ymir, who’d been watching this whole exchange silently, snorted and came to sit by me. “Baby Jean is all grown up.”

I was about to tell her to shut the fuck up when Erwin and Levi entered the kitchen. A cowlick was sticking up on the side of Erwin’s normally impeccable hair. Squinting at them, I also noticed a hickey forming on Levi’s neck, presumably from Erwin’s flushed lips. Wow. While guests were in their home. Classy.

Levi raised an eyebrow when he saw my teeth. “Not such a fetus anymore, huh Erwin?”

I was a quarter of a second away from throwing a tantrum on all of them when Erwin told Levi to give me a break. Levi simply rolled his eyes and turned to the aforementioned guests. “You staying for dinner?”

Ymir looked positively unsettled. “What?” Her eyes were wide. I had a feeling this was going to go South fast.

“Do you want to stay for dinner,” Levi repeated slowly.

“Yes, we would,” Eren interjected, saving us all from a show. “Thank you.”

He huffed and left, muttering something about having to go to the store in order to feed all of us heathens.

“Don’t mind him,” Erwin told Ymir. “He truly does not mind having company over.”

When she didn’t answer, I elbowed her. “Ymir?”

She gaped. “U-uh... I--thanks?”

Eren snorted loudly. “Jeez. She never shuts up, but show her a couple vampires…”

I stood up and nudged Mikasa out of the way. She punched me in the arm so hard that I yelled, “Hey!”

She gave me an innocent look. “It was a reflex.”

I scoffed, but she grabbed what she was looking for and left the kitchen before I could say anything else.

“The disrespect,” I muttered, pulling out a random bag and biting into it. Ugh. A+.

“Jean, your parents are also going to be here for dinner.”

I nearly choked, but it was actually Eren who protested. “ _W_ _hat_? Why?”

Erwin looked at him mildly. “They already know.”

For once, Eren looked downright speechless. “You told them?” he asked, looking at me.

“ _I_ didn’t.”

He grabbed his head and looked constipated. Was this supposed to be the physical manifestation of secondhand embarrassment? “Did they freak out?”

“A bit.”

Erwin gave me a pointed look before he left the room. I sighed. Fuck this.

“They aren’t gonna, like, tell anybody,” I assured him. “They’ve known about vampires for a really long time. They went to college with Levi and Erwin.”

“Dios mio,” he whined. “I’m gonna go upstairs. Your shit’s on the dining room table.”

Ymir and I watched him leave. “You sure you wanna stay for dinner?” I asked her.

She cleared her throat. “Yeah. ‘Course. Somebody has to save your scrawny ass if shit goes sideways.”

I decided not to tell her that she was nowhere near the strongest person here. “Thanks,” I said instead.

As she was standing up and opening her mouth to tell me something--probably another snarky comment--Historia came in the kitchen and paled visibly when she saw Ymir.

The two of them had the tensest and most awkward staredown I’d ever seen in my life, and I’ve seen some pretty bad encounters in my life.

I cleared my throat, and they broke eye contact. Historia plastered a smile on and looked at me. “You’re awake.”

“Yep,” I replied, popping the _p_. “Unfortunately.”

She gave me a chiding look. “A little too close to home, Jean.”

“Sorry.”

Ymir shoved her hands into her pockets and looked awkwardly at the floor. Rolling my eyes, I jumped up and sat on the counter. I was just gonna watch this whole thing play out. I couldn’t believe she hadn’t apologized to her first. I guess I could understand why, but still.

“What are you doing here?” Historia asked her coldly, looking through the fridge probably so she wouldn’t have to look directly at Ymir. “Thought you didn’t want to be in the presence of a bunch of _freaks_.”

Ymir scratched the back of her neck, frowning. “I didn’t mean that.”

“Oh, really?” She all but slammed the door shut. “So why did you say it then?”

Even I was taken aback. I’d never seen her so angry before.

Shame and regret were evident on Ymir’s face. “I was scared,” she replied meekly. “I--” Her voice cracked. “I know I was wrong to come in uninvited, and I know it was also wrong of me to call you--both of you--names.” She looked up at her then me before looking back down at the toes she was scuffing on the ground. “I’m _sorry_.”

I looked between the both of them. Historia’s expression hadn’t changed, but her grip on the refrigerator door handle wasn’t like steel anymore. Ymir kept her gaze down. I wondered vaguely if she was meant to be a werewolf or something with how she seemed to take on their mannerisms. Eyes down, looking as small and non-threatening as possible.

Historia grabbed a bottle of water from a case right beside the fridge. I vaguely remembered her once telling me she preferred room temperature water. “I’ll talk to you later,” she said before she stormed out of the kitchen.

As soon as she was gone, Ymir lifted her head. She looked disappointed but not surprised. “I really fucked up, didn’t I?”

Swinging my legs, I nodded slowly. “Yeah, but I think she’ll forgive you. Just give her some time. She’s been sitting on this anger since it happened. Let her cool down.”

Ymir sighed and jumped up on the counter next to me. “Okay.”

Seconds later, the doorbell rang, and I slid off the counter. “It’s my parents. I’ll be back. Make sure I don’t get jumped on the porch.”

She gave me a lopsided smile and a mock salute. “As you wish.”

I made my way to the door with a pit in my stomach. What was I supposed to say? Would the twins be with them? Did they know too? Should I tell my parents about graduating early or not right now?

The wood was cool when I rested my palm against it and took a deep breath. I couldn’t run away from this.

All four of them were behind the door when I opened it. The twins’ faces lit up when they saw me, and Percy even ran forward and hugged me so hard I was almost knocked over. “Oof!”

“Sorry!” he exclaimed, but he didn’t let go.

I ruffled his hair. “Wanna come inside, kiddo?”

He nodded, and we stepped back together.

“Let go of him, Percy,” Lucy said, tugging on the back of his shirt. With a sigh, he removed his arms from around my waist, but he didn’t back away.

Historia came around the corner behind me, ever the good host. “Hi, guys!” She beamed at my siblings. “I haven’t seen you in forever.”

Lucy smiled, displaying the one dimple she had on her left cheek. “Hi, Tory.”

“Jeez, have you kids grown since the last time I saw you?” she asked. Even though she was hamming it up a bit, it was obvious she was being serious. I’d been around them enough that I hadn’t seen a change, but I wouldn’t doubt it if they had.

“They have,” Mom said proudly even if her eyes were a bit shifty.

I stepped back some more to let the rest of them in. Lucy and Percy left immediately to greet the rest of the household, but my parents stood awkwardly in the front hall. “You gonna come in and sit down?”

Dad was the first to move. He went and took a seat on the couch, forcefully making himself look like he was comfortable. Looking at Mom, he patted the cushion next to him, and she perched herself next to him.

Historia and I exchanged a look. She put a hand on my elbow. _Call if you need me,_ her eyes seemed to say.

I nodded. _I will._

With a final look at the pair sitting in her living room, she went to go entertain my siblings.

Taking another deep breath, I went and sat across from them in the lazy boy. They both looked expectantly at me. _No waiting, Jean. Do it before you lose your nerve._ “I’m going to graduate early,” I told them, “and then I’m going to leave.”

Mom simply blinked. Dad leaned forward. “Why?” he asked.

I looked down at my hands. “It’s for the best. I’d come back to walk across the stage and receive my diploma. I’ll have all the credits I need done once this trimester is over.”

Grabbing Dad’s hand, Mom frowned. She didn’t look mad--just concerned. “They aren’t telling you to, are they? I know we told you we were all friends in college, but things could’ve changed since then. They might not be who they once were.” She looked at dad, eyebrows upturned hopefully. “Right?”

I shook my head. “ _No_ ,” I told them firmly.

They both looked at me again. Mom’s eyes looked glassy. “Then why do you want to leave so early?”

I leaned forward and looked at both of them in the eyes. “I’m not sure how much they told you, but there are hunters that live here--ones that know me--and they’re frothing at the mouth to kill me.” I hoped both of them could see how earnest and sincere I was being.

Once I’d said that Mom covered her mouth in shock. “Why? What did you _do_?”

“I haven’t done _anything_ \--I promise!” Panic threatened to come up and out of my mouth, but I shoved it down--barely. “They’re convinced that I’m going to do something horrible in the future simply _because_ I’m a vampire.” I looked at both of them, silently begging them to understand. “We don’t have to be our nature. Certain dogs were bred to hunt and kill, but they make wonderful house pets. People with parents that smoke are expected to smoke too, but that doesn’t mean they do.”

“You said you had to sneak out of the house because you were getting restless,” Mom began slowly. “What were you doing?”

“I was going out to hunt animals. Nothing else.”

Biting her lip, she nodded. “Okay.”

Dad was staring at me intently. I looked back, nothing but honesty on my face. “If I leave,” I continued, “they’ll stop trying to hunt me down, and the rest of my… second family will be safe.” I ran a hand through my hair. “One of my friends is also a werewolf now, so it isn’t just me.”

“But your friend isn’t leaving, is he?” she asked.

I shook my head. “He’s not.”

She wrung her hands, distraught. “I don’t see why you have to _leave_. Couldn’t you just lie low for a while? They’d forget about this eventually, wouldn’t they?”

“Mom, they already know who I am. It…” I swallowed, forcing the words past my lips. “It’s Marco and his whole family.”

Her eyes widened. “ _Marco_ ?” She looked at Dad then back at me. “ _What_?”

“I know it’s hard to believe. I… didn’t want to believe it at first either.” I grimaced.

“But… but Marco is…” The look she gave me was so, so sad and pitying. “He’s your best friend.”

“Apparently, he isn’t!” I snapped, standing and pacing to release some of the built-up tension inside me. “‘Cause he’s been dead set on putting me in my grave since the middle of summer!” I clenched my teeth to avoid physically growling. Tears pricked my eyes. “Which fucking _sucks_ because I had to fucking _imprint_ on the motherfu--”

“Jean,” Dad said sharply. I stopped and looked at them again.

Mom came to where I was standing and flung her arms around me, tears falling freely from her eyes. “Jean, my baby, I’m so _sorry_ ,” she sobbed. I let her hold me, numbness already taking over me. She held my cheeks. “What can we do to help you?” She sniffled. “You’ve been hurting all this time. Let us help you, _please_.”

“Okay,” I whispered. “Let me go,” I urged. “Let me graduate early and leave. I need to do this.”

Biting her lip, she nodded and hugged me tight again, rocking us side to side. I held onto her tightly. “Okay, baby. We’ll let you. But you’ll always have a place here, Jean. We’ll always welcome you home.”

“I know,” I replied, closing my eyes and pushing away my own threatening tears.

* * *

The general ambiance of the house was much lighter once the air was cleared. Historia and Ymir even seemed to have made up enough to be around each other without glaring or looking ashamed. Progress, if you ask me.

My parents apparently told the twins that I’d been staying with the Ackerman-Smiths because I’d been sick, and I didn’t want to infect them. They took the story without even questioning the fact that I could’ve gotten Levi, Erwin, Historia, or Mikasa sick.

Eren and Ymir were polite to my family as always, and my parents ate it up. I figured they suspected Ymir and Eren of not being totally human, but they didn’t say anything to me about it.

It was about eight in the evening when we had to go home. I decided I’d actually sleep in my own bed since I’d been inhabiting one of theirs, and Mikasa deserved to have a good night’s sleep without worrying over me--even if she _had_ slept for, like, a bajillion hours today.

I was herding Percy out the door when I heard Dad mention my name--to somebody else. Pausing, I tilted my ear toward where I was sure he was--the office--and listened the best I could.

Percy stopped and turned around to face me when he realized I wasn’t following. “Jean?”

“I’m okay.” I smiled and nudged him forward. “I’ll be out in a minute. I forgot something upstairs.”

“Okay.” He smiled back and went out the front door.

Moving closer to the back office, I listened in again. They were talking about me, that much was for sure.

“... think it’ll be good for him in the long run,” they said. Erwin, it sounded like.

“I know it will. “ Some shuffling. “There’s nothing else that can be done about these hunters? Nothing to change their mind?”

“No.” I imagined Erwin shaking his head solemnly. “There is nothing.”

Dad sighed. “You’re sure? It doesn’t have anything to do with the imprint he mentioned, does it?”

“It… has something to do with that, yes. Nothing is more taboo than hurting another vampire’s mate.”

 _Mate?_ Marco was nowhere close to being my mate. The motherfucker wouldn’t even _look_ at me. Besides, that was such a primitive term. Couldn’t they find something better to use?

“Marco is not a vampire.”

I peeked through the glass in the French doors and saw Erwin tip his palms up. He was seated behind his desk. “Of that, I am painfully aware.”

Dad, who was staring at some of the spines of the books on the shelves, sat down in one of the chairs. “How is that even possible?”

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “I am sure, however, that it isn’t the first time it has ever happened. I can ask some others I know and see if they’ve heard anything about a vampire imprinting on a human.”

“Thank you.”

Erwin tilted his head forward slightly. “Of course. He’s become a part of our dysfunctional family as well.”

Dad stood and extended a hand. Erwin took it and gripped it firmly in a strong handshake. “You’ll watch over him even when his mother and I are gone, won’t you?”

Erwin nodded. “Yes. I swear it.”

They let go. “I’ll see myself out.”

“Have a good night.”

“I will. Thank you.”

I backed up so as not to be seen when the door opened. Dad strode purposefully through the kitchen and out the front door, swinging his coat around his shoulders as he did so. Once I was sure he was out the door, I counted to five and followed him. Nobody but Erwin knew I’d been listening.

* * *

“Are you sure this is what you want to do?” my counselor, Ms. Rico, asked me. She used her index finger to push her glasses back up her nose. “You’ll lose the privileges for…”

As she listed the things I wouldn’t be able to do anymore, I zoned out. It wasn’t like I had a choice. I had to keep my family safe.

 _You want to do this,_ I reminded myself. _It’s for you too._

She finally finished and looked at me expectantly. I nodded and fought hard to keep the irritation out of my voice. What was with all the questions and warnings? Was she trying to keep me from doing this? “I already know. I need to get out of here.”

The look she gave me was knowing. “Okay.” She leaned over and pulled some files out of a drawer. “Here’s what you need to do…” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos? Comments? Please?
> 
> \--Shelby


	7. Death: the end of the life of a person or organism.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I should've never come back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll make this quick. Thank you so very much to all of my readers. I greatly enjoy reading your comments. It gives me life, tbh. I love you all.
> 
> This story helped me grow in my writing so much. I felt myself slip into character much easier than before, and my word count shot up considerably. Personally, I'm proud, and I'm glad you all stuck around to see the growth.
> 
> (Edit: There is a part in the middle ish that switches to Marco's point of view. I have no idea why I didn't write it in third person, but I don't wanna mess with it at this point. Just be aware that if things start sounding weird, that's why.)
> 
> Playlist  
> Old Pine by Ben Howard  
> In Dreams  
> The Ghost of You by My Chemical Romance  
> Fake It by Bastille  
> Praying by Kesha  
> 100 Letters by Halsey  
> "The Takeover, The Break's Over" by Fall Out Boy  
> Flicker by Niall Horan  
> Cherry Wine by Hozier  
> I Found by Amber Run  
> 5 AM  
> Noah  
> Impossible Year by Panic! At The Disco

Epilogue

_Seven months later._

The day was uncharacteristically warm as I rolled into town. The sky was just beginning to lighten up for the day--soft oranges, yellows, and pinks covering up a starry canvas. From what I could tell, nothing was different about my hometown. The replication of the old fort still stood, guarding the Iowa side of the Mississippi River. Run-down pickup trucks trundled across the bridge, up the hill on the highway, and along the side streets.

The world was quiet. I rolled down my windows and cruised down the main street. I’d gotten here a couple hours before I had to be, but I wasn’t quite ready to go home yet. Besides, I didn’t want to wake up my family.

Birds sang in the limbs of roadside trees, and joggers with earbuds jammed in their ears blurred through my peripheral vision. Stars disappeared from the sky with each passing moment. Leaves rustled from the wind. There was absolutely nothing special at all about this day, yet it was a huge milestone.

It was the day of my high school graduation.

Sure, I was excited to shed my title as a high school student, but I was actually way over it. It’d been at least a half a year since I’d theoretically graduated. There were no fireworks or parties or cards with money in them for me. Just tears in my mother’s eyes, and bone-crushing hug from my father, and a proud set to Mikasa’s jaw once I was finished with my finals--all of which I passed with flying colors (as far as I knew, I was still one of the valedictorians. Armin, of course, was the other).

I left home the Sunday following my finals. Eren, Ymir, Sasha, Armin, Connie, and I got together for old time’s sake the night before I left. We didn’t invite Marco.

It was a bittersweet goodbye, to say the least, but it was nowhere near as bad as saying goodbye to my family. Mom was a puddle of tears, and Dad even looked close to crying too. Mikasa hugged me for a solid three minutes, and Levi even gave me a handshake and a, “Good luck kid. You know who to call.”

Before I left, I downgraded my phone to a flip-phone. I know, I know. _You’re 17, Jean. Why do you need a Jitterbug?_ My parents agreed to keep me on their plan, but I wanted to try living a minimalist life. If I was on Facebook and Snapchat all the time, I wouldn’t be focusing on myself and my personal growth. That’s what I was hoping to do, after all. I wanted to discover myself, as lame as that sounded.

The first month and a half on my own were hard, I’m not gonna lie. I had straight up withdrawal symptoms from the lack of social media in my life. Keeping busy became my friend. I traveled in my truck anywhere I wanted, but it soon became apparent that gas was going to be an issue quickly.

When I left home, I took a tent, several sleeping bags, anything a boy scout could need, a select few outfits, and some other essentials of my own. The first night I ended up somewhere upstream on the Mississippi still in Iowa. It was the middle of the night when the tent collapsed on me and scared me to _death_. All the noises at night perturbed me, making it hard to sleep. For the first week, I basically didn’t. Eventually, I got so tired during the day when I was driving that I almost drove myself off the road, so I pulled over and caught some Zs on the shoulder.

Most nights, I slept in the bed of my truck while parked in lots and openings in the woods. Thankfully, I never got caught or asked to leave. Some nights, I’d sit with other campers, and we’d share stories over the campfire. To them, I was Eren Jaeger, a college student taking a semester off the travel the country. It was liberating getting to be whoever I wanted.

I did all my hunting at night under the cover of the treetops. Sometimes, I’d hunt up to four or five times a week simply because I could. My fangs got easier to control and so did my urges. I hadn’t even known I was anxious around others until I stopped worrying about how their pulse sounded and how fucking hungry I was half the time.

The hunger was the hardest part. Erwin and Levi had given me some of their connections from all over the country before I left. Thank _god_ for it because even though animal blood could tie me over, I was still young and developing. I had to eat once a week at the absolute minimum.

At first, I was spending a pretty penny on gas and food and everything in between, but after a couple months, I began to live off the land for the most part. If I went into town, it was to shower at a local YMCA or catch an occasional hot, home-cooked meal. I’d also stop at a library every once in a while too. Not only did I use their computers and check in on how my friends were doing, I’d check out a book if I knew I was going to be around long enough to return it in a timely manner.

One time, I went into a Target to pick up some shampoo and other necessities since I looked haggard with my patchy ass beard and grimy hair. Somehow, I managed to wander into the book section. Just for the hell of it, I bought a journal. It wasn’t super exciting--just a leather-bound rectangle with a gazillion pages in it that they were obviously trying to get rid of--but I ended up writing in it religiously. Every night before I went to sleep, I wrote down the events of the day even if I couldn’t remember half of it. More than once I was grateful for it. The memories faded much more quickly than I thought they would’ve, and it helped me keep track of the days.

I stayed in Iowa and Illinois until December hit. After that, I decided that there was no fucking way I could sleep out in the snow and not die, vampire or no, so I went south and ended up in Louisiana. Fuck, man. Those beignets were to _die_ for, and I would know.

My contact with the people in my life was minimal at the beginning and almost nonexistent toward the end. It wasn’t that they didn’t try to talk to me. I was just shitty at answering them back. We still talked, though, and they kept me informed on all the stupid shit they were doing, how boring Armin’s calculus teacher was, and how dreadful the school food still was.

Marco never texted or called me. Not on the holidays, not on my birthday, and not even just to say hi. Part of me was upset because how could he forget all those years of friendship? But the other part of me was relieved. I didn’t know what I’d do or say if I did talk to him again. I still had those weird ass dreams about him in the desert about once a week. Those always unnerved me.

It was the middle of January when I decided that I was going to visit every single state before I went home.  I fucking did it too. Every single state I went through, I stayed there for a night, visited a notable place, and got a souvenir. I took a selfie in front of the original Starbucks cafe and got a car window decal from Fort Sumter in South Carolina. The work boots I wore every day since they came into my possession came from Texas, and my favorite knife I inherited from a hunting store in Maine. Alien paraphernalia from Nevada. A signed copy of a book from a local author in Kentucky. The absolute _best_ peach pie recipe from a bakery in Georgia.

My favorite place by far was at Lake Itasca in Minnesota. For those of you who don’t know, Lake Itasca is the source of the Mississippi (actually, it’s Lake George, but the place is named after Itasca). It was on my birthday--in late April--when I got there. The water was fucking _freezing_ , but I rolled up my jeans and stuck my feet in the rushing water just to say I fucking did it. There was a path of rocks leading from one side to the other, and I walked over them--carefully so as not to slip on the moss and algae.

It was so hard for me to believe that this was where the Mighty Mississippi began. It was nothing more than an over glorified stream. I’d grown up by the river my whole entire life, but this looked nothing like the Mississippi I knew.

Teeny tiny fish dodged the feet of small children and their parents as they also walked the ten feet or so from bank to bank. Sunlight streamed through the leaves forming on the trees like its liquid counterpart.

After I left, I went into town and got myself a strawberry ice cream cone. Happy birthday to me.

I spent two or three days there because I loved it so much. The endless rush of water never seemed to bore me, and there were so many lakes in the park to walk along and in. It was a small paradise to me.

After that, I decided to start weaving my way home slowly. I had a long time to get home, after all.

As I pulled up in front of my house, I ran my plan through my head again. “You’re only here for the weekend,” I reminded myself. “Tonight and Sunday night. Monday morning, you’re gone.”

I squeezed the stones I bought at the metaphysical shop so long ago. Even though I wasn’t totally sure if their properties worked, having their familiar weight in my pocket made me feel better. Who was to say they didn’t work, anyway? I didn’t think vampires were real, but here I was.

While I traveled the country, I made a point to stop in metaphysical shops every once in a while. I wasn’t one for the incense or oils or tarot, but the crystals stood out to me. It sounded stupid, but they kept me company during my travels. They seemed to have their own personalities, and I talked to them when I was alone.

I squeezed my tiger’s eye and got out of the truck.

The second my heel hit the first step of our porch, Percy whipped the door open and ran out to tackle me in a huge hug. “Jean!” he all but screamed. “Jean, Jean, Jean! You’re home!”

I squeezed him back tightly and ruffled his hair. It had certainly gotten longer. Was he really six inches taller? What the fuck? “Yeah, I am, kid.” I pulled back and held his shoulders. “Jesus _Christ_ , you’ve gotten tall! What are they feeding you these days?”

He rolled his eyes. “Shut up.” His voice was definitely deeper too. He grabbed my hand and started tugging me up the stairs. “Come on. Nobody else is awake yet.”

* * *

I’ll save you all the details of my reunion with my parents and sister. There was a lot of crying. Half of it may or may not have been me.

We all ended up going out to breakfast, and I told them everything. Percy and Lucy soaked all of it up. Mom marveled at how much more mature I seemed, and Dad seemed to regard me differently.

Once we got home, Mom sat me down in the kitchen and cut my hair for me. Honestly? I hadn’t even bothered to do anything to it since I left home. Usually, it stayed in a ponytail. But apparently, I “can’t go to my graduation looking like a hobo.”

Whatever makes her happy, I guess. She’ll be the one who’s taking the pictures after all.

As Mom cut my hair and shaved the sides, she chattered. I didn’t mind it. After months of only the radio, the wind, and strangers I met at campgrounds, her familiar voice was a welcome sound. It reminded me of when I asked her to bleach the top of my hair. 

“Now, Jean,” she’d said. “This can’t be undone once I’m finished, you understand?”

“There.” She brushed her hands over my shoulders, bringing me back to the present. “You look like a decent human being now. Don’t you feel better?”

I turned around and looked up into her light green eyes. “Yeah, I do. Thanks, Mom.”

Unexpectedly, she reached forward and pulled me into a hug. “I missed you, baby.”

I hugged her back tightly. “Missed you too.”

* * *

Everything was different when I walked into the school that morning. People actually stopped and stared. _Is that Jean?_ they whispered, but it was no problem for me to hear what they were saying.

_I thought he ran away._

_No, he got somebody pregnant and left._

_What? I thought he just dropped out._

_How? He’s a valedictorian._

I shook my head and fixed the collar of my jean jacket. Let them think what they want. I knew what was true and what wasn’t. These people were so unimportant in the grand scheme of things.

“Jean!” somebody yelled, and I turned around just in time.

“Eren fucking Jaeger!”I exclaimed, grabbing him and pulling him into a hug. He was a few inches taller and much more muscled from the last time I saw him.

“How’ve you been, you stupid sonuvabitch?”

I laughed, uninhibited. Most of these people didn’t matter, but there were a few who most certainly did. “I’ve been amazing. You have no idea what you’re missing being stuck here.”

He grinned at me with his crazy, green eyes. “I’ll bet. Come over tonight, and you can tell me all about it.” He slapped my back. “Don’t tell anybody, but I actually kinda missed you.”

Armin came up behind him and poked him hard in the side. “Be nice.”

I was about to make some sort of sarcastic comment back to him when I heard a girl all but screech my name from across the room. Moments later, Sasha came barrelling toward me, pulling me into a hug so tight I could barely breathe. Connie followed close behind, and he wrapped his arms around me just as hard. It was a good thing I was already half dead cause _damn_.

“Jesus Christ, guys,” I choked out.

Connie let go, but Sasha didn’t. “I missed you so much,” she said against my chest, rocking us back and forth.

I smoothed her hair. “I missed you too, Sash. All of you.” I looked up at my small circle of friends and made eye contact with each of them. Even Ymir who’d shown up at Eren’s shoulder during the whole exchange. I nodded at her once, and she gave me a lopsided grin in return.

Sasha eventually pulled back and scrubbed at her eyes. I turned away for a moment, letting her compose herself.

“How long are you staying?” Eren asked.

I shrugged. “Not sure.” Lie. “I was thinking about heading out Monday morning, but I don’t know.”

“Why so early?” Armin asked. He was holding Eren’s hand. I didn’t say anything.

“I’m not meant to be here,” I replied simply.

Ymir slapped a hand on my shoulder. “Are any of us, really?”

“I suppose not.”

A teacher--The Boring Calculus Teacher, to be exact--stood up on a chair and waved his hands around to try and get our attention. I tuned out as he spoke since he kept using phrases like, “Just do it like we did in practice.” Kinda hard to do when you’re not here.

When he was finished, students started filing out the doors. I was about to follow when I felt a pull from one of the corners behind me. Turning around, I locked eyes with the one person I loved and hated the most.

* * *

The second I heard his name, I looked up in disbelief. Of course, it was him. Nobody else had that name _but_ him.

Still, my heart jumped and thudded so loudly I was sure he could hear it. Who knew what he could and couldn’t hear. I’d heard so many stories from my parents and brothers that I didn’t know what to believe anymore.

Sure enough, I picked him out of the crowd of not-quite-adults as if he were made of liquid gold. He looked different somehow. His hair was freshly cut, but it wasn’t light blond on the top anymore. The jean jacket he was wearing suited him. If it was at all possible, he looked like the only true adult in the room.

I clenched my jaw. All the feelings I’d spent months-- _years_ \--burying came and hovered like some sort of fog over my person. All the dreams I’d ever had about him came back, full force. I could feel his lips, the stubble on his jaw, and how soft his hair was between my fingers. In my fantasies, his hair had grown out, and he wore it in a stupid man-bun sometimes. That, paired with the goatee I imagined he could grow, made me weak.

Over the sound of chattering, I could hear his breath in my ear, the moans he made when I handled him roughly. I had no clue if that was what he actually sounded like, and I shouldn’t care. But I did. I really fucking did.

As the room started to clear out, the pulling on my heart--a tug I’d become accustomed to as the months went on--became stronger. I couldn’t take my gaze away from him. I wanted to hate him so bad. I wanted to run a wolfsbane-coated blade through his heart and call it a day--it would be so much easier that way--but I couldn’t, and I would never be able to.

All those nights I spent with just my right hand to keep me company and his name on my lips. All those times I’d been over at his house to watch some stupid show with him. The time I bundled him up and tucked him in bed. Our last true conversation that day in the park when his sheer strength caused a confusing cocktail of emotions to go through me. Every single moment I was with him since fourth grade, I’d been falling in love with him.

And now I had to kill him. I hoped he could eventually forgive me.

* * *

Marco’s lips parted slightly in shock, and it looked like they formed my name, but I couldn’t hear. Couldn’t hear anything, really, over the sound of my heart beating in my cavernous chest and the blood rushing in my ears. The pull centered in my chest, right over my heart, and became so strong that I took a step toward him. He did the same.

You know that one dude from the poetry slam who did that segment called “The Future”? Toward the end, he says something about how we are all gravitating toward each other, and we were going to meet one day. I understood that when I heard it, but now, it seemed to have taken on a whole new meaning.

Everybody was gravitating toward each other, yes, but some of us met up and got into groups first. Some of us were inexplicably drawn together even if we didn’t want to be. It was like we were made of the exact same stardust, except it had been magnetized. Not in the conventional north and south way, but in the way that was more like a homing beacon to find others just like us.

But it didn’t fucking matter what our composition was because we still all had different experiences, and mine and Marco’s couldn’t be forgotten.

It was like ripping my own stupid heart out and throwing it on the ground, but I walked away from him and didn’t look back.

* * *

My graduation passed by in a blur. I was in the middle of the alphabet, so I knew what I was doing by watching what was going on around me. It wasn’t hard, really. I smiled for my family and shook hands with the right people. I’m sure it looked perfectly fine to anybody watching.

While Armin gave his speech, I was half paying attention and half staring off into space. I couldn’t get Marco’s face out of my mind. So much time had passed without seeing him, but I was sucked in as if not even two seconds had passed. It wasn’t fair. I was supposed to be over this, mates or not.

At least I was leaving in a couple days. If you couldn’t solve a problem, you could run away from it, I guess. It was what was best for everybody I knew.

After the whole shebang was finished, I met my family at the Ackerman-Smith household. They’d been at the graduation with my family, but I’d just left after it was over. I needed a minute to breathe, and I’d found out over the past several months that driving was a good way to do that.

Thankfully, I wasn’t interrogated about why I just left once it was over. It almost seemed like in the time I was gone, they’d come to think of me as a “fully-functioning”--and I use that term very, very lightly--adult.

The moment I pulled up, the front door opened, and Mikasa stepped out. A huge grin split my face in half despite my sour mood moments before. I got out of the car and jogged up to the porch. She immediately reached out and embraced me, squeezing me tight.

“Hey, Kasa.” I rested my chin on top of her head. “Miss me?”

She pulled back and lightly punched me in the chest. “No,” she deadpanned, but she couldn’t keep the smile out of her eyes. Arm-in-arm, we went back inside.

It was like Thanksgiving all over again. There was a ton of talking and food--reasonable since there were five kids and four adults in the house. I found out that Mikasa was starting college in the fall, and Historia was going to graduate early like me. She said she didn’t know what she planned on doing, but I had a pretty good idea that she was going to travel like I did. Hell, maybe I could see if she wanted to go with me. _That_ would be something to see for sure.

I was laying on the couch with my feet in Mikasa’s lap, enjoying the fact that I was in something that resembled a real bed for the first time in _forever_  when she asked me if I was going to Eren’s later that night.

“Probably,” I told her. “I kinda missed that crazy asshole.”

She played with the hem of my jeans absently. “He missed you, you know. His eyes got all melancholy and distant whenever he thought about you.” Her eyes met mine. “Don’t tell him I told you that.”

I waved a hand. “Don’t worry about it.” When I stretched my arms above my head, my back popped in a billion places. Ahhh… sweet relief. “So what’s up with Eren and Armin?” I asked quietly.

The corner of her mouth turned up with amusement. “They’re dating.”

I tilted my head. “So… you and Eren are done? When did that happen?”

“We aren’t done,” she assured me. “We’re still dating.”

I squinted at her. “Explain.”

“You ever heard of polyamory?”

“Yeah.”

She tilted her head forward a little.

“So you’re both dating Eren?”

Her cheeks turned pink. “Yes, but Armin and I are also together. It’s a love triangle without all the drama.”

I was sure we were both thinking about Twilight, but even if she wasn’t, I was still proud I didn’t say it out loud. “Well, good for you, kiddo. Is it weird dating two people at once?”

She pursed her lips in thought. “Yes and no. It isn’t conventional--especially since I’m a vampire, Eren’s a werewolf, and Armin’s a seer--but we make it work.” A small smile worked its way onto her face. It made me smile too.

“Proud of you, Kasa. You’re growing up.”

She rolled her eyes. “Okay, _Dad_.”

“Which one of us?” a voice called from the kitchen. Levi stepped into the doorway, and he was wearing, of all things, an apron that said “Chef Daddy” on it and holding a wooden spoon.

We looked at each other and burst out laughing. God damn, it was good to be home again.

* * *

Out of all the places to meet, he chose that spot where Ymir had her party at the beginning of the summer. Why he did it, I have no idea. When I asked him about it later, he said, “It seemed right. I didn’t know what would happen, Jean, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” I told him, but it actually wasn’t.

* * *

I was extremely wary when I got a text from Eren telling me where we were meeting up, but I pushed the feeling aside. I was just getting nervous since it was a few days from the anniversary of my death. Still, the feeling hung around, and it wasn’t just nervousness. It was dread and apprehension. Something was wrong.

Mikasa rode shotgun, and we let Historia come along too. She sat behind the seats in one of the tiny, pull-out seats. I personally planned on camping out somewhere for the night whether they wanted to stay with me or not, so all my things were still loaded in the bed of the truck.

We talked amiably on the way there, none of us bringing up what I felt like was the elephant in the room--or cab. I’d been here with Historia but not with Mikasa. It was technically where we first me, even if it was a pretty shitty encounter.

When I pulled up and parked where I had every other time I’d been there, it was dusk. It was hard to tell that, though, since the sun was being swallowed by the clouds. Vivid pinks and reds tried their hardest to shine through, and it almost looked sinister.

“It’s gonna rain,” Mikasa said.

I nodded. “Yeah, looks like it.”

A fire was already set up where it was a year ago, but this time, there weren’t people milling around aimlessly with a red solo cup in their hand. It was just Eren, Armin, Connie, Sasha, Ymir, and…

Marco.

My heart fucking stopped in my chest. Mikasa and Historia went to sit by them as if this was totally normal. Mikasa squeezed my hand as she walked by, and it broke me out of my daze. I followed them and pointedly ignored him even though he looked up at me.

The moment I sat down, a s’more was shoved into my hand by Connie. He grinned. “We saved you some.”

“Yeah, from _you_ ,” Ymir growled at him. “Bring your own damn marshmallows next time.”

Connie rolled his eyes and ignored her. “How’s it been, dude? What’s it like to travel the country like some sort of hobo blogger?”

“Eye-opening,” I said after a moment. “Like, we’re told our whole lives that there’s more to the world than here, but it’s totally different to live it.”

Then I launched into some tales of my travels and got a sense of deja vu. Just like every other time I’d told it, I was sitting around the campfire with friends. Whether they were new or old didn’t matter.

As I talked, I shed my jean jacket--shocker, I know--and rolled up the sleeves on my button-up. It was getting warm near the fire. Ymir kept stoking it too, which didn’t help.

All eyes were on me as I spoke. Armin laying down with his head in Mikasa’s lap as she ran slow fingers through his hair. Sasha and Connie were sitting next to each other, listening attentively. Historia was wrapped up in one of Ymir’s blankets, leaning back against Ymir herself. Eren sat next to Mikasa and played with Armin’s fingers, and Marco? He also listened, and it felt like _him_ again, not like the Marco I left behind. I noticed his eyes would linger on my arm every once in awhile, but I ignored it.

“Jesus,” Sasha murmured when I was done. “Take me with you next time.”

I leaned back on my hands and stretched my legs out in front of me. “I’m a one-man band, Sash. Besides, do you really want to go weeks at a time without a shower?”

She squinted. “Fuck you, Kirschtein.”

“Hey!” Eren shouted. “That’s my line!”

We laughed, and Mikasa elbowed him in the side. He grumbled but didn’t say anything else.

“Enough about me. What happened while I was gone?”

“Nothing,” Armin stated bluntly. “Absolutely nothing.”

The rest of them nodded in agreement.

“Wait!” Sasha yelled. “You forgot about the time Ymir dared Eren a hundred bucks to sprint down the street in January. Butt naked.”

Eren blushed. “What? A hundred dollars is four-hundred chicken nuggets.”

I snorted. “Oh my _god_. You’re such an idiot.”

“It’s what won this one over.” He patted Armin’s stomach, making Armin jump and swat at Eren’s hand. “Who’s the idiot now?”

“Still you,” Mikasa told him.

“Shut up.”

She patted his hand and went back to putting small braids in Armin’s hair. It was long enough now that he was able to keep it up in a ponytail.

A swift breeze caused a chill to go through me, and I realized the temperature was dropping rapidly. “Hey, I think we should head back. It’s about to rain.”

Connie opened his mouth--to complain, probably--when a fat raindrop hit him on the nose. “Fine.”

Ymir banked the fire as the rest of us made our way to our cars. I half expected the sky to open up and drench us, but that wasn’t the case.

Yet.

“I’ll be right back,” Mikasa told me.

I followed her gaze to Eren’s car and nodded. “Go ahead. We’ll wait for you.”

She smiled at me and left my side.

Historia opened the door and got in my car. “Where’d she go?”

I waved a hand in Mikasa’s direction. “Gonna say goodbye to her boyfriends.”

We both watched as Eren kissed her cheek and gave her the most bashful look I’d ever seen come from him. Armin got out of the car and smiled brightly at the two of them, rising up on his tippy toes to press a short kiss to her lips. He said something her, and I could’ve easily listened in, but I let them have their moment.

“They’re cute together.”

I jumped about twenty-six feet in the air and almost throat-chopped Marco. “ _Why would you do that?_ ”

He looked like he was suppressing a smile. “Do what?”

I held my hands out in front of me. “Nevermind. Just… nevermind.” Pause. “Is there something you wanted or….?”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “Can we talk?”

An uneasy feeling settled in my chest. I hated those words so much. “Uh, sure.”

I looked back at my car and made eye contact with Historia. She seemed to be asking me if I was okay. I nodded and followed him.

“Why’d you leave?” he asked.

I looked at the ground as we walked. The same pull as before wrenched me toward him, and I just barely resisted it. It seemed like the closer we were, the harder it was to stay away. “I wanted to get out and see the country before college.”

He stopped. “You’re lying.”

I stopped too and looked back at him. “What?”

“I said you’re lying, Jean.”

Shocks went through me when I heard my name, and that irritated me even more. “What do you want me to say? What do you want to hear from me, huh?”

His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed. “I want the truth.” He reached forward but stopped when I flinched. His arm dropped to his side. “Your arm. It _was_ you, wasn’t it?”

“What about my arm?” I asked, but then I remembered how he stared at my forearm all night. Unbuttoning the cuff on my left sleeve, I rolled it and my shirt up as far as it would go and held my arm up. “Oh, you mean this?” I asked bitterly.

His eyes were dark and fathomless under the cloudy night sky. “Yes,” he breathed. He lifted his hand up, and when he saw that I wasn’t pulling away, he traced his index finger over the silvery scar there. Electric fucking currents jolted through me, and for a moment, it felt like our heartbeats synched up.

“Thank your dick of a brother,” I whispered.

His eyes closed briefly. He was still touching my arm. “Why did it have to be you?”

“It isn’t like I chose this,” I told him quietly. “I didn’t wake up one day and decide to become your mortal enemy. Do you really think I would’ve chosen this for myself?”

He pulled away. “I don’t know. People do such strange things.”

I unrolled the fabric and buttoned up the cuff again. “Yeah, I know all about that.” Time seemed suspended, and I felt like something drastic was going to happen. “Let me ask you something: Do I look like a monster to you?”

He frowned. “No, you look just like him.”

“Him?” I demanded, feeling my temper start to rise. “Why can’t you get it through your stupid, thick skull? I am me. I’ve never hurt anybody in my whole life. That night Monte shot me? I was hunting animals. That’s what I _do_. It keeps me from causing harm. Why can’t you understand that? Why are you so stuck on an idea that some hunters thought of hundreds of years ago? What happened to your ability to think for yourself?”

With a guilty look, he turned away and stared up at the treetops. “Do you know how hard it is to distinguish yourself when you’re the youngest of five boys?” he asked. “It’s _hard_.”

He looked back at me, and I could see the longing in his eyes. “Monte owns one of the largest companies in the world. Leo has a business too, even if we don’t agree with it all the time. Rocco teaches and is already married with cute, well-behaved kids. Steph was the best at sports. There’s nothing left for me to do. I’m not good at music like Connie or a master chef like Sasha. I don’t have the brains like you or Armin, and I can’t talk circles around people like Ymir or Eren. I have _nothing_ , Jean.

“My parents will only be proud of me if I do something that hasn’t been done before. Nobody in my family has been as good at hunting as I have. They haven’t slain a werewolf or single-handedly sent a demon straight back to hell. It’s the only thing I have that they’ll be proud of.”

I shook my head. “ _Marco_ ,” I breathed, unable to believe what I’d just heard but not being surprised at the same time. “Marco, you’re… you’re so much more than what your parents think of you. Why are you putting them on such a pedestal?”

He frowned. “Who else do I have to make proud? You?”

I let the blow slide. “How about yourself? Yes, your parents are important, and I know they mean a lot to you, but they aren’t your whole life. You’re going to move away someday I hope, and even if you don’t, they’ll both be dead in twenty or thirty years anyway.” I took a step toward him. “Where did all the confidence you had go? What happened to my Marco?”

He threw his head back and laughed at the sky. It was horribly bitter and self-deprecating.

Raindrops started to fall again, landing in my hair and soaking into my jacket. “He asks me what happened,” he told the sky before he finally looked at me again. “Jean, when I came out to them, it wasn’t the same. My mom constantly tried to get me to admit I liked girls she pointed out on the street and on TV. My dad wouldn’t even look me in the eye. And my brothers? They thought it was some sort of joke. They thought _I_ was some sort of joke. Do you know what that’s like?”

I stood and stared at him with parted lips, remembering Monte's sneer that day in the ice cream parlor so long ago. “I thought you said everything was okay,” I said dumbly.

“It may be hard to believe, but I lied, okay? ‘Cause I’m some sort of martyr who always puts everybody first. Why would I tell you that I was hurting?”

“Because I’m your best friend!”

“Were.”

Whatever. If he was going to be difficult and just wanted to argue, I was done.

“Where are you going?” he asked when I turned around and started to walk away.

“I’m going home. It’s gonna start raining.”

I felt a hand on my wrist, and my hands immediately formed fists. He was this close from getting decked in the face. “Wait,” he said, and I was so fucking stupid because I actually stopped. “Please don’t go.”

“Why shouldn’t I?” I asked, not turning around. “What’s the point of standing here and listening to you be a dick to me because you can’t put on your big-girl panties and stand up to your family?”

The hand around my wrist tightened fractionally. “B-Because…”

A pregnant pause hung in the air like a bomb.

“Didn’t think so,” I replied, breaking the silence and ripping my arm out of his grasp.

I was about five steps away when he grabbed the back of my jacket and yanked me backward. “What the _fuck_ do you--”

And like some sort of car crash, his lips smashed into mine.

My whole body was tense with anger, but the feeling of his hot, hot lips on my cool ones made some of it drain out of me. _It’s just the imprint,_ I told myself, but I knew deep down that was a lie.

Just like in my dreams, he flicked his tongue against the dip in the middle of my lower lip and pulled it into his own. A completely vulnerable and unexpected noise came out of my throat, and it seemed to spur him on. His hands released their death grip on the lapels of my jacket and slid underneath. The warmth of his hands bled through my shirt. I enjoyed the feeling, but it also felt feverish, like some sort of sickness.

I found myself kissing him back, but he was definitely in control. His teeth left a small divot on my lip. My tongue tingled where it met his, and his hands trailed over my collarbones and up my neck. I knew he could strangle me right then and there, but I knew he wouldn’t just like I knew I couldn’t tear myself away from him.

The only thing that made me pull back was the feeling of wetness on his cheeks. I wasn’t surprised honestly. The whole thing was bittersweet. We both knew nothing could come of this.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, peppering my cheek with small kisses. His arms reached around and embraced me. “I’m so fucking sorry. Please, please, please forgive me.”

“For what?” I asked, more as a deprecating joke, but he pulled back and looked at me, and I realized he wasn’t talking about any past transgressions. His expression was one of such sorrow, pain, and regret that I swore I could feel it too.

He stepped back slowly, and as three figures stepped out of the trees, a few things came to mind.

I was so stupid. Of course this was a perfect place for an ambush. We were surrounded by trees, hidden by the clouds, and far enough away that nobody would be able to get to me in time. It also didn’t help that because of graduation, they’d been able to plan this out perfectly.

Secondly, this was where I died the first time, and now, I was about to die _again_  in the same place.

The last thing I thought of was Judas. “Betrayal with a kiss,” I said aloud to nobody in particular. “Classic.”

I never should’ve come home.

“Tie him up,” Monte barked at Leo.

“Do you ever do anything yourself?” I raised an eyebrow, hoping to goad him into doing something stupid. Sure, I could run away, but this was never going to stop. I would always be hunted as soon as I came home. “Or do you need your little sidekick to do it for you?”

A rope came into my vision from above, and it was wrapped around my chest and arms. “Shut up,” Leo muttered from behind me. “You’ll only make your death more painful.”

“Why do you care?” I asked just as quietly.

His hands paused for a moment. “Because you’ve made Marco happy for so long, and I know you as a person. I don’t want to see you suffer.” He pushed me to my knees.

Wow. Touching.

“Good job,” Marco’s mom Marisol told him. The pride was evident in her voice. It made me want to puke on her shoes. “All your waiting paid off.”

Marco nodded but didn’t say anything, tear-filled eyes still staring at the ropes around my torso.

“Where’s the rest of the crew?” I asked, noting how it was just Marisol, Monte, and Leo. “They couldn’t be bothered to get off their lazy asses and help?”

“Shut up,” Marisol snapped. “You have Jean’s face and voice, but you are not him. Don’t think you’ll be able to get out of this alive.”

“Oh, don’t worry, Mrs. Bodt. I honestly wasn’t thinking I would.” _Think, Jean. How do you warn the others?_ “It was a legitimate question, I assure you. My dying wish is to know why the whole Bodt clan was there to witness my demise.” I looked at Monte and grinned. “How about you take a video? It’ll last longer?”

Out of nowhere, a hand cracked across my face. It was so hard that my head got thrown to the side. I let out a small laugh and moved my jaw around. Other than the horrible stinging, nothing else was wrong with me.

“I said to stop talking,” Mrs. Bodt seethed.

I looked up at her. “How do you live with yourself? Do you get off by trying to make your son feel like a failure?”

She squinted but didn’t reply. I took that as a sign to keep going.

“Did you know that your youngest son is well and truly gay? I’m sure he fucks me in his dreams.”

Her face seemed to turn purple, but I couldn’t tell if she was mad at me or him. Marco’s eyes widened, and he seemed like he wasn’t sure if he should try to do damage control or just stay quiet.

As I talked, I tried to send out distress signals. My bond with Mikasa was a year old already, but if Erwin could still feel her, I was sure she’d be able to feel me too. Especially since we were relatively close together. “We did it before I left, you know that? He begged me for it. Me, some sort of supposed monster.” I laughed and threw my head back, looking up at the sky. “How does it make you feel to know your baby would rather have--excuse the pun--a monstrous dick inside him than live up to your standards?”

“That isn’t true!” Marco finally burst out. His face was red. I couldn’t tell if it was with anger or embarrassment. “I’ve never touched him like that before.” He made eye contact with me. “How could I? He doesn’t have feelings anyway.”

Okay, that _stung_. “You old Italian families.” I laughed as if nothing they said bothered me. “Us French people know how to have casual sex--no feelings involved!” I drawled. “From one of us at least. And besides, if you needed any more proof, did you not just see how he kissed me?” I batted my eyelashes and tried to impersonate a flustered Southern belle or something. “Talk about a tongue. I could hardly breathe!”

She must’ve decided she’d had enough because she turned on her heel and gestured back at me with her head. “Somebody shut him up.”

Monte was too quick to grab some duct tape out of their bag of horrors. Before he was able to cover my mouth, I unsheathed my fangs and bared them at him. For once, he seemed afraid. “What’s ‘a matter, huh?” I grinned. “Afraid of being bitten?” I hissed for dramatic effect.

“Oh, for _fuck’s_ sake,” she exclaimed, grabbing the tape from him and slapping it over my mouth. She was too fast for me to bite her.

“Now,” she continued as if I hadn’t spoken at all. “The real test is at hand.” She held a hand out to Leo. He obediently set a handgun in her palm. As she talked, she checked to see if it was loaded even though literally all of us knew it already was. “Somebody has to kill him, and it won’t be me.”

Leo gulped audibly. It obviously wouldn’t be him. “I’ll do it, mother,” Monte said, stepping forward. “I can make it as quick or torturously long as you want.”

She turned the gun over in her hands. “No.” Her gaze fell on Marco who was staring dutifully at his shoes. “I want him to do it.” His head whipped up, and he stared at the gun being held out to him with wide eyes. “Prove yourself, or you are no son of mine.”

I wanted to scream and punch her in the face. It was no wonder why he had such issues. In all my years of knowing this family, I never knew they could be like _this_.

He took the gun and the way he held it told me it wasn’t foreign to him. Without hesitation, he held it up, and I was suddenly staring down the barrel of a real-life gun.

_I’m about to get a bullet between my eyes._

There was a long, tense moment of complete silence where nobody moved. The moment felt like actual hours. Mentally, I went through a list of people who would attend my funeral, and I didn’t know if Marco would actually come or not.

“Do it!” his mother shouted, making me and Marco jump. I saw his finger hover closer to the trigger, but before he could push it, a furry figure leaped out from between the trees and tackled him.

 _Eren_.

“ _What?!_ ” Marisol screeched before she got taken out by a pale blur. A blur that ended up being none other than Mikasa.

She hissed in the older lady’s face. “Next time, make sure your prey doesn’t have a bond with somebody stronger than you.”

I was so relieved, I almost cried, but that wasn’t even all of it. Out of the trees, Sasha ran out with a giant ass compound bow in her hands, screaming and _sprinting_  at Leo. As soon as Leo saw that they were starting to be outnumbered, he paled, turned around, and ran through the trees. I didn't blame him. If I saw the tip of an arrow pointed at my chest, I'd be running too. 

Not long after, Ymir jumped out. Monte was quick to square up to her, and much like Mikasa did not even a year ago, she punched him as hard as she could in his nose. Dully, I noted that her form was impeccable. Blood gushed from his nose, and he howled in pain and rage. She swept his feet out from under him, and soon enough, he was getting rained on by fists and swift kicks.

A loud yelp came from my left where Marco was tackled not even moments before, and Eren was scrambling off him. In between Marco’s fingers were the bullets acting like brass knuckles. The pieces clicked together in my head. They were covered in wolfsbane because  _of course they were._

While everybody was preoccupied, I managed to wiggle out of my confines and remove the duct tape.

Somehow, Monte managed to stand up and was giving as good as he got. A good right hook was all it took to box Ymir in the ear so hard that even I saw stars. Seeing the opening, he delivered a swift uppercut, and she was out like a god damned lightbulb. He hovered over her and started kicking her unprotected stomach so hard that I thought she was going to actually die.

“Stop!” I yelled running toward him.

He looked up at me with wild eyes and grinned. “I’ve waited for this for so long,” he growled as he pulled another handgun out of a holster on his hip and aimed it in my direction.

I immediately began evasive maneuvers which kept him from shooting for a few moments, but he eventually started getting pissed and shot at where he thought I was going to be.

He didn’t manage to hit me, but the bullets had to go somewhere. As soon as they hit their mark, I felt a ripping sensation in my chest so violently that I lost my ability to breathe for a second and fell to the ground. It was like somebody was slowly tearing my ribs out. Behind me, I heard an agonizing scream of pain.

“ _NO!”_ Marisol screamed, and it was so loud that Monte actually stopped for a moment. We all did.

On the ground, gasping for breath, was Marco Bodt.

“How fucking could you?!” she screamed, and I didn’t know if she was asking me or Monte.

Monte just stood there like some fucking dumbass with his mouth open. His normally impeccable hair was all over the place, and the mad look was fading from his eyes as he got pale. “I… M-Marco.”

Marisol managed to get away from Mikasa and started to run toward Marco, but Eren leaped in front of him and snarled. Marco was flat on his back, hand pushing down on his stomach. He wasn't screaming anymore.

Monte finally snapped out of his daze and ran forward to catch his mother before she did anything else. She struggled in his grasp. “Let me go! Let me get to my baby!”

“Mom, we have to go!”

Mikasa ran to me and ran her hands all over me. “Jean. _Jean_. Where were you hit?”

“Not… me,” I choked out. “H-him. Just him.”

Realization dawned on her expression. “Oh my god. Erwin said...”

I literally couldn't bring myself to care what Erwin said. Inch by inch I began to crawl to him. The screaming and crying and _everything_ just faded into the background. All I could think of was how weak his heart sounded. The blood pouring from his abdomen was too much, too much, and we didn’t have anything to stop it with.

He looked up at me once I reached him, eyes fluttering. “Jean,” he said before he burst into a fit of coughing. Blood flecked his face.

“Shh, shh, shh.” I gathered him close and rocked him back and forth. “Don’t talk. Please.”

“I’m sorry,” he said for the third time that night. “I th-thought you could g-get away again.”

Fuck. Fuck, he never really wanted me to die. And now _he_ was the one dying in my arms.

“Marco, you’re gonna be okay, alright? I’m right here. You aren’t going to die.”

Even so, the life was draining out of his eyes by the nanosecond, and all I could do was cry. Why, why, _why?_ Why him? Why me? Why _us_? There was no way this could be happening. No way, no way.

I kept babbling to him, and the last thing he said was that he loved me.

The only thing I could do was tip my head back and scream and shake him. It seemed like he would wake up any second now, but he _wasn’t_ , and even though I wasn’t dying, I was most definitely being killed a second time. Murdered. Assassinated. Exterminated. The mere thought of life without him was unfathomable to me. My brain refused to accept the idea. 

A hand fell on my shoulder. Mikasa. “He’s gone, Jean,” she said quietly. “We can take him back to the--”

“ _No_ ,” I insisted with my raw throat, and I suddenly knew the only option I had left.

I used my fangs to tear open my hand, and I pressed my palm between his lips. Blood seeped through and poured down his throat. I had no idea if it was going to actually work this late, but I had to try. If I didn’t at least try, I knew I could never forgive myself.

We sat there for what felt like hours. I rocked him neurotically and cried and murmured hopefully-encouraging words. Ten minutes after I ripped open my hand, I collapsed on him. Sobs wracked my body, and I couldn’t stop. I was waiting for a heartbeat beneath my ear, but nothing came.

Until…

_Bum._

I froze, not willing to believe.

_Ba-dum._

I pulled back and wiped the tears off my face, smearing my own blood all over my face in the process. “Marco.”

His eyes opened, and he fucking _growled_ at me before he lunged forward and sunk his dull teeth into my neck so hard that he broke the skin. I heard shouts all around me, but I just held him close and let him take a little of my life for himself.

The sky opened up, and it began to pour. My heliotrope--or bloodstone--felt like lead in my pocket.

* * *

“Why did you pick there of all places?”

“It seemed right. I didn’t know what would happen, Jean, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so, so sorry, guys. (But to be fair, I've left foreshadowing throughout most of the story from when Jean found the stones in the metaphysical shop [their properties] to the fact that Jean imprinted on a human.) 
> 
> Please don't kill me.
> 
> \--Shelby


End file.
